Chương 144: Chapter 1032: We're Not There With Him (Part 2)
Chung Myung tried to get up as he noticed Hyun Jong approaching, but Hyun Jong made a light gesture, seating him back down. He sat down beside him.
Seeing this, Chung Myung stared at him intently, and Hyun Jong smiled faintly.
"Why? Is it too impulsive for a leader of a sect like me?"
"It's not that, but..."
"I haven't been a leader for a while now."
Hyun Jong looked at the flowing river with a bitter expression.
"Back when I joined Mount Hua, I was actually freer than I am now."
"...Yes?"
"Yeah. It might sound a bit strange, but it's more accurate to say there was no structure."
Chung Myung silently nodded his head.
Come to think of it, it must have been that way. People disappeared day by day at the upper level, even fellow students who trained together suddenly left Moun tHua. If the sect's form had been properly maintained, that would have been even more bizarre.
Hyun Jong, Hyun Sang, and Hyun Young - these three are the only people currently guarding Moun tHua. Were these three the only ones who initially joined Mount Hua as inner disciples? That's highly unlikely. Many others left, and only these three remained. Just the three of them.
"I didn't even know I would become a leader. My position wasn't that high when I first joined. There were quite a few high-ranking people."
"..."
"I naturally thought Dae Sahyung would become the leader."
"That time...?"
Chung Myung asked gruffly. Hyun Jong smiled at the word "that time."
"Yes. At that time, I thought Dae Sahyung would become the leader."
"..."
Hyun Jong looked at Chung Myung's face briefly, then slowly nodded his head.
"Remember one thing."
"..."
"That man you saw back then was undeniably ugly."
"I won't deny that."
If someone like that had been Mount Hua's Sect Leader, Chung Myung might have truly deserted Mount Hua. No, he might not have given up on Mount Hua, but he would surely have tried to replace the Sect Leader somehow.
In retrospect, it was fortunate. To have someone reliable occupying the position of Mount Hua's Sect Leader.
"But, Chung Myung. Sahyung wasn't like that from the beginning."
"..."
"The Sahyung I saw at a young age was truly an outstanding person. At least, in my eyes at the time, he seemed like someone who could raise the tilting Mount Hua."
Hyun Jong slowly nodded his head.
"But, time is such a thing. It can turn a young man with dreams of conquering the world into an old man with endless greed and a young man with boundless courage into someone responsible for a whole martial clan."
Hyun Jong, who had paused for a moment, muttered quietly.
"I've always been grateful to you."
Chung Myung tried to say something, but Hyun Jong spoke first, as if he had to finish his words first.
"It's not because you led Mount Hua. It's not because you did what I should have done. The reason I've always felt grateful to you is simply one: because you believed in me wholeheartedly."
"...Everyone in Mount Hua believes in the Sect Leader."
"Yes, maybe they do. But... it's a little different, isn't it?"
Chung Myung couldn't answer immediately.
Certainly, everyone in Mount Hua would trust Hyun Jong. But they hadn't believed in Hyun Jong unconditionally from the beginning.
Even the senior elders, even the ones who didn't believe that Hyun Jong, as the leader of one clan, could raise Mount Hua again. They just followed Hyun Jong because he was their Sahyung.
The only person who completely believed in Hyun Jong was Chung Myung.
Hyun Jong's authority did not originate from elsewhere. Chung Myung, who bit anyone else like a mad dog, did not disobey Hyun Jong's words, so those who watched naturally came to respect and believe in Hyun Jong.
As the person involved, Hyun Jong knew that fact all too well.
"As grateful as I am to you, I have made tremendous efforts to become a man who is not lacking as Mount Hua's Sect Leader. But... it's still not easy."
"...Sect Leader."
"You always told me. That a man like the Sect Leader is qualified. But I still don't know if I have such qualifications."
Hyun Jong smiled wryly.
"It seems that one's nature can't be helped."
The sky darkened, and the stars seemed like they could fall at any moment. Hyun Jong kept his gaze fixed on the scenery as he spoke.
"Shaolin has no intention of going to Gangnam."
"..."
"You already knew, didn't you?"
Chung Myung nodded his head. Then he added slowly.
"Sect Leader suspected it, too."
"Yes, I suspected it. Still, I didn't want to give up a glimmer of hope. Or maybe I just wanted to buy some time. While I was going to hear the obvious answer, I could justify to myself that I was doing something instead of just sitting around, doing nothing."
Hyun Jong let out a bitter laugh.
"Did I say it was the price for letting go of the day?"
"..."
"Yes, I understood what it was. I understood. But Chung Myung...."
Hyun Jong's voice was tinged with bitterness.
"Even if you understand the price, even if you don't know, I'm still too scared to face that reality head-on."
"Sect Leader...."
Hyun Jong stared into the distance. Chung Myung couldn't tell what his lonely gaze was directed at.
"You said it."
"..."
"There aren't many things in the world that are divided into right and wrong. Whatever you choose is just different, not necessarily wrong."
Chung Myung nodded. It was clearly something he had said to Hyun Jong.
"But, Chung Myung...."
Hyun Jong sighed deeply.
