Chương 45: Empty Place
Martin woke up feeling something heavy and warm on his chest. He opened his eyes and saw a man's hand. He turned his head to see the storm of dark brown hair arranged against his face. The man slept peacefully cuddled up to him like a real lover.
Martin swallowed loudly. He had dreamed so many times about a morning like this that this moment also seemed unreal like a dream. Dawn rays illuminated Steve's neck and reflected off his shiny hair. Gently so as not to wake him up, Martin uncovered his face and saw a calm, beautiful profile.
He was afraid to move any further, although he was starting to feel numbness throughout his body. He knew that when Steve awoke, the spell of the moment would vanish, leaving him with nothing but memories.
Steve slept so soundly. It was completely unlike any of the faces Martin had seen before. He was not a playboy looking for a good time or a determined and focused driver. Neither was he the calculating and cold man who took him when he felt like it, seducing with sweet words and fulfilling his promises of physical pleasure. The face he saw now belonged to someone else entirely, warm and sensitive, almost fragile. Martin would never have imagined that Steve had these qualities and wanted to capture this special moment.
A human waking sigh escaped from Steve's chest. Martin knew that the beautiful moment was over and the awake Steve would assume one of the attitudes he knew well.
Paxton opened his eyes and stared blankly at the world for a moment. He must have seen his face resting right next to another man's, and he knew his hand was resting on someone else's breast. His mouth smiled gently and his eyes closed again. It was as if he did not want to wake up from a pleasant and peaceful sleep.
"Thank you," Steve said suddenly, very softly. There was no reason to speak louder. In the silence of the morning, his mouth to the other man's ear, his whisper was audible enough.
"For what?" Martin asked just as softly. He could feel his own heart pounding, and he was a little afraid that Paxton, with his head on his chest, would hear it too.
"I can't remember the last time I slept so well."
"Are you having trouble sleeping?"
"Yes. Since Hannah ... "
Martin felt his gentle shiver. Hannah's accident took root in Steve's heart and mind really deeply. It will be hard to tear out of him that large, strong tree that was blocking the sun for Steve. Shade is needed and good, but if the sun never reaches a place, mold and rot develops there.
But today Steve, resting on Martin's chest, was smiling so warmly ...
"You know, you can sleep like this more often," Martin suggested shyly.
He realized immediately that he had done wrong. His proposal was perhaps premature. Steve was not ready yet to accept human intimacy. Slowly but surely, Paxton rose from the bed.
Being with Steve, fighting for his love, was sometimes like walking on an egg shell.
Paxton immediately started getting dressed, and Martin was sure he was getting ready to go out. In one careless word, the mechanic wasted all his achievements of yesterday and last night.
"Steve ..."
"I have to drop by somewhere in the morning. Sorry, I won't drive you to work. "
Martin wanted to say that he would not be at work today, that he would never be there again, that yesterday was his last day, but he was afraid to open his mouth. His previous statement has ruined so much! He was afraid that if he said something again, it would ruin even more. He only got short:
"Okay."
"See you at work," Steve said goodbye and left.
"Not anymore," Martin replied to the closed door and stuck his head into the pillow. He wasn't going to cry, he didn't even feel the need to do so. He only felt a deep sadness. Was this what his last meeting with Steve would look like?
Yesterday, because of what Don had done to him and because of Jack's deception, Martin was not even able to say goodbye to his mates from the stables. Everyone knew he was only there for two months, but no one was counting the days. Everyone was busy with another countdown - the countdown to the first race. Now they will get into a really fast and hot rhythm and no one will even notice that he is gone. Steve, too, will probably breathe a sigh of relief that he no longer needs to see him. Maybe only Jack would miss him. Maybe even invite him for a beer from time to time.
Martin's beautiful GP2 adventure has just ended, quiet, no fanfare and not even a farewell cake.
But that's not a reason to cry. Martin sat up full of energy, stretched, and smiled into the morning sun. His adventure was really beautiful and it gave him so much that Martin wouldn't trade it for any other!
Today was beginning a new day that could bring him another beautiful adventure!
Martin sighed. Who is he trying to cheat? Nowhere will he be as comfortable as in Fergus' Stables with all the guys.
The first thing Steve did when he got to work was to look for Martin. He left his apartment a little rude in the morning, but Paxton couldn't help feeling that, contrary to what Martin had assured him, the boy had hopes of a relationship between them. However, such a relationship was impossible. Steve couldn't even imagine having an emotional bond with anyone.
Yesterday Steve told Martin his reason, but the young mechanic either didn't understand it or ignored it. Paxton himself could not be very clear. Talking about Hannah's accident was hard for him. Now Hannah is gone. Steve should be mourning, not seeking romance. The sex itself was different, plain physicality without meaning, but Martin clearly wanted more.
When Steve woke up on Martin's chest this morning, he felt good. He didn't remember the last time he slept so well? It was so long ago. Usually he had nightmares about Hennah's accident or her stay in the hospital. Sometimes he dreamed of the time before the accident, beautiful, joyful and peaceful, but even then he subconsciously felt the coming nightmare and could not find peace for himself.
But there was something about Martin that allowed Steve to forget about the pain, find peace for himself. But Paxton knew he had no right to this. Not now. Never.
Ever since Hannah left, his dreams were over. An emptiness has replaced them. That night, however, he had a dream and there was nothing restless about him.
But if Steve had nothing to offer Martin, by what right could he take anything from him?
Paxton felt that there was a misunderstanding between him and Martin. Martin was still under the illusion that he could win Steve's heart towards him. Yes, Steve liked him, it was impossible not to like Martin, but he really couldn't give him anything more.
"Are you looking for someone specific?" Allen asked him, and Paxton felt like he was caught doing something shameful.
"I don't see Martin. Yesterday he didn't look good. He is ill?"
"No," the chief mechanic replied calmly. "Martin doesn't work with us anymore. You didn't know about it? Yesterday was his last day. "
Steve was genuinely surprised. They said they'd meet at work this morning!
"But how?"
"Martin was only here for two months. You did not know? I thought everyone knew about it. "
Allen tapped him on the shoulder blade and walked away, leaving Steve struck with unexpected news.
Martin didn't work here anymore?
Paxton looked around the garage. The mechanics were busy with their work as always, but Martin was not in between. Won't this kid ever be here again? His presence was apparently unobtrusive, but that cheerful, bright smile caught the eye and made the work a little more enjoyable. Perhaps the most interesting was Martin's enthusiasm, for whom everything was new and interesting, and his eyes sparkled as Steve or Jack got in or out of the car. For other mechanics it was routine, but for Martin, so young and inexperienced, the daily routine of drivers and maintenance was still an interesting movie that you can't take your eyes off of. For Steve, Martin was like such an interesting movie. Without him, this place will be so empty!
Steve felt a pain in his chest. The driver did not even realize that his heart suddenly felt very, very empty too.
"What are you thinking so much?" Allen urged him. "Get on the track!"
Before Steve got into the car, however, Jack stopped him.
"Don't be distracted," Jack rebuked Steve. "I also miss that laughing mouth, but it's not like he moved to another planet. Focus on driving, don't get distracted, and we'll talk about Martin when we get off the track. "
"Why would I talk to you about some mechanic?"
"You know, you don't have to. But there may be a chance to get the kid back. "
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