Chương 191: 21
Chapter twenty one: "They call me Mr. Fixit!"
"Are you ready?" – Talks.
'You'd fucking better be!' – Thoughts.
"And if you don't" – Yamato/Rebellion.
"Then I've got two words for ya!" – Demonic.
...
"HAAAAAAAAAAHAHAHAHAHA! Have you seen Tsunade's face when that priest said 'Art is a blast'?!" Naruto asked laughing.
"Yep, priceless." Kurenai answered, circling her finger on his bare chest.
"So, you're sure about this?"
"About what?" She asked in confusion.
"Switching sides."
Kurenai giggled and rubbed his thigh with her leg. "Didn't I make this clear to you last night?" She asked seductively.
Naruto grinned. "Well, you clearly didn't have enough last night."
"Mmm… so what if I didn't?" She licked her lips.
"Then I just have to make sure you do right now!" With that he turned around spread her legs and…
"Naruto-sama! Oh…"
Demon's eyes widened. 'I'll fucking kill this guy!' He thought, turning around to face one black silhouette. "When will you fucking stop doing that, Raikage?!"
"I'm sorry, Naruto-sama, but I had to inform you that I just received a letter. It seems that Hokage is calling for the Five Kage Meeting."
Naruto rolled his eyes. "Already knew that!"
"Oh…" The Raikage muttered.
"But… it's actually a good thing that you appeared." The blond demon continued. "Inform Mizukage-chan that you're to follow the instructions in that letter."
"What?" Ay asked. "But Naruto-sama, aren't you…"
"No, my trip can wait." Ex-Konoha genin stated. "This however is better be done as soon as possible… Besides, I want an answer for one question."
"Um… I see… well, I'll be off now." The Raikage said as his silhouette disappeared.
Naruto sighed. "Now that was a mood killer…" He turned back to Kurenai. "I'd better be going…"
She pouted. "Oh, come on! Don't go."
The demon rolled his eyes. "You do know where we are, right?!"
"In Konoha, why?!"
A pause.
"Oh, I see…"
"Yeah, besides I have one more thing to do in this village…"
Random Konoha street…
Hyuga Hanabi was having a really bad day… Well, she had to admit, that was not unusual. Ever since her sister made herself the Hyuga clan head all Hanabi was having were bad days.
'Fucking bitch! I was supposed to be the clan head!' Hanabi cursed in her head. 'I was better than her in every way! She didn't even receive clan head training, I did!' Then a deep frown appeared on her face. 'And then she just shut herself in that library, create that fucking technique, beat father and…' She glanced up, where her Konoha headband was wrapped around her forehead. 'And I'm a branch family now… a slave. Now I understand what Neji-niisan feels.'
Actually she felt even worse, for even though she was now a Konoha genin, she wasn't appointed to any team. Hinata's request of course.
'Bitch!' Hanabi cursed again. 'And slut!' She referred of course to the fact that the Kazekage was currently staying at their residence. 'Because of her I must catch that fucking cat everyday! But one day I will have my revenge… I will be free…'
Beneath Konoha…
"Ah, Moegi-chan! So what did you want?" Naruto asked.
"I uh…" She hesitated for some seconds, and then removed her clothes in one quick motion.
Naruto pulled his sunglasses down. "Haha! Well, I did say that you can ask anything you want. Come here!"
Konoha hospital…
"So, how's she?" Sasuke asked, leaning on the wall.
Sakura closed the door and sighed. "She has awakened…" The medic paused. "I don't recommend visiting her now though…"
"Why not?" Orochimaru asked from his nearby sitting place.
"She's… well, not in a good mood…" The pink haired kunoichi said with a frown.
"Well, we don't have much of a choice." The snake sannin said, standing up. "Soon Gaara will be here to speak about that Kage meeting." He opened the door… only to catch a vase that was thrown in his face.
"I do not want any visitors right now!" Tsunade stated angrily.
"Calm down, Tsunade." Orochimaru said, putting the vase down. "I know you're upset…"
"Upset? Upset?! I'm fucking pissed! That bastard didn't have enough with just killing all those people; he just HAD to humiliate them afterwards as well!" The Hokage continued her rant.
"Yes, and that's why we must prevent that from happening again."
Tsunade frowned. "Damn, I can't even keep being angry with you… it's just like back then…"
Then Sasuke and Sakura entered.
"Tsunade-sama?" The Uchiha asked.
"Yes?"
"I…" He hesitated. "I would like to reacquire my status as Konoha shinobi…"
Tsunade raised an eyebrow. "Eh?!"
"I… I want to stop Naruto as well…" He said. "But that day, after his trial, I understood that this time it will be impossible to do this alone."
"So, you want your revenge again?" Tsunade asked as her eyes narrowed.
"N-No, it's not like that!" He glanced at Sakura. "I want to…"
"Oh, I see…" The Hokage exclaimed. "But what do you expect? For me to just forgive your defection and let you back with open arms?!"
"Well, you did so with me…" Orochimaru commented.
"Shut up!" Tsunade snapped, making her ex-teammate smirk.
"Actually it's good that he decided that himself." The snake master said. "I was going to ask him anyway."
"What? What for?" The Uchiha asked.
Without any word, Orochimaru took out a single scroll from his pocket.
