Chương 52: Guilt
"I wish that the boulder had destroyed the house. I wish..." Mikasa shook her head, hands falling helplessly to the ground. "It doesn't matter. We would eventually learn the truth one way or another. It was just the worst timing and the most personal of ways to learn about the world. To read it in Grisha's hand, to learn what he had gone through and what the world was like from someone he loved... It was the final straw for Eren."
"I can imagine," Yuuto muttered.
Mikasa shook her head.
"His entire life, he had been fighting for humanity, for freedom beyond the Walls. To discover that there was no freedom out there, that humanity was the enemy, not Titans? To find out that all the lives sacrificed for him had been for nothing, that Titans would never disappear so long as people, his people, us, were alive..."
Mikasa looked so helpless, so lost and... small that Serafall wanted to wrap her in a blanket.
She settled for tightening her hug.
"It broke him," Mikasa rhasped. "There was no hope anymore. No matter what, the future was dark. And to learn that he only had a few years left to live on top of that? That Armin had thirteen years left? Eren would have chosen anything over that. And he did."
"Wait a minute!" Kuroka hurried to interject before Mikasa could continue. "Why was Armin dying? Eren was sick, but Armin lived a full life, right?"
For a long moment, Mikasa just looked at the nekoshou, uncomprehending. Then she looked around the room with furrowed brows, seeing the confusion on everyone's face.
"Eren... he should have told you why he was dying, right?"
"He called it Ymir's Curse," Rias said with clenched fists. "A genetic condition only Eldian's can get. He said he had it in his last life, as did his... father... and... brother."
Serafall could see the horrified realization dawn on the Gremory's face and spread to the others.
Mikasa gave a grim nod.
"One of the things we learned in the basement was that whenever a Titan Shifter inherits one of the Nine, they only have thirteen years left to live. We call it Ymir's Curse because the legend goes that the Founder, Ymir, died thirteen years after turning into a Titan. The legend is that nobody can be greater than her, so they die after thirteen years. So they die, and the power is passed on to a random Eldian infant."
"That doesn't make any sense," Le Fay said. "How does that work if your world doesn't have magic? That kind of long-lasting curse on a bloodline is possible for a few gods, but only the strongest."
"Really, we know nothing for sure on the subject." Mikasa gave an almost imperceptible shrug of helplessness. "That was just what we were told. Very few Shifters throughout history have actually lived the full thirteen years. Their Titan is passed on instead of dying naturally when their time gets near. Whether Ymir killed them, the power just sucked their life force as a price, or it was the burden of being able to transform at all that killed them, nobody knows. Everyone just knows they die."
Serafall could see Mikasa was trying to remain unaffected, trying to stay detached from the story by explaining things from a broad perspective.
'We' instead of 'I.'
She told the story of 'The Scouts and Eren,' not 'Mikasa and Eren.'
But... any time the subject got too close to home, any time she needed to reveal some of the personal tragedies that affected them... the woman shone through the soldier's mask.
And Serafall knew that pain all too well.
"All we knew was that Eren would die before he was twenty-three and Armin when he was twenty-eight... If nobody killed them first," Mikasa said despondently. "What we learned in that basement took something from us. Something pure. Something good. After the basement, there was no hope of a long and happy life for Eren or Armin."
BANG!!
"Dammit!" Issei swore through gritted teeth as his fist crashed against the Wall. He was crying tears of frustration and sadness. "Why, dammit!? There's nothing good about Titans, is there? But why did Senpai have to..."
"Ise." It was Xenovia's turn to comfort their boyfriend with a tight hug as Irina held Asia's hand.
He wasn't the only one with tears in his eyes. As the story continued, most of the captive audience had collapsed into a seat or lay on the floor.
Kuroka was sitting in one of the chairs, the cane hugged to her chest like a teddy bear, and she had a haunted look in her eyes. Surprisingly, Koneko was sitting at the foot of the chair, her back pressed against her sister's leg and curled into a ball.
Akeno and Rias were sides by side on another couch, holding each other's hands tightly, while Rias's other hand held Gasper's emerging from a box beside the unconscious Valeria.
Azazel had retreated to the far side of the room and was leaning against a wall with a serious face.
It was almost amusing how Vali's position mirrored the fallen's, though he was leaning more 'coolly' next to his team. He was biting his lips, though. On the ground beside him, Bikou sat against the Wall with his staff leaning on his shoulder.
Le Fay had wrapped her arms around the miniature version of Fenrir, her head pressed into his fur, while her brother and the shrunken Gogmagog stood over her.
Two figures stood in the center of the room, almost seeming unaffected by the story.
The first was Ophis, who had remained in place this entire time, not reacting to anything with her head tilted and gaze distant.
