Chương 2: Chapter 2 Lost in the Darkness.
Lili was what her mother now called her, and somehow she had been reborn. Was it a blessing, a curse or just punishment from God, she didn't know. But one thing was for sure, this most definitely was not the life she or anyone for that matter would have ever wished for.
Not only was she formally known as Bruce and a he, now called a she, but now even her name had been changed to Lili, which was kind of gay.
Sure she might not have had that, what even baby boys had, and because of that she could tolerate the misunderstanding of her Mom. It wasn't easy for her, but for now until she could prove herself to actually be a man, she was willing to tolerate this misunderstanding. She was just a bit small and that's all, surely her thing would show itself in time, right?
While this was not good, her new Mom at least was really good, she most definitely was better than any parental figure that she had ever had in her past life. Her new Mom was extremely kind and caring towards her, plus she never got mad or complained as Lili pooped herself or cried out for more milk.
Lili didn't want to do these things, she wanted to be independent and useful to her new mom, but she couldn't. Her body was just too small and weak to do anything. Whenever she tried to do anything, she quickly found herself getting really tired and hungry and so she didn't do much.
Luckily for her this made most days move by in a flash, which made it easy for her to suffer through the cold and horrible weather. But sadly her Mom was not so lucky. Each day she had to get fire for the fireplace and food to eat, which meant that she had to go outside alone into the freezing weather, while Lili was left alone with the chickens to warm up next to the fireplace. Because of this she soon started noticing her mother's health start to decline and fast. At first she was mainly weak because of the fact that she had just given birth, but as time went on and food became scarce, her health started to decline even more.
Living in this shabby medieval cottage with no electricity to heat it up or running water was truly a real nightmare. Especially bad was the fact that she had been born as the weather was still just getting really cold, this was especially hard for her mom. Luckily it was now getting warmer again and the sun was shining more and more, which was good.
During this time she also managed to learn from her mother that this land that she was born into was apparently called Albion. It was a land that hardly ever experienced snowfall, except during exceptionally bad years. Nonetheless, it had still gotten extremely cold here during the past winter. Sure it didn't snow or the water didn't freeze, but thanks to the constant rain it was still really cold.
Plus it caused the rich soil around their house to get really muddy, which was not good. Thanks to this Mother a lot of the time returned home all muddy and drenched in water as she shivered from the cold.
They did have the chickens that could always be used as a source of heat or even food. And because of this the chickens lived inside the house with them, even though they were quite noisy especially the large rooster.
And then there was the fact that they had no toilets here, so their poop was always thrown outside and it stank. Plus there was obviously no toilet paper either, only leaves which didnt feel too good against the skin.
Despite this, Lili in her endless wisdom was able to find a good use for all their poop. Namely it was now used as their very own homemade, garden fertilizer.
Thinking back on all of this Lili couldn't help but let out a depressed sigh. Just sitting there in the garden watching the plants grow felt so strange. Especially knowing that the plants were growing partially with the power of their own poop, and that just felt so weird.
Sadly there wasn't anything else she could do, she really needed these plants to grow and to do that she needed to do this. Right now their only real source of food was the chickens as the plants were still not ready for harvesting. So she really needed to get them to grow up and fast, no matter what.
The cottage they lived in was in the middle of nowhere surrounded by forest on all sides except on the southern side where there was a nice lake that they got all their water from.
Sure food could be gathered from the forest and lake but right now she was just too small to do that, and her mother was now way too sick to do it.
Knowing this Lili had thought of still trying it out, but her mother had been constantly warming her so as not to go too far from the house or else a fox or an eagle might come and snatch her up.
While this did at first sound a bit ridiculous, the fact was that she was basically as big as the chickens. And if chickens could be snatched up by eagles then would she also be a potential target for them?
So for the moment she had decided to just focus on taking care of the plants in the garden. While she did that she could try and catch some small critters to eat or maybe some herbs as well.
Luckily the garden did have a good variety of different plants, it especially had a lot of strawberries growing there. And unlike most other plants strawberries didn't die out during the winter and so they were already starting to produce fruit, which seemed really close to being ready for eating.
Other than strawberries, she had also seen raspberries and red currants. Along with this, there were of course the usual cabbages and beans, but sadly there was no oats or wheat to be seen.
Moving around the garden on all fours wearing nothing but a ragged dress she like always was carefully checking on all the leaves for any pests that might be feasting on her gardens precious leaves. One of the most common pests here was the flea beetle who whenever found would immediately be snatched up by her and fed to the chickens.