Tsunade's eyes widened. "Is that…?"
"Yes, it's Hiraishin Scroll."
"What, Yondaime-sama's technique?" Sakura asked.
"Indeed." Orochimaru stated. "And that's why we need him." He pointed at Sasuke, making the Uchiha startle.
"What do you mean?"
"You see, I have found the mistake." He said, making everyone's eyes widen even more. "Apparently, Jiraiya's hand… slipped maybe, I don't know. You see, there are two very similar seals, but they have two entirely different purposes. One is 'storage' seal, and the other is 'lightning' seal. That's why Jiraiya never could understand it. He thought he wrote it correctly." Then his look turned elsewhere. "I remember always correcting him on it…"
"So what does your revelation means?" Tsunade asked.
"Do you know why it's called 'Flying Thunder God'?"
Silence.
"Okay, it can only be used by someone with a very strong lightning affinity." The snake sannin stated. "Anyone comes to mind?!"
"Hmm…" The Hokage thought.
"Maybe Kakashi-sensei?" Sakura asked.
"Hey, you're right!" Tsunade exclaimed.
Orochimaru shook his head. "Won't do."
"Why?"
"He already tried back then when Minato was alive."
"Oh…"
"So, anyone else?"
"Hmm…"
"You mean me?" Sasuke asked.
"Exactly." Orochimaru stated. "I believe you are the only one who will actually be able to use it."
"Well, that speaks in your favor, Uchiha." Tsunade said. "Very well, you're reinstated… but you're still a genin!"
Sasuke smiled and nodded. "I understand."
"What the…?" The Hokage looked in confusion. "Something's wrong with you… Where is your Uchiha arrogance?"
Sasuke's smile turned into a sad one. "I guess it's gone… along with Uchihas…"
Naruto's Konoha hideout…
"So you see…" Kabuto explained. "I have succeeded! That demon blood you presented was something else! At first, all mice I experimented on died almost instantly."
"So, what did you do?" Naruto asked.
"I managed to find a way for a mouse to adjust demon blood!" Kabuto stated, making blond demon to raise an eyebrow. "Yes, you see, when they were on the verge of death from blood loss… inflicted violently of course, injected demon blood actually managed to adjust within the body!"
Naruto scratched his jaw as he watched over silver haired scientist's lab notes.
"No, that won't work." He then stated.
Kabuto's eyes widened. "But why?"
"You see…" Naruto stood up from his seat and walked towards Kabuto, pointing at something on the notes. "Firstly, the blood I presented you was of a very low class demon." He said, making silver haired young man's eyes to widen even more. "Secondly, humans have much more blood. You should've counted that too…"
"Yeah, I got sidetracked it seems…" Kabuto replied.
"Thirdly, not just the amount of blood, but human's body is much bigger. So when demon blood is injected… even properly, it begins to destroy the necessary organs and replace them with new ones." The demon paused. "But the thing is the process of destruction is very fast… the process of recreation however is not. So what we need is some kind of catalyst, which will slow the destruction process enough to keep the experimental alive through it… did I just said that?!"
"Hahaha!" Kabuto laughed. "You sure did!"
"Anyway, tell Neji to keep an eye on Hokage Mountain."
"Why?"
"The shelter."
"Oh, yeah. Will do."
"Well, I'm off."
"Where to now?"
Naruto hesitated.
"Admit it; you want to fuck that red eyed hotty again!" Yamato commented.
Naruto grinned. 'Damn right I do!' Then he turned back to Kabuto. "I'm not sure yet…"
Hyuga estate…
"Gaara-kun, it's time to go." The new Hyuga clan head exclaimed, pulling Kazekage out of his daydream.
"Oh sorry, I spaced out for a moment." The red head said from his seat, looking at the sky.
As smile appeared on her face, Hinata walked closer and hugged Gaara from behind.
"Were you thinking about him?" She asked.
"Yeah…" He paused. "And how great he truly is…"
"Great?"
Gaara nodded. "Terrible, but great still. Think about it, he managed to accomplish everything on his own. He destroyed one of the strongest Konoha clans when he was a kid. If that isn't great then what is?"
Hinata closed her eyes. "Do you think there is a chance for us?"
Now it was Gaara's turn to smile. "You know; the one thing I should be definitely thanking him for, is that he taught me something… There is always a chance… and maybe for not taking advantage of you before."
Kurenai's apartment…
"Damn…! How can you even stand after this…?" The red eyed woman said panting hard.
"Advantages of being a demon." Naruto said with a smile, zipping his pants.
"Then I want to be one as well."
Ex-jinchuriki chuckled. "Maybe someday…"
"So, this time you're leaving for sure?" She asked pouting slightly.
"Yep, can't help it." He said, putting his jacket on.
"And how are you going to do that?" Kurenai asked again this time smiling slyly. "You said you can't teleport from here."
Naruto shrugged. "I'll just use disguise!" Flames instantly swirled around him and next moment he stood in front of her in full Akatsuki gear, straw hat and everything. "How about this one?"
"Hahahaha!" Kurenai laughed, rolling on the bed. "You know, something's amiss!"
Naruto thought for a second. "Wait, I know!" With that he removed his sunglasses and looked at her with two blazing sharingan eyes. "I have come for the Yondaime's legacy!"
