Chương 5: Chapter 5: It’s Just A Conversation

How on earth did I get myself into this mess. When did this all become so messy and filled in? There was so much free time on here last week. I even color-coded a free time box. Is that even on here anymore?

I stare at my calendar which is directly in front of me. Between stickers with reminders, assignments, and musical gigs arranged by my mom, what was once free time turned into an all-consumed schedule. At least eight colors were creating a psychedelic rainbow in August.

What made it worse is that it’s was still August. Barely two weeks into school and the experience is already overwhelming me. Chest compressing with what is probably some form of anxiety, I flop back onto my bed and stare at the ceiling.

I knew what I needed to do. I needed to get out of this apartment and study somewhere else. Maybe getting away from the calendar to-do list would symbolically separate me from my problems and leave me in peace for a few minutes.

I hurry and gather my things before heading out of the dorm apartment, locking the door behind me, and leaving the building. As soon as I make it out of the building, I shove my headphones into my ears and start walking. Anywhere has to be better than the dorm apartment.

At first, I’m not sure where my feet are taking me. It is instinct, I think, that leads me to the café I was in a couple of weeks ago. It’s the same café where Felix works. Why? Why did I elect to go from one anxiety-inducing place to the next?

At least this place gave me coffee instead of stress and more problems. I sigh and shove the door open. The smell of roasted coffee beans being ground fresh immediately overwhelms my senses. I’ll bet I could get a caffeine rush just by being in this place.

I glance up and see the black painted beams above my head have been decorated in what looks like autumn leaves and pencils. Are there birthdays written on those? Or are they just special messages? I can’t tell. What I do notice immediately is that the place is moderately busy and that my seat in the corner is undisturbed. Fantastic!

Using my backpack as a placeholder, I swing it into the booth and then go to the front to place my order. I’m about halfway there when I see Felix standing at the front mere feet away from the register waiting to deliver an order. My heart instantly leaps into my throat, and I nearly turned around to go sit in silence. Are my cheeks pink? Is it hot in here? Or is it just me?

No.

I’m Shania Sterling! Why am I afraid to stand next to that tall, dark, handsome, smoldering blue-eyed… Yeah, I’m having a hard time. I finally had to realize that if I turned around, it would look more awkward than if I just forced myself to stop being jittery and stand next to him. With the little self-control I’m able to exert, I step up to the counter and place my order.

I don’t need to see him to sense Felix’s eyes flick over to me and linger. I’m was used to the feeling of being watched at this point. I would even argue I had a sixth sense to detect prying eyes. Did I dare look at him? Did I risk glancing over and meeting his eyes?

My eyes slowly drift to the side so I can glance at him. Instantly, I see him avert his eyes. I can’t help but smile at catching him in the act. The barista hands me my drink and I turn toward Felix and smile at him. My heart is racing a million miles a minute. Am I about to say something to him? My skin is tingling all over, like my nerves are filled with fireworks.

I look at his face, thin and clean shaven. He looks me in the eye, making me internally squeal. It’s like he sees me and not the social media sensation. My cheeks flush pink. I barely get the chance to smile at him before a paper ball hits him on the back of the head. He winces and clenches his jaw, but simply exhales slowly, making an audible sound of frustration through his nose.

“Hey, orders up! You bringing it or what?” calls a guy sitting over in the corner. It’s the same group of four I saw heckling Felix before. I almost say something, but Felix simply turns away from me and picks up the tray of drinks for the table.

I feel a ripping pang in my chest as Felix delivers the cups of coffee and relocates to another table to clear away the glass mugs and saucers. He hesitates to almost look back at me before shaking his head and retreats to the back to undoubtedly begin washing the utensils.

Curses.

I did it again.

Just another bystander.

I sulk and walk back to my spot to begin working. Why did Felix just take it? I guess things would be worse if he tried to fight back. I hate that for him. Was this all because he was a Lycan?

Disheartened, I pull out my notebooks and tablet, but I don’t get anything done. I sit there and let the cup of coffee in my hands get cold as I watch Felix emerge from the back and continue clearing away dishes and cups. The same group of four continues to harass him, but then it gets worse.

There are a couple of girls who come in who actively flinch as he approaches with their coffee orders. There are a couple of guys who prevent him from passing in between a couple of tables. The more I watch, the more I can’t stand it.

It isn’t until I watch one of the guys stick out his leg and trip Felix while he is carrying another immense tray of dishes that I decide I’ve had enough.

Blood pounding in my veins, I scoot out of the booth and start walking toward Felix. I can feel my pulse in my fingertips not only from anger for the sniggering group of morons bothering Felix, but also because of my natural nerves. Each step feels like it comes in slow motion. Am I ready for this? There is absolutely no way I am.

I see Felix is still crouched over picking up the cups and dishes. He sees me approach, but I don’t think he knows it’s me because of the way he tenses and pulls his hands closer to him. Did he think I was going to step on his hands? Probably.

His body is rigid and he’s obviously waiting for this figure, me, to walk past. I wonder if he’s hoping I just walk away. Is this a mistake? A wave of nausea hits me. I feel sick, but I kneel in front of him and pick up a mug he was reaching for only a moment ago.

I smile smugly to myself as I realize the four are no longer laughing or making fun of Felix, but it barely makes me feel better as I hold out the cup and once again make eye contact with Felix. Those pale blue eyes, like shards of ice, flick up and meet my hazel gold gaze.

At that moment, all of my rehearsed words fly out of my head. I feel like I’m getting ready to start stammering like a babbling idiot. All I can do is stare into Felix’s face and admire his acute facial features and the relieved surprise at seeing someone help him.

“Hi,” I breathe, smiling shyly. Gosh, why did it feel like an elephant was sitting on my chest? Why couldn’t I just breathe? It’s just a conversation.

Felix looks at me for a moment longer before averting his eyes and taking the cup from me, placing it on the tray.

“Um… thanks, but I’ve got this,” he says, his voice lilting slightly into that faint country twang he has in his accent.

“It’s…” I clear my throat awkwardly as I pick up a saucer and set it on the tray. “Sorry. I know you’ve got it, but I… wanted to help.”

Felix pauses, a fractured plate in his hands, as his ice blue gaze finds me again. It makes my heart ache and flutter at the same time. There’s a look of partial confusion and curiosity in his eyes, like he’s trying to figure out some kind of secret motive I’m hiding.

“Well… um… thanks,” he says. He stands, tray in hand, and starts making his way to the kitchen in the back. I follow behind, still clutching the cracked saucer in my hands.

Before I know what I’m doing, my brain kicks into high gear and makes me sputter and trip over my words. “Hey, would you be interested in getting a cup of coffee during your next break?”

I see a shudder physically straighten Felix’s spine as he turns and looks at me disbelievingly. It takes him a second to shake himself out of it and stammer back, “What?”

“It’s just… I think we went to the same school, and you loaned me your goggles during a swim meet, and I never said thank you and I think it would be nice to catch up with a familiar face.” The atrocious run-on sentence pours out of me, but I can’t take it back now.

A solid thirty seconds go by as Felix debates internally what just happened. Disappointment seizes my chest. I can’t breathe. I knew this was a mistake. I shouldn’t have…

“Sure, that’d be great.”

What? Did I just hear him correctly? The smile on my face could not have been brighter. It might’ve been rough, but it was the best conversation I’d had all day.

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