Black Blood Family

LV 7

Gourmet_DAO

The overall impression is not unique. On the one hand, an interesting and new concept of vampire living is visible. On the other hand, the plot is not very logical, there is a lack of coherence of the narrative. Figuratively speaking, first one thing is said, then it jumps immediately to the fifth and sixth. The lines of narration are sagging. The author is trying to control the plot, rather than letting it naturally develop. Moreover, the author has an original and fresh look at the genre relating to vampires. Therefore, on the one hand, I would like to point out possible mistakes in my opinion, and on the other hand, to praise the author for following a path that has not been walked through the thorns to the stars! Heroes They are somehow strange, their psychology of actions is not entirely clear. Some heroes are surprising, others are disgusted, others are simply misunderstanding, why are they doing this? How can vampires love dogs or cats? If they can? It breaks outdated stereotypes about them, about fictional creatures imposed by ticks. The language and style are unusual, I would rather say not typical for short stories. Reliability in details, alas ... does not correspond to the era, Victorian style, throne, kind, and suddenly the president and vice president appear. This is another time, the throne is usually occupied by the king, king, emperor, prince ... but not the president. Then I was surprised how vampires can elect anyone at all? They can only appoint someone collegially, since this is done in a clan world, tribal and not a democratic society. But perhaps, just as a reviewer, I did not quite understand the author correctly. Therefore, this topic remains in question. The main idea of the novel is that for 11 chapters I haven’t caught it, but the text is original, it’s not a copy of someone’s thoughts, or I just didn’t read novels about vampires. This is not my genre. Therefore, I often talk about this, if I did not undertake to give reviews special on the “subject under discussion,” he would inevitably evaluate it from my experience and knowledge. And the experience of one person is far from universal, it can not be stupidly copied for all occasions. Since knowledge may not be enough on some topic. This novelty is original, as far as I can tell, but the car was visible under the strong impression of the Japanese manga. That's noticeable. But at the same time, the text is purely authorial. He lacks a lot, he looks like the first attempts of an ******* to cook - pancakes. The author adds too much milk and uses not sifted flour, and instead of salt, adds soda. As a result, in the obtained batter, there are lumps of flour, and the taste is a bit strange. The first pancake, it turns out burnt in the corners, but it is possible. Probably the second pancake will turn out better. And the second attempt to prepare a new batter for pancakes will be better. Since the author of the preparation, I have already learned from past bugs. Mistakes? Who does not have them? I would like to cancel that at first the author has small chapters, some unusually large, and then again small. Although it is not for me to talk about this, in one novel I have the first chapters of 3,500, 5,500, 7,600 words, and then slowly go out to 2,500, 1,500, and now they generally become 250-450-750 words each. It’s hard to keep one pace. Also at the expense of updates. Initially, it is thought that it will be easy to write 3-4 chapters a week, and then a new topic captures, and the old novel, until it is postponed, until a new burst of inspiration! My subjective opinion, the novel is an interesting, original idea, but the author probably should rewrite the first 10 chapters to get a single piece of text, so that the story logically develops quietly, and not like now right from the plain of 50 meters jumped 900 meters . The meaning is lost, it seems that the heroes are in a hurry following the author’s instructions, they are more likely to live by the author’s orders rather than their own lives. Actions should be developed, it seems that the author is tired, and therefore accelerated actions. Why am I saying that? Because I had it too. My hero went to the mountains ... yes, he got stuck there, it was too interesting there ... but March remained in the novel and September is already ending. My hero is waiting in the city! The farm is idle! The store did not open! Magical abilities are not fully disclosed! And I began to hurry ... so that he immediately ended up in the city, but then I realized that the hero needed time ... so that he himself went to the city, and not the author drove him there. In general, I liked the novel, because of its originality, some simplicity, it, like frosty freshness, shows new opportunities for the development of the storyline. And also as a refreshing sip of cool spring water on a sunny and hot day. Vampires is not my genre, but the author has every prospect to write an interesting and fascinating novel, but he should work on smooth text and probably dialogs. It remains to wish the author patience, to work through dialogues, and to work and work on a short story, not to start, write 550 words a day, do not forget to update! Good luck to the author! With interest,

LV 6

Brezze

I personally think I'm doing well so far for a new author I just got a notebook app and am revising chapters I'm starting to know where I want the story to go the revised chapters might sound more interesting cause something might be rearranged and possibly added unintentionally when I'm done in there the chapters will be on here til then hope you enjoy so far as always please tell me what you think so I can improve my writing and tell me if you find any flaws much appreciated.

LV 5

opolo

What i am writing may sound rude but you seriously need a lot of editing on the first chapter. There are all sorts of errors; missing commas, full stops, grammar. And instead of explaining multiple things in just one line try to write more. Don't write dialogues in the paragraph. Give some space between each dialogue. Try to write more instead of writing everything in one paragraph. Try to read it yourself after publishing or before that. It will help you find some errors, and make you change structure of some inappropriate sentences. I hope you will try to improve the writing quality in the next chapter.