Chương 3: Horny Man vs Vicious Goblin
[Sex Sells]
[Your stats will grow exponentially the more aroused you are. In order to increase your stats as much as possible, surround yourself with beautiful, busty wives! The easiest way to get wives is through the wife gacha system, however, if you are charismatic enough, you may be able to pull baddies in the real world.]
[Stats]
[Strength: 20 –> 1,000,000]
[Dexterity: 20 –> 1,000,000]
[Intelligence: 0 –> 999,980]
[Charisma: 0 –> 999,980]
[Stamina: 20 –> 1,000,000]
[Arcane: 20 –> 1,000,000]
Nick stood in the boiling water, completely unaffected. Looking down, he realized that his bulging muscles had somehow snapped apart the rope. His muscles really were bulging though–he could clearly see their veins.
Looking around the nest, he saw a large mixture of goblin guts and human cum.
'What–I did this?' He thought with wonder before looking down at his erect member.
Sure enough, it was a long, hard weapon of mass destruction. However, it was out of fuel. And the surviving goblins were not happy to find their comrades killed in such an awful manner.
Seeing that the coast was clear, the remaining goblins jumped out of their hiding spots, howling with rage as they brandished their spears.
Nick raised his own fists, now filled with confidence. As long as he stayed horny, he would be able to easily kill these goblins.
The first wave of goblins launched themselves at him. Nick casually sidestepped 2 of their spears before kicking another goblin square in the groin, turning him into red mist. Even if his body didn't explode from impact, the pain of such a blast would've surely incapacitated him anyway.
Nick stared at his bloody leg for a second, as if in disbelief that he had actually killed something. Taking advantage of the opening, one of the goblins attempted to skewer him. However, Nick was far too prepared and grabbed the goblin by his neck.
He imagined that girl choking on his cock, relying only on him for air. Her beautiful, petite mouth struggling to hold on but braving the journey all the same. He could already feel her head bobbing back and forth as she slid her tongue around, expertly licking every crevice of his cock. He could feel the little jolts of energy as his 3rd leg clenched in the moments before release.
The cries of dead goblins broke him from this daydream. Narrowing his eyebrows, he set his eyes on the few goblins remaining.
During his daydream, he must have killed the majority of the goblins.
Because of this, the few remaining goblins began running away, praying that they could survive. Unfortunately for them, Nick wanted his 1,000,000 gold coins. And besides, he had to save that girl. For the quest, nothing else, trust.
He shivered as he felt her hand slide across his back, exploding his body in ecstasy.
(How can one man have so many daydreams?!)
Following the goblins, he quickly killed the last few goblins. Their mangled corpses littered the battlefield. Nick knew he was no longer a fat loser anymore-he was now an op MC like Rimiru.
And it was time to claim his prize. Well, not yet.
Looking at himself, he realized he was covered in goblin blood. He knew it would be a bad idea to go free the girl now. He had to wash up first so that he could make a good first impression. Using his enhanced hearing caused by his arousal, he ignored her request to be untied and instead focused on the sound of rushing water.
Lucky for him, there was a stream nearby.
Lowering his body into the cold water, he let out a low moan of ecstasy. The blood he was covered in washed off of him quickly, as if it was just a coat of paint he could shed whenever. Nick let out a satisfied sigh as he prepared to lift himself out of the water.
Then, he realized something else had washed off of him.
Cum.
Looking back to the water, he prayed, 'Please don't allow there to be fishes here...'
That was a fact he had learned from school. One of his friends made sure to let everyone know if you cum in the toilet, it mutates the fish.
In this setting, it'll surely create some nasty monsters.
'Well, can't fix it now.' Nick thought as he went to claim his prize.
Speaking of, why didn't he get his gold yet? He killed all of the goblins, didn't he?
"Where are you, puny human?!"
A voice echoed throughout the cave, shaking it at its very foundations. Stalactites dropped from the roof of the cave, dozens of murderous little projectiles. Most of them landed innocently on the ground and cracked into a million pieces.
However, one landed on Nick's member. And though it was instantly erased on contact, the pain was still unbearable.
"OW MY FUCKING DICK!!!"
Nick howled at this pain, alerting the goblin chief to his location. Because his dick hurt, Nick was becoming less horny by the second. Lucky for the goblin chief, because otherwise the chief's hand would've been eviscerated when he punched Nick.
Instead, his hand only broke.
Both the men began yelling in pain, as if whoever screamed the loudest would win the fight.
"My di-i-ick!!!"
"My hand!!!"
"My woman!!!"
They screamed in unison before glaring at each other.
"My woman." They said in unison again, narrowing their eyes even further.
"MY WOMAN!!!!"
"Jinx!" Nick yelled out, catching the goblin in the kid's game.
For some reason, reality itself forced the goblin to take part in the game. Nick would have one free hit. Which was fair anyway, was it not?
Balling up his fist like he was Muhammad Ali (more like a drunk 60 yo, wannabe boxer), Nick landed a hit clean to the goblin's jaw (barely grazed his chin).
The blow was so devastating that the goblin's head instantly exploded, covering Nick in blood again.
"Shit!!!" Nick yelled, not even caring he had killed the goblin. He was covered in blood, meaning he'd have to clean himself all over again.
Turning from the corpse, Nick stared at the water dejectedly. Slowly lowering his toe into the water, he whispered, "Nice fishies, nice fishies!"
Then he dived into the water, hoping to get the entire ordeal over with instantly.
Big mistake.
The fish had evolved within an instant and were taking their revenge on the man who polluted their waters.
(He was just a bad swimmer.)
Yanking the fish off, Nick sped up through the water and jumped out with such force that he banged his head off the roof of the cave.
When he landed he quickly ran away from the mutant fish, screaming, "Don't eat me!!!"
"If you just fucking free me I won't you bitchass punk motherfucker!!!"
He had run all the way back to the goblin hideout, where the redhead beauty was.
But who changed her into a monster? No lady talks like that!
She glared at Nick again, her face unimaginably sexy even when she was mad. One of her tits was almost even poking out of her dress...
"So? Are you gonna free me or not dickweed?" She asked, putting on a fake smile at the end.
Unsure how to act, Nick walked over to her, one small step (one giant leap for mankind) at a time.
"Oh, so I got contracted to a fucking tease?" She said, rolling her eyes at Nick's slow, timid pace.
Just as Nick crouched, ready to free her, his damn system popped up.
[Quest successful!]
'Shut up before she kills me!'
[Reward: 1,000,000 gold!]
[New feature unlocked: Gacha Summoning.]
'Cool! I mean, not now.'
[Loading summoning tutorial.]
'No- no!!! Wait, summoning? Like a gacha!!!'
(Our degenerate gambler is a bit slow. And maybe his first wife will kill him in the next chapter; who knows?)
[System demands you to shower me with power stones, golden tickets (when contracted), and at least 100 castles (even if I'm not contracted!!!)]
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