Chương 46: House Of Memories
Rudy [pov]
Well… I did it.
What I did exactly still remains in question, but I did it.
I opened up my heart, and let it pour out, letting someone see me for the first time in a lon- no… in ever… scars and all. It was… frightening… liberating and exhilarating all wrapped into one.
I don't know if I'll be doing 'that' any time soon, but I can rest easy knowing that when the time calls for it I'll be able to rise to the occasion.
Like childbirth.
It simply fits.
I have become much more aware of the expression love is a battlefield. What else could it ever be? Taking risk, taking chances, risking it all to win it all. It's Russian roulette, but with cupid's arrows.
Heart break, Heart ache, Heartthrob, Heartwarming… It's a mysterious thing.
It simply makes one wonder.
///
"Hey~" A girl called out to me.
A memory from a lifetime ago.
In my wistfulness, memories from a long ago have been coming to mind over the last few hours. The memories are faded, but the feelings are not.
Including the one about an adolescent crush, of a cute asian girl, back when I barely understood the word.
Her image is jaded in my mind, but I can still make out her general figure.
She was running over to me, a big grin on her face. She was very open with her feelings. What you see is what you get. Running to me with the brightest of smiles, she had her hands open in an open invitation towards a hug. She simply radiates warmth.
Short black hair, slightly busty, slightly short, and clear jade skin. Honestly, even if her general figure is jaded in my mind, I can remember she was gorgeous, and thinking she was going to grow up to be a real beauty. Beautiful inside and outside.
Funny enough she kind of reminds me of Sylphy if only in her cheery demeanor.
A lifetime ago that girl came running towards me in a near empty gym, as I shot a basketball. It's middle school, middle school on a graduation day, the last thing kids want to do is spend time in gym class. Being the final day of the school year, everyone is outside somewhere doing their own things. Running down the halls. Frolicking with friends. Or ditching and going home early.
Well… except her… I suppose.
Maybe it's because of Lily, or my impending exit, but her image feels a little clearer today than ever. Or rather… I haven't thought about past loves 'till today.
The key to keeping those memories alive is by living your life, and keeping the lesson you learned from them deep within you by living your life to the fullest. But I wasn't like that then.
Especially with those I should have been.
"Uh, yeah?" I pointed to myself dumbfoundedly.
Like a comedic gag that you would see on tv, I was pointing at myself, with a probably equally stupid expression on my face as one of the prettiest girls in school came over to me.
"He he… yeah, you. Would you mind a picture?" She enunciated by showing off a camera she had at hand. A disposable one from yester-year that were really popular when I was a kid.
Why was the most beautiful girl, my opinion(fact), in school asking for my picture?
Hell, If I know, but I wasn't going to reject it.
"Uh… u-um y-yeah, sure! I mean yeah…" I said the latter part into a whisper, as I rubbed the back of my head embarrassedly, struggling to look at her directly.
…yeah… even through faded memories, I remember I lacked a few points in my charisma stat.
It's not like I'm strangers with her. I've had a couple classes together, and we've worked alongside each other often enough in class projects that I can converse with her.
Teacher assigned. Thank you teacher.
But we only ever got to slightly above acquaintances. If good ones at least.
Walking over to one of her friends, she asks her to hold the camera, before walking over to my side, and wrapping one of my arms into hers, and looking at the camera.
…she did smell nice though…
Funny the things the mind remembers.
I can't remember the scent, but I do remember I enjoyed it.
Funny enough I can recall my heart beating fast, but not until recently could I remember what that feeling was. It's not until I started living my life again, that I could remember the feeling of a heart beating rapidly.
I can't remember what her scent was, but I remember that I enjoyed it.
I can't remember her smile, but I remember how nervous, and happy it made me.
I can't remember everything she said to me on that day, but… I do remember that moment.
"...it's too bad you're not going to ********."She said.
It's difficult to recall where she went.
The only thing I know for sure. Is that at that point of time I was very serious about my studies, or more specifically; I really wanted to get the fuck out of where I was, and so did she. I wasn't born in the most… safest of neighborhoods, and staying there was… insanity bordering on suicide. I wanted to get out. Obviously so did her.
I didn't ask her where she was going, we were never close, but it's obvious by the way she talks and handles herself that she's not supposed to go to a rundown school with me, but through a twist of fate I will never understand, we met.
