Chương 1: Chapter 0: Regret
Looking down the same road I travelled every day I found a melancholic feeling arising in my chest. Usually I would just walk home without any thoughts in my brain and continue my daily routine until waking up and doing this all over again tomorrow however today I found myself stopping and taking in the route I was on. I can't explain any reason for it, maybe it was something akin to de-realization as it felt like my view went from looking at the path in front of me to feeling like I was looking at 'me' from above.
I looked over the road and saw a family walking just like me. The father seemed to be telling his daughter off the latter of whom who had tears fill her eyes in response to this. Seeing this scene I felt a deep-seated envy within my gut. I lost my parents at an early age and ever since I've been moved to different orphanages, different foster families and finally now I was old enough to live on my own. I shut away any familial desire when I was young however times like these I would feel that desire rise up again, wishing I had a family or even friends.
My life up to this point hadn't been the best by any means however I was granted gifts in exchange for the pain. Without bragging too much I deemed myself as a pretty intelligent guy. My memory was on the level of being eidetic, one glance at a page I could remember it as long as I recalled it in my head. Despite these gifts though I still found myself in a normal job walking to and from work every day continuing this monotonous routine, returning back to the empty cold flat I called a 'home'.
Maybe it was due to desire? I felt like there was nothing to work towards in this life of mine. Considering my 'gifts' I could have worked towards a far better job however I felt no drive to do that. I would even be told at times I was 'too good' to be working where I worked yet I just let those words of advice flow into one ear and out the other.
Looking to my right I saw a bench to sit down on. Usually I would just walk straight home however today I just felt like sitting down and taking in the environment some more whilst mulling over these complicated feelings.
Taking a glance at the surroundings I saw a group of guys and girls around my age walking the opposite way I was walking originally. Staring at them I felt a sigh escape my lips. Ever since I lost my family I found myself reflexively shutting out everyone who wanted to get close to me. I would give people the time of day if they spoke to me but if they invited me out I would decline without hesitation. Despite a desire to connect with people my logic seemed to over-ride my emotions. The same words would fill my head.
'They will just leave you anyway, what's the point. Just stay flying solo and rely on yourself for happiness and comfort. Then you can live peacefully'.
Whenever these sorts of words arose I found my emotions cooling again. The loneliness that welled up momentarily seemed to ebb away as my heart steeled itself. I was better off alone.
Seeing as though it was a nice day, I decided to stay on the bench a bit longer instead of rushing home. Opening my bag I pulled out a book.
'Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows'
Even though I had an eidetic memory I still found myself reading books I really liked over and over again. There was something therapeutic about flipping a page rather than just recalling the words written on a page in my head. Harry Potter in specific was a book series I had read a multitude of times. It was my emotional support when I was growing up, whenever I felt those feelings of loneliness and familial regret I would delve my brain into this book series and engross myself in the world it portrayed. It allowed me to detach from the world around me, forget about everything that always seemed to be moving 'forward' and all the complex feelings I'd feel now and then would cease, replaced with wonder and excitement as I read the words on the pages.
Time passed and the clouds in the sky started to blot out the sun. Reading from where I left my bookmark I found myself reading each page incredibly fast. People would comment on this too whenever they saw me read a book. Usually the comments would be along the lines of;
'How are you even absorbing the information reading that fast?'.
I'd simply respond stating;
'I just do'.
I like to gain knowledge about things. I like to know as much as possible about the world so the world would feel like a more 'comfortable' place. Knowing the unknown was a desire of mine so I would never be left in the dark. Due to this desire that started at a young age I've read countless books about any and everything. From books about anatomy and the human body to books about different bugs and animals. The more information I retained in my mind the calmer I would feel living life. After reading so much I found my ability to read sped up. If you do something over and over it's a given that you will get better at doing it after all.
The clouds that blotted out the sun seemed to pass by slowly as I turned page after page immersing myself within the world of harry potter. As the clouds passed and sunlight shun down onto the road in front of me again, I found myself reading the final line of the book. A line I had read countless times.
'The scar had not pained Harry for 19 years. All was well'
Reading that final line I closed the book and pondered in my head for a moment. The world created within these books was incredibly vast, after all it encompassed all of earth yet this single book series was centred only on England. Sure there would be the odd occasion where another country was mentioned however it would be a paragraphs length mention. It would be nice to read about other countries, other places within this world of magic and how they worked.
Alongside this magic itself wasn't explained majorly either. Sure spells and such littered the book series pages as to be expected however the very force known as 'magic' was simply explained to exist within some people known as 'witches and wizards'. I always found myself wondering how this force actually interacted with humans in this world. Was it like those wuxia novels where the magic would be stored in something like a dantian? Or was magic just simply… magic.
I lost myself in thought as I questioned the existence of 'magic' within Harry Potter. This was a common thing for me honestly, spacing out and just losing myself in my thoughts.
The sun that was originally high in the sky when I sat down at first was now falling on the horizon. The sunset in the distance painted a beautiful picture as I looked towards it. The houses and fields of the town I lived in made a beautiful picture alongside the sunset. Looking at the sunset a thought rose within my mind.
'It's probably time to head home…'.
Sitting myself up from the bench I had stayed on for far too long now I placed the book back into my bag. As I did so I chuckled to myself slightly.
"What's the use in thinking so hard about it all Leo… It's a fictional world".
Zipping up my bag with the book now placed within I put it back on my back. Looking down the road that led to my flat another one of my signature sighs escaped my lips. Even though I called the flat I lived in 'Home' I never liked to return there, the feelings of loneliness would well up again. I started to walk slowly down the road as cars zipped up and down beside me. The sun was basically set at this point as the street lights started to turn on. The cars that were driving also started to turn their dipped headlights on. Taking note of this I mumbled out a thought.
"Maybe I should get a car…".
As this thought escaped my lips I looked over the road at a man who was walking on the other side just like me. His expression was filled with fear. I looked at him curiously for a moment wondering what was wrong. Usually I wouldn't call out to someone like this however today I was feeling like acting 'different' from my usual cold and detached personality.
"What's the matter-"
I started to speak as I followed his fearful gaze. I found out very quickly what he was fearful of as it was right in front of me not allowing me to get my words out. A truck had come onto the pavement I was walking on and was on a collision course with me. Everything seemed to slow down for a second as the world around me seemed to lose its colour. The final thing I saw before the truck collided into me was the driver who was passed out at the wheel. Everything happened so fast I didn't have any time to react, the cars whizzing up and down the road became background noise to me so I didn't even notice this truck coming towards me like this. I could only blame my own detached negligence for this outcome.
As the truck collided into me, all my senses shut off. Darkness filled my vision and just like that I died.
Leo Osbourne, aged 21, no relatives and no friends passed away on this day and the world he left behind kept moving…
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