Chương 22: Insecure
As Penélope slept, Niklaus found himself pacing back and forth in the dim light of the room.
He thought of leaving multiple times, the temptation of escaping the uncertainty gnawing at him, but something held him back—fear.
His mind spiraled with doubt and insecurity. What if the Penélope who emerges isn't the same?
He had taken so many precautions, but the Compound V, derived from the Kree physiology and the unpredictable Super Soldier Serum, might have twisted her mind in ways even he couldn't foresee.
The thought struck him hard—What if she's no longer in my control? What if the procedure had broken something within her?
His insecurities hit full throttle, feeding off the fear that the Penélope he knew might be gone, replaced by something out of his control.
His hand hovered over his chest, as if subconsciously readying himself. Maybe, he thought bitterly, maybe I'll have to kill her if she's lost her mind...
The tension in his body rose as he stood over her sleeping form.
He was always in control, always the one holding the power, but now, in this moment, he felt vulnerable.
For the first, in a long time, the idea of losing control terrified him.
He felt something he hadn't in years: a raw, unsettling vulnerability.
In all the time since gaining his powers, since transcending what it meant to be human, he had never felt this exposed. This... human.
It gnawed at him.
He'd grown so used to being in control—able to dictate the rules of life and death with a mere thought—that this moment of uncertainty rattled him deeply.
He hadn't realized how much he'd come to need that control.
His powers had given him a taste of godhood, and with it, a fondness for being the one who dictated every outcome.
And yet here he was, standing over someone he had altered irrevocably, not knowing what would happen next.
Could he undo what he had set into motion, if it came to that?
His mind spun with scenarios, all of which ended with him losing control—losing the one thing that made him feel safe.
And it hit him hard.
Fear, uncertainty, vulnerability—they reminded him how fragile his hold on everything really was.
Niklaus took a moment to truly consider what he had inevitably become.
In his past life, he had always thought of himself as a bad guy, especially after ignoring his siblings and shutting down emotionally when his mother died.
Back then, he had justified it to himself—grief, ambition, the cold detachment he'd developed in the face of hardship.
But now... now he felt like he had hit a new low.
He glanced at Penélope,He had played with her life as if it were some experiment, thinking little of the consequences beyond his own plans and desires.
Not to mention that the casual way he had justified to himself, her continued mind compulsion.
The power he wielded had warped him, pushing him further and further away from whatever shred of humanity he had left.
Was this what he had become?
Someone who altered people at a whim?
Someone who couldn't even trust the outcome of his own actions without contemplating if he'd need to end it with violence?
"Am I truly worse than I was before?"
The thought lingered in his mind. Maybe in his past life, he had been a self-centered man, but this?
This was beyond — Pathetic.
Niklaus took a deep breath, feeling a surge of tension rise within him, his eyes momentarily lighting up with red power.
For a brief moment, he could sense the flood of emotions—guilt, fear, doubt—threatening to overwhelm him.
But instead of letting them take control, he did what he had become so adept at doing.
He forced them down, manually, as if pressing a switch in his mind.
In that moment, he compelled himself to remain calm.
A small, bitter smile tugged at the corner of his lips.
It was ironic, really—he had become so accustomed to controlling others that now he was using that same power to keep his own emotions in check.
But it's fine after all.
Everything was under control.
---
His thoughts came to an end as Penélope, his ever-faithful servant, awoke.
Niklaus, sitting calmly on a stool, stood and approached her.
"Are you feeling alright?" he asked, his voice soft yet commanding.
Before he could say more, Penélope leapt from her bed and kneeled before him. Her head bowed deeply, she began her proclamation of loyalty, her voice steady and resolute.
"Master Niklaus, I am yours entirely. My life, my loyalty, my service—they are all dedicated to you."
Niklaus watched her closely, his mind racing.
Her vow is a familiar echo of what she said years ago. But now, the compulsion behind it is so faint.
"No matter what the world throws at you, I will be your steadfast ally. Your vision is my mission, your will my guiding principle."
His thoughts grew darker.
How genuine is this loyalty? Have I truly altered her, or is this merely a façade?
"Your enemies shall be my enemies. Your aspirations will be my goals."
Niklaus observed her with a mix of admiration and skepticism.
Her devotion is intense, but is it real or just a leftover from the influence I once had?
"In every trial, I will support you. In every success, I will celebrate as your unwavering servant."
This loyalty, makes me question what I've really achieved. Is this true allegiance, or am I still clinging to an illusion of control?
Penélope's devotion bridged the distance between them, leaving Niklaus to wrestle with his conflicting emotions and reflections on his own power.
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