Chương 28: The Burden of Love
Charles sat on Gemma's balcony. His watch said that it was 3:14 AM. He lit a cigarette and stared out at the city landscape. Shanghai was beautiful at night, all lit up like a sparkling gem.
Yet Charles's mind was not on the beautiful scenery before him. Until that night, he had never known for himself the ways of lovers. Now that he had tasted of it with Gemma, he felt deeply conflicted. He had told Gemma that once she was with him, she could be with no other, but he hadn't taken into account that he would become tied to her heart by invisible strings as well.
In the past, he had no Achilles heel, no weak spot that could be attacked. He reasoned that if he loved no one then there would be no weaknesses in his life for his enemies to attack.
If it were any other woman, some random one-night-stand or distant acquaintance, he wouldn't feel so vulnerable. He would be able to separate sex and love. Physical compatibility with true intimacy.
Yet as he thought of the fun-loving, thick-skinned woman who had so tenderly given herself to him that night, he realized she had walked right into his heart without him even realizing it.
And he was terrified. Gemma had no idea the target that was now painted on her back simply because she was important to him. It would seem however, that there would be no going back for him either at this point.
He exhaled a troubled and frustrated breath that he'd not realized he'd been holding. He took a few more drags of his cigarette and then extinguished it. He didn't often smoke. It was something he did only when he was truly troubled.
He heard soft footsteps approaching and felt Gemma's hands fall gently on his taunt shoulders. She began to massage them vigorously.
"What's wrong?" She asked softly.
"Nothing." He lied.
"And I'm an empress from the Qing Dynasty. Now what's wrong?" She was never short on sarcasm.
"Why do you think something is wrong?" He tried dodging her question.
"Because you only smoke when something has you worried. It's not good for your health, you know." She said as she came around and sat in his lap. His arms surrounded her and he was silent for awhile, as though weighing his words.
"I worry for you. I have enemies. Not just outsiders but within my family. If any one of them learn of my feelings for you then you will be in danger." Charles told her.
"Your feelings for me? I didn't know you had feelings for me. I thought you said I was your girlfriend to humor me. You said you would never love anyone." Gemma said as she pulled back and looked searchingly into his eyes.
"Since when do you pay any mind to what I say?" Charles asked, shrugging off the uncomfortable feeling of talking about emotions and romance with Gemma.
"I always listen. I just don't always agree." Said Gemma.
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