Anyhow, we both didn't want to go to the local highschool, so we both decided to sign up for private schools. We both succeeded. We would both be going to different highschools shortly after graduation.
"Yeah… I didn't even know that ******** was a school. I… I…" I struggled with a dry mouth.
I like you… I… will you come with me?
With time many things fade. The sands of time cover everything. The only things that stay with us are feelings. The only thing I can recall from middle school years are… important people.
Clearly from that tight feeling in my chest she was more than that.
"I'm going to miss you."
Despite it, I at least said that much.
She looked at me with a melancholic smile, and gave me a hug. Despite being my crush, it was difficult accepting. I wasn't used to being hugged, regardless… I wrapped my arms tightly around her that one time and hugged her into my heart.
Stepping away from me she looked at with that same smile. A smile that even through faded memories I can still 'feel,' before walking away.
We never met again.
///
Love hurts.
That was a tale of my first crush.
Thinking back on it… I think she actually liked me. I have no idea why, but If I had to guess, I would say she liked my drive. It's the only thing I can think of.
Up until that time, I was just your everyday otaku. Favorite things included anime, manga, and light novels. Etc. etc.
I never did get into figurines though. Seemed expensive.
Anyways, I was a little bit of a butterball back then.
Literally. It was my nickname. Kids are assholes.
Anyways!
Taking my first steps for self-improvement I decided to change that in that year, throwing my all in the courts, coming out of it bruised, battered, bloody… and skinnier.
My confidence might have grown, if only marginally, as I started talking to her. Nothing much, just… talking. But for someone like me… that's more than I could have hoped for.
Thinking more on it… I think it must have been incredibly obvious that I liked her.
I was always following her around, taking glances at her direction, and peeking at her from my desk. I never saw her seeing me, but I think I must have caught her eye.
…or am I being too arrogant?
In the end It doesn't matter.
All that matters was that she was obviously waiting for me to do something, but I never did.
Cowardice is love's greatest enemy.
When I looked at my reflection I just couldn't see what's good to see. All I saw was a skinny kid. I saw someone that could lose more. I saw someone that had to be more. Someone who could be better. Who wasn't better. Who wasn't right for her.
…who couldn't reach out for her. Who didn't…
I don't want to see that person ever again.
I don't want to think like that ever again.
There's a reason I threw away 'that' name.
Tomorrow won't always come. The world keeps spinning uncaring of your circumstances. Don't leave for tomorrow what you could do today.
Especially matters of the heart.
Once upon a time I died on a planet called earth. My name is Rudeus Greyrat.
///
Water bubble. Water bubble. Water bubble.
Splash. Splash. Splash.
As the wheel of fate keeps turning, so do I.
Splash.
At least the bubbles I'm playing with are as I throw them out the window.
"Out with the old, In with the new as I always say… starting now." A bubble swirls around the tip of my finger before casting it out. "It's the little things~"
At the present I'm doing my daily chores, and then some. In the comfort of my own home I'm doing a little spring cleaning, even though it's summer, but… semantics…
On the second floor of my home, in an empty hallway, doors and windows lay open all around me, as I let the fresh air in, and the dirty water out.
Controlling the moisture by raising my hand, I lift the dirty water, carrying the dirt in an array of bubbles, and shooting them out the window at the end of the hallway.
Splash. Splash. Splash.
I can be quite convenient when I want to be.
Rather than wasting my time going down memory lane, more than I've already done, I'm making some preparations for the coming storm.
Specifically… Zenith.
Gulp?
"The things I do for her…"
Well… I say that, but no matter what happens she's probably still going to hate my guts by the end of the night. Probably.
After a few, maybe not so few, minutes of light, maybe not so light, kissing with Lilia. We had a little impromptu interview session where she asked me a few things on her mind; what kind of place was earth? How old was I? How did I die? How was my past lover? Etc. etc.
I answered as best I could, but as I was doing so the topic of Zenith eventually came up, and… everything it entails.
Luckily she didn't ask 'certain' questions which I would find it very difficult to answer, but… the fact that… she's the only one in the household that doesn't know I'm leaving still came up, along with the fact that she's still expecting to talk.
In a few hours.