"Haha! Don't make me laugh so much, I'll burst!"
"Yeah, that one's dead anyway… Wait, I got this!" Flames swirled around him again, and when they died he stood in the same place, wearing long black trench coat and black bandana on his head. "Silence, you lowly maggots! I'm your proctor for the first exam and also your worst nightmare!"
"Isn't this one dead as well?"
"Damn… that's not it either…" Naruto paused. "Wait, this is it!" Another swirl of flames and there stood Naruto… wearing green spandex. "Ha, ha, ha! Let's spread the flames of youth!"
"Hahahaha! That looks hideous on you!" Kurenai stated. "Even that orange jumpsuit looked better!"
Naruto shrugged. "Can be arranged!"
Swirl of flames.
"My name is Uzumaki Naruto! And I'm gonna be the next Hokage, dattebayo!"
"Okay, stop that! My stomach hurts already!"
Naruto chuckled. "Fine, fine. I guess I'll use this." Another swirl of flames and there stood Naruto in his usual black leather clothes, only with trashy old cloak over it.
Kurenai raised an eyebrow. "You really think this will work?"
"Well, it's not like they will search for me right here… especially in these…" He pointed at the cloak.
The woman shrugged. "They still can ask you for your identity…"
"Please, babe!" Naruto rolled his eyes. "Even if they do notice me, I'm still a genjutsu master!"
Kurenai mocked a pout. "By the way, how could you hide this from me?! You could even teach me some!"
Naruto was about to lie something, when…
"Kurenai, are you there?" Was heard from the door along with a few knocks.
"Shit! It's Yugao!" Kurenai muttered.
Naruto grinned evilly. "It's open!" He said in Kurenai's voice, making jounin's eyes to widen.
"What are you doing?!" She mouthed to him.
"Watch this." He mouthed back.
"Kurenai?" Yugao called entering bedroom.
And immediately as she did, Naruto snapped his fingers.
"There you are… Oh my god!" Purple haired ANBU exclaimed looking around the room.
Meanwhile, Naruto was waving his right palm in front of Yugao's face.
"This room reeks of sex!" Yugao continued absolutely ignoring the hand in front of her eyes. "You finally managed to find yourself someone!"
"Y-Yeah, you could say that…" Kurenai said in amazement as Naruto was now checking her friend up and down.
"Watch this!" He mouthed again, then outstretched his right hand and smacked Yugao's ass.
"What the…!" The ANBU jumped, looking around.
Kurenai decided to play along. "Something's wrong, Yugao?"
"Something just slapped my…" She did a handseal. "Kai!"
But nothing happened.
"Strange, I could swear…" She continued as Naruto now was trying to lick her cheek without her noticing.
"Enough already!" Kurenai mouthed.
Naruto chuckled silently, then waved and left.
'Impossible bastard…' The Red eyed jounin thought.
Konoha street…
Naruto was enjoying himself... Why? Ask him. Right now he walked down some random Konoha street, dancing slightly along the way.
'I'm too sexy for my shirt; too sexy for my shirt… that's probably why I don't wear a shirt…' He thought to himself.
Apparently, someone heard it.
"Yeah, you're not the one with confidence problem…" Yamato commented.
'Of course not!' Naruto stated. 'The lack of confidence is worse that death! You will always be somewhere on the sidelines and with no hope for the spot light. Remember that girl I RKOed back in Konoha dungeon?'
"Yeah."
'Well, she had this problem."
"It certainly didn't seem that way…"
Naruto thought for a moment. 'Well, I have to admit she changed a little…'
"A little?!"
'Okay, a lot… but why in the blue hell we're talking about her?!'
"Beats me…"
'Well, fuck her! Lets…' Then Naruto noticed someone ahead of him. It was a small raven haired girl dressed in all black, and she walked in the opposite direction. But that's not what got Naruto's attention. In her arms she carried a cat with a ribbon on his ear.
'I can't fucking believe it!' He exclaimed.
"What, the girl?"
'No, the fucking cat! How is it still alive?!'
"What about that cat?"
'You know, even I used to have missions to catch this cat. I would've skinned this shit alive if it wasn't for my situation…'
"Hey, she's saying something!"
'Who, the cat?'
'No, the girl you moron!'
'Oh, well let's hear it!' Naruto thought, ignoring Yamato's comment, and strained his advanced hearing.
"Fucking cat…" The girl muttered. "I would've skinned this shit alive if it wasn't for my situation."
'Eh?' Naruto raised an eyebrow. 'Now where did I hear that before?'
"I wonder…" Yamato commented. "Say, doesn't she remind you of someone?"
Naruto looked closely. Long hair, wears black… only black…
'Haha, no way! But you have a point here. Let's confront her.' Naruto thought, then walked closer to her and stopped his advance.
"What about the disguise?"
'She doesn't know me… And even if she does, the cloak covers the bigger part of my face… Hey, I recognize her!'
"W-What?" Hanabi asked, somewhat intimidated by this unfamiliar man in a cloak.
"Say…" He started. "Aren't you Hinata's sister? Something similar to Cannabis…"
"It's Hanabi!" She replied somewhat in anger. "And yes, I'm Hinata-sama's sister… that bitch…"
The last word was said very quietly, but Naruto heard it nevertheless.
