Chương 26: 5 Prongs
Go Ahead, Make My Prong
"So…"Emmett's deep tenor cut through the air as the group finally stopped running. "Was there actually wizards? Like the wand waving magic dude's in the books?"
Felix looked at the large vampire and wondered if he was serious. "Yes. Did you not know about wizards before now?" Emmett shook his head and Felix frowned. "Carlisle never told you about them?" Emmett shook his head again and Felix couldn't stop himself from laughing.
"Odd. I figured Carlisle would keep his coven informed on everything they would face in the world. Strange that he neglected to mention wizards who feel the need to regulate and control Vampire affairs…" Demetri trailed off staring at the two Cullen's in contemplation.
"Wizards control vampires?" Jasper asked, as he threw the rags of his shirt aside.
Felix smirked again.
"They try but Caius always talks in long boring lectures and in circles so when they leave negotiations more confused than when they entered. They let us be in the past but in the last 10 years they have become more aggressive in their pursuits," Demetri explained.
"Any particular reason why?" Jasper pushed.
Demetri looked away from the empath and pointedly ignored the question. "We should retrieve Harry soon if we plan to make it home before Charlie wakes."
Felix chuckled and couldn't resist teasing his partner over his one biggest mistake. Well it was a mistake that also turned out to be a great reward. "We were fine ignoring each other, but then one day a vampire decided to turn a little boy that was the wizarding world's most cherished child."
Emmett stepped forward with wide eyes. "Why would someone do that?"
"It doesn't matter let's go," Demetri snapped.
Felix chuckled again, he wasn't letting this go. "Demetri didn't mean to, but we were chasing a newborn and it went inside a farm house. Demetri thought he could handle the situation on his own and killed the newborn and the family, except… for a small boy hiding in a tree. He didn't bite Harry hard enough or something similar so it was a great shock when Harry started turning his arms. And then, instead of killing the child, according to the law, he started panicking, and when the wizards showed up he ran away with Harry still in his arms."
Emmett whistled. "Harry is some great wizarding child?"
"The wizard version of Jesus," Felix threw in.
Emmett whistled at the news.
"Wait. Why didn't you kill him after you escaped?" Jasper asked Demetri.
Felix threw an arm around Jaspers shoulder and started leading him down the street. "He should have but, Harry opened his eyes in the turning process and Demetri made the mistake of looking into them. From that moment he was captured in Harry's spell and couldn't bring himself to kill the child. I offered to do it for him, but he was strangely protective. He viewed the child like a man would his precious lover. I tried many times to steal Harry and kill him on our way back to Volterra but Demetri wouldn't allow it. Finally, I thought I would leave it to Aro, Marcus and Caius to deal with the child, but when we got back they were also enraptured by the little boy. They decided to give the kid a chance."
"So they broke their own law because of some doe eyes?" Emmett asked, completely enthralled in the tale.
"Yes, but if you ask them they will deny it and say that they merely kept Harry alive because of his ability to float. They tend to forget that we didn't discover that talent until after they allowed him to live," Felix explained.
"Felix would you shut up? It's not like I was the only one who couldn't kill him. If I recall, I caught you cuddling him on our way back to Italy when I left to go feed," Demetri snapped.
Felix straightened up and fixed his ruined shirt. "Right… time to get Harry. Maybe we should call Aro and tell him about our new friend, hm?"
o.O.o
Alice jerked forward as she was hit with a vision. Jasper and Emmett were standing before a large bonfire of body parts, both looking solemn, and then Felix was grabbing them both roughly by the arms and telling them they needed to go as a group of human's approached. The vision ended there, but it left her confused. Logically she knew that Jasper and Emmett had left to go kill some newborns, which explained they body part campfire, but why would the Volturi want to run from humans? They should have laughed manically and ripped the humans necks open or something, not leave.
"That is curious. Felix looked almost scared of those humans," Edward spoke as he ran into the room.
Was Felix really scared of the humans? She hadn't seen Harry, maybe something happened to him. The Volturi guards did seem protective of him so maybe they lost him in the fight or something.
"What is going on?" Carlisle asked feeling lost.
"Alice saw Jasper and Emmett in a warehouse somewhere. There was a pile of burning bodies, and Felix was telling them they needed to leave. There were some humans and Felix looked scared of them. We were trying to figure out why," Edward explained.
Carlisle frowned, and Alice was curious as to why. He seemed to think of something, but as soon as the thought came his face went blank and it was Edward's turn to frown. "What… what were you just think about? It was too fast for me to catch."
"Some things are best unknown," Carlisle answered.
Edward looked like he was going to press for an answer but suddenly Carlisle's cellphone rang. Answering, the rest of the Cullen family listened in. "Hello?"
"Carlisle! It's Demetri, and I need a small favour. It seems Harry and I won't make it back to Charlie's in time for him to wake up, so if you would there's a small box on the left-hand nightstand. Inside there will be several notes. Could you leave the one about going to watch the sunrise on the fridge? Oh and please bring the quilt at the end of the bed back with you. Thanks, you're a good man Carlisle," Demetri said quickly before they all heard a click and then line went dead.
"Right…I should probably…" Carlisle flipped his phone shut, probably debating on whether he should listen to Demetri or not.
"I'll go!" Rosalie volunteered. The blonde seemed excited about it, which confused Alice. Rosalie was never excited about anything. Even shopping only got her barest of smiles and a heavy foot on the gas pedal.
"Rosalie?" Carlisle seemed just as baffled as Alice did.
Rosalie scoffed at them. "Please don't tell me you aren't curious as well. You were just given permission to go and snoop around a Volturi member's bedroom. Who knows what I could find in there. Some list of nefarious deeds, or the next plan to humiliate Edward and his little human girlfriend-"
Edward snarled. "You want to leave them a list of ideas! You already wrote up a few ideas on how to terrorize us!"
Rosalie didn't seem the least bit fazed or guilty with Edward's statements. Instead she seemed a little proud of herself. "Did you think I would find a list and hand it over to you so you can be prepared? In my opinion you deserve everything they have done to you. I said stay away from the human girl. Who cares if you can't hear her insignificant little thoughts, but no, not you Edward, you had to go and get closer to her. Because of your selfish actions the Volturi have invaded our home, bossing us around, and took my mate off to fight a newborn army. I believe it's only right that all your actions come back at you tenfold."
Edward looked furious and ready to lunge at Rosalie. Carlisle sensed the danger as he stepped between the two. "Rosalie, that is not very nice. Edward only did what he thought was right-"
Rosalie straightened up and interrupted Carlisle. "Right because Edward is always in the right, and can never do any wrong in your eyes. And when he does do something wrong we should overlook it and pity him because he doesn't have a mate. Poor mate-less Edward allowed to expose us to everyone he wants to and never gets reprimanded. He wants to date a human that's fine, Rosalie wants to save a man who was attacked by a bear and it's an hour long fight, and then another five years of lectures about self-control and the safety of the family."
Alice was surprised at Rosalie's rant; it seemed she held onto some resentment over the years, because she didn't stop there.
"When it came to discussing if we should turn Bella, you were all for it. Let's welcome her, let's welcome the human that the Volturi wanted to kill. That will keep us in their good books. You opened your arms to Bella, but how long did it take you to accept Emmett? How long did it take you before you stopped treating him like an outsider? Where was that acceptance for him? Bella isn't even a vampire and yet you treat her better than you ever did to Emmett when he first joined us. Just like you were so willing to accept Alice and Jasper. You didn't even turn them and you welcomed them faster and better than you did my mate. But a man who is caring, loyal and sweet deserves the cold shoulder for years, but not a human girl that is ready to throw away her family and her normal life. That makes a lot of sense."
