Chương 37: One month

One month.

One long and at the same time short month without Carl in my life.

One month since the worst day of my life when they never felt more embarrassed by my own life and at the same time emotionally destroyed.

One only month yet my life had changed so much.

The house didn't even look like the same house we shared, I had boxed all his stuff and it looked so empty.

It was like he never had been there, like if I could erase years of our stories just by removing his stuff.

But at the same time, I felt empty like the house, and the familiar knot in my stomach is back. My breath shortened and a tight in my chest formed.

I dug my hands in the box, and I removed the first objects from it. A vintage vase and a photo frame.

The vase was one of a vintage collection that Carl inherited from his great-grandmother. He knew how passionate was I about vintage and he gave it for my birthday.

The frame had a picture of our visit to his cousins, I still remembered that day as if it was yesterday. I even remembered him telling them he wanted to have children with me one day.

The sadness ripped off my heart and anger arose in my veins, still no tears. I was experimenting with so many emotions yet I couldn't cry.

What was wrong with me?

I stood up and dragged the boxes out in the garden. Then struggled to lift them and finally put them in my car.

I decided to give the boxes to Carl myself, it wasn't like I wanted to confront him or attack him but I felt the need to put a full stop to our relationship and let the past behind me.

I drove very slowly, to give myself the time to control my breath and slow down my heartbeat.

I didn't know if he was at home, alone. I didn't know how I would react either if I found him with another girl.

I knew the wound was still there maybe it wasn't bleeding anymore but it was still hurting.

I stopped the car in front of his house, I hadn't been here in years.

I put down the boxes and then walked to the door to knock.

I took a deep long breath and pinched myself to bring me back to reality and take the control of the situation.

He went to open the door and when he saw me his eyes widened.

"Lily…" he whispered. He opened the door and I unconsciously looked at the house behind him, the decor was completely different from the decor of years ago.

I wondered if he used that house when we were dating already if that was the place where he…

I cleared my voice and turned around to point at the box filled with his stuff.

"I brought you the boxes."

He nodded and started to drag them in allowing me to take a better sight of his house.

He didn't have any memory in that house of 'us' I envied him for that, while I was the one who had to come back to an empty house full of memories of a failed relationship.

After dragging the boxes in he smiled, "do you want to get in?" He asked.

I didn't want to get him but I wanted to see more of his house, I wanted to see if he had some signs of his cheating.

So I nodded and walked in.

"May I offer you a latte?"

Another nod and another step inside. My gaze fell on one of our photos he had on the wooden sideboard.

A glimpse of relief and happiness made my lips curve slightly but I immediately stopped them before they could smile.

If he had the picture maybe somehow I was still there. I doubted any other girl would want his lover to have a photo of his current girlfriend. Maybe he never brought there anyone.

I walked to the kitchen with a speeded-up walk, watching him make my latte. So many memories occurred in my mind, and although I tried my best to look strong on the surface, deep inside I was struggling not to ask him if he missed me or if he ever regretted having left me.

The only thing that stopped me from doing such a desperate gesture was that I knew whatever his reply was I wouldn't believe him and I wouldn't feel better because the past couldn't be erased nor changed.

"I changed the main decor of the house. I wanted to modernize it, but I kept your room immaculate." He said, when he met my gaze he flinched away and I realized how embarrassed he still was.

"My room?" I didn't know there was a room for me, when we decided to live together in my house I thought he had sold that house. I didn't expect him to keep that and even save a room for me.

"Do you want to see it?" Hw asked, and I didn't know if he was doing it all because he wanted to soften me and convince me he was still a good person who deserved a second chance.

Despite how much I tried to believe his efforts and his words I still had so many doubts.

If I saw the room it would mean getting another stab in my already shattered heart but at the same time if I decided not to see I would remain with the doubt forever.

I had one more hour before going to work and I knew Cameron was waiting for me, I had to leave Carl's house soon.