Chương 29: Chapter Twenty-Eight
"What are you doing?" Meredith asked me nearly two months after I had arrived in Seattle. Over the past several weeks I had rarely left the conference room that I'd been given. Every minute that passed by was one minute less that I had to help Mark. I couldn't just let him die. I couldn't lose him. I had already lost too many people, I couldn't lose him too.
"I'm working." I stated the obvious without looking away from the computer where I was reading articles about ways coma patients had been woken up when all the odds had been set against them, trying to find a clue as to something that could help Mark.
"Brooks said that you haven't left this room in the past week, except to use the restroom." She said as she walked over so she was standing beside my chair, looking at the computer screen from over my shoulder. "You have Derek getting worried about you."
"Derek shouldn't care." I scoffed. "It's not as though he has recently."
"Derek's always going to care." She shook her head.
"Really?" I looked up at her, brows raised. "Before I came here after the plane crash had you ever heard about me? Even a word?"
"No, but-" She shook her head.
"Exactly." I nodded. "When Derek moved here he left everything and everyone in New York behind him. He never called or sent a quick text, not even after my brother died. He could have stayed in touch, but he didn't. He left me behind and..."
"And Mark didn't, he stayed in touch with you." She finished for me.
"I only have a few days. I need to keep working." I changed the subject entirely, not wanting to talk about it anymore.
"At least stop long enough to get something to eat." She tried to reason with me.
"I need to work." I shook my head as I reached over and picked up the bag of chips that I had had Brooks bring me earlier. "I have food and water, I'm fine. All I need is for you to let me work."
"But-" She started.
"Unless you're going to help me get me out!" I snapped at her. I didn't bother to look up again as I heard her sigh and leave the room, leaving me alone.
*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*
"Howards?" I had to suppress a groan at the sound of the conference room door opening, followed by the sound of Avery's voice. Just hours after Meredith had came and spoken with me.
"Out." I said without looking away from my computer screen. I didn't hear the door open and close again, but was instead greeted by the sound of footsteps coming closer to me.
"You need to eat." He told me the same thing that Meredith had.
"I have food." I pointed towards the bag of chips, that were still unopened.
"You need real food." He pulled my chair back from the table and spun it so I was facing him now.
"If I can eat it then it's real." I shook my head.
"Just come with me, you can get something to eat and then come back here and keep working." He insisted. Knowing that I wouldn't be able to get out of it like I had been able to with Meredith I got up to my feet and followed him out of the conference room, heading down the hall towards the elevators. "How's your work coming?"
"Mark's still in a coma so you tell me?" I frowned.
"Hey," he grabbed my arm and pulled me to a stop in the middle of the hallway, just a few feet away from the elevator. "This isn't your fault, don't blame yourself for any of this."
"Really, how is this not my fault?" I tore my arm from his grasp, narrowing my eyes at him. "Mark was supposed to come and visit me before they left to operate on the conjoined twins, but I changed it to after because I wanted to be able to oversee a surgery that was already being overseen by another attending. If I hadn't insisted on micromanaging everything then Mark wouldn't have been on that plane. He wouldn't be in this coma. His daughter wouldn't be about to lose her father in just a matter of days. Mark would be fine, he would be awake and cracking jokes. So don't tell me that this isn't my fault when that's all it is. I'm the reason that Mark was on that plane. I'm the reason that he's dying."
Avery just stood there in front of me, speechless, his eyes wide in surprise. It was clear that he hadn't expected my outburst, that he didn't know what to say now. I was sure that he had only planned on saying that it wasn't all my fault, that I would just let it all go.
"Don't tell me that this isn't my fault." I muttered as I left him and continued down the hall, hurrying into the elevator before the doors could close. Once inside I pressed the button for the floor that I needed and waited until the doors chimed open. From there I hurried down the hall, towards the room that I'd been avoiding for weeks now.
Mark's room was quiet as I entered, the only noise coming from the machines that were currently the only reason he was still alive and stable. I pursed my lips as I sat down in the chair next to his bed and, for a moment, I just watched him. I watched the rise and fall of his chest as the ventilator assisted in his breathing. I watched as his eyelids stayed in place, hiding his dark brown eyes away. I watched the steady movement of the heart monitor as it tracked the beating of his heart. Everything was going at a constant pace. Everything seemed normal and it would have been if it weren't for the tube down his throat, the wires connected to him, and the countdown of just hours until he would be taken off of these machines, left to slowly die, wither away.
"Hey Mark," I whispered, glancing out into the hall to see that everyone was going about their work, as if today were any normal day. "Sorry that I haven't been visiting you everyday, I've been busy working, trying to find a way to wake you up. Actually, the only reason I'm here now is because Avery and Meredith wouldn't leave me alone, saying that I needed to get something to eat. Apparently chips and water aren't a good enough diet for a pregnant woman, go figure."
I paused for a moment, just watching him again. A sigh escaped me as I leaned forward, resting my elbows on my knees, my stomach knotting. I took a deep breath to try and clam myself before I began to speak again.
"I had a doctors appointment last week, just a check up on the baby. The doctor asked if I wanted to know the sex." I gave a small smile. "It's a boy, I'm having a little boy. You're getting that nephew that you've been on me about. So, if you could just hang on and fight for me, so you can meet him. I want him to know his uncle Mark. Who else is going to teach him about girls? Hell knows I can't, I don't understand them and I'm one. He's going to need all the help he can get."
"Mark, please fight." My voice broke as I continued. "I know that Lexie's waiting for you and that you miss her, but I need you here. I already lost Dylan and Morgan, I can't lose you too. You're all I have left. Please, fight. Fight for me."
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