The room was silent after Rosalie's words. Alice couldn't be sure of Emmett's treatment since she hadn't been around at the time, but it was true that Jasper and her had been welcomed immediately and without fuss. They had arrived 15 years after Emmett's turning and by then the big vampire had been fully incorporated into the family.
"Rosalie, it wasn't like that. You need to understand that at the time you were barely 2 years old in vampire years, and your judgment wasn't at its best. You still had the newborn mindset and-"Rosalie cut Carlisle off again.
"My judgment to save a dying man that called out to me wasn't the best, but Edward's choice to court a human and throw a temper tantrum when she might have died- because that is what human's do- is good judgment?" Rosalie aggressively flipped her hair, "I think we should end the conversation here. The Volturi asked us to do something and I rather not get on their bad side, like some others." Rosalie shot a pointed look at Edward before turning and running out of the house.
"I feel like I have a lot to apologize to Rosalie and Emmett about," Carlisle sighed.
"What for?" Edward asked. "You acted as you felt best back then, it's her fault for not being able to see if that way."
"But is it not also my fault for not trying to see things her way?" Carlisle asked. "I found Esme the same way she found Emmett, dying, and my only thought was to turn her, to save her. Surely Rosalie felt the same, and yet at the time I did not try to understand when I among everyone else should have been the most understanding."
Edward shifted and turned away from the group. "There' nothing you can do now. Just apologize and try to come up with a reason to get rid of the Volturi. They're the ones who are causing all the problems."
Alice nodded, agreeing with Edward. The Volturi were the ones causing problems, not them.
o.O.o
Demetri sped around the corner and felt relief when he saw Harry sitting and the Museum steps with the newborn Felix sent to protect him. At the sound of Harry's excited chatter, Demetri felt better about trusting the newborn.
"No you will really like Volterra!" Harry cried. "You get your won room, but I share mine with Demetri, and you never go hungry, and everyone is really nice. Well not Jane. Jane is a bit mean. She likes to steal the humans I want to drink from. So I drop things on her head and she can't get me because I'm too high in the air. But everyone else is really nice, and I think with your gift you could keep Jane away."
"If you want we could team up and stop her from stealing our meals! It would be great! Sometimes Alec, her brother helps me, but since he's her brother he can't side with me all the time. Demetri has tried to get her to stop stealing, but she's stubborn, and Demetri says that girls are always stubborn and can hold grudges for eternity. I believe that because Jane still hasn't forgiven Corin for ruining her one dress and Corin can make people feel content."
Demetri smiled. "Have you made yourself a new friend?" He asked.
Harry smiled. "I have. He doesn't talk much but he's friendly and kept those wizards away. They were following us until he did something and they looked like they completely forgot about us and left. I think Aro will really like him," Harry explained.
Demetri nodded and motioned for Harry to get up. "We need to get back. I already called and made arrangements. Your friend will be sent ahead to Volterra, while we complete our mission."
Harry nodded and skipped over to Demetri, looking happy at the current situation. It made Demetri smile that Harry was happy outside of Italy.
o.O.o
Rosalie waited in the living room for the boys to return. She had fun rummaging through Demetri and Harry's room. She found several little eye drop containers, that probably explained Harry's ability to cry, a list of things that annoyed them about Bella, the box that had notes of almost every excuse imaginable written down, and box of glitter. She had an idea of what they were going to do with that. She kept those thoughts out of her head though; she didn't want Edward to know what they had planned for him next. Instead she occupied her time by comparing this year's summer collections to their counterparts of years passed. Some styles have evolved, some were left behind, and new ideas were always forming. It was interesting to see the changes and compare them.
That reminded her though. She had seen a sharp purple origami dress that caught her eye, but the reason she spent more than a minute on the picture was because the model was leaning against a nice sports car. The car overshadowed the model; her forced facial expression was no match for the sleek lines and subtle promise of power and speed that the car exuded.
It got Rosalie's mind thinking and she had researched the car and looked up the engine, looking at several different diagrams of the engine before mentally plotting on how to tweak it so that it could pump out optimum power. Then she planned how she could change the bearing so that it would perform better on the back roads of Washington, and she couldn't help seeing her driving the car while wearing that stunning origami dress. Maybe not in a purple colour though. She looked far better in a nice deep red.
Rosalie was broken from her thoughts when an hour past sunrise the boys returned. All looking bloody and slightly battered. Rosalie was up and out of her seat in a flash and over at Emmett's side, making sure that he was perfectly healthy. As vampires they may have super healing, but it didn't stop the natural instinct to check over her mate.
"I'm fine Rosie," Emmett tried to reassure her.
Rosalie frowned as she spoke, "yes well that's fine and all but you just came back from a fight with newborns, I have a right to worry."
Emmett's eyes softened and he wrapped an arm around her. "It was tough but I really am fine," he whispered. Rosalie felt slightly comforted by his words and leaned into him.
"I left the note on the counter near the coffee machine and the quilt is on the couch," she told the others. Looking them over she quickly tacked on, "and in case you hadn't procured clothes in Seattle I brought some too. They are with the quilt."
Felix grinned and slapped a hand down on Emmett's shoulder. "You picked a good one buddy!"
Rosalie glared at him. She picked Emmett. Emmett was just very lucky. And so was she, kind of.
Emmett grinned and laughed, "What can I say? I'm just lucky like that."
Alice sped through the forest and tackled Jasper, breaking the strange companionship between Emmett and Felix. The pixie vamp threw herself at her mate and Jasper caught her instinctively. "Are you alright? I couldn't see anything and I was worried."
Jasper merely nodded and started directing the group inside. His face was suspiciously blank.
Once inside the rest of the family joined them, and everyone was looking at the newborn tag-a-long.
"Who is this?" Carlisle asked.
Demetri stepped forward and took control of the situation, by completely ignoring Carlisle's question and commanding Felix to take Harry upstairs to change, and telling the newborn to stop looking so surprised that he wasn't burning to death. Once Felix took Harry away, Demetri was quick to shed his ruined clothing and slip into the clothes Rosalie had brought back. He didn't seem a tad bit shy about showing his body.
"If you were going to do that here, why did you send the other two away?" Edward asked as he averted his eyes. "
Demetri smirked at him before his eyes narrowed into menacing slits, prompting Rosalie to sit forward, looking forward to what the Volturi guard would do to Edward next. "First you check out Felix and now you want to see Harry naked? My my Edward, whatever will dear sweet Bella think of your perversions?"
Edward bristled. "I am not a-"
"Yes yes, denial is your favourite state of being, I get it. I don't' have time to play with you today Cullen," Demetri cut off Edward. Rosalie couldn't keep the smirk off her face. "Rosalie," Demetri focussed on her, "you have been very helpful today, could I trouble you for one more favour? You will be rewarded for it."
Rosalie didn't hesitate to agree. She really had nothing against Demetri, minus the whole Volturi thing, but he seemed like a good vampire the way he picked on Edward and Bella. "What do you need?"
"I need you to take this one-" Demetri pointed towards the unknown newborn," to the airport. I already called Volterra and they will have someone waiting for him when his plane lands. He has the private jet waiting for him at the airport; he just needs to get there. Also please make sure he gets on the plane," Demetri explained.
Rosalie didn't think it sounded too hard. Escort the newborn to the airport, probably make sure he doesn't kill anyone, and make sure he gets on the plane. "I can do that."
"Great, now what do you want in turn?"
