Chương 44: The friends which never left
In the days after his meeting with Nezu passed, the feelings of happiness didn't stick around for long, the gratitude which surrounded his relief never faded. After some back and forth discussions with the officers on his case and Nezu, Izuku was finally given permission to test the food they had created, which turned out to be an amazing success.
It certainly wasn't as good as the previous food they had been feeding him, and far worse than the food he had collected himself while hunting on the streets, but the relief he felt knowing he was finally able to eat something which wasn't from a person who had been harmed left him in tears of joy.
Once he had returned back to the dorms after their successful first trial, with a small smile on his face, Uraraka and Todoroki had almost instantly come up to see him and started asking him questions at the rare yet welcoming expression.
It only took a few minutes for the trio to reach Izuku's bedroom, where he explained the great news, for Uraraka to launch himself at her with a delighted laugh; Todoroki awkwardly offering a comforting smile over her shoulder before the brunette had dragged him along into the hug as well.
In that small moment, Izuku allowed himself to bathe in the rare warmth and comfort he felt coming from his friends.
It was good, it felt nice, the weight of the guilt and stress slowly trickling off of him. Izuku knew deep down it would take far longer, maybe even years, for all the guilt and hate he felt within himself to disappear; but it was a start that he could only have dreamt of before.
It was because of these unreal feelings, that once the pair of them had left him to his own devices, that the overwhelming feeling of emptiness struck him hard; the thoughts flying through his mind making him doubt himself.
The awful, somber guilt he felt clawed at his chest.
The silence of the room deafening as the smile dropped off his face once his door shut behind his friends, leaving him all alone. He stood in silence for a while, contemplating whether it would be worth going down to the living room with them and the rest of their class before he brushed the idea off, slowly walking to his window before sitting in the dark of his own room wishing to feel the chill of the night time air.
The stars which scattered the night sky were morbidly comforting as they reminded him of the freedom he once had.
Izuku dragged in a long, deep breath.
It was all starting to become a little too much for him, the two extremes of kindness and fear which were sent his way, making him feel so wanted and yet so depressed and alone all at the same time.
The next day Izuku was called to see the principal again, awkwardly bringing up the possibilities of rejoining his class heroic lessons, which left Nezu in the dilemma of explaining to him why that would be possible; at least for now.
"As much as I would like for things to go back to some sort of normalcy, with your training during heroic lessons, Midoriya, I'm afraid that won't be possible until we have proven that the food we have developed holds up during training with your quirks just as well as it does now."
Nezu had left out a strained breath.
"We are still on a thin edge with the officers regarding your situation and we need to keep them at least somewhat satisfied with the safety of the other students here at UA, even if we all know that wouldn't be a problem anyway."
Izuku was left feeling downhearted.
"That being said," Nezu had continued after a moment of thought, " We were able to secure you a spot in the licensing exam with your classmates.
You will not be allowed to train with them, however, I have already consulted Aizawa-san, and he has agreed to watch over your training."
The green-haired boy blocked back in shock, jaw slightly slackened before he gulped it closed.
" I didn't think I would be allowed to..." Izuku murmured out, still surprised at his chance.
Nezu nodded his head with a pleasant smile.
Nezu nodded his head with a pleasant smile.
"One of the main reasons why we worked so quickly to discover a sustainable food source for you was so you could continue on with your hero career," he huffed, letting out an amused chuckle as he saw the shock on Izuku's face, " One of the reasons we went to such lengths for you to come back to UA, not because of One for All, but because of your heroic mindset which drives you;
after all."
Nezu turned away from Izuku as he walked around the table to grab a few papers from his desk drawers, before handing them to Izuku.
"I will have to admit though," the mammal began calmly, "It took a lot of convincing to persuade them to allow you to join. I may have promised them that you would take a psychological evaluation beforehand with Hound dog, that I'm afraid you will have to attend but other than that you are good to go."
Izuku nodded silently before Nezu spoke up again.
"However," He began, his tone dropping into something more serious and he looked at Izuku, grasping all of the boys' attention, "You are not permitted, under any circumstances to use your Kagune during the exam or any lessons in the future, I'm sure you can understand the issues that would cause."
As Nezu had finished talking, Izuku gulped and agreed. The next few days were followed by his heroic lessons taking place in empty facilities with only himself and Aizawa around.
Unfortunately for Izuku, there wasn't enough time for him to try and come up with his own super move, but Aizawa helped him far more than he had expected him to get back into the ring of things with One for All. The excessive cap on the amount of exercise he had been allowed over the last month surprisingly affected his agile mobility, which his sensei spent no time wasting into perfecting again.
