Chương 6: Chapter VI
Looking at that name, who's surname doesn't match mine, I feel helpeless in so many ways...
I cry for many minutes while bowing down onto the stone path, my head touching the ground and the sobs shaking me all over -I'm sorry... I should have came sooner but... I couldn't, each time I tried I froze I'm fear... I'm sorry dad, I'm sorry!- I apologize over and over, not daring to watch at that gray stone
-I... Never gave you honour, I didn't clean your tomb or ever brought any flowers... I'm sorry, I'm the worst...- I shout toward him, trying to wipe off some of the dust -To think you died because of me and yet I treat you so badly-
More memories about that night come to me...
Father was been weird lately, more than so... Since before my birth he started becoming weary of something unknown, and later on it had become even more evident... We had no money and that made it even worse.
I remember being worried for him, just the overall feeling but nothing more since I was too young... Probably around 5 or 6 years.
One night I hid onto his little ship, inside a box. My mother said that I was worried about dad doing shady business since he was often going out at night and that's probably why I decided to follow him.
I recall hearing a woman's voice, shouting to my father... That night was storming and I was so afraid of being out in the sea. Once I realized how my father and that woman were fighting I left my hiding spot and run to him, calling for him... The woman was on another boat, a big and expensive one... After she saw me she went feral. I don't remember what she was mad about but all I remember is that our boat was shaking so heavily and we clashed with her's a few times...
My father said something, he yelled something asking why I followed him... Then a thunder hit the woman's boat and it snapped in half, crashing against us...
I fell in the water and saw my father and the woman fighting there too... He was reaching to me as I drowned but she kept trying to stop him... When I was loosing conscience I noticed the woman's hand on my father's neck while a knife penetrated her abdomen.
Anything else is blurry... I still don't know how I survived, maybe someone saved me or maybe I just drifted off to the shore... Maybe I even swam myself, but forgot it due to the shock.
...
I rest my arms over the tombstone and lay my head down, sobbing and gasping for air.
I realized only after what happened... My father was having an affair behind my mother's back, the mistress had no idea about my father's family and upon seeing me she realized the truth... So basically I killed my father.
One simple act of kindness, of worry... A kid's love for their parent, brought him to death... And with his death much worse happened, we fell completely in poverty and mother became sick... To this day I get scared of the sea when it's storming...
-All because of me... I ruined this family... I'm sorry, I'm sorry- my voice sounds high-pitched and almost inaudible, I cover my ears with the hands to push away all the screams in my mind -I know, it's my fault...! If it wasn't for me you would still be alive... Mom wouldn't...! I'm sure we would still have managed to be happy... Dad... I'm sorry...- I hiccup while talking into the nothingness, starting to feel lightheaded after crying so much.
...
I hear the sounds of steps approaching and rise my head, wiping the tears away, it's probably the Duke coming to pick me up for the ride back. I wipe off more dust from the tomb and stand up -I apologize for the terrible sight...- I say before he could call me out as a disgusting cry baby, looking down on the ground.
He stops in front of me and doesn't say anything, like he usually does.. Yet the silence is too intense this time, too long even. I rise my head and see him staring at the tombstone with wide eyes, completely shocked as hundreds of questions run through his mind.
-This man... How do you... Know him?- he asks, faking calmness. I tilt my head confused -Why do you ask? He was... My father-
He brings a gloves hand to his mouth and takes a step back -He had children...? No that's... Impossible, that's not what I knew-
His words somehow scares me -You knew my father?! How?! Tell me everything, please!- my risen voice seems to call him back to reality and he recollects himself, shaking his head -No I didn't, not personally. How come he's your father yet you have different surnames and no official correlations?- he simply asks
-I don't know either... I wish I did...- I say, pushing away the need to ask him more, just to wipe off some more tears -I'm not an illegitimate child so why can't I carry my father's surname? Nobody ever told me the reason, not because they don't want but more because they don't know... The other Nobles don't believe I am his child, they say my mother cheated and had me with someone else and my father still forgave her and took me in, but couldn't bring himself to name me after him. Some even say I'm falsely claiming to be from his family only to earn money... As if my father had anything left before dying for me to inherit-
I take a deep breath -But none of that is true, I am his actual kid and of that I am sure. He... Died because of me-
He presses his lips together, looking at the sky behind me -It's getting dark, let's go back. We can talk more on the boat- he reaches out an hand, I look at it and then his eyes -Am I allowed to touch you?- he rises an eyebrow and grabs my hand first -Let's return-
And so we make our way back to the dock, our ride back is mostly spent with me talking about how my father died. The Duke silently listen to everything I say, not adding a single word nor showing any emotion for my story... He only looks... Confused? As if he knew this story from a different perspective.
I want to know more, I want to talk with him, I don't want to part ways on the wharf, I want to grab his arm and stop him as he walk away, I want answers to my doubts...! Why is he so interested? What does he know about my father that I don't?!
But I don't do a single thing, I stand there unmoving while watching his back moving away from me. Twisting my hands in regret...
"Can I... Talk with him again after today?" I think, his figure becoming smaller and smaller... "Am I just letting him go this way? No... No!"
-Lord Duke!- I shout and see him turn his head behind -Thank you...- I manage to say and wave my hand goodbye.
Chương 7: Chapter VII
On my way back home I find myself smiling happily, even tho it was a a day full of negative emotions I still feel... Good?