Rosalie did take a moment to think this time. Knowing the Volturi she could ask for anything and they could grant it. Not wanting for much at the moment, Rosalie reached over and ripped a page out of the magazine. She handed the picture to Demetri and the Volturi guard looked at it. "Which one? The car or the purple dress?" He asked.
Rosalie smirked at him. "Both."
The corner of Demetri's mouth quirked up, but then the half smile disappeared along with the picture. "Right, you," Demetri regarded the newborn again, "what's your name?"
The newborn seemed to freeze before slowly relaxing. "Fred."
"Well Fred, I'll see you in Italy soon. I would also like to thank you for taking such good care of Harry tonight. I have told Aro everything that happened and he is very excited to meet you," Demetri said in a comforting tone. If Harry wasn't changed, Rosalie would never have believed that a member of the Volturi could ever do comfort, but she had seen him interact with the little vampire. The scene challenged everything she had been taught about the Volturi.
"I-I I'm glad to have helped." Fred gave a faint smile before looking down again and seeming to shrink into himself.
"Wait a minute! You can't recruit-AH!" Edward's words were cut off when a pile of dirty clothes landed on his head. A giggle was heard from above and Rosalie flicked her eyes up to see a floating Harry laughing at Edward's predicament.
Demetri snatched the quilt off the couch and opened it while positioning himself under Harry. "Harry, sleep." Rosalie watched as Harry closed his eyes and dropped down, landing safely in Demetri's arms. Demetri wrapped him up and cradled him in his arms.
"We would love to stay, but we need to return to the Swan residence," Demetri said as he walked past Rosalie. Rosalie watched him and smile when as he passed, Harry opened his eyes and gave her a cute little grin, showing off his baby fangs. "Remember boys, silence is golden."
With that last ominous statement the three Volturi members were out of the house and gone. Looking around the room, Rosalie could see that her family were eager to question Emmett and Jasper, but the two were purposely avoiding eye contact and probably thinking inconsequential things. Deciding to take pity on them, Rosalie stepped forward.
"Okay Fred, I got a car to earn so let's get going. Emmett darling, we're taking your jeep so, and jasper you need to keep the newborn calm when he gets closer to humans. Outside, all three of you," Rosalie commanded. The men didn't argue as all three shuffled outside as fast as they could. Rosalie nodded in satisfaction followed them, feeling slightly powerful that she could control them all so well. She was starting to feel like the protagonist of this weird twisted drama.
o.O.o
Charlie had woken up to a quiet house. Most mornings he had been greeted with the soft giggle of Harry of the soothing voice of Demetri. Charlie had become accustomed to waking up to the boys, and a warm cup of coffee waiting for him. The lack of noise put Charlie on edge.
Rising slowly, Charlie grabbed his bathrobe and walked out of his room. He cautiously walked down the hall and opened the boy's door, becoming worried when he saw it empty. Next he walked down the stairs and did a quick inspection of the first floor, only to frown at the lack of boys. He was about to leave the kitchen when he noticed a note near the coffee machine. Picking it up, he felt his worries leave as he read the simple note. Demetri had taken Harry and Felix to see the sunrise. That was sweet of him.
Putting the note down, Charlie started to make coffee, wondering when the boys would return. When the machine beeped, Charlie reached over and poured himself a mug as the front door opened. Smiling, He grabbed his mug and walked towards the front of the house, grinning when he saw Demetri enter carrying a sleeping Harry in his arms.
"Morning Demetri," Charlie said softly.
Demetri turned to him and grinned. "Morning Charlie, I wanted to get back before you woke up but half way home this little guy fell asleep and I needed to carry him."
"It's no problem; you left a note so I wasn't worried. How about you take Harry upstairs and then you tell me all about the sunrise when you come back down."
Demetri agreed and quickly went upstairs while Felix volunteered to make breakfast. Charlie watched the scene and felt a warm feeling envelope him. It was nice to have kids around and to need to worry about what they did at night. Charlie was happy.
Shaking himself out of such sentimental thoughts, Charlie turned towards the kitchen, prepared to suggest the Felix put on some bacon. Bacon was the perfect morning food.
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Bad Joke of The Day
Q: What do you get when you tick off Dracula?
A: A Vamp's Ire
Frankly, My Dear, I Don't Give A Prong
Bella groaned as the harsh sunlight forced its way through her curtains and into her eyes. She used to love the sun, but now she hated it. She wanted it to always be overcast because when it was sunny she couldn't see her Edward. Did nature have to be so cruel as to let the sun shine through? Couldn't it see her pain and keep those rays of light forever hidden so that she may see her beloved Edward at school? The sun… the sun… it locked her away in a tower of loneliness and pain; its golden beams became her iron bars, and its light a torture unlike any other. She hated the sun.
Thinking of Edward, Bella couldn't help wondering if this is what she was destined for, a vampire life filled with luxury? Well it would be if it weren't for those nasty Volturi people. Come on, did they really need to invade her life that? They were frustrating, annoying, and downright evil with their stupid plans to get her in trouble. If they weren't here she was sure that by now Charlie would have forgiven her and she could be marrying Edward and they would be riding into the sunset as two vampires deeply in love with eternity stretched out before them.
Bella sighed deeply at her thoughts longing for such a romantic moment to occur. There would be plenty of things leading up to it though, with her faking her death so that Charlie won't have to suffer the agony of thinking his daughter just disappeared, and getting the rest of the Cullen's on her side. Rosalie would be a lot of work, but Bella was sure that if she got Emmett endeared towards her just a little bit more than Rosalie would follow. Jacob would be sad at the start she knew, but he would overcome the pain and maybe sometime in the future she could come back and visit him. He was a good friend and had been there for her when Edward took off, she didn't want to completely lose him. But these were all thoughts and plans for later, as for right now she had to deal with Harry and Demetri.
Suddenly, a happy glorious wonderful thought struck Bella. Although she could not see her perfect Edward today, that also meant that she wouldn't have to deal with the Volturi. The sun would surely send the duo into hiding it and she would have her first headache free day in such a long time. The things she could do today without their interference! She could talk to Charlie and get him to revoke her grounding, and she could leave the house without a constant surveillance team.
Bella contently got out of bed and was walking towards her closet when she heard a knock on her door. Thinking it was probably Charlie coming to wake her up and inform her of the absence of the two pests, Bella opened the door with great expectations only to scream at the red eyes and long fangs that greeted her.
"Bells!" Charlie yelled as he came rushing to her, ready to defend her from any terror, only to stop in his track and laugh.
Instead of Charlie or some great beast, Harry stood on the other side of her door. His eyes were back to the vampire red they should be, his fangs were long, he wore a long black cape, but most importantly… he glittered, exposing his vampire status to Charlie. Bella just couldn't believe him.
"Harry, I told you not to bother Bella so early in the morning," Demetri lightly scolded as he stepped out their room. He too sparkled on a grand scale and Charlie took great amusement from it.
"What's this now? You both look like disco balls," said Charlie as he got himself under control.
Bella didn't know how the pair was going to answer.
Demetri gave a nervous laugh and Bella leaned further out her door to listen. Would he really tell the truth?
"We were doing a bit of art this morning…" Demetri trailed off. Harry giggled and ran into their room only to appear a moment later carrying a big sign covered in silver glitter stating 'Harry's Evil Lair!' Looking closer she could see a thick layer of silver arts and craft glitter coating Harry and Demetri's hair and bodies. Bella felt some her previous hopes being dashed. Damn those two were smart and cunning on a whole new level of evil.
"Evil Lair eh?" Charlie bent down and ruffled Harry's hair, causing a shower of glitter to rain down on the hallway carpet. "If you're evil than is Demetri the good guy?" Charlie asked.