Sona wasn't unaffected, but she hadn't moved. She had remained in one spot without budging, looking down at Mikasa this entire time. She shed no tears, and only the occasional change of expression belied any internal torment as she kept prodding Mikasa to continue.
Serafall wanted to pull her sister into her arms, whispering that everything would be okay and that this world was nowhere near as cruel as the one Mikasa came from.
She couldn't, though. Because what Sona needed right now was to hear everything. To face it herself.
So-tan was growing into such a fine woman, and Serafall couldn't be prouder.
If it only didn't involve so much pain.
"What, exactly, did you discover in that basement," Sona pressed.
So Mikasa continued her tale. This time, she spoke of the outside world: the history of the Eldian Empire, its fall to civil war, the king's flight to Paradis, and the ghettos Eldians were forced into in other nations. She also spoke of their lives of military service, indoctrination, and oppression.
She spoke of Grisha Yeager, a boy who yearned to see the outside world only to have his kid sister torn apart by dogs when they were caught leaving their confined zone.
She spoke of the man who grew up to lead a restoration movement, a man who married a descendant of royal blood and had a son—a son they tried to indoctrinate in their own way, foisting their hopes and dreams on.
A son who sold them out to Marley.
"The Grisha I knew was nothing like that," Mikasa said with a shake of her head. "He was a kind man. One who only wanted what was best for us. He had learned from his mistakes. He was the Attack Titan for years, but he never tried to do anything but save people. I think he only transformed once or twice in his entire life."
"But when he did, when he lost his second wife, he killed a family to get the power needed to right the wrong," Azazel said with a wry smile. "I can't blame him. I've done worse when some of my lovers were killed."
"Azazel-sensei?" Issei asked, horrified.
"I've had wives, Ise. I told you," the fallen said with a shrug filled with false nonchalance. "Lovers. Even a harem a time or two. But times haven't always been as good as they are now. So, yes, I've destroyed families in revenge."
Most eyes were on the teacher and student, so most missed how Mikasa's fists tightened.
Serafall and Sona did not.
"What happened next?"
Mikasa told of Grisha's rescue by the Attack Titan of the time, Eren Kruger, but not before Dina had been turned into a Pure Titan. The Smiling Titan.
Sona looked like she might interrupt for a moment, but she swallowed her words with a frown and let Mikasa continue.
Finally, Mikasa reached the point where she talked about the dreams Eren started having and the Attack Titan's actual ability.
"Wait," Issei stopped her. "Eren can see the future?"
"No," Mikasa denied instantly. "It's just memories. All Shifters inherit memories from their predecessors, but the Attack Titan allows its wielders to send their own back. They can only do this in a way that ensures that the time they are living in is the future of previous Attack Titans. Eren Kruger saw memories of Grisha Yeager, and they contained a message to Eren Yeager, but Kruger had no idea who they were about or what they meant. But because he saw them, he took actions that would lead to the future we lived."
"But... couldn't Eren have sent memories back that would make it so the bad things didn't happen?"
"No," Sona answered Gasper's question instead of Mikasa. "If events didn't happen, Eren wouldn't have memories of them to send back, making those timelines impossible to exist. It's not time travel. It's just a different way of experiencing time as a medium. Instead of 1-2-3 like we do, it is 3-2-1. The numbers are all the same, just the order is different."
Quite a few audience members looked confused, but Azazel had a separate realization that nobody else did.
"If that ability really works like that," the governor of the Grigori said as he rubbed his chin. "Then the final holder of the Attack Titan would be the one with the most power. They would be able to nudge all those who came before. Since he still has it, I imagine Eren Yeager was the final Attack Titan in your world? It didn't pass on to someone else with his death?"
"We can't say how it worked for certain," Mikasa shook her head. "All we know is what Eren told us about it and a few notes in Grisha's journal. The literal translation is 'Advancing Giant.' They claimed it was called the Attack Titan because it was one of the Nine that always advanced toward freedom, never submitting to anyone, not even the Founder. Though we can't confirm the last part."
"So, was it like that by design? Or, as the final Attack Titan, did Eren send memories back to make it like that?" Rias asked, worrying her lip in thought.
"We can't say for sure," Mikasa said helplessly. "Most of these are theories Armin came up with later. Still, it would explain why it was lost with the fall of the Eldian Empire. Its host at the time did not need to follow Fritz's command. Armin also thought it might be the Attack Titan Eldia was trying to replicate with the Ackerman genetic manipulation and might be why the Founder can't control us, but that is just speculation. We have no way to know."
"'Advancing toward freedom,'" Akeno let out a mirthless chuckle. "'Never submitting.' That sounds like Eren, alright."
"That was also the first time we heard of the Rumbling," Mikasa muttered. "The Walls, on top of trying to keep us 'safe' and ignorant, were supposed to be a threat from King Fritz. If anyone tried to attack Paradis, he'd unleash the millions of Colossal Titans and crush the world flat."