Soon the provisional license exam came around, and Izuku's new food had been given the full go ahead and was finally granted permission to be used whilst he was training, much to his and the UA staff involved relief.
In the morning before the exam Izuku was finally given access to his hero costume, now fitted with a few extra pockets for the food he had been entrusted with, changing in the privacy of one of the school's many toilets to hide his scars which littered his body from watchful eyes.
Izuku had looked at his appearance in the mirror, taking into account the new additions to his costume weighing him down slightly more than it had previously, before dashing out to the school bus where the rest of his class were boarding one of the school's buses.
He took the few minutes it would take to reach the bus to adjust the weight of the food on his body, the extra weight far more than he would have liked but Izuku had learnt better than to push his luck. He knew it was only out of necessity and it was something which would have to stay.
Once he had arrived, Izuku jogged over towards Uraraka who shared with him a present look of surprise at his arrival before taking in the shocked glares and awkward stares scattered throughout his classmates. The expressions he was certainly wasn't going to be forgotten anytime soon, as whispers of contempt and confusion filtered through them as he joined them on the bus.
Izuku had awkwardly met their stares, a strained grin on his lips as he tried to settle the tension in the air, his gaze momentarily landing on the few who knew all and yet nothing.
They had all looked at him as if he was nothing but a stranger entering their home. lida, Tokoyami and the rest all looked away once their eyes had met, the rest of the class still sitting awkwardly around them.
Thankfully, Izuku hadn't had to deal with them for too long as Uraraka pulled him to sit between Todoroki and herself, sitting in silence thought-out the journey as he listed to Uraraka trying her hardest to make some kind of a conversation to fill in the awkward gaps.
He Was thankful that she was trying, her voice filtering through his head as they replaced the words lingering doubt and torment his mind continued to feed him.
It felt as if it took hours for the bus to reach the testing site for the provisional licensing exam, his class all scuttling off the bus to get a closer look at the overwhelmingly large arena it was going to take place in.
In the short moment of distracted attention, Izuku gave himself a chance to breathe freely as he calmed his nerves for the test. It was unconventional, taking the test after being out of practice against a wider range of opponents for so long, but Izuku didn't feel as if he would have too much trouble in passing.
The unfair advantage that came with having two quirks was certainly going to help in the long run, even if he wasn't permitted to voluntarily use them. Well, it wasn't his fault that his regeneration and increased stamina like to work on their own.
The only thing which seemed to cloud his mind was the mental exhaustion he had been constantly feeling the whole ride there.
Izuku was tired, he just wanted to go home.
The test went ahead with little issues, with no notable interruption to stop their class from succeeding and passing just as expected, other than Bakugou and Torodoki who both seemed to have gotten into some sort of scuffle at one point; causing the examiner to dock points from each of them.
Izuku had glanced at Todoroki out of the corner of his eyes, the angry yells from Bakugou had captured the majority of the attention in the stadium, as his expression softened in concern for his friend.
Izuku wanted to help, leaning towards him as he was about to take a step forward to speak when he hesitated. His raised arm froze in mid-air before he had pulled it back towards him, keeping to himself as he watched Momo, followed closely by Jirou, walking over to comfort him.
Izuku had watched in silence, keeping his gaze on Todorokis' expression as it morphed from disappointment into a dim yet small smile, as Momo had spoken.
Todoroki would be alright, Izuku knew that even though his friend was far from being socially capable, he had far more friends than just Izuku.
There would always be people there to help him, whether Izuku was around or not.
The intrusive thoughts which roamed Izuku's head didn't help the exhaustion he felt from deep within him.
The sun had just dropped behind the skyline when Izuku finally arrived at the dorms, after leaving his few friends as he went for his final meal of the day in the main staff office of UA, spending an extra hour after eating talking with All Might before he was escorted back.
Izuku was really starting to hate the thought of having to go back to the school building to eat. The watchful glances of the heroes, even though he had been thought with all the interrogation and followed all the rules, never seemed to leave him alone.
It was only as he arrived in the privacy of his own room did he feel like he was finally out of the heroes eyes, finally allowed to be himself without the nagging feelings welling up inside him about being treated like a ticking time bomb of a child. At least if he was allowed to be in his room alone, not wanting to think about the possibilities of cameras being hidden in his room, as ridiculous and illegal as it would be.
Izuku walked silently to the reinforced glass of his dorm window before leaning his forehead onto the cold glass, unable to walk out onto his locked balcony with the key locked away from him for the other students' safety, as he mourned the lack of freedom he craved to have again.
He would just have to wait for the day it would finally be given back to him.
Izuku wasn't as good at hiding the sorrow which seemed to follow him as he thought, Uraraka had decided as she silently watched him from where she was sat with the rest of class 1-A for their meal as he had silently stalked his way up the stairs straight to his room from the front door.