Harry grinned, showing off his impressive fake fangs. "No, you're the good guy. Demetri is my minion."
Charlie chuckled again but Bella couldn't help glaring at the two. Honestly, Edward was in trouble for supposedly telling her about vampires but Harry and Demetri dropped hints after hints to her father and Aro was okay with this? But on the other hand she shouldn't expect the Volturi to follow their own rules when they already broke the immortal child law by keeping Harry alive.
"Harry wanted to have a Dracula movie marathon today, and the only proper way to hold such an event is to dress up," Demetri stated lightly. "We got the Dracula legacy collection on dvd and Charlie, I know you have the day off….Harry hoped you would join us."
Those evil bastards ruined her plans again. If they hogged Charlie all day then there was no way she could get her father to drop his ridiculous punishment.
"I would love to." There it was…the one sentence halted any and all plans Bella had to talk to her father alone.
"For one who has not lived even a single lifetime, you're a wise man, Van Swan," declared Harry dramatically followed by an evil laugh. Had Bella like children or Harry in general she may have found the laugh adorable, but since she didn't she could only think it was ominous.
"Van Swan?" Charlie sent a curious look at the little vampire.
"I'm Count Harry, like Count Dracula but with a biting sense of humour, and Dracula's enemy was Van Helsing, so you're Van Swan, the vampire hunter with an iron fist for justice," Harry explained theatrically as he flared his cape.
"Of course, that makes perfect sense," Charlie agreed playing along with the child. "You're Count Harry, I'm Van Swan, so Demetri is Demfield? Who is Bella?"
Harry scrunched up his nose in thought and Bella watched as her father's eyes actually softened at the sight. He was completely taken in by the pair. Bella didn't know how long she could take this. "Bella is…Frankenstein's monster," Harry stated seriously. "She is in the same universe as us but she never interacts with us, wanting to go off and do other things."
Bella gaped at the little vampire. She was a monster? A small part of her cheered at his words because she knew that Charlie would not stand for her being called a monster. Charlie would finally see how evil the little vampire was and then he would take her side. It was an overwhelming feeling to know that Harry finally messed up.
Charlie gave a great sigh and Bella felt her suspense growing. "I can see how you would think that Harry, so why don't we all try to get closer to Bella this weekend? We'll take a family trip somewhere alright?"
What? That's it? Harry called Bella a monster and he got a trip out of it? If Bella had called Harry a monster Charlie would be bending over backwards to scold her, probably lock her up again or set up another 'maternal' session with Rosalie. "He called me a monster and you're going to let that go?" Bella demanded answers.
Charlie shot her a disappointed look. "Bella, Harry is still a child he doesn't understand the effect of his words just yet. He only meant that you don't try hard enough to get to know them. Maybe, if you spent some time with them and actually put an effort into getting to know Harry and Demetri -instead of getting away from them- then you might find them to be decent company."
"I…I…" Bella didn't know what to say. She wanted to tell Charlie she would never enjoy either of the vampires company, but then she would be telling Charlie about vampires and that would be reason enough for the Volturi to kill her…
"Can we go to La Push tomorrow? Bella mentioned it before and me and Demetri have wanted to go, but if we went alone then we might not be welcomed or we could get lost…" Harry asked.
Bella froze. They couldn't go to La Push!
"Sure. I wouldn't mind spending the day with Billy Black. Bella can show you the cliffs and beach. She knows a few of the residents so she can introduce you." Charlie smiled, happy with the outcome, but Bella wasn't. Vampires were banned from the reserve.
Harry cheered before running off, his cape flaring behind him and Bella could only think that it suited him; Harry's evil little mind with an evil little cape and evil little plots hidden within it.
"Bella you better hurry up and get ready for school," Charlie snapped her from her thoughts. Bella sighed and turned back into her room, preparing for a long and excruciating day. Without her phone she could not warn Edward or Jacob about what was going to happen tomorrow. Sunny days truly were the worst sort of day in her opinion.
o.O.o
They had just crossed the reserve line and Bella could already feel the wolves angry growls vibrating through her body. They sensed the moment the two Volturi crossed into their territory and none of them were happy. Charlie didn't seem to notice as he sang along to the radio. The two vampires were sitting in the back, after Harry said he wanted to sit in the back of a police car, and Bella in the passenger seat, getting the full grunt of her father's poor singing.
They pulled into the Black's driveway and were greeted by Billy and what seemed to be the entire werewolf pack. "Quite the welcoming party, eh Bella?" Charlie joked as he turned off the car.
Bella didn't respond.
As they all exited the car, Harry was quick to bounce up to Charlie and grin. "You're a good singer Uncle Charlie! It was like a real live concert." Bella grimaced at his words. The stupid little suck-up.
Charlie smiled and ruffled the boy's hair, and another shower of glitter appeared.
"Charlie!" Billy Black cried. "When you said you were coming for a visit you didn't mention you were bringing some guests…" Billy trailed off.
Demetri stepped forward and ran a nervous hand through his hair. Bella didn't believe his act for a second. "Well we're more Bella's guests. Charlie wanted us to get along better and she always talks about La Push so she invited us here to look around."
Bella flinched as the pack's eyes turned to her and pierced her with accusing glares. Maybe she should just die. Run away, ask Edward to turn her, and together they could just leave Forks, and Washington, start a life somewhere else where the Volturi couldn't destroy her life anymore. Maybe Vatican City… surely all the spiritual and Holy like qualities of the city would turn away the Volturi, their evil being unable to approach such a sacred place. Edward would be fine though, because Edward was all that was most right with the world.
"You kids get to know each other, Billy why don't we go inside and have a beer," Charlie spoke up. Unknowingly leaving her in dangerous waters.
Billy tentatively nodded his head, "Right this way Charlie."
Once her father was inside Bella became hyper aware of her situation. There was a large pack of snarling ready to change werewolves, two sadistic vampires, and Bella standing in the middle. Keeping herself calm, Bella turned towards the two grinning incarnations of evil and asked them simply, "Why do you torment me?" She had a right to ask that, didn't she?
Harry dropped his smile and in moment of pure seriousness stared Bella in the eye. "It's what we do."
That sealed it. She was done with this. She had tried to ignore it, she had tried to keep him safe, but she was at her limit. She needed them gone. She was standing at the edge of cliff with the Volturi ready to push her and she couldn't take it! She will give them what they wanted.
"Jacob told me the Cullen's were vampires!" She declared. It felt nice, like a weight off her chest to admit it out loud.
"Bella!" Jacob yelled as an abundance of noise blasted around her.
"Jacob!" The pack cried but the loudest voice and the most menacing was Sam.
"Jacob Black you didn't!" The Alpha male roared as she advanced on her friend.
This is what the Volturi brought, complete and utter chaos.
Bastards.
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Bad Joke of The Day:
Q: Why did the vampire's lunch give him heartburn?
A: It was a stake sandwich.
And That's All She Pronged
Demetri smirked at Bella's words and the following outburst. It really was entertaining pushing the girl to her limit. Sometimes he wondered if he went too far, but then he brushed that worry off and reminded himself that he could never go too far. Alienating her relationship with her father, her school, and with the wolves were merely steps towards preparing her for vampire life. You can't have such connections when you change, simply because you won't remember them and you would probably eat them if they approached you. Which would lead to some questions, some theories, and then the Volturi would need to swiftly deal with the curious gossip mongers that would start sniffing around wondering why a whole group of people died of 'animal' attacks, hunters, and those PETA people.
