Chương 194: I don't deserve

'Why? Even though I don't deserve happiness, why is he giving me so much of it? I feel so confused. Is it truly okay for me to have this?'

Toh kissed her forehead again and then her eyelids. He lightly brushed his lips against hers.

"You deserve this all, and so much more. I want you to realize that. Even if you still have a hard time admitting our relationship. I want you to know that my kindness, and my behavior towards you is real."

Why?

Why is it- why?

No matter how many times she asks that question in her head, she cannot form a single answer. It's not possible for something like her to even get a glimpse of happiness without severe consequences. If she continues being happy with Toh, what will happen? Is it worth the risk?

'I feel so uneasy. But, didn't I already accept his hand?'

Ah forget it, she has had enough. She has had enough acting cautiously. If he betrays her, he betrays her. She accepted to date him so didn't she prepare for this situation?

'I can't continue to push him away when he is being so kind.'

Sumire buried her face in his arms. For a minute Toh doesn't react, but eventually she felt his arms wrap around her. He didn't say anything and continued to pat her back. A content sigh passed her lips, and she breaks the silence.

"You're too good to me."

"If not me, who else?"

It was just a rhetorical question, that Toh clearly didn't expect an answer and yet after he said those words. Ru's image came to mind.

Ru has always been very good to her, from the moment they met he has been nothing but sincere. At some point in her life she started to subconsciously accept his kindness. She doesn't know when but she can guarantee that she will do anything Ru said.

'I was beyond furious after learning what happened with Futaba, but instead of chasing after the culprits. Here I am doing another job.'

The reason being Ru, he convinced her not to go. It's strange that a few words from Ru is enough to get her out of doing something dangerous. In the past, even Yuhi-san had difficulty stoping her from doing so.

Yuhi. Thinking of him made her heart hurt. Even now that fool is still singing for her. She has to tell him to stop, she has to tell him to move on. But she felt sick thinking of Yuhi going to another girl.

Her thoughts break off when Toh kissed her forehead again almost like he was trying to dispel her unease. He must have found out that she finds comfort in these small forehead kisses.

It's so silly, all of this. She spent so many years building a wall. A wall to block her from the dangers of the world, and yet by allowing Toh to get this close. That wall is crumbling away.

Just him, only him. She won't let anybody else enter her heart like this. That's right, if it's just one person it should be fine. She won't completely let her guard down, that would be far too dangerous. But just one person, will be okay.

It's so comforting having Toh by her side. She has grown very attached to him. Even if she finds out he is a traitor. It's strange, even though she normally flinches at acts of affection.

Toh squeezed her hand. "Have you calmed down?"

Sumire nodded and turned to the painting. There must be something behind this. She let's go of Toh's hand, and decides to remove the painting. She didn't think it would be this simple but it was worth the shot. The minute she removed the painting, instead of there being a simple red wall. There was a safe, a safe that looked large enough to be a door.

"So." Sumire turned to Toh. "Are you any good at unlocking safes?"

"Unfortunately no, but if we ask around we may be able to get some hints to open it."

"I will do it." A voice from behind them said.

Sumire turned to see brunette coloured hair, and black. There was Atushi-kun, and Ru? She stared at him dumbfounded for a few seconds. Before she immediately grabbed hold of his face.

Mamoru laughed. "Ki, I'm fine. My fever has gone down."

His face isn't as warm as it was earlier, so he is telling the truth. But, this place is very cold since it's an old mansion. It's not good for him to be here.

Mamoru placed his hand on top of hers. "I'm fine Ki. Besides your going to be here. You'll watch out for me won't you?"

"Of course I will."

"Then that's that." Mamoru said with a grin.

Sumire exhaled deeply seeing the foolish smile plastered on his face. Even after spending so many years with Ru, she still doesn't understand why he smiles so much. She has never met a man who smiles so much other than Ru.

"Tsueno, you said you can open this. But I doubt you know what the code is?"

"That's true, even for me it's a bit tricky. However," Mamoru takes something out of his bag. He held up a strange rectangular shaped device with buttons and a screen as he held it towards the safe.

Seconds later she watched as a code appeared on the screen, and flash green before opening.

Mamoru grinned. "Perfect."

'Should I ask him where he got something like that-?' Then again, Ru has always fiddled around with old antiques and fixed them. It's another one of his talents. It's also another reason why he spends so much time in jinx yards insisting that it's a cave of lost treasures.

Sumire sighed. She reached over for her handkerchief and wiped the sweat from his face, and the dirt of his clothes.

*Unedited*

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