"Excuse me?" Naruto asked. "Who's the bitch?"
"I… I didn't say that word…!" Hanabi stuttered.
Naruto lowered himself on one knee and leaned closer.
"Don't worry, I completely agree with you." He said quietly and smiled.
"You agree…? Wait a moment, are you from this village?" She asked, narrowing her eyes.
Naruto shrugged. "Well, I used to be. Now I'm just a tourist." He lied.
"But how do you know my sister?" She pressed.
"Well, I used to attend the Konoha shinobi academy…" The demon started. "But I failed too many times and was kicked out."
"Oh…" Hanabi muttered. "Ouch!" She yelped when the cat scratched her arm. "Fucking cat! Why do I always have to catch it?!"
An evil grin appeared on Naruto's face. "You know, how about we do something about this useless piece of shit?" He asked, pointing at the cat.
"W-What?"
"Well, there's one trick a friend once taught me." The demon started. "If I do it, this cat will never bother you again."
"Really?" Her face lit up.
'Oh, I like that reaction!'
"Pedophile…"
'Shut up!' Naruto snapped at his sword. "Sure!"
"Then do it."
Naruto's grin widened as he raised his right arm and poked the cat in its forehead with index and middle finger.
Immediately the cat began to struggle harder.
"What are you doing?" Hanabi asked.
"Tss…" Naruto said and his fingers started to glow green.
Suddenly Tora the cat gave a long 'mmmeeeeeeooooooowwww' and stopped to struggle… stopped to move… and even stopped to blink.
Naruto chuckled. "There, it's done." He exclaimed happily.
"What did you do?" Hanabi asked again.
"Do you really want to know?"
She nodded.
Naruto leaned closer and whispered into her ear. "I just killed it."
Hanabi's eyes widened. "What?! But… It's still breathing!"
Naruto chuckled again. 'This girl amuses me.' He thought. "Well, if it stops breathing, you'd fail your mission, right?"
"Y-Yeah…"
"Well, its brain is dead. This cat won't escape anymore and die in two or three days." Naruto said, waiting for her reaction.
"Three… Two… One…"
"Serves you right, you piece of shit!"
'HAAAAAAAAAHAHAHAHAHA! This girl is something. She has potential.'
"Cough… pedophile… cough…"
'Shut up!'
"What are you doing here?" Came somewhere from the side.
Hanabi turned around to see none other than her own sister Hinata… holding arms with Kazekage.
"I… I was just talking to…" She turned back… only to see no one there.
"Talking to whom?" Hinata pressed.
Hanabi was at a loss.
"Come on, Hinata-chan." Gaara said. "We must go."
Hinata nodded. "Hai, Gaara-kun." She said and they walked away.
Hanbi sighed in relief. 'That was close… Thank god she didn't use her byakugan on the cat… wait a moment, Hinata-chan?!' Hanabi chuckled. 'She surely doesn't waste any time… still, who was that man in the cloak…?"
Nearby in the shadow…
'Never expected for these two to get together…' Naruto thought to himself.
"Always expect the unexpected and look underneath the underneath."
Pause.
'If you say that one more time, I'll put you in a pink scabbard."
"God, please no!"
'Then shut up!" He snapped. 'Still, I wonder about this Hyuga girl. Have you seen it?'
"Seen what?!"
'She had no team… or sensei.'
"So? It was not such a difficult mission."
'True, but we still did it as a team… I think there's something deeper here…' The demon thought. 'Well, not my problem. I'd better go.'
Hokage's office…
"Hyuga Hanabi." Shizune exclaimed, sitting in Hokage's chair. "Mission 'Capture Tora the cat' comple… it looks somewhat strange."
'Damn, she's a medic.' Hanabi thought.
"Oh, Tora-chan, come to mommy!" The fat woman hugged her cat and for the first time in history it didn't struggle.
"Something's definitely wrong." Shizune stated.
"Oh, don't worry about it." The woman replied and walked away.
'Saved by the bell.'
"Very well then. We're out of D-rank missions, but I was instructed to give you this B-rank in this case." Hokage's apprentice said, making Hanabi's eyes widen.
'My first single B-rank mission.' The genin thought.
"Here." Shizune handed her a scroll. "Not very difficult, just out of the village. You will go to the Fang Country and deliver this message to the Daimyo. It's important, but there should be no difficulties. You have half of an hour to prepare. Dismissed!"
"Hai!"
Near Ichiraku ramen stand…
'Oh, it didn't get destroyed…' Naruto thought.
"The ramen stand?"
The demon shrugged. 'Yeah, well those guys were the only ones who treated me like a human back then… maybe I can do this one more time… it's not like there will be another one.'
"So, what's stopping you?"
'Really, what the hell?!' Naruto thought and entered… only to have a major urge to leave immediately. There in front of the counter sat two people he knew very well. Still, he was not the one to back down in front of trouble.
"A ramen stand?" The blond girl with four pigtails asked. "It's our first date and you bring me to a ramen stand?!"
"Troublesome woman…" Her black haired companion replied.
"What did you say?!" Now she had the urge to bump him on the head.
