Chương 42: [Bonus Chapter] Which Decision Weighed Down The Most?

Old Madam Shen was surprised to see Asher appearing in her room at this time. She slowly closed the album on her lap.

Staring at her eldest grandson through her reading glass, Old Madam Shen asked, "You're not with them?"

Asher hummed softly, "They are busy drinking and playing games."

Playing games of destroying themselves, he thought silently.

The sound of his footsteps was absorbed by the thick carpet as he walked closer to his grandmother. He glanced at the reddish-brown album sitting on Old Madam Shen's lap.

"Is that one of the albums that had candid photos taken by Aunt Ma?"

Asher sat down on the bamboo chair opposite Old Madam Shen. A low table made of bamboo was placed in between them.

"I'm just looking at your grandpa's photos," Old Madam Shen smiled but, only sadness was reflected in her old eyes.

Asher pursed his lips. The image of a stern yet kindhearted old man was projected in his mind. It was the grandfather that he admired the most, the one who played the role of a father figure when his own was busy enjoying life.

Old Master Shen passed away shortly after Asher came of age of twenty. He died of illness, surrounded by his loved ones except for his eldest and second sons; Asher's father and uncle.

"Asher... never ever... be like your father. Live... righteously and protect... our family..."

Those were Old Master Shen's departing words before he breathed his last. They served as encouragement for Asher to overtake the successor position earlier than expected.

Fortunately, even though his father loved power, his desire for women was stronger.

Nicholas didn't mind passing the huge burden as the head of the Shen family to Asher. His only condition was not to deprive him of their family wealth. Asher agreed.

After reaching the middle ground, Nicholas passed his presidency to Asher when he was twenty-seven, a few months before his marriage to Liliana.

"Grandmother," Asher broke the chaotic thoughts in his mind. He stared at Old Madam Shen with a steady gaze, "I need answers from you."

"What is it?"

Old Madam Shen was calm. She had known how her eldest grandson was. There should be something that was terribly bothering him if he came seeking answers from her.

Without beating the bush nor masking the questions in disguise, Asher voiced out, "Why are you still upset, Grandmother? I've agreed to everything you demand. Is there still something you're unsatisfied with?"

"Are you talking about your divorce with Lili?" Old Madam Shen let out a sigh. The wrinkles on her forehead deepened.

Asher nodded, "You told me to agree to the divorce. But, you're also still upset when I've followed everything."

As someone who had lived long enough, Old Madam Shen could still be frustrated by how her grandson often carried himself. She didn't know from where did any of them do wrong when raising him.

Most of the time, Asher lived as if he was programmed like a robot.

Experiencing the intensity and complexity of human feelings was not a norm for him. He often disregarded them, saying those feelings were useless for him.

"I know..." Old Madam Shen closed her eyes, she lowered her chin, "Asher, you can't understand why I'm still disappointed even though you cater to what I've asked for?"

Asher answered his grandmother with a question of his own, "Do you actually hope for me to reconcile with Liliana, Grandmother?"

"Yes," admitted Old Madam Shen frankly. She sounded so tired, "One part of me, doesn't want you and Lili to be tied in a loveless marriage, another part is still hoping to see you two remain as spouses."

"Which one weighs the most?" inquired Asher again, "From your decision, I believe it's the former."

Old Madam Shen slowly opened her eyes. They were still red, imbued with regret and sorrow.

"Yes."

Asher clasped his hands together, resting his elbows on his thighs. With his head lowered, the shadow cast from his bangs obscuring his expression.

Old Madam Shen barely saw how his sharp eyebrows almost merged together. He seemed to be drowned in his own thoughts.

"Asher, please answer me as truthfully as you can," muttered Old Madam Shen.

Straightening his back, Asher nodded once, "Yes, Grandmother."

Old Madam Shen swallowed a bitter smile. This eldest grandson of hers was always formal and polite. Without any exception, the way he carried himself was impeccable.

No one could detect his flaws. He was really befitting his role as the successor of the Shen family, a thousandfold more than Nicholas, his own father.

"Since the day you got married to Lili until now... have you ever opened your heart to her? Or... have you ever tried to love her?"

Without blinking, Asher replied, "No."

Because he didn't see the need for it. They only got united because of the benefits sought by both families.

Old Madam Shen's expression sank further. She already foresaw this but, knowing didn't make anything easier.

Seeing the change in his grandmother's look, Asher softened his voice, hurt flickered faintly in his usually cold eyes, "Grandmother, I'm sorry if I don't turn out how you wish me to be."

Old Madam Shen shook her head. Drops of tears finally rolled down her cheeks.

"You don't have to... apologize, Asher. I shouldn't... burden you with my expectations... I just... hope to see you be happy like... everyone else..."

Old Madam Shen felt so foolish to infer her belief to Asher who she knew had an identity of his own. In her pursuit, she had unknowingly hurt Liliana, the girl she tenderly cherished in her heart.

Asher frowned. He felt bad for making his old grandmother cry. He silently moved from his seat until he stood next to his grandmother's chair. Bending his tall body, he awkwardly embraced the frail body.

"You have done nothing wrong, Grandmother. Please think that both Liliana and I will have a fresh start of our own."

Old Madam Shen nodded, her sobs grew louder.

Asher kept his silence. His mind was reminded of the leather-bound diary belonging to Liliana. Its contents brought more questions to him.

But, maybe he won't find the answers until the end.