Chương 6: Some Bits of Her Traumatizing Past

Irene didn't know what she was supposed to do with the Pizza. She went to Melissa's room in hope that she might be able to help her out but Melissa was asleep by the time she reached her room.

"Oh, Angel." Irene sighed on realizing that she would have to handle it on her own. Keeping the bag on the table, she carefully lifted the book in Melissa's hand and covered her with a comforter.

"Sorry," she mumbled to Melissa, hating that she left Melissa worried for her for so long.

Oh, how selfish she had been to leave Melissa worried because of her problems! Melissa was the one to take her in when everyone else had abandoned her. Melissa was the one to protect her from every harsh word thrown at her. Melissa was the one to shield her from the bullies who tried breaking her self-esteem. Melissa was her guardian angel. She was infuriated with her own self for causing her to get anxious. Melissa had already done a lot for her. She couldn't bother her more.

She quickly picked the bag again and stepped out of the room, slowly pulling the door behind her, careful enough not to wake Melissa up from any sound.

Throwing herself on her bed, she laid on her stomach once she was in her room. It was becoming tough for her to contain the pain that was killing her. The pain came out and it came out breaking every bit of her. She didn't know what she had done to deserve the suffering that was written in her fate.

"Stop crying," she harshly told herself, while furiously wiping her tears that saw no end. She pressed her palms on her face as she cried for the failure of her relationship with her very own Ayden. Not even in her wildest dream, she had seen it coming. She was glad to have sent Grace back. Grace would have got angrier had she seen her awful condition.

She hoped that Grace listened to her and did not fight with Ayden. She knew it for a fact that Ayden was in pain as well. She had spent three years of her life with him. She loved him. Regardless of everything, she still wouldn't tolerate a scratch on him.

What she said to him was different. She held the right to say that but anyone else putting him in more pain than he already was… unbearable to her. Her heart ached at the brutal way everything had ended.

"Did you… not know everything, Ayden? Despite that… you didn't realize in what way this would impact me?" She sobbed as everything kept repeating in her mind. That guy… his words… his gestures and Ayden's conversation with Ashton that she had heard. She couldn't get a thing out of her mind.

It all… had crushed the soft emotions and delicate feelings her heart held for him. "I admit knowing about your insecurities but did I not do everything I could to make sure you know that I loved you? I stopped interacting with the guys in our class altogether. For you. So that you never feel that anyone could take me away from you. I did everything I could, Ayden. I did everything I could. What about you? Did you not know about my insecurities? I still can't understand how you could even think of doing this."

Teardrops rolled one after the other down her cheeks. Her breathing became uneven and she was almost on the verge of a panic attack. The more she tried to get a grip on herself, the more she lost it.

She hadn't had that kind of an episode lately. Having lost whom she could call her family at a tender age and being left alone since then, having lived every day with the constant fear of losing people like she had lost her family, having desperately tried to deal with her problems alone for not wanting to burden Melissa more… had taught her a lot of things and one of them was to pretend to be okay even when you are not.

One incident, one gesture, one indirect accusation and the years of practice had come crumbling down. It had taken her quite a lot of time to get to a point where though her past saddened her, she could go on with her days without feeling awful but that day, she felt that she was back to square one.

The constant realization that Ayden had never truly trusted and understood her was not letting her breathe.

'I promise to trust you in the way you deserve to be trusted. I promise to never doubt you. I promise to believe you when nobody would. I promise to stay by your side when everyone leaves. I promise... to love you in the way you deserve to be loved, Irene.'

A fresh stream of tears escaped her eyes as she recalled his words when he had proposed to her.

"You certainly did not keep your promise, Ayden. You certainly did not. Why did you not trust me? You also thought that I am the same, didn't you, Ayden?" She let out a bitter chuckle, as her dream castle was finally broken and she was met with reality.

His insecurities did not hurt her the most but rather, it was his choice. He chose to test her and not to talk to her. One of the first things they had decided in the early days of their relationship was… communication. Rather than discussing what was bothering him with her, he had chosen to go ahead with something he knew would hurt her to the extent where she could fall apart.

"How could you do it Ayden? Despite knowing that growing up as being taunted as a gold digger's daughter had traumatized me. How could you?"