"Give me a break, Temari…" He said and sighed. "Twenty minutes ago I have found out that I'm going to some toad mountain for troublesome sage training."
Now that got Naruto's attention. 'Sage training?!'
"Oh right, you're now a toad summoner." Temari said, making Naruto almost choke on his ramen.
"Now that's what I call fast!" Yamato commented. "You killed Jiraiya this week and they already appointed this guy as the next summoner."
'That piece of trash as a summoner… Where does the world go?'
"Okay, let's go." Shikamaru said. "There's one more place I wish to show you." He added and the two of them left.
'Well, I should go too.' Naruto thought. 'I've got enough of this village.' He took out the money and placed them on the counter. Then he stood up and went for the exit.
"But sir!" Ayame called. "This is at least three times more you should pay!"
Naruto smirked. "Think of it as a bonus for good service… Ayame-neechan." And with that he left.
"Dad… could it be…?" The ramen girl asked her father.
"I don't know… I really don't know." He answered.
Konoha hospital…
"Harder than I thought…" Sasuke said after twenty useless attempts to use Hiraishin no jutsu.
"Damn, not good." Orochimaru commented, observing how the last Uchiha tried to teleport to the spot next to him and failed.
"This is ridiculous!" Sasuke exclaimed. "I can't even teleport to the spot next to me, and Naruto can teleport to the next Country! And even to another world!"
"Please calm down, Sasuke-kun." Sakura said. "I think Naruto didn't manage it on the first try as well."
"By the way, Uchiha." Tsunade interrupted. "What's that sword on your back?"
"Oh that?" Sasuke pointed over his shoulder. "This is Rebellion. And I'm its new master."
Orochimaru raised an eyebrow. "Master?"
"Yeah well, this sword has a mind of its own. It's called a Devil's Arm."
"Devil's Arm?"
"Remember Naruto's katana?" Sasuke asked back.
Everyone nodded.
"It's the same. They are much more powerful than any other weapons, so…" Uchiha removed Kusanagi from his back. "I think I don't need this anymore."
Orochimaru took the sword. "Hmm… but I don't need it as well." He turned to Tsunade. "Do you have any sword masters around here?"
Tsunade thought for a moment. "As a matter of fact, I do… And he can very well use a power boost."
Then the door opened and showed Kabuto's face.
"Tsunade-sama, Kazekage-sama is here to see you." He said.
"Very well." The Hokage stated. "Enter and close the door… all three of you."
"Good day, Tsunade-sama." Gaara said.
"How are you feeling?" Hinata added.
"Better, thank you." The slug sannin answered. "Now why have I asked for you presence. As you might be already informed, I'm calling for the Five Kage's meeting."
"So I've heard." Gaara replied. "What do you wish to achieve with that?"
"If you haven't realized it yet, there's a war coming up. First things first, are you on our side?"
Gaara nodded immediately. "Of course, Hokage-sama. Sunagakure has no intentions of joining Uzumaki Naruto."
"Excellent." Tsunade said. "Earlier today I received letters from Mizukage and Raikage, saying that they agree to our terms. My guess is they are working together. So in fact this meeting will serve two purposes: the declaration of war… and to discover which side Iwagakure is on…"
"They lost the last war to us…" Orochimaru commented.
"Let's wait and see." Tsunade said. "Shikamaru is leaving to Myobokuzan for his Sage training. When he returns, we start to act… I hope Naruto won't start sooner…"
A couple of miles outside of Konoha…
'Fucking meeting is in five days and I can teleport there instantly!' Naruto sulked. 'Now what the fuck should I do in the meantime?!'
"How about what you always do?!" Yamato asked.
'Sounds good… But for five days?! Nah, I need some adventure!' Naruto stated.
"Well then walk around. Who knows, maybe you will find one on your blond ass…"
'I'm counting on it!' The demon added. He walked through Fire Country, still wearing that trashy cloak over his usual clothes. 'Something tells me I will need it.' He thought.
CRASH!
'What in the blue hell was that?!' The demon asked.
"Are you talking to me?!"
'Whatever, let's check.' He said and disappeared in a flash of black.
About two hundred meters ahead…
"Ho, Ho! Now that's interesting!" The blond demon muttered quietly when he discovered what the commotion is.
"Isn't it that girl with the cat from before?"
'Yep, that's her.' Naruto nodded, observing how Hinata's little sister fought against six armed thugs. And although they were armed poorly, they all were at least twice her size… and numbers were on their side as well.
"Give up, little girl!" One of the thugs said. "And maybe we won't hurt you… much."
"In your dreams, losers!" Hanabi replied, shifting in her juuken stance.
'Well, let's see how she fairs.' Naruto thought, licking his lips.
"Take that, motherfuckers!" Hanabi shouted, burying her palm into one fat thug's stomach.
"Ah!" He cried in pain and fell on the ground.
'Haha! I like her style!' Naruto watched as little girl kicked second one in the face and third one in the 'jewels'. 'Ouch, I take it back…'
And then it happened. One of the remaining thugs threw a rope at her legs and bound them together, making Hanabi to fall over.
"Not so tough now, eh little bitch?!" Thug said, knocking her out with a club. "Pick her up. She will make a fine slave."