"So Senpai didn't come up with it himself," Yuuto nodded as if something that bugged him had been settled.
"It was an empty threat," Mikasa explained wearily. "Fritz had taken a vow of nonviolence and bound it to his bloodline. He would rather let the world destroy us while he lived in his private kingdom than let the Eldian Empire be rebuilt. The rest of the world didn't know that, though, and the Rumbling was the only reason we hadn't been completely invaded by Marley."
"But Eren was not bound by that vow," Akeno noted.
"He wasn't, but he also couldn't use the Founder without the aid of the royal bloodline. But Eren had no control, and Historia was our only royal, so we couldn't risk her. No matter what, we weren't just going to lay down and die like Fritz wanted, so we spent the next few years learning all we could of the world and our place in it."
Mikasa spoke briefly about those years of wiping out the last Pure Titans on Paradis and how they had reclaimed their lost land within Maria. She spoke longingly of seeing the sea for the first time and how beautiful it was.
And how Eren had changed.
"We thought it was just all the information we had received, that the revelation of the time limit, what Grisha had done, and the nature of the world outside the Walls had worn him down. He had always been passionate before then. He fought with others, got mad or happy or acted up. But after the basement and the reward ceremony that followed... he was quiet, lost in his thoughts more than ever."
Vali and Arthur shared a look that went unnoticed by most, one of familiarity. Serafall didn't miss it, though. She supposed that made sense. They knew the 'Eren' from after his death. Hearing him as he was when he was young was probably the weirder part for them.
"We finally killed the Pure Titans. We finally explored beyond the Walls. We finally saw the sea, which we had been yearning for, yet... Eren couldn't be happy. Not knowing what was out there. The sea was just another Wall to him, with enemies beyond waiting to invade and destroy his home," Mikasa drew in a deep breath, fists tightening around her scarf in anger once more.
"And then we received a message from his brother Zeke. We hatched a plan. Using Eren and Zeke, we were going to unleash The Rumbling."
Mikasa saw the faces of surprise around the room.
"That's right, we were first to suggest the Rumbling, not Eren."
Mikasa stopped them from interrupting with an explanation.
"Not completely, but we would use a city's worth of the Wall as a deterrent against the other nations in the world. A threat and an example. A way to buy our nation time since we were a century behind everyone else in technology."
"And your society would need to adapt as well," Azazel nodded along, rubbing his chin in thought. "The civilians would need to learn of the truth. The governmental structure required stabilization. Even if you had Eren and Armin as threats, they couldn't be the sole backbone of a nation confined to the Walls for a century. Not when Marley still had the other Titans. The logistics alone, negotiations between you and other countries, would take years."
"We needed time," Mikasa nodded. "If the other nations learned of the vow or Eren's inability to use the Founder without royal blood, then we'd be doomed. The Warriors knew he had Founder, and they knew he had used it once. Marley would not have given us time to restructure our society. We only had the time we did because they got caught up in another of their wars of expansion. Before they could focus on us, we needed time to become a nation that could stand independently, and the Rumbling was our answer."
Serafall pulled her friend tighter into her arms as, for the first time, her voice cracked slightly.
"Eren hated it," Mikasa confessed. "He hated the Rumbling. He kept pushing for another way, any other solution that wouldn't involve the Rumbling. We didn't know it then, but he had been reaching out to us, trying to find any hope. Any solution but the Rumbling. I don't know if there was one, but we couldn't find it. Most didn't even look for one. Why bother when we have Eren Yeager, the Founder and an expendable source of royal blood? We let him down. We let him down so much."
Nobody said anything as Mikasa took a deep breath and recomposed herself.
"And that was our final sin. We could not devise a solution that didn't involve the Rumbling. We could give him hope for a better future. We would do the same thing as Marley, as the old Eldian Empire. We would use Titans to terrify the world into getting what we want. The higher-ups of the military even wanted to feed Eren to Historia to rejoin the Founder with the royalty. Once she had a few kids, and her term was almost up, they'd feed her to her children, and the cycle would continue."
"'Senpai hates Titans,'" Issei quoted with clenched fists. "'More than anyone else ever born, Senpai hates Titans.' You said that. Senpai... he wouldn't allow someone he cared about to go through that."
Mikasa's following sentence was so quiet and muffled in her scarf that nobody would have heard it unless they had supernatural hearing.
"We had become exactly the type of monsters the world accused us of being."
"Eren wouldn't allow that," Akeno agreed with Issei, bitter confidence in her voice.