Especially the rooster loved eating them. Even now it was following behind her in anticipation of its next meal. Because of this, Lili some time ago had made the decision to call this rooster Terminator, because he was a good pest exterminator.
He was the only rooster of the flock of 10 chickens. Literally the only man on the land besides her or thats what she liked to think of herself.
With Terminator as her support, Lili crawled to the cabbages and there she spotted a few holes in the leaves. The sight of it made her little baby face turn into a dissatisfied pout, and with somewhat trained movements she quickly found and grabbed one of the pesky beetles.
Then without any hesitation she quickly tossed it to Terminator. This she had quickly learned to do as these pesky critters sometimes could bite if you weren't fast enough. The same held through for Terminator, but luckily he was fast and so with ease he caught the thing in mid-air.
Having now spotted its targets Terminator ran to Lilis side and like a valiant knight he stood in between her and the beetles. With swift movements of its beak, it started pecking the beetles to death as it then ate them.
Sitting on her knees Lili nodded in satisfaction at Terminators work. Truly she had trained him well. All those hard days of gaining its trust by petting it and offering it mighty sums of worms that she had personally picked from the ground wasnt a waste. Truly hard work had paid off in the end.
Looking at Terminator Lili couldnt help but say out loud with a baby-like voice.
"T t t, Terminator, yo yo you, you're a go go good cock."
Saying this made her gasp in shock. Holy shit did I just speak real words for the first time? Realizing this she immediately wanted to speak to somebody, but who?
There was nobody around. Only the chickens were here, besides that, there was her mother but she was so sick and weak that she could hardly even speak. Surely she couldn't disturb her sleep, no she couldn't.
Thinking of this Lili decided to leave Terminator on pest control as she quickly crawled towards her other self-made task which was tea making.
During the past week that her mother had been extremely sick, she had been in charge of doing basically everything which wasnt easy being as small as she was. All the time she found herself tiring out extremely easily which made her working speed really slow.
Despite this, she kept on going. With great determination she pushed herself forward and hastily crawled to the front of the house where there were nettle plants growing.
Nettle while it isnt a plant that helps with a fever, it still does give the tea a certain type of taste. Also nestle does help with joint pain, anemia, and eczema.
With this in mind she grabbed onto the plants base and with her nails she dug into it and cut it in two. Having not stung herself on the plants stingy leaves Lili felt overjoyed, as she then headed inside the house plants in hand.
Not tall enough to grab a hold of the wooden handle on the door, Lili needed to just like always pull the door open by grabbing a hold of it's many cracks.
Once inside Lili immediately took note of her mother still just sleeping in their small straw bed with nothing but more straw as her blanket. While the bed was quite bad Lili at least was happy about the fact that it was placed upon some wooden logs, so that they at least didnt have to sleep on the wooden floor where sometimes ants wandered around.
Not wanting to bother her mother she quickly headed to the fireplace which to her relief was still lit with a small fire. Crawling through the open space of their small and empty house, she quickly made it to the small iron pot that had been sitting in the fire, with hot water boiling in it.
Once more her size was a great problem here. She couldnt have the pot hanging over the fire or else she couldnt reach the water boiling inside of it, so she was forced to have it sitting on the fire, which was not good.
After waiting there for a little while she then took a wooden cup and a wooden scoop from next to the fireplace. And carefully she then stood up on unstable baby legs and started to scoop the hot water from the pot into the cup and like so she had just made tea.
Taking a deep calming breath of air she then slowly started to make her way towards the bed. Each step of hers felt like she was balancing on a thin rope while drunk out of her ass. With great concentration, she walked forward while remembering the wise teachings of her past life.
There is no emotion, there is peace.
There is no ignorance, there is knowledge.
There is no passion, there is serenity.
There is no chaos, there is harmony.
There is no death, there is the Force.
And, with the last sentence said she made it to her mothers bedside that came to her neck level.
Now how was she going to get through this, she wondered. Usually, her mother would by now take the cup from her hands by herself and then lift her onto the bed so that she could then sleep, but for some reason, she wasnt moving.
Placing the warm cup up against her mothers hand she waited. But again nothing. With a pouting face, she decided to test out her new skills as she said.
"Mama. Mama."
Sure she had only been her mother for a little while, he wasnt sure exactly how long since she kept on sleeping most of the time, but at least it had been one winter now. During this time she had already gained a lot warmer and happier memories of this sickly mother than she had ever had from her past lives drunken foster mother.