Even though he was finally free from his kidnappers and free to stay at UA, The last few weeks had been hard on him, and it was clear and painful to see. It hurt, and it broke her heart, to know that even though so many people knew his secrets and were trying to help, he was still hurting inside. Izuku was tired, and Uraraka was starting to get worried again.
She had assumed that Izuku thought that he was better at hiding his sorrows than he really was, and while the majority of the class had turned a blind eye, she could still see it. Uraraka could see straight through it and she knew, deep down, that this was a far different pain than what had been haunting her best friend before.
Urarakas watchful gaze caught the attention of Todoroki who was sitting beside her, his own look of concern flowing over his face as he caught the tail end of Midoriya walking up the stairs to his room without a word.
"Uraraka-" Todoroki began, shooting her a look of worry as he pulled his eyes away from the stairs towards her.
Urarakas grim expression marring her face as she too turned away and looked back towards
Todoroki.
"-i'm going to go see if Deku is alright," Uraraka had begun softly, her tone quiet so as to not pick up the unwanted attention of the rest of their classmates scattered around the room.
Todoroki levelled her with an understanding nod, knowing instantly what she was talking about.
"I'II make sure no one follows you up, Uraraka," Todoroki replied calmly, offering her a weak smile as she gave him a grateful nod before quietly slipping out of her seat before slowly following Midoriya up the stairs; with only Todoroki and Bakugous' all-knowing watchful eyes following behind her.
The sounds of the joy in the kitchen seemed to muffle out more and more the further she walked up the stairs on the boys' sides of the dormitories.
The rows of steps shortly followed by the wall of numbered doors fell behind her as she reached the Izuku's dorm room, before offering a short knock on the door.
"Uhm, Deku? It's me? Can I come in and talk to
you?"
There was a beat of silence where no reply followed, leaving Uraraka to let out a concerned sigh. She looked towards his door handle, contemplating her choices before reaching forward to see if he had left his door unlocked.
With a twist of her wrist, the door surprisingly opened, leaving Uraraka standing at the dark roomed doorway as she slowly peered inside. Her eyes only took a millisecond to come into contact with the figure she could confidently say was Midoriya, his hunched over body lent against the side of his bed as he faced towards the window, looking up at the sky slowly filling in with stars.
Slowly, Uraraka edged into the room, her footsteps soft against the carpet as she calmly spoke again.
"Deku? Are you alright?"
"I'm fine."
His words had sounded somewhat convincing, but the shift in how his body curled up on itself was enough for her to make her move and sit down beside him.
"Deku-"
She paused, her eyes widening as she caught sight of Izuku's hand, as he shifted slightly away from their close proximity.
As droplets of blood rolled down his hand, Uraraka took in the sight of the end Izuku's thumb completely missing.
Shock and unrequited concern flowed into her as her voice dropped into nothing but a whisper, as she had reached forward subconsciously to his hand just as Izuku had pulled back away, the fear in his eyes going unseen as Izuku desperately prayed for her to go away.
"B-but, Deku..! I thought the food you were getting was enough! I don't get it..!"
Izuku could hear Ochakos voice shake as tears began to overwhelm her, as he tried to stutter back a response only to cringe at the sight of his hand that she had just seen. Izuku felt all the urges to fight against the truth fall flat as he let out a strained sigh, before looking at his best friend with all the pain and anguish resonating in his eyes.
The sight of her watery eyes, glistening from the sunset light, and the horrified jaw slackened expression she wore, would haunt only the cruelest of nightmares to come; and it was at that moment that Uraraka realized that he was doing that for something far more than his state of hunger.
The self-inflicted pain twinged at the nerves in his fingertip, the small yet significant injury he had just caused to himself numbing the anxiety and loneliness he felt as if he deserved; all without alerting the heroes that he was forcing his body to regenerate. Izuku knew far better than anyone that the three meals a day were far more than enough than his body truly needed.
Izuku had almost forgotten how good the taste of fresh human blood tasted on his lips, and the taste was only a bonus of sharp aching pain that came with it.
"The food they are creating for me is great, it works. But I can't help wanting to remind myself of the feeling of my fingers and toes regrowing over and over again." He began morbidly as he looked towards his hands, not putting any thought behind the words he spoke, far too entranced with the sight of his thumb slowly regrowing, "It reminds me of what it feels like to truly be the monster I was created to be."
Uraraka was horrified, tears streaming down her face with concern and worry as she lent forward to pull Izuku from his trance, cupping her hands around his face as she brought his face up to look at her.