And he could tell you that animal activist's blood was hard to get out of Victorian silk.
"What's going on?" Billy roared as he wheeled out onto the front porch. His face was set in a hard look, and his eyes darted from the pack to Jacob and back again. Demetri admired the man for his ability to travel so fast in that metal contraption.
Demetri stepped forward and took charge of the explanation, ensuring that everything would flow as he would like. "Harry was merely wondering about the serious lack of shirts around here, and Jacob said a very nasty comment back… something about pale-skinned little people."
Jacob looked ready to defend himself or maybe that was his 'I'm-going-to-maul-you' face, but Demetri cut him off as he spotted Charlie walking out. "You noticed it too, right Charlie? How many of these boys walk around half-naked, even when there are impressionable teenaged girls around." Demetri shot a pointed look towards Bella, and watched as Charlie's mustache turned down.
Bella gasped and pointed an accusing finger at him, but before she could say anything more, Harry stepped out from behind him, carrying his shirt in his hand. "Look Demi! I fit in!" He proudly proclaimed as he pointed to his bare chest.
Demetri mentally howled at the scene. Harry was grinning, Charlie looked upset, the pack was torn between anger and being dumbfounded, and Bella's eyes were bugging at as she stared at Harry's sparkling chest. Fuck, he loved his little hover bug.
"Harry!" Demetri acted flustered as he scrambled to get Harry's shirt back on. "Don't do that! You don't know what type of people live in this country. Remember that talk about bad men that do bad things to little boys?" Demetri shot a glare towards the wolves, pretending to scold them for encouraging such behaviour in a young child.
Harry sniffled as his arms got caught in between his shirt. "I'm sorry. I just wanted to have fun with Bella's friends."
"Right…well…" Billy struggled to talk. "Jacob apologize to the kid for your comment!"
"But I didn't do anything!" Jacob protested. "They didn't say anything about shirts!"
Demetri scoffed. "First you insult a child and now you deny your actions? How low can one single being be? Next what are you going to do? Trick girls into kissing you? Run away to Canada? Maybe you should put all that effort into something useful like a clothing drive, because nobody wants to see you running around naked all the time!"
"Watch yourself! That was all uncalled for," Billy thundered as he stood up for his boy.
Demetri looked chastised, and he slightly was. It was rude to insult a person's child like that in front of them, "I apologise sir, but it's just… I get to upset when someone thinks they can be mean to Harry. He's only nine, he can't defend himself."
"Be that as it may-" Billy started.
Charlie cut in before he finished, "Billy, why not just have the boys apologise. I won't interfere with matters on your reserve, but I would like to encourage a serious discussion about appropriate conduct around children. A few angry words are nothing compared to the influence that's being spread around."
Billy grumbled for a bit but he relented. "Apologise all y'all!"
The group was silent until Billy slapped the side of his wheelchair and sent them all a stern look. Together they all mumbled insincere apologies but it was enough to satisfy the two men.
"To bad parenting wasn't as easy as fishing, eh Billy?" Charlie asked with a slight shake of his head.
Billy sighed as he turned his chair around and wheeled back inside. "Don't I know it!" Charlie followed his friend, leaving the pack, Bella, and the Volturi alone again.
"Well this had been fun!" Demetri chirped. "Okay Harry, our job is done, time to go home."
"Wait, what?" Bella asked. "Your job is done? Just like that?"
Demetri gave the girl a kind smile. "Yes it is. Harry and I were sent here to discover who leaked the vampire secret to you. If it were the Cullens then we were prepared to punish the family for breaking the laws that govern us, but since it was a werewolf we have no jurisdiction. His punishment, if there is cause for one, will be handled by his tribe. We now wash our hands of this matter, and Harry and I can return to Italy and our peaceful lives," Demetri explained.
"So to be clear… if I had told you it was Jacob from the start, the last few months never would have happened?"
Demetri watched as the human girl swayed back and forth, looking ready to faint at the mere prospect that her life would have been infinitely more better had she confessed earlier. "I believe so. I can't say that nothing bad or embarrassing would have happened to you, but anything we had a direct connection with could have been avoided."
Bella spluttered for something to say, but nothing was coming out. Demetri decided to save the poor girl the pain of thinking and ended the entire affair. "It's been fun, but we're off now." He didn't bother saying goodbye, there was no need to have proper manners towards other creatures anymore. Instead he scooped up Harry and ran off and away from the wolves and the human girl.
He felt freer now that he accomplished the original mission.
o.O.o
Bella gaped. They were gone. Demetri and harry were finally gone! No more Volturi messing with her life, no more restrictions! She could reunite with Edward and not worry about her father showing up because Demetri and harry tipped him off. She could proudly walk the halls at school holding her boyfriend hand and not get pitying looks from her peers because they believed her to be too emotionally weak that she couldn't leave her supposedly abusive boyfriend. They never said Edward hit her, they more implied he was mentally and spatially abusive. But now those looks and rumours would be gone.
She didn't know what she should do first.
Should she call Edward and tell him the good news? But then again it would be better to deliver such news in person so that she may see the overjoyed expression on his gorgeous and god-like face. The only thing standing in her way at the moment was her need for a lift. She could walk to the edge of the reserve, and hope that Edward would meet her there, one of Alice's visions telling him she needed to speak to him, but that would take at least 20 minutes of walking. She didn't mind walking, but it was urgent she tell Edward to news immediately. Every second away from her precious Edward was like torture.
Looking at the werewolves that were fighting around her, Bella was tempted to call Edward and tell him to meet her here on the reserve. He could be here in the blink of an eye, but she didn't have a phone. Taking initiative, Bella started stepping to the side slowly, quietly inching herself closer to Paul. She could see a phone sticking out of his pocket, and while she knew it was bad to steal, in her present predicament she felt justified in taking it.
Reaching out carefully, Bella plucked the device from the large werewolf's pocket and scuttled back away from the group. They all seemed to be really verbally tearing Jacob apart, but Bella didn't worry. Jacob was a strong kid, he could take it. She was sure that once the lectures were over, all she would need to do is explain herself to him and he would understand why she told on him like that. He was her friend, so he had to understand her love for Edward and how she needed those pesky Volturi members out of her life so that she could return to the perfect life she previously shared with her one true un-dead sparkling love. Jacob was a good guy like that, he was her best-friend and she didn't know if she could every truly express how much that meant to her. Jacob Black really was the most important friend to her, and she would definitely tell him that one day –just not today because today was all about Edward.
Dialing the number she knew by heart, Bella waited anxiously for the other line to connect. One ring, Bella felt her heart pick up pace. Two rings, her breathing quickened as she envisioned how she would deliver the news. Three rings and click-
"Bella?" Edward answered.
"Edward! I need to tell you something simply amazing. Can you come to La Push and meet me at Jacob's house? You don't need to worry about the pack, they're fighting right now and won't notice you if you sprint in and grab me."
"What about Charlie?" asked Edward, his tone sounding unsure.
"Don't worry about that, get here quickly!" Bella encouraged him.
The line went dead, and Bella closed the phone. Looking around and seeing the pack still surrounding Jacob, Bella put the phone on the ground and kicked it under Charlie's car. It would look like Paul dropped it earlier, and he wouldn't know she stole it.
The rustling of leaves was the only warning she got before she was being scooped up in Edwards arms and whisked away from the reserve to a more secluded and intimate place. She felt the wind rushing past her face and with each none too gentle caress her worries and stress over the Volturi were left behind.
"What is it you needed to tell me?" Edward asked once he set her down in their clearing.