Unlike in her past life, now saying the words mama somehow felt just so right and so she said them again.
"Mama. mama. Wa-wake up, Lili made, tea."
After another few moments of waiting yet again no answer came and Lili was left there at the side all alone and tired. Letting out an uncontrollable small yawn, Lili then with great effort lifted the cup up high and placed it right up against her mothers hand.
Seeing this done she felt quite satisfied with herself, Mother would for sure be happy to her working so hard. Now she just needed to somehow get up on to the bed to take her nap.
Seeing no help coming from her Mom, Lili was forced to attempt getting on the bed herself. With all her strength she tried to pull herself up. Again and again. She really did try, but the task seemed more and more impossible as her body just got weaker and weaker with every attempt.
In the end, she couldnt find the strength anymore to keep on trying and so she fell to the ground in exhaustion. Her big deep blue eyes started closing as she in exhaustion let out a final few words before falling asleep.
"Mama, wake up."
After an unknown amount of time Lili could be heard letting out a small yawn as she started to awaken. She felt so warm and rested as she opened her eyes and woke up.
Looking around she was surprised to find herself on the floor surrounded by the chickens. Terminator was also sleeping there on her right side.
Thanks to them she now felt extremely warm and quite comfortable despite sleeping on the floor. Actually she felt like she could just keep on sleeping there for another couple of hours more, but then her little stomach let out a hungry growl and she knew that it was time to eat.
Pushing herself up lazily, she pouted in dissatisfaction as she once more called out to her mother, in her new found baby voice.
"Mama, I'm hungry."
Hearing her own voice Lili felt a bit surprised as it sounded quite clear and cute now. She seemed to be learning quite fast, although it wasnt like it was all that hard since the English here was pretty much the same as in her past life.
Seeing no movement yet again from her mother she couldnt help but get a bit worried now. The cup seemed to still be in the same spot that she had left it. Not being a doctor of any kind and only knowing basic first aid, she did what she always did when someone was sick and that was to just let them rest.
Whenever someone was sick it was best to just let them be and let their bodies sort it out for themselves. Too much stress was not good.
So far she hadnt yet had anything else as food, other than her own mothers milk, so now it seemed that it had finally come time for her to get her own food.
She for one wasnt the type of person who would use others kindness to gain free things. No she was an independent person and capable of taking care of herself. And this she would now get to prove.
Although seeing as it had already gotten a bit dark outside the thought of getting her own food did frighten her a bit. Just in case she grabbed a small knife that was about half as long as her little forearm, despite its seemingly small size it felt quite heavy.
With both hands on the knives handle she slowly crept towards the door. Peeking into the yard she carefully scanned the dim surroundings for any large predators. To her relief the garden stood in silence and nothing bad could be seen.
Pushing open the door, she then carefully stepped into the yard and started to make her way towards the berry bushes with the sounds of Terminators chicken feet following behind her.
Seeing as her teeth had developed a little, Lili took at as sign that now it was finally time for her to start testing out the small still developing strawberries.
Coming to the strawberry bushes side, Lili grabbed a few. They still felt a bit hard to the touch, but not having many other options left she decided to just go for it.
Biting down on the berry wasn't easy and she just ended up mostly swallowing the small bits she could bite off the berries. But bit by bit she managed to feed her little belly while Terminator kept a watchful eye on her.
Then suddenly she heard rustling in the nearby bushes followed by Terminator letting out a powerful rooster roar.
"Cock-a-doodle-do!"
Alerted by this Lili dropped the berries, grabbed her knife and pointed it in the direction of the sound. Then her eyes picked up movement, in the dark distance she could see a fox quickly charging towards her. It seemed ready to strike, when suddenly Terminator leaped into the air and came flying down with its claws extended. The fox seemed completely oblivious to this as Terminator then crashed straight into it's side.
The fox let out a pained scream as it staggered off to the side with Terminator right on it. Then it tried to strike back with its teeth, but Terminator was quicker as he slapped the fox with his wigs. Feathers were sent flying all around as the two of them then disappeared out of Lilis sight.
She could hear the sounds of the fox hissing and screaming in the distance as Terminator cood fiercely back at it. Feathers went flying all around which alarmed Lili. With baby feet and knife in two hands she clumsily started moving to help her friend.
She moved slowly by any standards, but as fast as she possibly could as she climbed over cabbages, went through bean bushes and then came to a small grassy clearing.
