Chương 12: Chapter 12: Democracy...
Kandria gulped nervously as a feeling of anxiety sank into her gut. She clenched her hands tightly so as to try to at least attempt at hiding the shaking, and not one part of her body would move after her declaration. She could hardly believe the words that had come out of her mouth, and she desired to take them back so much.
But she wouldn't take it back. She would rather reinforce her words than take them back. Because she believed in every single one of them. Unfortunately, however, Kandria was not used to internally dealing with the consequences of impulsive decisions like this one. If Master Coval could see what was happening in her mind, he'd thwack her over the head and set her to meditate for 3 days straight.
She didn't let any of this show externally of course however. Or at least she thought she was. Again, near zero experience in these sorts of situations. The Jedi Council that surrounded her with looks of bewilderment on their faces didn't help much either.
"Hmmmm, rash decision of yours, this is." The small green master said, his manner of speech confusing Kandria slightly, "Important also, however."
The dark skinned one nodded silently for a moment, his face stern as he spoke, "Indeed, Master Yoda. Considering her…unique position in the galaxy I think it is worth deliberating."
"If I may intercede, Master Windu, I believe that this is wrong decision. Not only has Kandria not finished her training as a Jedi but the period from which she came from is wildly different." A bearded human present via hologram spoke up next.
Kandria worked her jaw in slight indignation. It was like they were completely ignoring her presence. Another reason for this feeling was the fact that they were even discussing it. She wanted to leave. Now they were discussing if she could?
"I disagree with you, Obi-Wan." The Kel Dor suddenly spoke up, snapping her away from her resentful thoughts, "If she, a padawan who came from one of the most war torn periods in the history of the Republic says that this war is wrong, I think we should respect that."
"Yes, despite the fact that I am still sceptical, I agree with Plo Koon. If a Jedi wishes to leave the order because they believe that they can better pursue the light side in doing so, I say they have every right to." Surprisingly, the stern dark skinned Jedi was the next to speak up in her defence.
Yoda hummed in prolonged thought before nodding sagely, "Hmmm, divided on this matter, we appear to be. Hold a vote, we must."
Kandria blinked in surprise. This was not a 'oh boy I hope they let me leave' surprise though. Rather, this was a bad surprise. A surprise she not only hadn't expected, but one she also did not like. At all. It made her feel something that she had never felt before.
Resentment.
Sure, she had gotten angry, annoyed, anxious and fearful before. Resentment was something different however. It was something dangerously close to the absolute pinnacle of the dark side. Hate. So, what did it mean, that she resented the Jedi Council, the absolute pinnacle of the light side?
Her inner thoughts consumed her so much that she wasn't even paying attention to the conversations of the masters surrounding her. Sound became muffled and her breathing quickened slightly. Her mind raced as she thought about the implications of these feelings.
Was feeling resentment towards the Jedi indicative of the dark side influencing her? She had been so sure of herself when she had internally reminded herself that she was in the right. This new variable changed things however. She had spent a long time surrounded by the dark side after all. First on the Rakatan Ship where dark side energies permeated every facet of it, and then when she had ended up in a prolonged duel with Vancil.
Was that even how the force worked? Did proximity to one of the dark or light side push one's self to evil or good? Reasonably that was absolute hogwash. Only the person themselves can ultimately decide whether to join the light or dark side.
But then again, things hadn't exactly been reasonable lately. She also supposed that right now she was the unreasonable one and that the concerns of the council members were completely valid. And they were. She was an unknown, something that no one had any experience in. It was completely reasonable to keep her here and finish her training.
But…if that was true, she didn't want to be reasonable. If being reasonable meant fighting for something she didn't believe in, then she would rather forgo reason and do what she felt was right. She had trained for a decade under the Jedi, gaining an intense understanding of the light side. And this…being unreasonable felt like it was what the light side wanted.
Even if she went against one of the main Jedi principles of reason above all else, she also knew that she wasn't a servant to the Order itself, only the light side. So, if to go against the Jedi in order to serve the light side within her was an unreasonable and stupid thing to do, then she would do it.
As she resolved this inner conflict sound focused back in and she blinked away her stupor before glancing around at the Council Members. The debates they had been holding between themselves appeared to have quietened down. All the Jedi now directed their attention to Yoda, whose eyes were closed in deep thought.
She hadn't registered a word of what any of the Jedi had said, but she didn't mind so much. After all, it was not as though her input would have changed much considering none of them had even once asked her opinion about the vote.
Yoda tapped his walking stick on the ground, the sound feeling impossibly loud, and it seemed as though the air itself stilled in response, "Begin to vote, we will. In favour of allowing Kandria to leave, raise your hands."
Kandria's heart sunk. Three hands were raised.
"In opposition, raise your hands."
She didn't see the point in it. It was obvious what the decision was. But she supposed that Yoda had to at least maintain the illusion of fairness. Nine hands were raised.
"Decided it is. Stay and complete her training, Kandria will. Decide on a master later, we must." Yoda says, tapping his stick once again to signal the end of the proceedings.
It was…unfair. It was unjust. It was a complete disregard as to how she interpreted the Jedi teachings. She did not speak a word as she calmly walked back to the elevator where Anakin and Ahsoka waited, after all, she at least had the sense to hide her feelings until she was well away from the most powerful Jedi in the Order.
Kandria silently observed the reactions of Anakin and Skywalker as they entered the elevator. Ahsoka seemed to be experiencing the same conflict she had only moments before, unsure what exactly to feel at this turn of events. On the ride down, she raised her hand towards Kandria several times as though to comfort her fellow padawan before deciding against it.
Anakin however, was a lot more clearcut as to his feelings on the matter. She had seen many things in her tenure as a Padawan. But never before had she seen or felt such…raw emotion from a Jedi Knight of all people. His face was twisted into a nasty frown and his arms were crossed with his hands clenched. And although she could obviously never accurately pinpoint what exactly it was that irked him, it was clear that both he and Kandria shared the same opinion on the matter.
What had just happened was wrong. Maybe it was in accordance to the Jedi teachings of patience and reason, but that didn't change anything. It was wrong.
And Kandria found that, she now had one singular desire in mind. She would right this wrong. This was not the Order she knew. In hindsight she really fought for her beliefs all along, as she had believed in the message of the Order she had been a part of since she was a child. This was not her betraying the Order, this was the Order betraying her, if in a rather indirect way.
And as the elevator doors slid open and the party stepped out into the luxurious hallway, she only had one feeling in mind. Not resentment, not anger, not indignation.
Determination.
She would stay true to her beliefs, no matter what.
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