Naruto pouted. 'Aww… what a disappointment.' But then his face lit up. 'Hey! That's our adventure, Yamato!"
"What?! You're kidding, right?" The sword asked.
'Wrong! Let's move!'
Another hundred meters ahead…
"Damn those fools are slow…" Naruto commented, sitting under a tree. "Oh there they are!"
"Less excitement." Yamato said. "Don't overplay it."
"Now what do we have here?!" A thug with Hanabi on his shoulder asked.
"Oh, mighty warriors!" Naruto exclaimed, covering himself with his arms. 'Damn I should get an Oscar for this!' "Please don't kill me; I will do everything you say!"
"Haha! You make even me believe!"
"Well, well…" Another thug started. "Looks like we have a smart one here. Should we take him as well?"
"Yes, and let him carry this bitch!" The first one threw Hanabi at Naruto. "Move."
"And the award goes to… well, what do you know! Uzumaki Naruto!"
'Oh!' Naruto wiped imaginary tear from his eye. 'I accept this reward on behalf of my twisted mind and I will continue to spread the flames of youth!'
"Fucking hypocrite…"
'That's why you love me!'
Bandits camp…
"Finally!" One of the thugs exclaimed, making Naruto's eyes to narrow dangerously.
'I'll show this fat piece of shit how to steal Naruto's catchphrases!'
"So what are we gonna do about these two?" Another one asked, pointing at Naruto and still unconscious Hanabi.
"You." The bandit with an eye patch said, pointing at the fat one. "Throw them with the others."
"Okay. Come with me you two."
Prison cell…
Hyuga Hanabi slowly regained her consciousness.
"What…? Where am I?" She asked.
"Take a guess, sunshine!" She heard and turned around… only to see a cloaked man from before.
"Hey, you're… from before."
"Yep!" Naruto replied. "And you're Hinata's sister… Wasabi, right?"
She rolled her eyes. "Hanabi…" Then she looked around. "…Is this a prison?" The small girl asked.
"Bravo, you guessed it!"
Hanabi looked around again. They were not alone, at least ten people sat there, leaning on the wall.
"What's gonna happen to us?" The genin asked.
Naruto chuckled. "Duh… Well, they said something about selling us into slavery."
This statement made Hanabi smile sadly. "Slavery, huh?" She said. "Nothing new for me there…"
"What's she talking about?" Yamato asked.
'I think I know.' Naruto answered. "Say, are you a branch family?"
Hanabi was somewhat taken back by the question, but then…
'What the hell?!' She thought. "Yeah, I am."
"Do you hate it?"
"What?"
"I asked if you hate the fact that you're a branch family member." The demon pressed.
"I…" The girl hesitated. "Yes, I do." She said without stuttering. "I hate it with passion. That bitch stole everything from me."
Naruto grinned. "Hinata?"
"Yeah…"
Ex-jinchuriki rolled his eyes. "Oh, don't give me that! Your life is not over yet!"
"You know… I think that rapper's habits are starting to rub on you." Yamato commented.
'Shut up!' Naruto thought and leaned closer to Hanabi. "Say…" He whispered. "If I could let us out of here, would you be able to get us out of this camp?"
Her eyes widened. "W-What… me?"
Naruto shrugged. "You're the one who's a shinobi here."
"But back then!" Hanabi started. "You killed that cat just by…"
"Don't let it get into your head." Naruto interrupted her. "It was just a cat. They…" He pointed behind his shoulder. "…Are armed people. And I'm no warrior; this will be entirely up to you."
"You're a hopeless liar…"
'I know.'
Hanabi hesitated. "I…" She frowned, but then Hinata's words replayed in her mind.
"I never knew you were that weak."
Girl's eyes snapped open in anger. "I will do it."
Naruto's grin widened and he even licked his lips. 'Eeeexcellent!'
"Cough… Orochimaru… Cough…"
'Cough… Pink scabbard… Cough…'
"God, please no!"
'Good.'
"How will you let us out though?" She asked.
Naruto stood up. "Didn't I tell you?! They call me Mr. Fixit!" He said and pointed two fingers at the cell door lock… causing it to melt.
"What the?!" Someone in the cell exclaimed.
"Quick, get out!" He said to Hanabi.
The girl nodded and immediately ran out of the cell and up the stairs from the dungeon.
"Finally, we're free!" One of the prisoners exclaimed happily.
Naruto turned his emotionless gaze towards them. "You're a hindrance." He said, raising his right hand.
"What did you say?!"
"Hadou #54 Haien!" The demon said and a wave of purple flame escaped from his fingers. "Useless trash." He added and left an absolutely empty prison cell.
Outside…
"So, what are you gonna do?" Naruto asked Hanabi as they hid in the shadows. It was already after midnight, so outside was pretty dark.
"They are having some celebration it seems…" The Hyuga girl replied. "Maybe it will be possible for us to leave without anyone to notice…"
"That's no fun!"
'Agreed.' Naruto thought. "Hmm, those guys are kidnapping people to sell them into slavery. Maybe you should eliminate them?"
Hanabi's eyes widened. "What, kill them?!"
The demon shrugged. "You're a ninja, that's what you do… right?"
Hanabi looked down. "Y-Yeah…"
"Never did this before?" Naruto asked.
"…No."