"H-hey-! Midoriya! P-please stop this! Ok?" Uraraka cried, sniffling harshly as her own thumb rubbed Izuku's tears away from his eyes. "I-i know things are b-bad at the m-moment! B-but I'm here for you.!"
Midoriya could help but cringe at her words, scoffing slightly as he lifted his healthy hand up to push away Urarakas palms from his face.
"As if that has ever helped you or anyone else, all I ever do is cause you more pain than necessary..." Izuku cursed with a scowl, looking away from her with narrowed eyes as he directed his pent up anger and anguish towards himself, the walls around him crumbling away into dust.
"I'm a horrible friend to you and Todoroki... I don't understand why you don't hate me, or why you aren't scared like the rest of them.!"
Uraraka seemed to be at a loss for words.
"But- Y-your- It wasn't your fault! You told us yourself.!"
Midoriya gritted his teeth, letting out the anger he felt within his words.
"That's beside the point! I know the kind of state you were in when you ended up in hospital because of me! The scar you've been trying to hide from me alone says more than enough! You almost died! I Almost Killed You!'
Uraraka sat back in shocked horror as she took in the anguish clearly written on Izuku's skin, the rivers of tears and the patches of red skin which covered his face contrasting against the darkness of his single ghoulish eye. Uraraka could feel her hedt crumbling into thousands of pieces for the boy she cared about, the boy who she couldn't help but adore and worry for with all her heart.
"And I Let You! I let you because I knew you needed help!l've told you so many times before that I wanted to help you, you always try to do things on your own; the scar is the cause of my own actions, not yours!"
Uraraka lent forward and grabbed hold of Midoriya shaking shoulders, looking him straight in the eyes as she pleaded with him.
"Aizawa spoke to me when I was in the hospital and told me he was going to do everything he could to make sure you were able to continue becoming a hero, Deku! Your actions at the training camp saved lives! You've saved my life at the USJ and you saved lidas and Todorokis too!" Uraraka exclaimed, shaking her head, "You're not a monster to us, you're a hero! You're my hero!'
As her words filtered through the air, Izuku could only cry weakly as he broke down before her.
Falling into her arms, sobbing loudly, as she brought him into a tight hug; rocking him slowly side to side as he muttered out apologies after apologies towards her.
Ochako could only sit in silence as she softly shushed his sorrowful words quite, gently stroking his green hair down as Izuku tucked himself away into the side of her neck.
It felt like hours, the sun finally set and long gone, Izuku sobs had quietened down enough for Ochako to understand him. The stars and the moon twinkling calmly through the window.
"Why does it seem as if all our conversations end up like this when they are done?" Izuku had murmured out quietly, leaving Ochako to let out a breathy chuckle as she responded.
"I'm not quite sure," She began, before slowly pulling away and cupping his face once again with her thumb as she offered him a soft, genuine smile, "We need to start having better conversations, don't we..? So, please come and talk to me if you ever feel like you are in despair. I will always be here for you, no matter what happens, ok?"
Izuku could only offer a silent nod of agreement, pulling away as he turned to sit down with his back against the side of his bed, too ashamed to look her in the eyes.
"….Thank you, Uraraka..."
The depth of Izukus words struck a silent cord
Ochako, as she gave him a sad look whilst he looked towards the floor again. The tense atmosphere which surrounded them left Uraraka a little lost as to what to do when she suddenly was overcome with an odd urge.
Quietly, Izuku could hear her shifting forward in her seat as he gazed down at the tuffs of fluff in the carpet, unsure of what to say when suddenly he felt a small pressure against his cheek.
Izuku stilled, his head frozen as his eyes darted over to where Ochako was sitting beside him as she leaned back away from him, noticing both her hands still stuck beside her sides. Izuku slowly felt his cheeks filling up with a tight flush of embarrassment, reaching his fingering up to delicately touch the skin that he realized that the girl he cared about the most had just kissed.
Lost for words, Izuku could only stare at her as she silently gave him a small, caring smile before she silently left the room; leaving him to his own devices. The small actions only took a few seconds before the door closed behind her as Izuku slowly came to grips with what had just happened.
As his fingers reached up and his palm covered the almost sensitive piece of skin on his cheek, Izuku could help himself but begin to cry again...
It didn't make him feel much better, but it helped...
The unconditional feelings of love his friends had sent him and the promises they gave to always stand by his side.
Izuku knew things were going to be rough, and he certainly hadn't been wrong, but at that moment Izuku could help but hope that things would slowly start to get better. The feelings he felt would probably never completely fade, but his friends which never left would always be there for him, and the efforts his heroes were doing for him would one day finally pay off..!
A/N my people go check out my other man fanfic need some more views on that thanks
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