"No. He wouldn't," Mikasa shook her head and met the half-fallies eyes. "When they really started to push for that option, Eren had no choice but to push forward with his own plan. Coincidentally," Everyone could hear the bitter sarcasm in Mikasa's voice. "Historia ended up married and pregnant at this time. Eren had told her of his plan, and they conceived a way to buy time for him. She was the only one who knew his plan."
Serafall wondered at her Pawn's choice of words. Had Mi-chan intended it to sound like it did, or was that just her reading too much into things?
"What was his plan if he was so opposed to the Rumbling," Vali asked, crossing his arms.
Mikasa told them how Eren and Zeke had been secretly trading messages and about Beast Titan's plan to solve the 'Eldian Problem' by sterilizing every Eldian with the Founder.
Within a generation, there would be no more Titans because no children would be left to inherit them.
"That is..." Rias couldn't form the words at the thought.
"Horrible," Serafall though, couldn't hold it in.
She placed herself in that situation, in a world where devil children weren't born.
A world where she could never have held So-tan's small form in her arms.
A world where she had never become Miracle Girl Levi-tan to see a small girl's smile.
A world where Serafall Leviathan had never held hope for the future and she remained the woman forever trapped in the memories of a war against her own people.
Serafall would rather die than live in such a world.
"It was," Mikasa agreed. "It might be better for the world than the Rumbling but not for Eldia. Not for us."
Mikasa then spoke of their final attempt to find another option. They went to Marley to scout it out and see if there truly was no hope of reconciliation between Marley and Eldia.
"It was amazing." Despite her words, Mikasa did not sound amazed. She sounded helpless. "To hear people who have never seen a titan in their lives, who had never struggled with starvation, who had never seen someone they love torn apart and eaten... To hear those people cry out that we all needed to die, to be exterminated, when they had never met us... It was too much for Eren. He started his plan. He left us, and we didn't see him for months."
"He went to find Zeke," So-tan said.
"Yes. We learned about this later, but at this time, Eren disguised himself as an injured vet. It wasn't hard. Eldians were forcefully conscripted by Marley for their wars against the other nations of the world, and plenty suffered war wounds. It gave him access to the Eldian district, Liberio, where he could meet Zeke and Falco, a young Warrior aspirant training to be the one to inherit the Armour Titan from Reiner."
Mikasa spent some time talking about Marley, the warrior program, and Falco and Gabi, two teenage soldiers who wanted to inherit the Titans.
"Why would they want to?" Xenovia asked doubtfully, arms crossed. "Like Ise said, nothing good comes from them."
"Ideology and benefits," Mikasa said bitterly. "Warriors and their families got special privileges that other Eldians didn't. And they were kids. They had been told their entire lives that becoming a Warrior was an honour, a privilege. They were taught to hate themselves as Eldians and that the only way to become a 'Good Eldian' was to dedicate themselves to Marley and fight the 'Evil Eldians' like us Island Devils."
"Original Sin," Azazel said, running a tired hand through his hair. "Where your very birth is something to be ashamed of, and you need to dedicate yourself to making up for that 'sin.'"
"It's why they targeted children. They are easy to brainwash the young before they see proof that the world is not black and white."
So-tan gave her a worried look, and Serafall felt a twinge of shame. She hadn't meant to say it out loud, but it had slipped out. Mikasa's story was pulling way too many memories up.
Memories of four young devils who had discovered that everything their ancestors had taught them were lies and the choice they made to try and change their world for their people's own good.
Memories of the frozen corpses of other young devils, no older than her, staring back through the ice with accusing eyes.
Ah. Cute thoughts. Cute thoughts.
Pew pew! Let So-tan's cuteness purify these un-cute thoughts!
Thankfully, Serafall regained her center as Mikasa took the story back up.
Eren's disappearance had naturally made everyone panic, and they had spent months searching for him. Then, they received his letter, claiming he needed to be rescued, along with Zeke, from Marley. To do so, they followed his plan to attack Marley, ensuring peace was no longer possible.
"He knew we'd come for him," Mikasa said vacantly. "Every other time he had been kidnapped, we had. He was our hope, our salvation, so we went to rescue him. We attacked Liberio during a festival. We fought soldiers, of course, but most who died weren't even Marlian. They were Eldian. Civilians."
"That must be after... that night," Akeno whispered in her King's ears, and Rias nodded grimly, her eyes narrowed on Mikasa.
"Armin... he transformed into the Colossal in the port, destroying their ships... and thousands of innocent lives. He had nightmares about that night, even years later. Told me he had never been happier that his Titan didn't have ears, so he couldn't hear the screams."
"So I was right," Kuroka said, not sounding happy in the slightest. "He really did set off a war."
"It was his declaration of war," Mikasa nodded but then shook her head right after. "But he didn't just do it for that. He did it because he needed the last keys to his plan. Zeke, of course, and the Warhammer Titan's powers, but also Falco and Gabi. Those two were key. The last pieces he needed."