Ex-jinchuriki thought for a moment. "Think about it this way… How much more lives these people will ruin before someone stops them?"
Hanabi hesitated. "Y-You… You're right! I'm not doing this only for myself; I have to save you as well!" She stated, making Naruto raise an eyebrow.
'Save me, huh?' He thought. 'That's a good one…'
"Stay here." She commanded. "I'll try to raise as less commotion as possible."
As she disappeared into the shadows, a huge evil grin appeared on Naruto's face.
'Hmhmhm… Now that's more like it.'
"Hey, let's find out what they are celebrating!" Yamato suggested.
'…Why not?' Naruto answered, casting powerful genjutsu over himself.
Middle of the camp…
'What's with those guys?!' Naruto thought to himself. 'They are happy like they just won a war!'
"I don't know about war… maybe some lottery?"
'Oh, wait. Some fool got up on that stage. Must be the leader.'
"Today…" He started. "We celebrate my victory over the Hidden Leaf village!"
Naruto raised an eyebrow. 'Did I miss something?'
"Maybe while we walked those guys came over and looted the place?"
'Yeah right, and I'm the First Hokage!'
"You look pretty well for such an old guy." Yamato commented. "What's your secret?"
'Regular blowjobs.'
Meanwhile the leader continued. "I Uzumaki Naruto, the Dark Flash, attacked Konoha and with this very sword…" He raised a katana over his head. "…Had slain the great sannin Jiraiya!"
CHEER!
'WHAT THE FUCK?!' Naruto thought.
"Another one?! Popularity is harsh…"
'What's wrong with those people?! Didn't they put a picture of me in that book?!'
"Probably not…"
Naruto didn't feel so much anger since his withdrawal from Konoha.
'I can't predict every outcome of this situation, but this fool is gonna die with interest!' The demon stated.
"Oh, look there!" Yamato said.
Naruto turned his head just in time to see Hanabi's swift killing of some jabroni.
'She's good. Quick, no blood…' Indeed, she killed him with a quick juuken hit in the heart from behind.
"You were right, she does have potential…. And style…"
And then it happened.
CRASH.
"Fuck!" Hanabi cursed out loud.
"…Or maybe not…"
"Now what do we have here?!" The leader asked.
"Hey, that's the girl we captured!" One of the thugs shouted.
"Yeah, seems like she managed to escape!" Another added. "And even kill someone!"
The leader shook his head as bandits surrounded Hanabi. "Tsk, tsk, tsk… we can't have that, can we?! Kill her!"
'Hmm… I wonder if she'll freak out…'
"Hmhmhm…"
'Eh?'
"Hahahahahaha!" Hanabi laughed madly. "Seems like this will be my last battle!" She took a juuken stance. "Well, then I just have to make sure you remember it for the rest of your life!" With that she quickly ran forward and slammed her palm into some random bandit's heart.
'Hoho!' Naruto thought, emptying a cola can into his mouth. 'Interesting, how long do you think she will last?'
"Hard to tell…" Yamato replied. "There are around fifty pieces of trash here… I say twenty."
'Hmm… this girl amuses me to no end…'
Meanwhile Hanabi managed to kill already her sixths guy with another palm thrust.
"You are like cockroaches!" She shouted, ending another one's life.
"What the hell is wrong with you people!" The leader screamed. "She's alone, kill her already!"
"Eleven… twelve…" Hanabi counted her kills.
"You know… I'm starting to like her too."
Naruto said nothing… just licked his lips.
"Fuck!" Hanabi cursed as someone managed to cut her leg open. 'Shit… I'm at my limit… well, I'm going down with a fucking BANG!' She somehow got back on her feet. "Hakkesho… KAITEN!"
'Oh, my…!' Naruto watched in fascination how Hanabi's technique managed to kill at least five more bandits.
'Damn, this is it for me…' She thought falling on her knees. 'I hope he managed to escape…' She smiled sadly, watching how some guy approached her with his sword drawn.
"That's it, kill her!" The leader screamed.
"Now hold it right there!" A sudden voice halted the entire process.
"Who the hell are you?" Leader asked.
'I wonder if I should use my usual introduction speech…' The demon thought, but decided against it.
"How about that stupid frog dance?"
Eye rolling.
"Me? I'm actually a big fan of yours, Uzumaki Naruto-sama!" Naruto said.
"Really?!"
"Yeah, I always admired your skills, guts and diameter of your balls. But can I ask you one question… What do you, the Great Dark Flash, think art is?"
The leader smirked. "Art has no meaning! Only money does!"
"How cliché…"
'Ya don't say…' Naruto thought. "Oh, but that's not the correct answer!"
The leader looked at him in confusion. "How is that possible?"
Naruto grinned evilly. "You see, the real Uzumaki Naruto knows perfectly well… that art is a BLAST!" With that he flicked his wrist and threw a fireball at his impostor. "KATSU!"
BOOM! Pieces of bandit flying everywhere.
"Boss!" Bandits yelled.
"Uh-uuh, wro-ong!" Naruto replied, summoning his sword. "I'm the cult of personality! Omnislash!" He shouted as the group of bandits was surrounded by Naruto's copies. "Abayo!"
