Chương 29: Doubts

Philip clearly had a sense of guilt, which for some reason made David feel guilty. So they both sat rather sullenly holding cans of beer topped with pear juice. It was David's choice to decide that, for now, he had had enough of the normal beer that had put him in that unpleasant Friday situation.

"The rumors haven't spread, fortunately," muttered Philip, sitting with his back to a monitor on which figures from a popular online game were running. He himself had logged out of the game at this point, but was keeping an eye on the match just being played. "Fortunately, people like you, and I guess they decided that the whole situation must have been more upsetting than amusing for you," he said.

"That's good. If my parents found out..."

He wasn't worried about rumors that he was gay, because he would have easily denied those. After talking to Ursula, he would have even done so without flinching, because he wasn't about to let a label stick to him because of who he had fun with. Besides, his parents probably wouldn't make a scandal out of it. His mother, every time she heard about some gay scandal straight out of Hollywood or some other breeding ground for gossip, insisted that everyone had the right to love whoever they wanted. He also had the impression that he had once seen her with a book suggesting gay content. His father also knew about his wife's interests and beliefs, so he probably wouldn't reject a gay son. Rather, David was afraid that they would both worry about his safety and might suddenly become overprotective, something he certainly didn't want.

"You, but what's the deal with Meiden?" Philip lowered his voice so that no one would accidentally hear him, no one, meaning his mother, father or younger sister passing by the door. "I wasn't going to ask, but I'm so curious..."

"Hm, what about him... What specifically do you mean?"

"Well, when he took you from the disco."

"Oh, that! He accidentally destroyed my clothes and wanted to apologize to me. My mother told him where I was. But what about your face?"

"He destroyed your clothes?" Philip was unnaturally red. "Then, when you guys, you know...?"

"When we...?"

The cogs in David's brain began to turn.

"No!!! Are you stupid?!!!"

However, he quickly quieted down. He too was afraid that someone might accidentally hear them. Some of the younger sisters had incredibly sensitive hearing. But he also couldn't let Philip have an inadequate idea of what had happened between David and Meiden. He briefly told him the story of their first meeting.

"Ah, so that's how it was. And how is it between you two now?"

How is it between them? Normal, thought David. Bland. Boring. Actually there was nothing at all.

"We cleared up misunderstandings and returned to professional relations. His cousin was with him over the weekend, but she left today."

After David promised to take care of Meiden, Ursula was somehow calmer. They talked several more times, although not for as long. David showed her the area, even took her to town in a van, and had the impression that the visitor from Norway had a great time, although they didn't really do anything specific. Maybe it was the change of climate and environment?

During Ursula's visit, David hardly saw Gustav. Apparently, he worked locked in his office. David tried to ask Ursula what he was working so hard on, but she just shrugged her shoulders. With a smile, of course. He was convinced that she knew, she was just keeping it a secret for some reason. David deduced that if Gustav wanted him to know what his boss was working on, he would simply tell him.

Besides, David had more important matters of his own on his mind.

"You know, I was thinking about Berenice," he confessed quietly. "The thing with Meiden was just a coincidence and nothing really serious, but I went to the disco afterwards in order to, you know... It's not fair to her."

"Are you feeling well?" asked a concerned Philip. "Maybe you have a fever?"

"What, no, I just... I was supposed to confess my love to her, and I went to the disco to try it with a guy. Don't you think that's not fair?"

"I absolutely don't think so," he assured firmly. "On the contrary, I think you acted very fairly. You started to have doubts, so you wanted to dispel them before you confessed your love for her. Because if you had discovered that, you know, after you confessed everything to her and started a happy relationship, then you would have had a problem and she would have been seriously hurt. Don't you think so?"

"All in all, you're right, but..." he sighed. Until now, the matter was clear - he had Berenice in his heart, so even if opportunities arose to be intimate with a woman, he always gave up the opportunity. Yes, he went to discos to dance with girls, but he never kissed any of them and never even thought about going to bed with one, because the image of Berenice always appeared before his eyes. Even when he felt a strong physical attraction, he dealt with the problem alone. He was so faithful to Berenice that the thought of anyone else didn't even cross his mind for a moment.

Until Meiden did what he did to him.

One practically innocent situation made him start thinking about betrayal. He started planning it. Who knows, if it had not been Greg, but someone else, say Meiden again, wouldn't David have succumbed to carnal temptation? So did he still have the right to claim that he loved Berenice? Did he still have the right to profess his love for her? After all, she deserved someone who would love her with all his heart, without wondering if she was pulling him toward guys. Berenice deserved one hundred percent devotion and he was still unsure at this point whether he would lean toward a man at the moment of trial.

Berenice deserved someone better than someone as weak as David.

But despite all the failure at the disco, was Philip right? Maybe David should test his will, his body, his desires and his fidelity? His sin was Meiden, not some random guy. Meiden, who had male erotica on his computer and once had a boyfriend in real life. He was also very handsome and not so much a stranger to David as someone casually met at a disco. If David is tempted by a man, it will probably be Gustav Meiden. After all, if he succumbed to temptation once, it was possible that he would succumb to it again. There was probably something of that chemistry between them that Ursula mentioned was missing between her and Gustav.

Perhaps it would have been a good idea to break off all contact with the Norwegian to avoid potential temptation. However, David could not do that. First, his father's company needed the contract, and second, Dawid didn't want to run away. He wanted to face the potential temptation and see once and for all if he had the right to dream about Berenice.

***

Yet the fear was too great in David and the boy did not dare to face Meiden.

He had a great excuse to avoid the Norwegian. At this point, there was nothing to do in the palace. Not for the gardener, at least. So David hovered between the field and the greenhouses for two days. Here, however, there wasn't much work to do either, especially since his father's cast had already been removed and he enthusiastically set to work. Under such circumstances, willy-nilly, David noticed that his thoughts increasingly turned toward the big house and its owner.

Thoughts and sight.

It was no longer a matter of putting himself out there. He was simply curious to see how Meiden was doing after his cousin's departure. Well, and after all, he had promised Ursula that he would take care of him.

The neighborhood was already rumbled with news that the new owner was a young, handsome Norwegian, and everyone was curious about him. The neighborhood had been rumbling for days, only David had never noticed it before. Everyone wondered who this Norwegian was and what he looked like, but as it turned out, no one except the Krosny family had seen him. Hearing this, David furrowed his brow in surprise. What do you mean, Meiden doesn't go out to the store? Not even to buy bread?

David knew, of course, that Krauze had brought him some supplies, and Ursula too, but they were only out on weekends. Now they had Wednesday, and the Norwegian still had no fresh bread. I guess he doesn't live on those cereal rusks they showed as bread in the ads? That kind of thing might have been nutritious and durable, but now he was in Poland and he should try decent Polish bread, which was second to none in the world.

Maybe he shouldn't pry too much, he thought, but after all, he had promised Ursula. He thought for a while, even beat with his own thoughts, which on the one hand wanted to help, on the other thought that he should avoid the Norwegian after all, and finally went to the bakery to buy a fresh loaf of bread. Common human decency prevailed.

At the palace gate, however, doubts came over him.

Should he really enter the house of the man who had done THAT thing to him? Should he really put himself to this test?

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