It's as if I managed to make peace with someone after a misunderstanding. As if something I've been postponing for ages, finally came to an end.
Surely the good deeds of The Duke helped in relieving my sour mood, even if he made me question so many things... He offering me help was enough to make me content for a whole week. Someone as good an Noble as him helping trash like me feels like an act of forgiveness from God.
I look down to the ground while walking, smiling and grabbing onto the fabric of my clothes happily. Uncaring for anything else going on right now
-Woah hey, look where you're going... Haha- a pair of hands gran my shoulders and stops me from bumping into them, it's Giacomo's voice! I look at him and smile -What are you all giggling about, uh?- he smirks upon noticing my expression
I rise an hand to cover a laugh escaping my lips -My apologies, I was simply in a good mood-
-And why is that?- he rises an eyebrow, kind of dumbfounded by my reply -You're awfully serene today- he says that almost questioning himself if that was possible to being with.
-It's nothing particular... I just managed to go somewhere I've been wanting to since a while-
-Ok...- he sounds wary but then shrugs it off -Anyway, are you busy this evening? I was heading to a party, nothing too fancy. I just need a pretext to meet with a girl- he smirks charmingly -It's already past 18, what do you mean by "his evening"?-
He laughs -I mean now-
-Now?!- I yell but he's already grabbing my forearm and dragging me down the road -Wait!!! I'm not wearing anything appropriate...!- I worry looking at my everyday clothes with dusry patches from my trip to the cemetery.
-You'll be fine- he says -But I have no makeup on for a party, nor a wig either!- he scoffs -I told you it's not a fancy occasion, just some dancing and food. Well actually... I think they asked to wear a mask since the carnival is drawing near, they want to get into the mood! Let's stop by somewhere and buy one- he exults
-What?! You gotta be joking, you can't show up to a party with an uninvited guest... Especially NOT me!- I try to protest but he won't budge and just shove me onto a gondola -Let's go!-.
...
We reach the house and I try to fix my messed clothes before tying the mask to my face -Nobody will recognize you, since you seem you're so worried about my already terrible reputation- he comments -Nobody will believe that it's you under such normal and boring clothes-
-Thank you, I guess?- I say and we both burst out laughing before entering the door.
Once inside, hundred of eyes turn in my direction but for once they aren't looking at me but at the man beside me... The music comes to an halt for a few seconds before starting again.
I pass completely unwatched, I walk in front of those gazes and still remains unnoticed, ujudged... A feeling I have not the grace to know of, having to sell myself as the most ridiculous out there just to kiss those people's shoes and earn a coin.
A feeling I didn't knew was so good, I can breathe and not care about my comportment for once... Just enjoy the party as everyone else does.
Taking advantage of everyone's disinterest in me, I sneak away and head to one side of the hall... I lean against a wall and look around, I realize that I don't even know where I am... The house is extremely big so it probably belongs to those Nobles very high up in the society, the kind of people whom I can't even approach.
As I am lost looking at all the different painting and chandeliers, a man approaches me -Good evening...- says the man with a black mask that covers his whole face, his appearance is tidy and neat... Maybe even too much for a Venetian party
-Good evening to you too, Sir- I reciprocate and take a step to walk away but then stop... For once that I can simply chat with another person with no ulterior motive, why shouldn't I? -I was wondering, who's mansion is this?-
-You attend a ball and don't even know who's the one welcoming you in their house?- his sentence could sounds as a mockery but somehow his tone shows genuine wonder -It is a General's Villa from the Kingdom of Savoia, he had the naive idea of hosting a party for his Lord to feel the Carnival atmosphere- he says lightly pissed -In fact, he just wants to live a mundane life that wouldn't be otherwise allowed in his home... Well, that's what I heard at least-
I tilt my head -Uh really?! So you think that graceful Duke is here?- I ask immediately interested and looking around
-Yes he definitely is around- he breathes heavily -But most importantly, why are you even here if you don't know that much?-
I smile awkwardly -Oh well... I got dragged here against my will by a friend- I point to one side -It's all his fault, Casanova wouldn't even let me protest and threw me into a gondola-
He sighs -Guess we're both here against their will then, anyway... Listen to my advice and stay away from that man-
-Uh? Why?- I ask but he doesn't give me a clear reply -Just trust me- he says moving away but stops for a second -By the way, you've got some dust on your knees... Be careful or the other Nobles might say you were kneeling on the ground all afternoon and disrespect you- and then he disappears in the crowd
-Wait... How do you...?! Ah, he's gone- I sigh and head for the buffet, when I can eat I should make the most of it!
And without further worries I sneak to the long tables full of food, it might not be something "fancy" as Giacomo said... But you can definitely see the difference between these parties and the ones I normally managed to attend.
The food is more elegant and exotic, there's a whole trail with small chocolate sweet treats called Gianduiotti... Those should be from the Kingdom of Savoia if I recall correctly, there are also many French dishes and desserts, such as Aligot.
I look at those dancing dresses in the ballroom while I enjoy my dinner, feeling completely out of place... Wondering if I will ever be part of that world like I was supposed to.
SUY NGHĨ CỦA NGƯỜI SÁNG TẠO
Ama_ma
Ama_ma
I wonder who that masked man was...? Haha probably the only one who knew who was wearing such "normal and boring" clothes
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