Bella wrapped her arms around his perfectly chiselled chest and spoke, "Demetri and Harry have finally left."
"What? Like actually left? For good?" Edward looked completely stunned.
"Yes. I told them Jacob was the one to tell me about Vampires, so they said their job was done and left for home. Can you believe it Edward, we're free. We can be together again."
Edward smiled down at her, and Bella thought it was the most amazing thing she had ever seen in her 17 years of life. Nothing could compare to a smiling Edward. No god or great deity could compete against him, because surely they knew they would lose to the perfectness that is Edward Cullen.
"We need to tell my family!" Edward declared.
Bella nodded eagerly. After being thrown around Edward's body and settling on his back like a spider monkey, they were off to impart their news on the rest of the Cullens.
If only they knew what awaited them.
---------------------------------------------------------------------------
Bad Joke Of The Day
Q: What is the best way to talk to Count Dracula?
A: Long distance.
Prong Prong Prong Your Fork, Gently Down The Steak
Bella was happy to cling to Edwards back as he ran them to his house. The utter joy they shared at the news of the Volturi's departure was so great that after a very long cold kiss –that could have led to something more if Edward hadn't pushed her away- they decided it was time to go home and tell Edward's family the news. Bella considered doing that age old prank where you gather the family and tell them you have important news while rubbing the woman's stomach, making them believe she's pregnant before imparting the real news. But… considering Edward's little swimmers where frozen dead, she doubted his family would fall for such a trick. Plus she didn't know if she could pull it off, she was never really good at jokes and pranks.
As they approached the house, Edward slowed down and let her get off his back. Holding hands, they walked towards the house, only for Edward to tense as they got closer.
"Felix is here…" Edward muttered darkly as he glared at the house. "I thought he left."
Bella frowned. "Does that mean your family will already know about Demetri and Harry leaving?"
"I don't know… I'm trying to read their thoughts but they are all thinking nonsensical things to stop me. Let's go inside." Bell didn't protest as Edward dragged her forward. She even ignored the few times she stumbled on the way back because nothing bothered her as long as Edward was with her.
Entering the house, the pair was stunned to see the living room completely changed. Gone were the designer furniture and tasteful décor. Instead, a gaudy podium, four chairs and writing desks, Three padded seat side by side facing the set up, and a large television occupied the space.
"What's going on?" Edward demanded as he looked around.
With a large grin, Felix stepped into the room and opened his arms in a welcoming gesture, "Greetings!" he cheered. "And Welcome to the 'Are You The Perfect Vampire Couple' game show, with me your host, Felix Trebec!"
Bella felt a large amount of dread wash through her. Damn those Volturi.
o.O.o
Felix had been bored- very bored. In an attempt to overcome this obstacle while Demetri and Harry got to play with their pet human Charlie, he had switched on the television and stumbled upon a show. 'The Newlywed Game' had made him laugh at the silly human couples. It was hilarious to watch in his opinion, and at the exact moment one poor husband got flustered when asked his wife's eyes colour, Felix had an idea. A slightly elaborate and time consuming plan started to form.
He would have his own game show. He just needed to wait for the perfect moment to play it.
Now here he was, waiting impatiently for Edward and his idiot human to get back so he could start. He had roped Rosalie and Emmett to play, set up the game area, and even designed a whole new format of the game which would bring about maximum humiliation.
When the pair did arrive, Felix could see their obvious confusion and he stepped in to get the ball rolling. Cue audience applause, opening music, and lighting…"Greetings!" He stated happily. "And Welcome to the 'Are You The Perfect Vampire Couple' game show, with me your host, Felix Trebec!"
Jasper, Carlisle, and Esme stepped into the room next and cheered as an audience would. Felix grinned at them and waited for them to take their positions as designated audience members. Once they were set, Felix continued on. "Today we have two special couples with us, both hoping to win the grand prize. The first couple is a pair that is the envy of every human they cross; not only for their physical features but for the obvious love they share with each other. Please give a big hand to our first couple, Emmett and Rosalie!"
The audience clapped and cheered again, and in a moment of playfulness Jasper even cat-called. Rosalie glared at the empath while flipping her hair elegantly, while Emmett grinned at his brother. The duo took two seats on opposite sides of the room from the other, and looked to him patiently.
"Our second couple is one of a unique variety. One could even go as far to say that they are unconventional, but let's be honest, in our world what isn't unconventional? Please welcome, Edward and Bella!"
The audience clapped, but the pair stood in place, staring at him. Felix narrowed his eyes at them. "Take your seats," he sternly commanded them. He would not have the pair ruin his game.
Edward glared defiantly at him. "What are you doing here? What is all this nonsense? Shouldn't you be on a plane back to Italy with the other two by now?" Edward asked.
"You may need to clarify, I'm not sure I understand," Felix responded. He kept his thoughts blank.
"Bella told Demetri and Harry that Jacob was the one who told her about us being vampires. They said their job was done and were going home, so why are you still here when you should be somewhere over the ocean in a flying tin can?"
The audience gasped at the news, and then 'ohh'd' in anticipation.
"Oh!" Felix understood now. Silly Edward…"That's simple. I'm on vacation. I was never given the same mission as them, so therefore I do not need to go back with them. I can spend all the time I want here, and right now, I want to continue with my game so get to your seats before I punish you both!"
Edward sputtered, but Felix didn't care. Instead, he ran towards the pair and forced them to their seats. Once they were in place, Felix returned to his podium. "Now that both are couples are seated we can go over the rules of the game," Felix said to the audience. "The rules are simple; there will be three rounds with five questions each round. You get two points for every correct answer and minus one point for every wrong answer. When I ask a question, you will write your answer on the white board provided and present it to the audience when I say so. You must answer truthfully, you must answer every question, and no talking to your partner and you better not cheat. This is a fair game," Felix instructed. Rosalie and Emmett nodded, understanding the rules. He smiled at the pair as he saw the fierce look of determination settle in their eyes. They were a competitive couple.
"Okay, let's get started. You will find your white board and markers in your writing desk." Felix waited for everyone to get out their supplies. Edward and Bella stubbornly refused to move, and Felix sighed at the pair. The game would be no fun if they didn't play along. Reaching under his podium, Felix took out a gun and aimed it at Bella. "Now would be a good time to get your writing supplies and participate," he threatened.
Edward roared as he stood up and raced in front of Bella to protect her from the threat. "Did you really think I would let you kill Bella while I'm around?" Edward asked as he snarled at Felix.
"You're a fucking idiot," Felix said as he pulled the trigger. He watched in satisfaction as the bullet went forward and hit Edward in the middle of the forehead, splashing pink paint over his face. "If I killed her, how would I be able to carry on my game? Now sit down or she will get painted." Felix on the top of the barrel for added effect.
Edward growled as he tried wiping the paint off his face. His family laughing at him probably didn't help his mood, but Felix didn't care. "How dare-"
"Yeah, yeah, have your prissy temper tantrum another time; we have a game to play. You know for such a young vampire you are really a downer. I remember when I was your age I spent days partying, drinking the blood of royals, and having heavy and rough sex with every female vampire I could lay my hands on. You're similar to an old man with erectile dysfunction- miserable all the time and always trying to ruin other's fun as well. Now shut up, sit down and play or I will call Charlie and tell him exactly where his daughter is and return her covered in paint." Edward was exhausting in his opinion and was ruining the mood of his game. He worked hard on this damnit!