So-tan hitched her breath, and Serafall looked at her with worry, but her eyes were laser-focused on Mikasa.
"...They got on the airship. We were celebrating our success. We had Eren back, even if we did place him under arrest for his actions. We had Zeke. We could start the Rumbling test whenever we wanted. Only a few of us had died, and we disabled a major part of the Marlian military invasion force with the explosion at the port. Despite everything... we had won. Why wouldn't we be happy? We didn't notice the stowaways..."
Mikasa's voice hitched at the end, and she stopped talking.
"Tell me," Sona demanded. "Tell me why Sasha died."
Mikasa's eyes widened in shock as they rose to meet her niece's, but Sona didn't blink.
"Gabi... she had a rifle. Shot Sasha in the chest..." Mikasa said softly, looking away from the young woman. "She died quickly, but not before asking for meat one last time..." Mikasa let out a little hiccup that might have been a laugh or sob. "It was just so... Sasha. We couldn't believe it. Sasha, who had gone through everything with us, who had survived Trost, the coup, and Shinganshina? Sasha dead? Because of Eren? It didn't seem real."
Sona's fists clenched, and Serafall knew her sister well enough to know that she was holding back a question to let Mikasa continue.
"Both Gabi and Falco were caught, of course. We weren't kind to them, but we didn't kill them, no matter how much some of us wanted to. We told Eren. Told him what this news rescue had cost. And he laughed. Just... laughed."
Serafall could imagine it all too easily. She had met plenty of mad men who, when confronted with the consequences of their actions on others, had just laughed. Because they didn't care.
But... that didn't sound like the boy Mikasa loved.
"We couldn't believe it," Mikasa muttered. "Eren hadn't just changed. He was almost unrecognizable to us. The boy who charged the Female Titan in a rage when his comrades died was laughing at Sasha's death? That was where the idea began, I think. That Zeke had done something to him. Changed him. The 'Eren' we knew could never do this, so it must be Zeke's fault."
Mikasa buried her head in her arms again.
"We never understood Eren. We thought we did, but we didn't."
Mikasa spoke of the days following the attack on Marley, of imprisoning Eren since he couldn't be trusted anymore and keeping Zeke separate from him to prevent him from using the Founder.
She told them of their military's decision to feed Eren to someone else, someone more compliant.
Mikasa's story diverged a bit as she spoke of Gabi and Falco's escape from their confinement, their encounter with Sasha's family and Marlian lover as they tried to escape to freedom.
The stories converged again when Eren escaped with the Yeagerist's insurrection. She explained the spiked wine that allowed Zeke to turn the drinkers into Pure Titans, freeing himself to try to meet up with Eren.
She told them that Falco had ingested some when it was discovered that he and Gabi were the ones responsible for Sasha's death.
"Eren was doing everything he could to make us his enemies," Mikasa said, tightening her hold on her scarf again. "We were confused. Hurt. Enemies and allies were changing every few seconds. And then Marley invaded with their remaining Shifters."
Serafall could imagine that part all too well. Half the current Pillar families had been enemies of the New Satans at one point or another. Almost every family had members on both sides of the Civil War.
Today's enemy was yesterday's ally and tomorrow's traitor.
"It was a melee, where we tried to protect Eren and fight the invaders while Zeke and him tried to reach each other. Zeke used his ability to turn those who drank the wine into Pure Titans, Falco included. The Jaw Titan, injured in the battle, sacrificed himself to turn Falco back, but Gabi had a rifle."
Mikasa shook her head, almost in disbelief.
"Even if she was... better, for lack of a better word, Eren had still killed her friends. Destroyed her home. So... she shot him. Right when he and Zeke were about to touch, she shot his head off with a high-powered rifle. Severed his spine and all. In the confusion, moments away from failure, with barely any time to aim... it was a one-in-a-million shot."
Mikasa said it vacantly like she was reliving watching Eren's death.
"But Zeke caught Eren's head. Decapitation is fatal even to a Shifter, but it is not instant death even to a regular human. A little over ten seconds, that's how long it takes someone to die after losing their head. Eren was still alive when they touched. And he activated the Founder."
"Okay," Bikou interrupted before Mikasa could say anything more. "I can guess where this is going, but before we get there and you absolutely destroy my emotional stability for the next decade or so, I just want to give respect where it was due."
Everyone in the room stared at him blankly.
"Like, don't get me wrong, Eren was always a badass. He'd kick our butts up and down the field in training. But getting your head shot off and still pulling through is some next-level stuff. I just want to take a moment to appreciate it."
Half the room blinked at the descendent of the Monkey King in surprised stupefaction at the complete non sequitur.
The other half knew what he was doing when they noticed his surreptitious look toward the despondent Le Fay.