"Saying that not being wrong means it's right is similar to saying that there's no definitive answer in the world. When you have to choose something that can't be chosen, when there's no right answer, and no better path exists, which way should I choose?"
Chung Myung looked. He saw the pitiful sight of Hyun Jong's fingertips trembling slightly under his sleeve.
".... I don't have the courage to turn away from those who are dying across the river."
"..."
"But that doesn't mean I have the courage to head over to that side of the river either. I shouldn't have said I'd be willing to sacrifice my life for the sake of righteousness. I didn't believe in myself to witness you losing your lives on the other side of that river."
Hyun Jong slowly wiped his face. He seemed somewhat exhausted.
"I'm not the one who can make that choice. I am too small a person to make that choice."
Chung Myung could vaguely guess the countless frustrations and self-blame that had tormented Hyun Jong for many years."
Still keeping his gaze fixed on the sky, Hyun Jong spoke.
"I was furious after hearing Bangjang's words."
"..."
"It was so cowardly... It was such a malicious act. It's clear that they only sought their own gain. It was truly a despicable sight."
Thinking of the conversation with Beopjeong, Hyun Jong's voice grew even heavier.
"But... On the way back, I suddenly had this thought."
Hyun Jong slowly closed his eyes and muttered.
"Maybe... I don't even have the courage to be a coward?"
"..."
"Whether Bangjang's choice is cowardly or not, there's a reason for it. He doesn't want to see his own disciples die on the other side of that river. Even if he gets blamed, gets scolded, or loses the agreement, he's shown a strong determination to stand firmly on the side of his disciples and protect them."
"Sect Leader...."
"If you think about it, maybe it's not wrong either, as you said. Is it really a mistake?"
"..."
"Maybe... Yes, maybe that's another form of courage. Just like in the past, when Heo Do-jin made his choice, maybe Beopjeong also knew what he needed to do. Someone who doesn't know what he needs to do... could be me."
Chung Myung stared silently at Hyun Jong's face. Even in the darkness, the reddened eyes were visible. For a moment, Chung Myung was at a loss and couldn't let out a sigh.
"I don't know. I don't know the difference between them and me. Maybe it's because I didn't have a mentor to look up to and learn from. Or maybe..."
"It's not like that."
Chung Myung firmly shook his head.
"Mount Hua has already conveyed what needs to be conveyed to Sect Leader. If everything is done according to the predecessor's will, there would be no reason for future generations to exist."
"..."
"One who does not reflect on oneself cannot truly be said to be alive."
"That's right. It's true..."
Hyun Jong nodded and then turned his gaze. His reddened eyes stared at Chung Myung.
"So, Chung Myung..."
"Yes, Sect Leader."
"Just a little..."
Hyun Jong paused for a moment, as if it was too heavy to say. But after a while, he finally pushed out those heavy words.
"Isn't it okay to be a little cowardly?"
His voice was trembling. It seemed agonizing for him to say such words in front of his disciple. Those who listened to their conversation from behind, like the Five Swords, could not help but notice the slight tremor in his voice. Everyone couldn't bear to look at Hyun Jong and hung their heads.
"I also understand... This is an act of helplessness, similar to what Shaolin did, no different from an ignoble choice... But I don't know. I really don't know. Why shouldn't it be us?"
"..."
"The Shaolin, the Wudang, they all close their eyes and turn away from their own cowardice. So why is it only Mount Hua that has to face it head-on? Why... for what reason?"
Chung Myung closed his eyes tightly.
This question was one he had asked Cheon Mun before. Why must it be Mount Hua? Why must Mount Hua be like this?
He, too, had shouted and screamed, filled with anger and hatred, pouring those questions out. The same question that he had asked Cheon Mun was now being asked by Hyun Jong.
Hyun Jong continued as if sighing.
"Perhaps something can be gained by not avoiding it. Yes, there must be."
"..."
"But what is gained in that way... Is it worth losing more than what you gain?"
Hyun Jong didn't wait for Chung Myung's answer and shook his head.
"It's impossible. I can't do it. I don't have the courage... to say that I was magnificent for the sake of the agreement. I don't have the courage to laugh in front of Baek Cheon's grave, or to honor Yoon Jong's sacrifice! I don't even have the courage to cry while holding Yoo Iseol's corpse!"
"..."
"For me..."
Hyun Jong's jaw trembled.
"For me to coldly lecture my surviving disciples about righteousness over your lifeless body? Me? Me?"
Intense emotions began to seep into Hyun Jong's voice.
"The pride we should have in righteousness we need now! Are those children more important than the days they have to live ahead? Should they give up everything they will enjoy in the future for the sake of that value? For what reason, exactly?"
"..."
"I would rather..."
Hyun Jong, who had been shouting with an agitated tone, suddenly laughed as if everything was futile.
"I would rather have stayed as a small martial clan in Shaanxi... if I had known that trying to regain the past Mount Hua would exact such a... such a cruel price..."
"..."
"I would never..."
Hyun Jong's head shook as if it were collapsing.
Chung Myung couldn't bear to look in that direction and instead cast his bewildered gaze upon the flowing river.
'Sahyung.'
A quiet sigh escaped him.
'It's difficult, Sahyung.'
Cheon Mun's response did not reach him.
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