Chương 63: Spies in the circle
"I find you strange." I roll my eyes as Anthony invades my space. I sat on the stands overlooking the field watching the Lacrosse team practice. "Do you actually want to date Macius?" I want to ignore him but the question was valid, Do I? I have no idea. He has his own charms, he's kind, he's considerate, he's hot so there's that but because of the boundaries we placed I could easily pull away from this relationship. I'm not entirely invested because we just started.
"I'm interested. He's just… things are… fuck! He's too likable!"
"I don't see the problem."
"Because you are part of the problem, I'm not here to speak to you anyway. I'm here to see Macius." He rolled his eyes as he hopped down to the field. As he came into sight I felt as if my problems were trivial again.
"What do you need to talk about again? If it's about what we talked about Friday night I don't know what to do to make you feel secure. It's on you."
"My problem is with you. Can you at least acknowledge that I'm not the one you had in mind?"
"Zayn, oh my god, what are you talking about?"
"You wanted Lorel and you two have better chemistry than we might ever have. You guys gel together so well. People might as well assume you're dating- oh wait they already are!"
"Then do you want me to not talk to Lorel?" He says almost sarcastically.
"No I didn't say that. I'm saying just sayi- Fuck this oh my god I'm a jealous selfish person and you're annoying me I'm not saying don't speak to so and so but can you tone it down. I feel like you're flirting with my friends and that jackass in my face! I hate feeling like this! Oh my god! Couldn't you see how uncomfortable I've been! One thing you should learn about me or should have picked up by now when I get quiet I have a problem. How many conversations have we actually had where I haven't checked out? Tell me. I've been ignoring you because I feel like It's all in my head but It also feels like it's plain in my face." I sigh as I said all that in one go. It was really what was on my mind. I tried putting it in a way that didn't seem that bad but to hell with subtle. "I do feel insecure in a way because you obviously go more well together with either one of my friends. You and Lorel go together well in personality wise. You two can carry on conversation well together and it kinda feels like you would rather be with her or Daniela. She's your perfect match if you look at it from a social level. Either one is good on a social level an-" I crouch down with my face in my hands. "Fuck. I can't do this." This was really insecurity. I know it is but I feel like it's not worth it if I have to feel this much fear in my relationship.
"I guess I understand. So now what?"
"Are you really that dense?! WHERE IS THE SORRY FOR NOT BEING UNDERSTANDING?! ARE YOU STUPID?! Just something!!" I yell. I really did just push this to the back of my mind and had it building up. "I just said the problem. You're just making me feel stupid and I don't want to feel stupid. I'm saying what you asked to hear. Am I not saying it clearly?" Am I talking gibberish? Is this it? "You know what, I need space like lots of it. Just space from everybody because I don't make sense. If you call and I decide to answer I hope it's you and not Anthony on the other line or cutting this all off."
I went home to my sister who was busy on a call but shut it off to listen to me and understand. I don't know if it's just me but it feels like me. Probably this is all punishment from God for real for being such a shit person for so long. Giving me mental problems. I mean I'm not that bad but I definitely make the wrong decisions sometimes.
A week passed where I just stayed out of everyone's way and focused on what now is parents week. An influx of important people visit the school to see their children perform in sports. I walked into the locker room filled with anxious students. I guess they were all scared to get out there and they needed a pep talk.
"I swear to god if one of you messes up by tripping me or something I'm committing murder on the field and I mean it." Saintclair exclaimed while pulling on his shoes. Of course he didn't mean it but they didn't know that.
"Ok, guys don't psych yourself out. You're gonna do well and it's just a showcase of your skills. Coach already has the roster which she didn't show to me but I'm sure you'll be well matched. Just get your head in the game and make the coach and your parents glad."
I know the team wasn't idiots or unskilled but the scared looks on their faces was making me think one might trip Saintclair. Even Saintclair was kinda freaking out but was trying not to show it by being extra explosive. I get it there was pressure by their parents to overperform and to show and show them why they pay for them to go here.
As we walked out onto the field a lot of faces I didn't know, met once or saw on tv were scattered across the crowd. Some were the parents of the members or random parents visiting. I could see Spencer and Janae accompanied by my sister sitting in the crowd waving at me and I kinda felt a boost of confidence. Well I know I have it in the bag cuz there was no one here to beat me or so I thought.
"The hell is he doing here?" I hear one the members say as we all look over at the entrance. Aaron? Didn't he drop out?
"Technically. Been taking the rest of my classes online but this is something I have to show my face for so I'm here to impress."
"Impress who?" Rajesh jokes as he rolls his eyes and gets in line.