Sitting in the middle of it all, Hyuga Hanabi sat trembling at the horrible sight of people getting cut into many pieces with blood and brains flying everywhere.
"HAAAAAAAAAAAAHAHAHAHAHA!" Naruto laughed as his voice became demonic. "I totally enjoy this!"
'Oh… my god…' Hanabi thought, missing the fact that she was completely covered in blood right now.
"Now that felt relaxing!" Naruto said, dismissing his sword after slaying everyone except for Hanabi. "We should do this more often, ne?!" He said, winking at her.
"U-Uzumak-ki Na-Naruto…" Hanabi stuttered.
"The one and only!"
Hanabi gulped and slowly got to her feet. "In the name of Hokage you're under arrest. S-Surrender yourself and you shall not be harmed."
"Haha!" Naruto laughed and even clapped. "You have the guts, I give you that! But about your offer… Nah, I'll pass."
Hanabi sighed and lunged at Naruto… only for him to disappear in a flash of black.
"What's the matter?!" He said from behind her. "I'm right here!" Then he teleported to her left. "No here!" Then to her right. "No here!"
Hanabi smiled sadly, closed her eyes and fell back to her knees. "Please…" She said quietly. "Just end my life already…" Pause. "Just please, I beg you… make it quick and painless."
"Now that was unexpected…"
Naruto said nothing. He just walked in front of her and…
"Look at me."
No reaction.
"Look at me, when I'm talking to you!" He shouted and she finally raised her eyes at him. "Why are you giving up?"
Hanabi chuckled sadly. "I managed to see your fight against the village. I know I have no chance."
"Hmhmhm… Hahahaha! Very good!" He exclaimed, making her to stare at him in confusion.
"What is?"
"A good warrior knows when to give up." The demon said, extending his arm to her.
"W-What?"
Naruto rolled his eyes. "Are you gonna sit here all night?!"
"Huh? Aren't you gonna kill me?"
Naruto grinned at her. "If I wanted to kill you, I would've done that a long time ago."
Hanabi took the offered hand reluctantly and with its help got back to her feet… only to fall on her knees again.
"Looks like I can't walk right now…" She stated.
"Hmm… Then how about we use this camp for the night?" Naruto offered.
"What?!" Hanabi asked. "With all these dead bodies around?!"
The demon laughed, picking her up. "Well, it's not like they are going to disturb us, ne?"
...
Omake. Naruto vs Team Rocket…
Naruto: "What the fuck is wrong with you, man?! Can't you ask someone normal to come out?"
Darthemius: "Sorry Mr. Big Shot, but we're running low on funds."
Naruto (Sighing): "Okay, fine… who's next?"
Darthemius: "Let me check… The next is… Team Rocket."
Pause.
Naruto: "Who the fuck is Team Rocket?!"
Sudden female voice: "To protect the world from devastation!"
Sudden male voice: "To unite all peoples within our nation!"
Jessie (jumping into the open): "To denounce the evils of truth and love!"
James (jumping into the open): "To extend our reach to the stars above!"
Naruto (With 'what the fuck' expression): "Is that who I think it is…?"
Darthemius (With the same expression): "Take a fucking guess…"
Jessie: "Jessie!"
James: "James!"
Naruto: "Shockwave Pulsar!"
Team Rocket (Turning to dust): "AAAAAAAAAAAAHHH!"
Darthemius: "Thanks."
Naruto: "Don't mention it…"
Sudden child voice: "Hey, that guy took out Jessie and James!"
Naruto and Darthemius: "What the…?"
Some girl: "They are the bad guys!"
Kid: "My name is Ash and…"
Naruto and Darthemius: "IT DOESN'T MATTER WHAT YOUR NAME IS!"
Ash (More serious): "I'm challenging you to a Pokémon duel!"
Naruto (Glancing at Darthemius): "He's challenging me to what?"
Darthemius (Shrugging): "How the fuck should I know?! Maybe some blowjob competition…"
Ash: "What's a blowjob?"
Darthemius (Rolling his eyes): "Forget it… But you know what, if you waste them too, maybe we'll get some bonus money and will be able to invite someone normal!"
Naruto (Nodding): "Okay, I'm in." (To Ash) "What have you challenged me to again?"
Ash: "Pokemon fight! And I choose Pikachu!"
Pikachu: "Pika Pika!"
Naruto (To Darthemius): "Psst, hey?"
Darthemius: "Yeah?"
Naruto: "Do I have to fight this rabbit?"
Darthemius: "Nah, you probably should choose someone to fight for you too…"
Naruto (Smirking): "How about you?"
Darthemius (In anger): "Fuck you! I'm not fighting any rabbits!"
Naruto (Rubbing his jaw): "Hmm… well then… Oh! Then I choose Berial!"
Berial (Appearing in a burst of flames): "GRAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH!"
Pikachu: "P-PIIIIIIIIIIIIIIII?!"
Ash (With wide eyes): "What kind of Pokémon is that?!"
Naruto and Darthemius (Flinching): "Ouch…"
Berial (In anger): "What did you call me?! I'm the conqueror of the fire hell!"
BOOOOOM!
Naruto: "Do you know how to serve fried rabbits?"
Darthemius: "Nope."
Naruto: "What a waste…"
KO!
Winner – Uzumaki Naruto!
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