An oasis system in Naruto and I'm the first kazekage in SUNA(HAREM)

LV 5

mutekishifu

Don't take the low rating as an attack. First of all, I don't have a problem with summons – if you want, you can summon the entire Gotei 13 with its 100,000 shinigami... as long as you can make it fun. The issue is that by focusing on summoning, you sacrifice a lot in world-building and character development. A more interesting alternative would be to have a small Berserion clan and let Erza come from that clan. This way, she could be trained by you as her master and earn system rewards, evolving with your guidance. You’d build a relationship this way, something similar to what could be done with Zoro. The problem here is that your story is filled with nonsensical moments – and when I say "filled," it's like the number of stars in the sky. For example: I just became Kazekage – what should I write about the village's development? You attempt to address this, but very superficially. You start talking about events 40 or 60 years in the future, which doesn’t make sense now and could be addressed later. Then you create an Anbu, a Root, and a ninja school… Alright, but how is this organized? How many ninjas do you have? What's the projection for the future? Who is on your administrative council? Which Suna clans helped you found the village? After all, this is the first generation, so there would naturally be political dynamics. What are the main challenges, and how did you solve them? It feels like you have ten tons of gold but nowhere to spend it. It gets to a point where you say you've done something, but we never see the main character giving orders to any Suna shinobi. I challenge you to name a single Suna character, aside from the summoned ones. This makes the novel deserve zero stars, and it's my biggest problem so far. Regarding the Daimyo, this part irritated me deeply, as I questioned your logical reasoning here. Where have we ever seen a Kage pay a Daimyo? It’s the Daimyo who allocates resources. What’s his role if you’re the one paying? It’s like saying, “Here’s a ton of gold, Daimyo, please continue to favor us.” But what is he even contributing if the money apparently comes from the Kazekage?

LV 15

Daoist_Cloudwalker

you shoot ur self I the foot by doing character summoning it kind breaks the whole novel

LV 4

Boing_boing_man

Shameless author, giving myself a five star rating, hope y’all stick around cause I have a lot of stories coming from Wattpad to WebNovel

LV 14

Daoist0Reaper

the story is too fast-paced not well structured i get your thoughts and idea and am impressed but their execution is not done properly when one is writing something he want the reader to immerse themselves in that character and there are many points which is not done properly like training it said he trained for some time(don't remember exactly) what was the suna development then then he planted the adam tree then what you just planted and left he extracted gold and used it for suna economy how like what he improved other than daimiyo backing he captured 1 tail brought it back and left it main point focus on world building

LV 4

KingPumpkin3

I see potential in this keep going.