Chương 37: I Just Want To Be Happy
'Kakashi sure is taking his time, not that it isn't normal for him to. Do I even want to go on some trip with him? I'm not sure what I want. I've been here for 8 years, and I still have no big dream. Seriously I get the chance to reincarnate, get super powers, and I choose to just exist?
I mean sure I've had to defend my life a few times, and I have a few short term goals, but will they lead to happiness?
My last life was a waste, I wasted it, and I'm not getting it back. So far I've accomplished nothing beyond just surviving. I want more than that. I want to be happy, and I want to thrive. So the question then is how? Do I focus on interpersonal relationships, and naturally getting stronger to protect them? Or do I focus on expanding my powers, and quickly gaining strength to make sure there are no real threats?
If everybody is safe then I have no worries about their unfortunate fates, but If I do that then they wont grow, they will not strive to overcome their issues. The solution may really be disappearing from them, and existing somewhere else where I can grow freely.
Maybe the bloody mist? There's a few massacres about to occur over there, and Ice release is cool as shit. Plus there's a trap over there named Haru anyway. I could kill him, and Zabuza, and just take over their lives. They die in a few years anyway, and nobody would miss them.
Nah, that sounds like too much effort. Maybe I should just join the Akatsuki. I can stay close to the group that will come after Naruto one day. Plus Itachi is there. Oh! I could kill fish man, and absorb his sword! The ability to steal chakra just from cutting people could be useful. Hmmm.'
Haruko looked to the cloudy sky while stuck in his own thoughts.
'Naruto will be sad if I just leave, but maybe that would be for the best. His motivation to save Sasuke is what pushed him into becoming as powerful as he was for the most part. Maybe me leaving will have the same effect.
Plus then I can tour the world, and gain all kinds of bloodlines, and jutsu. At this point it doesn't really matter where I go. I just don't think I can stay here anymore. I can't keep pretending to be a kid, even if that's what my body is.
It wasn't so long ago I felt everything click back into place, and I gotta say I'm a little embarrassed over how much I acted like a little kid. Man if anybody knew just how much ridiculous shit I did, and said I'd get ridiculed so hard. Good thing nobody will ever know.
What is left in the village I would need before I set off? I know I want the byakugan, and Danzo needs to die before I leave. I don't need him hunting me down. Orochimaru can stick around as he will be of use to me. It wouldn't be all too difficult to make him think I want power so he kidnaps me just like he did sasuke.
The Worst thing that could happen is he gives me the curse mark which I then absorb, along with the soul mark, and gain a way to use natural energy. Maybe I kill Jugo, and Kimimaru, and the sound four for all their unique abilities. I'd feel bad for killing Jugo though, and Kimimaru. Shit why can't I just be that edgy badass from all the books I used to read. Ah, to be so burdened with empathy.'
Haruko sat up, and noticed the sky begin to darken. There was still no sign of Kakashi, and Haruko couldn't really be bothered at the moment.
'Maybe I should stick around until after the chunin exams. Or maybe I should just collect the correct genetic material to become a god. I don't really need to kill them, just absorb some part of them. I don't get memories, or skills that way, but I will get the genetic material, and some fraction of their abilities.'
"You ready to go?" Kakashi asked as he appeared in a swirl of leaves.
"Yeah, where we heading?" Haruko responded, not even fazed by the sudden appearance of his sensei.
"Out, and about. Just a little trip to help you figure out your place in this world." Kakashi responded, and Haruko could tell he was smiling from how his eyes were shaped.
"You don't really have to do this for me Kakashi."
"It's okay Haruko. I've been through a bit in my life, and sometimes you do just need to escape, and blow off some steam."
"Kakashi…. I don't know if I want to stay in the village." Haruko shocked himself with the honesty which came spilling out from him.
"What do you mean Haruko?" Kakashi was confused, but asked with concern.
"I can perfectly control myself, but as long as I'm here I'll be viewed as a weapon, or a threat to the village. I've seen first hand what happens to those who become uncontrollable. I don't want to be the next Shisui, or the next Uchiha massacre."
"You're worried about the village betraying you?" Kakashi sounded a little hurt.
"I'm not worried about you betraying me sensei. But Lord Third has proven to be both devious, and incompetent. How much longer until my abilities make me too much of a threat, and he stops protecting me from Danzo."
"How about we go on our trip, and talk about it more later. I understand where you're coming from, but there are those of us who value you, and would be saddened at your disappearance."
"I guess. Let's go then." Haruko answered while standing up, and motioning for Kakashi to lead the way. Kakashi nodded, and handed a backpack to Haruko. He led the way towards the Large village gates, and showed a couple pieces of paper to the guards at the gate.
"Alright Haruko, make sure you follow closely. The further we get from the village the more dangerous it'll become for us."
"No problem."
Haruko followed perfectly behind Kakashi as he led Haruko through the wilds.
"I've noticed you being lost in thought more often than not lately Haruko. What else is on your mind?"
Carrying on a conversation at high speeds, Haruko answered. "I'm torn inside. I have an easy path towards strength. Taking it leads to a dark path, and avoiding it denies my existence. I could easily become the most powerful being on the planet given enough time.
I have no issues with killing when it's necessary, but I don't have it in me to kill needlessly, even though that would make me strong enough to never fear again."
Kakashi took a moment to mull over his thoughts. "Who would you kill, if it meant protecting Naruto?"
Haruko's response came immediately. "Anybody."
"Are you strong enough to protect Naruto right now?"
"No."
"Is protecting Naruto important to you?"
"Yes, but I don't want that to define me. I'm not a mindless slave, or servant to him. I just enjoy the warmth he radiates."
"Well there's nothing wrong with your dream being becoming powerful enough to protect your friends."
"Are you justifying mindless murder?"
"No. However you're your own person, and as such you should do whatever it takes to accomplish your dream."
"I still don't know what my dream is, Kakashi. I don't want to live for Naruto. I just want to be his friend. Too much of my life has been defined by him so far."
"Do you know what you really want out of life then?"
"Yes… No… I don't really know. I just want to be happy."
SUY NGHĨ CỦA NGƯỜI SÁNG TẠO 
Balthizar_Blake
Balthizar_Blake Little late, but were diving even deeper into Haruko's development, and him waking up to reality all the way. He's trying really hard to figure out what he want's out of life. Much like in real life he's struggling like many of us do. How many have no idea what they want to do with their life even though their in there 20's, 30's or even 40's? Hell I'm 25, and while I'm happy with my family life, I fucking hate my job, and wish I could write for a living. Honestly Haruko is just my personality from when I was 18 to 20 it was a rough time for me. I find it so funny, and kind of hurtful that a repeated critizism for me is that Haruko has no persoanlity lmao. Oh well. Good night guys. Just aheads up no chapter sunday as it's fathers day. My first fathers day I won't be spending in the hospital in two years lol.
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