"You'll see." Me and Saintclair made eye contact as we both were looking around just as confused. The only person who didn't seem too surprised was Aubrey. Did he know? What is this? Coach starts calling the lineup for the races and everyone is just dazed and confused. Is he really supposed to be here?
"Zayn and Aaron." I mean since he's here it's expected but I don't know why I was nervous now. Maybe it's his ominous words and unexpected entrance. I can't mess up. I'm a champion, I'm the best, I will do well like always. I always win and come out on top. I watch as they all do their races against each other while I stand on the side lines. Saintclair won against Rajesh to which he promptly hit in the head and Aubrey went up against a guy that had no chance against him and as my turn came I could feel myself becoming as anxious as they were in the locker room.
"Anxious much?" Aaron quipped which soured the mood. "I thought after sleeping with you it would fix all the hate you got for me and I guess it didn't because you turned around and leaked everything."
"Who said I did that?"
"Mormon." That snake. I knew he was the one responsible for the leak and he tried to pin all of it on me?
"I didn't do that. I threw away that flash drive a long time ago. I'm pretty sure he did that." He just chuckled like I was joking I'm fuming.
"Then why does everything lead back to you? I've been spending most of my time blaming Aubrey but I've seen proof that a lot of things lead to you like you and Saintclair scheming on my downfall. Was bedding me the icing on the cake or something?"
"What the actual fuck are you talking about?"
"Ok main event. Our undefeated in all state championships and our leader Zayn Snipes against our just as good, maybe even better, Aaron. Let's go!" I don't know if his goal today was to piss me off but it was working because I was clenching my jaw tightly and that was a no no.
"Hell…" I whispered to myself.
"GO!" I needed to focus and forget that Mormon, the guy that I gave the benefit of the doubt about being trash just threw me under the bus. I could believe it. I actually considered being his friend for a while because I felt bad he was temporarily crippled. He could go to hell. I don't want to lose. I can't seem like a loser. I am the best like I said. I am undefeated. He was keeping up too well. Way too well. I cannot lose. We both crossed at the same time.
"Neck and Neck right?" I asked the coach.
"I'm not sure," she says, squinting her eyes at the picture on the camera. "What do you think?" She asks one of the assistants.
"I don't know. The man shrugged.
"But look here, his leg is far out."
"Who?"
"Wait." I feel kinda nauseous now.
"Undefeated." Coach smiles as she raises my hand to the audience. I might have had a heart attack if I didn't win. Aaron didn't seem too shaken up about it but definitely a type of way.
"Now what did Mormon say now?"
"See the pictures and videos for yourself." He handed me his phone. These were all pictures from the few times me and Saintclair had to talk to each other which included practice and when we did scheme to cockblock Aubrey.
"This is just framing me in the wrong light. The only time we talk is for training."
"So him telling you I like head is fake. Huh?" The only time that was brought up was at Daniela's party. Something is so wrong right now and I feel watched. "You two really hate me that bad?" Mormon wasn't even there. What the fuck is happening? Nobody associated with Ebany's court at the time was there. "I can't even believe you would stoop that low."
"Low is them videos. We never talked about that and never brought it up to you because I wanted to pretend like you were a good person even if you might be faking everything. That is low. You are low. Are forgetting I did like you at some point even though I knew you were a pretty shitty person. I thought hey maybe this could be real or I could be a little delusional and live in the moment but you were just playing with my feelings to joke about later with your friends while you push me away from mine." I really want to punch him in the face right now. I literally want to break apart a lot of people's bones, especially Mormon. You know break his leg again. Felix Brown was right about that guy.
"I mean at first it was all fun and games and then I started enjoying the time we spent together and then when I started falling and realizing how much I really played with your feelings I knew I had to end things. I really did car- I do care. I know I'm the bad guy but I really do like you." Yeah uh no. He just accused me of working with Saintclair. I would never work with that evil mf ever other than when we conspired against Aubrey. "I can't even trust you either. I'm afraid of you. I feel like you're messing with me in some way and it is stressing me out."
"Like you weren't doing the same! Oh my god! All you do is pretend pretend pretend. You have done way worse to the point and all I do is give you the benefit of the doubt. You are so bad and I still kinda like you and that makes no sense. You literally tore my life apart by placing yourself in it. How did I do that?"
"I knew something was up when I saw you come in with that costume." The lil red one? "I didn't know if you were pulling my leg or not. I felt like someone was spying on me." I mean someone was and that someone was Lorel and or Saintclair.
"We wanted to distract you from Aubrey okay. That was our 'plan'. Guess it didn't work then. That was the whole point. I would never agree with Saintclair on anything but we had one common plan and… jus- just did that I guess." Was I even supposed to share this? Would Saintclair be mad in any way? Well maybe. "I don't have time for this."
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