Chương 10: True Desire 2
We had a son but I lost him when he was just a baby due to a rare disease called aneurism. I took my only child's death so serious that my depression led me to stay in Milan for a while. I missed my home and here I missed Leila. She never left my heart nor my mind. Her memory was always vivid and real to me that even when I'm dreaming she is always there. I didn't understand why until I spoke with Lei now.
Craig was always there for me even to the extent of taking care of me when I was sent to a rehabilitation center to cure me of my drinking problems. When I was younger, I always tease Leila for drinking too much and I never had any vices until I became rich, powerful and holding the world in the tip of my finger. But our bodies, minds and hearts are weak and limited. I thought I could do it and carry the weight of the world on my shoulders, but no, I couldn't, I am not God, I am not a saint nor a good person in totality. I was a girl who wanted to be loved, accepted and given importance since even Leila used me as her rag and tissue paper that whenever she losses interest with a certain guy or broke up with him, she would come running to me for sympathy and after she dumped her bad moods, pissed off days and crazy wild escapades, she would eventually leave and do her same old routine and fade away.
I never thought that I could feel pain of being broken and helpless. I felt that when Leila went away and Craig supported me to stand firm and survive my fears, doubts and need of being accepted, loved and to love someone back. I learned to love Craig and when he asked me to marry him, I was hesitant and told him that I only love one person and he knows who that is, but he still accepted me for who I am and was. I became Mrs. Craig Sommersby and I didn't know that he was the popular and affluent guy Sommersby of a prominent family in England.
But he remained simple and good to me and his relationship with me as his wife. He never told us that he was very rich back in the grade school days because he was shy and wouldn't want for me to be scared since his body guard was always around poking and guarding his every move from morning until sundown.
That was a very strange day when Craig tried to kiss me in front of our classroom with all the girl students in line to say hi to him, those who were admiring and crushing on him that time.
It was weird when he kissed me on the lips, he asked if he was a good kisser, but the truth is, he sucked and he tasted peanut butter and jelly sandwich, the snack that I really hated since I'm allergic to peanuts. It's a good thing that I have an epi pen with me that in case I had bug bites and accidentally ate peanuts, I have a quick and easy solution for my allergy. Okay, so, I married Craig and we had a son who we lost when he was about three years old.
After I recovered from my depression losing our precious son, Craig wanted to go back to Milan since his dad wanted to see him and me again after ten years of not visiting his family due to our busy schedules at work and all. I missed my family too, so I bought many gifts to surprise them when we went home for Christmas after many years of celebrating the special occasion in New York or Manhattan. Craig didn't tell me about his illness and cancer took a toll on him that at New Year's Eve, he collapsed in front of me still smiling. I cried and got worried. I love Craig and he is a good and handsome man. The only man I will always love and there's Leila. Craig died three days after we sent him to a nearby hospital in Milan. We were supposed to travel back to New York to get a second opinion and for him to undergo chemotherapy but it was already too late. How was I blind or careless? I should've thought that the late nights and the long hours at the bathroom might have been because he wasn't feeling good. His body was in bad shape, the doctor told me that he had been struggling with the illness for ten years now. But when he met me his life changed and he wanted to live and be happy with me. He was happy. Craig left me a letter and a video about how much he loves me. He didn't mean to leave me so soon but he is a happy man doing so. Craig gave me all sorts of praise and loving words, that now I still miss him as the days pass by. Without him I felt like I lost another best friend and as if I could no longer live. Living without a purpose is too much but living without my partner in life was the hardest to come by and I felt broken for years until I came home to Milan again and met Lillian, Leila's doting daughter.
Craig left all his estates and companies in my care. He told me on the video that I am the only one who can handle all of them with so much love and compassion. His staff and employees loved him that every one, thousands of them mourned for his death. Sommersby family and lineage could never be whole again since Craig was the eldest and he had no heir to continue his line and his life as a prominent part of England's high class society.
I never told anyone yet, but I just found out after Lillian visited me at home, that I was actually three months pregnant. I was totally shocked but I delighted that Craig's memory and lineage wouldn't be lost. He told me in the video that he knew who I truly love. He knew that I love Leila and after he has gone, he urged me to find her and continue the chapter of her life with the one she truly loves, Leila. The pages of my married life ended when Craig died and he said that I need to be strong, to look forward to the future and to fall in love again just like the time when I fell for him, that made him crazy obsessed with me until the time he died in my arms the eve of the new year.
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