Edward growled some more but finally sat down. "Now that we are all ready, writing tools out and we will start." Felix waited for everyone to get situated and continued. "The first round will be questions for the males. I will ask you a question about your partner and you will write down your answer. The females will write the correct answer on their board. You will present your answer and explain why you chose that. After each explanation, we will see what the correct answer is when the female reveals her board. Understood?" Fuck, it was like talking to three year olds. Maybe he should have made an information packet and had each couple study it the night before so he could avoid all this useless explaining. But then again the game show hosts he had studied all had to explain the rules every episode, so maybe he should suck it up. Nah… he would make an information packet next time.
Round One
For the Menfolk
First Question
"First question: What tool is your partner most handy with? A hammer, a drill, a tape measure, or a screwdriver?" Felix watched as Emmett grinned and quickly scribbled down his answer, while Edward frowned.
Felix took sick pleasure in knowing that Bella was the only mind Edward couldn't read. It was why he knew his game would work out, because now Edward couldn't cheat. When everyone was done writing, Bella taking a little longer than the others, Felix grinned at the audience. "Let's see the answers, boys if you would."
Emmett -Drill. Edward- Hammer.
"Emmett, why don't you explain first?" Felix prompted.
Emmett shrugged his shoulders. "It was easy really; I mean have you ever seen Rosalie change her tires? It's like watching a pit crew at work. Zoom, zoom, zoom, zoom and bam! Tires changed and she's ready to go."
"Edward?"
Edward's frowned got more pronounced. "Bella doesn't need to fix anything, not while I'm around, but the hammer is the most universally used tool."
"Let's see the correct answers." Felix gestured towards the girls to show their boards. Rosalie turned her and revealed 'Drill', while Bella's board showed 'I don't know'. Felix grinned and took out his gun again and aimed it at Edward. In quick succession he shot Edward and Bella, covering them both in pink paint.
"Emmett and Rosalie get two points, while Edward and Bella get negative one. Oh… off to a bad start." The audience booed in pity for the pair, only making Edward's mood worse.
Rose/Em: +2 (Total: 2) Ed/Bella: -1 (Total:-1)
"Why did you shoot us?" he demanded.
"I forgot to mention that for every incorrect answer, you will also get a punishment. Better think your answer through more next time." Maybe he could sell this game to a network? Someone would want to pick it up.
Question Two
"Next question: If you could make a romantic dinner for your wife, what would she like on the menu?"
Edward looked more confident this time around and wrote his answer quickly.
"Answers please."
Edward- Mushroom Ravioli. Emmett- Doe.
"It was what she ordered when I took her to La Bella Italia," Edward explained.
"She will bite and scratch me if I catch a doe and don't give it to her."
"Girls?"
The audience groaned as Bella revealed 'Cheeseburger'. Felix mentally cheered as he shot the pair again. Emmett was correct and they moved on.
Rose/Em: +2 (Total: 4) Ed/Bella: -1 (Total: -2)
Felix looked at the scores, "Edward and Bella just need one correct answer to get them back at zero. Let's hope this next question will be easier for the pair to connect."
Question Three
"If trapped on an island, what could she not live without?"
The audience 'oooh'd' at that difficult question in appreciation. Felix trained them well. When the answers were revealed Felix laughed.
Emmett- Mirror. Edward- Me.
"Rose needs to look good and the only way she can ensure that her palm leaf dress properly accentuates her figure is with a mirror."
"Bella loves me. I would protect and feed her if we were on an island."
"Boo!" The audience called after Edward's answer. That was a cop out.
"The correct answers please," Felix addressed the females.
Rosalie as expected had written mirror, and Bella wrote Edward. Felix felt a little sick at their sappy love fest. "And Edward and Bella return to zero points. Hopefully from this point on they will continue to gain points."
Rose/Em: +2 (Total: 6) Ed/Bella: +2 (Total: 0)
Question Four
"What is the most she has ever spent on a pair of shoes?"
Bella looked uncomfortable at the question while Rosalie glared at Emmett daring him to get it wrong.
Emmett- $2495 Edward- $50
Emmett sighed as he showed his answer. "They were Jimmy Choo platform heels with Swarovski crystals. She's never worn them, just kinda stares at them now and then."
Rosalie sniffed. "Of course I wouldn't wear them. I'm saving them for the perfect occasion. Their debut needs to be spectacular."
"Moving on…"
"Well Bella wears converse a lot and those usually go for around $50," Edward answered.
"Correct answers, please!" Felix watched the boards and smiled. "Emmett was correct with an answer of $2495 but Edward was wrong… Bella wrote $52." The audience groaned. "But he was close… should we give him the points? He did say around 50," Felix asked them.
"Yes!" The audience called, all in agreement. Well weren't they nice?
Rose/Em: +2 (Total: 8) Ed/Bella: +2 (Total: 2)
Question Five
"What is your partner's favourite room in the house?"
Emmett- Family Room. Edward- Her Bedroom.
"Rose likes the family room best because that's where everyone gathers, and she's a big ole family type of gal."
Edward opened his mouth to answer but Felix cut him off. "I don't think we need to hear your reason. So Scandalous… naughty naughty you two," Felix chided them. Bella promptly blushed at his words while Edward glared, but Felix kept his game going.
"Women if you would please…" Boards turned, "And both correct answers. Well it seems that Edward and Bella were off to a bad start but quickly found their footing. That brings an end to round one. Please join us for round two after the commercial break!"
Rose/Em: +2 (Total: 10) Ed/Bella: +2 (Total: 4)
"Yeah! High-five babe!" Emmett cheered as he darted out of his seat and over to his wife.
Rosalie smacked his hand and together the pair grinned menacingly at their opponents.
Felix stretched and put down his cue cards. Taking out a glass of blood from his podium, he leaned against it and stared that the couples. "This is fun isn't it?" he was quite enjoying himself with this. Not only did it endear him to the Cullen Coven, but he got to embarrass the human. Oh he knew they would eventually get some questions right, but he only planned for this to get worse the further they played.
Edward shot him a look. "I can hear your thoughts you know, and if you think for one second that I will allow you to hu-"
"And welcome back from commercial break!" Felix cheered as he put his glass of blood away and exchanged the pink paint bullets in his gun to purple ones. "The current scores stands; Rosalie and Emmett in first with 10 points, and Edward and Bella in last with only four. Let's dive right into Round Two!"
Round Two
For the Wenches
Question Six
"What colour is his toothbrush?"
Bella stared blankly at her board before hesitantly picking up the marker and uncapping it. Felix watched as she put the marker to the board, stopped, raised the marker again, lowered it, chewed on the end, brought it to the board and finally wrote down a word. If this was how it was going to go for every question, Felix felt like this game would go on forever. Never has five questions looked so tedious before.
Rosalie- Pink. Bella- Blue.
Edward went to move his marker but Felix leveled the gun on him. "Don't you dare try to cheat by changing your answer," he threatened. "Show your board Edward, as is…"
Edward glared and slowly turned the board around to show that he listed several different colours. Felix fired off three quick shot hitting Edward on the nose, chin, and chest. "No petty tricks. You both fail this question." For good measure, Felix shot Edward again before hitting Bella.
Rose/Em: +2 (Total: 12) Ed/Bella: -1 (Total: 3)
Question Seven
Felix glared at Edward to remind him to play right, as he lightly tapped his cue cards on the podium.
"Next question: If your partner was lost what would he do? A) Stop and ask for directions, B) Ask you for directions, C) Stop and buy a map, D) pretend he wasn't lost and keep driving?"
Bella repeated her process of almost answering, thinking, possibly writing something but then switching to chewing on something, and then finally putting the marker to the board. Felix sighed… he would need to speed this up a little.
"Answers!"
Rosalie- B: ask me for directions. Bella- C: buy a map.