Needless to say, we wrapped things up after that, and ran back home to do something about it. While we still could.
From cleaning to cooking, and everything in between. We're sprucing the place up to be as good as new. It'll be very hard to tell Zenith certain things if she's angry at me to begin with.
Lilia said she's not angry, but I have my doubts. It's a gamble.
My life in a nutshell.
I'm joking, but still.
A family meeting is comin up, and I intend to be prepared for it.
"Grah-" I flinch as if struck. "I swear those words are cursed."
When's the last time someone said those words, and something good actually happened?
'Hello, I'm leaving for nowhere, and going to take over the world.'
'Good luck with that sweetie~'
Yeah… probably not in this lifetime at least.
It's time to roll those dice.
"Hahh…" I hunched over holding my head. "I wonder if I can keep this winning streak going."
Regardless, at least Lilia is in my corner.
After reconfirming our priorities and having a little brainstorming session… we really couldn't come up with anything. In the end, we're acting on borrowed time, and could only conclude that I have to bite the bullet.
Arrow… whatever…
The best 'I' could do was soften the blow.
So here I am… softening.
In essence, for today, for all intents and purposes; it's Zenith day.
At least that's how I'm treating it.
Right next to christmas, which I have yet to invent, i'm turning today into a holiday as Iavish her with praise, before breaking the news. And if I'm lucky… hopefully she won't break me.
"...gotta stop with the humor… it's hurting me with how close to home my thoughts is…"
Looking around me, I look at my handiwork, and see how I'm doing. There's a few splotches of water here, and there, but overall glistening clean.
Lilia is at time being making all of Zenith's favorites, helping me from the shadows, and as for myself I'm currently incharge of cleaning, making everything as pristine as possible so as to set the mood.
Even put a few flowers by the windows, so the good scent would carry.
Having magic I'm free to take quite a few liberties with how I do things, and have used it, here and there, along the rooms and hallways, as I throw out the dirt, and let in the gentle breeze.
I'm essentially a washer machine, a dryer, and a Febreeze can all into one.
Honestly, Lilia should take advantage of my services more. I'm quite handy.
While she was pregnant I did things like this from time to time, as a way to shorten the load. I was quite useful if I said so myself.
But 'noooo…' the moment she was back at a hundred percent, suddenly…
'It isn't proper for the young master to be doing servant duties,' and 'It would be uncouth of me to abuse the young master's services.'
Abuse me!
"Seriously," I whirl my wrist, spinning it and along with the droplets in the air. "So prim and proper even to her detriment."
I'll punish her later.
In any case, it's a simple matter, and doubles as a useful magical exercise. Have to keep that magical muscle moving.
"Hmm… exercise," I taste the word on my lips. "I feel like I'm forgetting something. Odd…"
It's weird. For the nth time today I feel like I'm forgetting something.
As a result I've been remembering many things, but… somehow I feel I'm forgetting something.
Raising my hands, I carry away all remaining impurities along with my loose thoughts.
"Oh, well if it's important it'll come to me. If I can remember Lisa, I can remember anything."
Jaded and all.
"I just hope it's not too important. I'd feel bad, If I realized I forgot Zenith's 'something,' while I'm apologizing to her."
I concentrate all the moisture that is around me, and start condensing it. Growing more and more compact, the water bubbles form together. Then start getting smaller. Then start getting more solid. Then an ice cube, tinged with dirt, the size of my fist floats over my palm.
"It's funny… things like that used to be a hassle, but now," I shoot it away. "It barely even registers. If anything, making it float is the hard part. Not bad for a seven year old," I puff out my chest proudly.
With no one here to judge me, I'm allowed these little things.
"But damn it really has been that long. Oh, well," I shrugged. "It most assuredly has been time well spent. Well…" I remember the fact that I'm running low on time, "for the most part."
Looking around me, I admire my handiwork one last time.
It's pristine. Nice and presentable, without a speck of moisture here or there, except for the flowers decorating the windowsills. A perfect set up, for a perfect, maybe not so perfect, family. Time for a family meeting.
"...if I die at seven years old, is that life wellspent?"
Is this family cursed?
Wait a minute… I'm a spirit, so yeah!