The story was nothing short of depressing and bleak. What few moments of happiness there were were few and far between, followed by more misery.
They knew how it ended. Mikasa had already told them the result of The Rumbling, and now they were just going to listen to the specifics.
Bikou was, in his own way, trying to bolster the spirits of the younger members by making light of the situation.
Serafall felt a surge of appreciation for the boy. As she told the story, Serafall had let herself be swept up in Mi-chan's pain and loss.
"Puey," Miracle Girl Levi-tan pretended to spit to the side. "It's not that cool. If he was really awesome, he wouldn't have been shot at all. Used that Warhammer thingy to block the bullet. Real badasses don't get hurt by bullets, no matter how many or how strong. It's the law."
"What law?" Asia, bless her pure heart, asked completely guilelessly. Her eyes were still red-rimmed, but she latched on to the distraction.
"The Law of 'Immune to Bullets!'"
Asia looked confused, and, finally tearing her eyes away from Mi-chan, So-tan couldn't hold it in anymore.
"Narrative tropes are not laws!" So-tan said in exasperation.
"I agree with Lady Leviathan," Rias said, trying to smile. She failed, and it came out as more of a grimace, but Serafall beamed at the redhead at the attempt. Now, if only she would call her Levi-tan. "Anime is totally real. Therefore, laws of storytelling are real too."
"Even now?" Akeno asked her King with fond exasperation. "You just can't help yourself, can you, you weeaboo."
"Japanese Otaku, thank you," Rias tried to say imperiously, and this time, her smile was just a bit more real.
Serafall kept a side eye on Mikasa as the room descended into a pointless argument on which, if any, tropes should be considered natural Law.
Initially, the Pawn had just looked confused, almost hurt, at the digression from her story.
But Mikasa wasn't an idiot.
Serafall could see the moment Mikasa realized what was happening as her eyes widened slightly. Her eyes flickered from Serafall to Rias, to Akeno, to Bikou, to Kuroka, to Yuuto, to Azazel, and then to Sona. All the ones keeping the silly momentum going whenever silence lulled.
A look of gratefulness flashed through Mikasa's eyes before she closed them.
Taking a steadying breath, she steadied herself, regaining her center after the last hour or so of recounting some of the most harrowing moments of her life.
Nobody here was ungrateful to Mikasa, and even those just meeting her for the first time tonight could see how her tale affected her. As they neared the end, giving her a moment to recompose herself was the least they could do.
Eventually, though, the story needed to go on.
Looking more put together than in the last hour, Mikasa interrupted a heated debate between Le Fay and Serafall over whether 'Witches are/aren't Magical Girls.'
"He planned it, you know." The argument cut off, and all eyes returned to the former soldier. "Getting shot. Eren planned for it to happen. Needed it to happen. That was why Sasha died, so Falco could become the Jaw Titan, and Gabi could shoot his head off."
"There's no way he planned something like that," Xenovia shook her head in disbelief. "That's way too specific, way too many variables. Not even Azazel could plan something like that."
"I'll take that as a compliment."
"And why would he even plan to be decapitated," the former exorcist asked, ignoring the fallen. "If he was that smart, he should have been able to plan some way to meet with Zeke without having to go to such lengths."
"Eren is no stranger to self-mutilation, and this was the best way he could think of to show us what we needed to do," Mikasa said, and then she shook her head. "I am getting ahead myself. For now, I need to tell you about Ymir and The Paths."
Mikasa told them the story of a girl, a slave, who had freed a pig and been hunted by her tribal owners for sport. She told them how the dying girl had fallen into a cave at the roots of a great tree, and there, a parasite had bonded to her.
Mikasa knew nothing about the creature, just that it turned Ymir into the first Titan.
There were frowns all around the room as she told them how Ymir returned to her masters and used her powers to turn a small tribe into the basis of what would become the Eldian Empire. Nobody could stand against the Founder, and eventually, Ymir married the king and had three children.
It was not a love story, though, and when Ymir died, the king, fearing the loss of his power, ordered her children to eat her corpse in hopes of gaining that power again.
From those first three daughters, a bloodline that could dominate the world was born from Ymir. And so were countless generations of people forced to live in the shadow of titans.
Ymir, though, found herself trapped by her own power in a pseudo-information-dimension. A power that connected her to everyone with her bloodline, past, present, and future. She was bound to the bloodline of the king she loved and hated.
And so she toiled, building Titans out of sand in the Paths for two thousand years under the control of whatever royal had the Founder in a world where time had no meaning yet forever flowed.
