Chương 2: It is not a defect anymore
Yes, For normal people nystagmus is a defect but what is normal?
Normal is what we expect something or someone to be, a standardised state and nystagmus had already became normal to me.
My parents were not aware of my problem before the age of 6.
I don't blame them. No one will expect their child to have a condition such as this. I was diagnosed with nystagmus after one of my teachers realised that I had difficulty in reading the words on the blackboard. But the doctor said that it was already too late for treatment.
Some people used to tell me to show them how my eyes shakes and as a naive little kid that I was, I used to show off my eyes like it was some kind of talent. Which hasn't changed much even after growing up to this age of 21.
I didn't even know the name of my condition until the first year of my PCL nursing studies. We were learning about the congenital abnormalities seen in neonates and the definition of nystagmus caught my attention. That's when I learned that I had two types of eye disorders namely squint and nystagmus.
My eyes sure give me a lot of problems. I have to strain my eyes to focus on something and problems of short sightedness is common in eye disorders but I have learned to adapt. It will be a joke if couldn't adjust up until this age.
I may have been sad sometimes because of my eyes but I was never depressed. I didn't want people to pity me. I didn't want their sympathy. I wanted to prove to them and myself as well that I can achieve anything if I have the will.
Compared to many people out there who are living their life normally with severe disorders and disabilities, my problem was nothing. If they can have such great achievements then why is it not possible for me to achieve a normal career. So I chose nursing, I studied hard. I couldn't win my peers in practical but I compensated it with my theory marks and finally I was able to win that scholarship. This was a great boon to our financial condition.
I was proud that my studies didn't became a financial burden to my parents.
My studies were not that expensive but for a middle class family it was a matter requiring bank loans and I didn't want that at all.
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