"Boys if you would."
Emmett- Ask rose. Edward: ask directions.
*Splat! Splat!*
Felix grinned at the multi-coloured pair and moved on.
Rose/Em: +2 (Total: 14) Ed/Bella: -1 (Total: 2)
Question Eight and Nine
"Let's throw two together shall we? Question Eight: Where did he take you for your first official date? Question Nine: When it comes to the upper body would you say he is: A)Buffed, B) Puffed, C) Stuffed, or D) Not Enough?"
The audience all snorted when Bella turned her board over and Felix could see why.
Rose: Bison Reserve, Buffed. Bella- a restaurant, buffed.
Felix decided to ignore her for now and looked at Rosalie. "Please explain."
"Emmett took me to a Bison Reserve because he thought it was the closest thing a vegetarian vampire could get to a delicacy. And, I don't think anyone here would argue that Emmett is not buff."
"What can I say? I'm a romantic," Emmett quipped.
Turning to Bella, Felix chuckled. "Buffed?" Dragging his eyes up and down Edward's body Felix shook his head. "I think 'Not Enough' applies appropriately here. Boards boys."
Emmett- Bison farm, buffed. Edward- Here, buffed.
"Really? You think you're buff?" Felix asked. He shot Edward again before he could retort, not wanting to hear the mind readers protests. He couldn't do anything about the points though, both answered the same thing.
Rose/Em: +2 +2 (Total: 18) Ed/Bella: -1 +2 (Total: 3)
Question Ten
"What would your partner say is your least favourite topic to talk about? A) Sports, B) Politics, C) Weather, D) Other People?"
Felix watched as Edward tried to silently tell Bella to write Weather. He was mouthing the word and looking quite serious about it, but Bella merely stared back blankly before writing something down. Felix readied his gun.
Rose: Weather. Bella: Other.
Well Edward seemed to fail. But to her credit she was close.
Emmett: Weather. Edward: Weather.
*Splat! Splat!*
Rose/Em: +2 (Total: 20) Ed/Bella: -1 (Total: 2)
Round Three
All Y'all
Question Eleven to Fifteen
Felix jumped right into the last round. Hoping to wrap this up.
"Now inside your desks you will find a piece of paper with five questions on it. You will fill them out, hand them to me, and then I will ask them out loud and you have to write down your partners answer. This is a chance for you to double your points. Now please, fill out your quizzes."
Once everyone handed in their quizzes, Felix started. "First question was 'What is your dream job?' What do you think your partner wrote?"
Emmett- Professional race car driver. Rosalie- Godzilla. Edward- Harlequin writer. Bella- pianist.
Felix tsked. "Emmett and Rosalie were both correct, two points each. Unfortunately, Edward and Bella are wrong. Bella wrote 'Housewife' and Edward wrote 'Composer'. Negative a point each.
Felix changed his paintballs over to black paint and shot Bella and Edward twice.
Rose/Em: +2 +2 (Total: 24) Ed/Bella: -1 -1 (Total: 0)
"What is your partner's most irritating habit? I like this one… so what do you think your partner said about you?"
Emmett: Joke too much. Rosalie: hates everyone too quickly. Edward: too good looking. Bella: none.
Felix shook his head at the human/vampire pair. They were ridiculous.
"Once again, Rosalie and Emmett get two points each, and Edward and Bella fail the question. Edward thought Bella's most irritating habit was having to go home and Bella thought Edwards most irritating habit didn't exist."
Pulled out a shot gun style paintball gun and loaded it with blue and black paint to shoot the couple.
Rose/Em: +2 +2 (Total: 28) Ed/Bella: -1 -1 (Total: -2)
"Who is the safer driver?"
Emmett: Me. Rosalie: Him. Edward: her. Bella: Him.
Felix checked the papers. "Emmett said he was the safer driver so Rosalie is correct. Rosalie thought Emmett was the safer driver so Emmett is correct as well. That's two points each. Bella thought Edward was the safer driver, so that's minus one point. Edward thought Bella was the safer driver, so that's another point gone. Your two's sickeningly sweet love fest isn't faring you well…"
Rose/Em: +2 +2 (Total: 32) Ed/Bella: -1 -1 (Total: -4)
"If you could have any super power what would it be? Oh there are some interesting answers here… So what do you think they wrote?"
Emmett: The Force. Rosalie: Godzilla Beast Mode. Edward: Vampirism. Bella: to read my mind.
"Well… Rosalie wrote that she wants to be able to use the force so she can force choke all the ingrates. Two points for Emmett and let's hope that never happens. Emmett wrote that he wanted to be able to transform into Godzilla like Bruce Banner can change into the Hulk. Two points there. Edward wrote he wanted x-ray vision…" Felix sent the mind reader a sly look. "Oh? And what would you see through? Bella's clothes? So naughty… this is a family game. And finally, Bella wrote that she wished for the power to be invisible? Is that to keep Edward from seeing your dirty knickers?"
Bella blushed, Edward growled, and Felix moved on.
Rose/Em: +2 +2 (Total: 36) Ed/Bella: -1 -1 (Total: -6)
"Last Question… " Felix started. "Imagine you are a vampire and your chosen mate was human. The only reason you are attracted to them is because they are your singer and you can't read their mind. Knowing that you have a hundred years apart in terms of age, and most people would call you a paedophile…"
"That's enough! That last question is completely-" Edward raged before getting cut off with a paintball to the mouth. He spluttered and spat the paint out, as Felix closed the game down.
"Well folks, looking at the current tallies I don't think we even need to answer the last question. With an overwhelming victory, Rosalie and Emmett win!" The three audience members cheered as Rosalie and Emmett took bows and hugged each other. "They win an all-expenses paid trip to Italy!"
Edward stomped over to Bella and took her hand. "Come Bella, I will get you some clothes so you can shower and change," He reassured her. Felix stepped in before they could leave though.
"I regret to inform you two but the punishment for losing –with a rather impressive score at that- is that you will have to walk around the rest of the day as you are."
Edward huffed and turned towards him, gesturing to his clothes. "We're covered in paint! We look like walking bruises with these colours!" he hissed furiously.
"Well that works out nicely since most people consider you two walking eyesores anyways. If you didn't want to suffer the consequences then you shouldn't have agreed to play the game," Felix argued.
"But we didn't! You forced us to play the game!" Edward yelled.
"Oh hush now. No one can force you to do anything if you don't want to. Now accept your punishment and congratulate your brother and sister. They're going to Italy you know."
Edward glared, stomped his foot and let out an aggressive sigh as he looked around the room. Before he could argue further though, Felix grabbed his and Bella's arms and stopped them from moving. "Now just wait here patiently because I believe we will have a very important guest soon."
The Cullen's all looked at him questioningly, but Felix ignored them as he looked towards their driveway where a car was starting to drive down. The police cruiser was very recognizable but what shocked his paint covered pair was the little bouncing ball of undead in the front seat, gesturing wildly as he told the police chief a story.
"Harry?" Bella gaped. "But I thought he was going back to Italy!" She yelled.
Felix laughed. "You really think Harry and Demetri would leave that easily? They have two very well established aliases here. They couldn't leave without Charlie worrying and filing missing persons reports. No, they merely waited for you and Edward to run off, while I distracted you with this game, so that they could inform Charlie that you fled to the Cullen's house again. Let's see how Charlie's punishes you next!" Felix cheered.
Just then, Charlie got out of his car and looked through the window to give Bella a very disappointed look.
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Bad Joke Of The Day
Q: How does a vampire like his food served ?
A: In bite sized pieces !
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