"We don't know exactly what happened in the Paths when Eren and Zeke touched, but we got the general premise," Mikasa said. "If Zeke had his way, he would have ordered Ymir to sterilize every Eldian. We were afraid Eren planned to go along with that terrible idea but hoped he'd stick to our deterrence plan with the Rumbling. Zeke tried to convince Eren that his was the best plan by showing him what Grisha had done, that Eren was being manipulated by their father. It backfired."
Mikasa's smile was small, fond, and filled with pain.
"Grisha... he really was the man we knew as kids. He had given up his ambitions, revenge, and everything to ensure his family lived long, happy lives. Even after Carla's death, after confronting the royal family and learning they planned to let everyone die rather than try and stop it, he couldn't bring himself to kill them. He was a good man. He couldn't kill women and children just for power."
Sona's eyes widened. She was the only one who could piece things together before Mikasa's explanation continued.
"But Eren... Eren could. And he was the Attack Titan and the Founder. So he spoke to Grisha through both. He used the memories of seeing his sister torn apart, of Dina's fate, of Carla's fate, to stir Grisha into a frenzy. Frieda Reiss couldn't actually win, even if she could put up some resistance. Fritz's vow of peace still bound her. She died, along with her mother and siblings. And the future was secure. Zeke realized he couldn't convince Eren after that. They fought. Eren won. He freed Ymir of the bonds the royal family placed on her."
"And this all happened in the Paths," Kuroka nodded thoughtfully. "Where time passes, but doesn't."
"It all happened in the instant Zeke caught Eren's head. We only learned about it later," Mikasa nodded her head. "All we saw was an enormous spine, a centipede-like creature, burst from Eren's severed neck and reconnected it to his head. We saw the lighting of his transformation, and we felt the ground rumbling as the Walls fell. Again, some of us hoped Eren had chosen to continue with deterrence."
"But he had his own plan," Sona said with a narrowed gaze. "He used you, Zeke, and everyone else for that plan. To unleash the complete Rumbling.
"It wasn't just the Walls around the city that fell," Mikasa nodded wearily. "It was all of them. Eren had unleashed the full might of the Rumbling. He used the Founder to create a new Titan, a massive creature of bone, hundreds of meters tall. He used it to lead the Wall Titans to crush the world."
"Why did he do it," Rias asked, biting her finger again. Blood flowed, but she paid it no mind. "Why didn't he just use the Founder to save the city, then destroy the invaders? That should have solved the problem."
"The immediate one," Azazel shook his head. "But Eren only had a few years left. Even if he destroyed this invasion, what about the ones after he's dead? And would anyone let him and Zeke touch again? He likely saw this as the only chance he'd have."
"But billions of people?" Irina denied. "Couldn't he just, I don't know, target the military or something? There is no reason to kill that many innocent people. They hadn't done anything to him!"
Mikasa didn't answer, just picking up the story again.
"Eren used the Founder to speak to all the subjects of Ymir, all over the world," Mikasa continued. "He told us all that his only goal was to protect Paradis, but the rest of the world wanted them exterminated. He rejected that wish. So he'd trample the rest of the world flat instead to protect his home. For us. We would be the ones to benefit from that genocide."
"So you fought him."
"No." Eyebrows rose in surprise at Mikasa's denial. "We couldn't. Logistically, we had no way to reach him, let alone fight him. He was huge, and our only Titan was Armin. Falco had just turned back into a human and had no idea what was happening. Against all the Wall Titans, each a Colossal Titan themselves? We'd just be crushed, like everything else. But..."
Mikasa paused, seeming to search for the right words.
"Honestly, none of us even thought of stopping him at first. He was... Eren. Our friend. Our comrade. And he was doing it for us. All we had to do was sit back and let him do it, and we'd be safe. No more fear of invasion. No more alienation. Just let Eren keep walking forward, and we'd win."
"But you couldn't do that," Serafall said with surety. "Even if you benefited from the Rumbling, you couldn't let it continue. Even if you had to fight Eren."
"...The scouts were never about 'Eldia.' We fought and died because we believed in a better future for humanity. Most died without ever knowing humanity even existed beyond the Walls. A better future would not come from the slaughter of everyone that didn't live on Paradis."
Mikasa looked into Serafall's eyes before sweeping around the room.
"We were not the good guys," she said firmly. "It was us that wanted to use the Rumbling first, even if limited. It was us who turned to the power of Titans, just like every other nation, irrespective of the suffering involved. It was us who pilled all our hopes, our dreams, and our future on Eren's back, and we could not provide him with any plan for a better future. Eren chose to start the Rumbling, but we were not the good guys. We were just as guilty as everyone else involved, maybe more so."
For the first time in over an hour of talking, Mikasa gently shook off Serafall's arm to stand up. Serafall did the same, though she stepped away slightly to give Mikasa space.