"Guhh- I think I just hurt my own feelings…"
I'm joking to help with the nerves, but honestly… my heart is a whole lot lighter than it has any right being. I feel so light I might just fly out the window.
Truth be told… I'm in a weird state of euphoria at the time being. Something I've never experienced.
Don't get me wrong. I'm still nervous, as much as any guy would be in my situation. And I feel like there's many things, specific things, nagging me at the back of my mind that I'm forgetting about, but… even so… I feel good.
Like I could take on the world.
It's weird.
The situation from this morning to right now hasn't changed much, if anything I'd say it's worse as I'm running low on time, but… somehow I just feel everything is going to be alright. Like as soon as I exit this fire, things will cool off. Sharing my worries with Lilia, and knowing she's helping me in the background really helped too. A weight has been lifted of my shoulders-
No wait, that's wrong.
The weight that was on my shoulders is now being shared, and everything is so much easier because of it.
"The strength of allies isn't it."
So light…
I could float out that window.
Funny how life works. Lived all my life alone, ready to face it alone; Hitogami and all, but… a little help goes a long way. Now I'm here.
"One doesn't know pleasure until they've known pain huh." I tap my chin at my soliloquy.
My heart could never describe feelings before. It never felt them. My heart was never burdened with anything in my past life to begin with. Hence. it could not, did not, deal with them.
I did not know the load it was carrying. I entered this life blind. Even if I could see, I couldn't. When you risk no pain, you risk no loss, but you also risk no gains. You risk nothing, you gain nothing. You are… nothing.
Nothing.
…
For twenty four years… plus seven.
It's only recently that I've been moving toward something.
All it took was death.
"I really am a problem child aren't I?"
Lilia must never know.
At least not in those words.
I already have a hard time with her cursing me. I don't need any more weird nicknames.
Spirits…
"I'll haunt you Lily."
Looking down the hallway, I'm imagining the image of me crawling through this hallway, in an act of rebellion, boredom, wanting to see the world.
"Humble beginnings… time sure gets away from you."
Seven years is a forever.
Forever isn't enough.
It could never be enough, it's just been so…
"I'm going to miss it."
Zenith is still in my heart, in many ways, but I feel she will be okay. The unease isn't completely gone, and I do feel she's going to lash out against me, but Lilia will still be here. No matter what happens Zenith will be cared for.
The strength of allies. I'm quite lucky.
It's been… an adventure.
"I'm sounding like an old man. Seven years old huh."
I'm ancient!
Making my way down the hall I rested my chin upon the windowsill, a flower vase at its corner, holding one our garden's flowers. "The most beautiful flower of all…" looking at the lone flower on the windowsill I think of times gone by, and the memories I've made. "If only I could take you with me."
Looking out the window I can't help but think how lucky I've been.
I turned to the setting sun.
"I hope I can keep these feelings from ever tuning jaded."
For the first time… in a long time I think I can say it…
"I love my life."
…
I stand there.
For a time period longer than I should I just stand there resting my arms on the windowsill, enjoying the final rays of the day.
I should be moving with my day.
But I want to enjoy this moment more.
Raising my hands to the air, I stretch out my back, before clapping my hands, and turning to the hallway. "Alright, all that's left is the dining table," turning to the flower one last time, I gently touch its petals, "Zenith I… please be gentle."
I made for the stairway, before stopping at the top of the stairs, and turning to look how empty the hallways are.
One week.
As I make my way down the stairs, I do so with complicated emotions, but a lighter heart.
Still though… I feel like I'm forgetting something,
///
.
..
…
Sylphy [pov]
"...Rudy's late again…"
SUY NGHĨ CỦA NGƯỜI SÁNG TẠO 
Crownedclown
Crownedclown Another Raw one; For those curious I went back, and made small edits to the end of the last real chapter. Read it if you're curious, second; keeping the poll up until I have a few more votes, but it looks 'I'm sorry, I love you.' Is leading. Although after the changes I made to the tail end of the story. 'Its' all bout timing.' is now my new favorite.
Lastly, titles are always the hardest thing for me. I start with a title name, but that's not ussually the one I end with. When posting these raw chapters, it's fresh of my head so I feel ify about the name: Thoughts? Suggestions?
Anyways, give your reviews. This chapter is smaller then I've gotten used to. But it felt to best to keep this small.
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