Chương 5: Finding Love

...Kati POV...

It is early morning, and Sebastian is still fast asleep. Yesterday was emotional and scary for both of us. I think all the excitement, of which none of it is good, has knocked him out tired last night. If you think back at that small kiss we share, my body tingles with pleasure, and I wish so much that I could do it again. Things were a bit awkward after that; I just hope this morning it is all forgotten.

Now, the man sleeps like a rock. I have been trying to get him awake for the past five minutes. So I am now jumping up and down on his bed, trying to annoy him to get up. If he does not do it in the next minute, I shall be forced to take more drastic measures.

"Sebastian, come! You are wasting time!"

He slowly opens his eyes and looks at me somewhat strangely. He most definitely is thinking, why is this woman standing and jumping on his bed so early in the morning.

"It's five in the morning. "What's got you so excited?

I grab a pair of shorts and a shirt at throwing it at him. I only smile as he looks strangely at me.

"What is this for?"

"I know you sleep in your underwear. Put some clothes on."

"How do you know that?"

"I might have seen it once or twice. Now get up!"

"Okay, I am coming. But this better be good."

I take Sebastian by his hand and lead him to the front door. On our way out, I grab the picnic basket I packed earlier this morning. I can't but have a big smile on my face. He looks at me, somewhat confused.

"We having a picnic at five in the morning?"

"Is it that obvious?"

I give Sebastian a nudge, and he laughs at me. I have never realized how comforting his laugh is. Even the smile on his face can melt any heart away. Just holding my hand in his is making my skin tingle again. His body radiates with warmth. He is going to make some girl very happy one day. Since that kiss, I have seen all these other things about him. And it makes me very sad that I will not be the one that he will share those things with. I just hope I do not break him for other women. I would hate to think that he will be sad and lonely because of what I did to him. What this cancer did to his heart, it might be eating at my body, but it is taking the life from his.

"Where are we going, Kati?

"You will see. You are going to love it. Now stop whining."

We walk through the woods; the smell of wet grass fills the air. Hundreds of birds are waking the morning with their songs. The river is bubbling in the background. It is an absolute paradise; it is not only spectacular but very peaceful.

When we reach a clearing, there is a breathtaking view that awaits us. There are thousands of thousands of pink and white blossoms everywhere. Right In the middle is a giant tree. It looks old, but it is still a beautiful sight. It has very long branches that fall to the ground like a waterfall.

"Kati, how on earth did you find this?"

"You were sleeping; I had nothing to do."

The sunrise is reaching the horizon. Sebastian places the blanket on the floor. He sits next to me and pulls me close while we watch the sun rises up in the sky. I just cannot help to think that everything that I am experiencing now will be one of the very last times that I would.

I can remember with my mom, we all thought that we did have enough time. We thought that she will still be able to do the things she always wanted to do. So we put them off, and even then, we thought that we had all the time in the world. Our visits were not frequent; most of our time was spent inside. We said the world could wait; there is always tomorrow. The fact is, there was never enough time, to begin with from the start. Regret is a monster that can eat you up from inside. I am don't even dare to think that even I have already run out of time.

This brings me to that kiss. Do I want to break Sebastian's heart? Is it better for the cancer to do it? All I know is that I do not wish to take regret to my death bed, and maybe I will be selfish to tell him because I will be doing it for my own reasons. I don't want to be rejected, but I don't want to know that I will die without saying it just once.

"Sebastian."

"Yes, sweety."

"Do you know what I am going to regret the most?"

"What would that be?"

"Never being in love."

"Have you never been in love?"

"I don't know what it feels like to be truly loved. Well, I think I do. I think I have experienced it."

"Why you say think?"

"I don't know if it is real or if it is just because I am dying."

Sebastian is looking at me as if the wind has been knocked from his lungs. Did I just see sadness creep into his eyes? Maybe it was the wrong time and the wrong place to have ever brought this up.

"Sebastian, do you believe in finding love in the most unexpected places?"

"I believe that if true love is supposed to find you, it will find you wherever you are."

He is right in saying that I am just going to follow my heart for the time of rational thing has long time gone. And as he watches me struggle with this choice, he reminds me once again that all I have is three months.

"Kati, I think you should tell him; we don't know what's going to happen in the next few months to come."

"But…"

"No buts, phone him, don't wait. Don't be a fool like me."

Here it goes, if I do not take the risk now, I will never have the chance to do it. Yes, I know that it might be too late, but at least when I go, I will have no regrets. So I take my phone from the basket; my stomach is in a knot. I am so scared, but I have to, even if he does not feel the same way.

I dial his number. The phone rings.

Sebastian looks at me funny; he seems completely confused. I think he has not gotten the idea; the more it rings, the more that smile grows on his face. But wait, he is just going to tease me now as he always does.

"Why are you phoning me? I thought you are dialing the guy you in love with."

"Oh, Sebastian, you are so dumb. It's you silly."

He does not say a word. He pulls me into his arms and squeezes me so tight. He places a gentle kiss on my lips and smiles.

"I might be dumb, but I know I love you."

And so we sit in each other's arms, thankful that we have found each other before it is too late. I would never have thought that he actually felt the same way about me, but I am so glad that he does; otherwise, I would have made a complete fool of myself.

So it is with somewhat peace in our hearts that we spend the rest of the day under the tree. And as night comes, we find ourselves watching some girly movie. I know he hates them, but he is set on doing everything for me.