"But... we each had reasons why we couldn't let the Rumbling continue. Duty. Revenge against Zeke. Saving family that the Rumbling would kill. Stopping Eren from doing something he'd regret. And guilt. So much guilt. We never wanted to people. We didn't join the military to kill people. We... Even if they were enemy nations, none of us could have lived with ourselves if we didn't try, one last time, to fight for humanity as a whole."
Mikasa stared off into space.
"None of us were saints. We just had things we dedicated our hearts to that we couldn't let go of... Some of us just took longer to realize it than others."
Mikasa spoke of the race against the clock as days passed, the Rumbling destroying more and more as they hurried to gather all the allies they could for a confrontation against Eren. Even enemies, like the Warriors or a recently freed Annie, were enlisted to help.
It wasn't without opposition, though. The Yeagerists were more than willing to let Eren complete the Rumbling.
So they fought and killed their former comrades as they tried to reach the plane that could take them to Eren.
Eventually, they left Paradis, and they prepared to stop Eren.
But... they didn't know how to do that. Were they just going to kill him?
Eren?
Ultimately, it was decided they should try and find Zeke. Killing him would halt Eren's ability to use the Founder, stopping the Rumbling.
But... Annie had given up any resistance with the destruction of Liberio and the presumed death of her father, and Falco was too untrained to reliably help, so they remained behind.
Mikasa was light on the details of the final battle, just telling them that Eren had used the Warhammer Titan to recreate previous versions of Titan Shifters they had to fight against.
They almost lost if not for the arrival of Annie and Falco, who had been able to fly thanks to the influence of the Beast Titan he received from Zeke's tainted wine.
Afterward, Armin connected to the Paths to discover Zeke and convince him to let Levi kill him to stop Eren.
The Rumbling stopped with the destruction of Eren's White Titan and the ejection of the parasite they had seen when Eren was decapitated.
"That was it," Mikasa said, her voice cracking. "The Rumbling was over. And we didn't have to kill Eren to do it... It was a delusion, more than anything. Even if he'd lived, he still would have been executed, or the Yeagerists would have continued to push for him to finish the job. But still... Eren could stop. He didn't need to die. We could talk to him. Convince him somehow."
Mikasa swallowed wetly, her head pressed against the wall, and she stared blankly at the ceiling as she told the end of her story.
"Eren... didn't stop," she rasped, voice muffled from her arm. "He might not be able to control the other Titans without the parasite, but Ymir was no longer bound. He transformed again into a Colossal Titan, marching forward to reunite with the wormlike creature and continue his genocidal plan."
"Always walking forward," Akeno's voice was just as hollow as Mikasa's. "No matter how much you hate it, you must walk forward. It's all we can do."
"Reiner and the other Shifters tried to destroy the creature," Mikasa continued despite the interruption. "It fought back, turning all the Eldians nearby into Pure Titans, Jean and Connie included. Armin, as the Colossal Titan, was holding Eren back single-handedly. Everyone was moments away from failing, from the resumption of the Rumbling and the death of everyone we had managed to save so far. I was the only one left who could do anything. Just me. And I knew where he'd be. Just knew it."
Mikasa stopped talking.
Nobody said anything.
A haunting silence filled the room.
Then it was broken.
"He wasn't in the nape, or he'd have died with the White Titan. He was in his Titan's mouth," Mikasa spoke hollowly, her voice empty as fists tightened around her scarf and an imaginary blade. "It was... Easy. A thunder spear to open a hole in. And then... swish. One cut. Eren saw me, but he didn't fight me. Didn't switch his consciousness location to try to save himself. He just... died."
Mikasa drew in a shaky breath.
"When he did, the parasite died as well. All the Pure Titans turned back to normal. The shifters couldn't transform anymore. I had killed him. I had stopped The Rumbling. There were no more Titans. All because I killed Eren."
SUY NGHĨ CỦA NGƯỜI SÁNG TẠO 
ReadingDangerously
ReadingDangerously One or two more to go, I think. This one mostly covered after the time skip, which I know is highly controversial, so I'm expecting some... discussions.
I want to clarify one point I've seen in the comments of the last few chapters. I do not want to say that I believe Eren and Historia were lovers (though Isayama left that vague). I do, however, believe that Mikasa would noted their closeness and the timing of her pregnancy and have her suspicions.
Mikasa and Eren are highly jealous characters, yet simultaneously, they want what is best for the other and are increadibly self-sacrificing. That dichotomy would tear Mikasa up inside because she would never seek to have her suspicions confirmed or disproved, leading to the idea remaining with her for her entire life.
Either way, I will meet you all tomorrow on the bench.
PS: JESUS CHRIST!! THIS 'NIGHT' IS ALREADY OVER 17K WORDS! AND ITS NOT DONE! SAVE ME!
PPS: It has actually been increadibly cathartic to write. It's just a lot of work.
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