And there she saw him, in the moonlight Terminator stood like some victorious hero, as he looked into the darkness aa his beaten enemy ran away in fear. Little by little she could hear the rustling of bushes getting further and further away.
Just like that, in but what was probably just a few seconds the fight had come to a sudden end, with Terminator as the winner. With stars in her eyes, Lili dropped the knife as she went to hug Terminator as she said.
"Oh, Terminator your so cool. Oh, I was so worried about you for a second there. Thank god you're ok and thank you Terminator for saving me from that beast."
Then out of her natural instincts Lili couldn't help but give his hero a little kiss on his feathery head. Terminator didn't seem to mind this at all as they then happily returned back to the safety of their home.
Once inside Lili dropped the knife at the door and excitedly went to her mothers bedside once more to tell her what had happened.
"Mama, mama. Wake up, you'll never believe what just happened. Mama."
Then a sudden feeling of dread came to her as she realized that her mother was still not moving. Just how long had she been like this now? This wasnt good, she thought.
Now feeling desperate to check her mother's well-being she once again tried to climb on the bed but failed.
Unable to do anything Lili got to her tiptoes and reached out to gran her mothers hand. Managing to get a hold of one of her Mother's fingers she then pulled on it lightly.
But there was no response yet again, all she could feel was coldness. Her mother's hand felt like ice to her touch, there wasnt any heat or a pulse there to be felt.
Looking at it more closely Lili then realised that her mom's hand was all pale as was her face. Seeing this her eyes widened in horror as realization hit her.
Quickly she let go of her mother's hand and started looking around for something or someone, she needed a doctor. Surely there was someone like that around somewhere, she just had to find him.
Running back into the yard with Terminator right behind her, she looked around in distress for someone. But all she could see was the dark forest all around her with no signs of civilization to be seen anywhere.
Her mother had only ever hummed her some lullabies to help her sleep which she did love, but now they were of no use. She had told her something about meeting her father and an inn, and some town with a big castle, but she couldn't remember it clearly and never did she tell her how to get there from here. Plus there were no books or maps in the house to tell her where to go. What was she supposed to do now?
In desperation she looked around for a something, but there was nothing again. All she could do now was use logic to find her way to civilisation and a doctor. With no human made paths to follow, she would simply have to start circling the lake behind the house until she found a stream, and then she would simply just have to follow it to civilization. Also her father had been here to witness her birth, right? So he couldn't have lived far. There just had to be a town or someone living around here.
With this in mind Lili went wobbling away into the night, she quickly made her way to the lake and started to follow its shore from there. Which immediately proved to be a extremely hard challenge. Along the lakeshore were large bushes, a lot of tall grass and rocks. And next to the lake there was the tree line which would most likely be even harder to get through.
The ground was also quite uneven which made her need to keep on diverting away from the shore in order to move forward, which made the journey even longer and harder for her.
Despite this she pushed forward and to her amazement managed to find the strength in her little body to keep on moving. Even as her legs finally gave way, she didn't give up and started to crawl. Her vision soon became hazy and she found herself in need of stopping every once in a while to catch her breath until finally, she finally blocked out and fell asleep out of exhaustion.
Soon the sounds of birds chirping and singing could be heard as the light of the sun fell upon her sleepy eyes. Her eyes flew open and she awoke to a new day?
Lili couldn't remember what exactly had happened it felt so hazy in her mind, but the sun was shining and her belly was growling once again, begging for food. Her body felt sore and her hands and knees were full of bloody scratches. Thankfully Terminator had been on her side to keep her warm and safe throughout the night.
Rubbing her eyes sleepily she then got up to her knees and froze as she saw what was in front of her. Right there before her very own eyes was her small cottage home.
The sight of it confused her greatly, had she been walking in circles the entire night or was the lake just that small, she wondered?
Seeing it Lili immediately felt a sting of pain in her heart, she felt absolutely defeated. She had tried but failed and she knew that now it was too late. And yet she still held onto a small slimmer of hope for a miracle to occur.
Getting back on her now sore feet she made her way back home and to her mothers bedside. Grabbing her frail unmoving hand Lili couldnt help but fall to her knees as she burst into tears and cried out saying.
"I'm sorry mama. I failed you. I couldnt find anybody to come and help you. If only I had learned to speak sooner then maybe I could have asked you for directions to the nearest town. I'm sorry mama I failed you."
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