Chương 1: Sex Sells
Sex sells.
That's the most basic truth known to the entire world. Whether you're a little kid watching Nala or an adult watching Zootopia, sex finds its way into everything.
(Ok, maybe the speaker is a little deranged.)
Sex sells, and sex is everywhere.
That's a fact Nick had known throughout his entire life, since his first contact with porn. After just that little whiff of exotic passion, he became a little degenerate 12-year-old attaching a beard to his face and faking an ID just to get the latest PlayBoy magazine.
Oh my god, Maggie finally went nude! He'd exclaim with large, beady eyes filled with lust, unknowing of the parent right behind him.
A paddling ensued.
He knew he had to become more deceitful with his antics, as it turned out that exclaiming your junk to the world was not the best course of action. Therefore, he took up a passion for photography and videography.
And now he gets paid a shit wage to watch 2 hot people fuck while he has to do his best to hold in his own urges.
Settle down, rocket man.
But god fucking damn is Gwen hot as shit. The way her tits fucking bounce rhythmically as his cock pounded her...
I wish I had a girl to fuck that hard...
As the man went down on her, exploring a vast cavern of luxurious treasures, the taste of Fritos entered Nick's mouth. That's the most exotic thing he's ever eaten. Usually, he eats some knockoff chips, like ramen.
Nick's groans matched the tempo of Gwen's moans.
"ahhhyea..."
"ehhhyrrr..."
Gwen arched her back as his stub grew, attacking the gate of his pants.
Gwen pushed the man's head down deeper and deeper into the caves as Nick struggled to stop his sword and its onslaught.
"Dee-eper..."
"Dee-ep...her?"
Nick felt the eyes of everyone in the room land on him. For a few seconds, the pornstars kept fucking, but they eventually noticed as well. Gwen rolled her eyes to the back of her head, this time in disgust rather than pleasure.
Droning as she wiped precum off her stomach, she said, "Please don't tell me we have to reshoot this scene. You couldn't have picked a man with a drier mouth."
Only her weaselly assistant paid her any mind, as everyone was far too focused on Nick.
As the man approached him, he slowly backed up feigning a grin. Surveying the surroundings for an escape, he swallowed when he found none.
Pants, please be dry.
"Did you just fucking cum? While watching us fuck?"
Nick felt his heart rate rise exponentially as he returned his gaze to the man.
He looks like he wants to kill me!
(He is grossed out, but ultimately doesn't care as the industry had made him numb to such things.)
Nick's heart began rising the same way his stub had just moments ago. Everyone was looking at him... everyone knew he had ejaculated just by watching this scene!
Both his career and life were over...
Literally. His heart exploded from the stress.
(The author thinks hearts can do that.)
...
Meanwhile
"Every day these imbeciles ["Hero's!" A female voice interjected] die." The God of Piety, Serse, spat as he threw a cube into the cosmos.
A projection of some young hero covered in blood was displayed by the cube. A young blonde beauty lay by his side, crying as the hero bled out.
Serse snapped his fingers and the beauty and fallen hero both disappeared in a puff of smoke, forever gone.
"What would you have us do? My system's the only one that's shown any bit of success!" The Goddess of Love, Hesta, exclaimed–already tired of the insolent god's whining.
"I don't know! Fuck, I'm just a god, how am I supposed to know that shit! I just want to be worshipped!" Serse cried.
Just then, a bright light illuminated the cosmos, and the 2 gods gasped as another hero entered the fray.
Just like all the times before, some hero must have suffered a tragic death in his first life. Maybe he died saving kids from a raging house fire, or maybe he died saving his little brother from having his browser history searched.
Hesta's heart raced as she thought of all the possibilities for this new hero. Somehow, she knew this one had to be even greater than all the warriors before. There had never been a light as bright as this one, not even when Johnny Sins was reincarnated.
The light was so bright that even she, a goddess, had to cover her eyes. Squinting as she marveled at this perfection, she wondered 'What could make a magnificent light? Only the greatest hero!!! One who could even kill the Demon Queen!!"
The light finally receded, revealing the perfect specimen.
A fat, middle-aged man named Nick was staring at her voluptuous tits, his mouth hitting the floor.
'Those are like double, no, triple D's!!! Holy fuck!' He thought as he noticed his third leg rising. At the same time, his heart rate was rising exponentially as well.
'No, shit! Am I gonna die again?' Nick thought, at first with fear.
Then he looked at her huge, perky tits again, tits that waged an endless, cruel war against the little cloth that hid perfection. He got this far by dying, maybe if he died again–
He could get 2 chicks!
Squinting his eyes, Nick thought 'Die, die! C'mon man, just die.'
Nick stood there for a few seconds, looking as though he was constipated.
Hesta blinked before mumbling, "Uh, Hero? Are you, uh... in need of relieving yourself?"
Nick's eyes shot wide open with a mixture of fear and exhilaration.
'Like, a blowjob?! I- I want one, but I don't know if I can be trusted. What if I cum too fast, and it sticks in her throat! One of my friends- well, coworkers, complained about that once.'
Nick was deep in thought while simultaneously trying to keep his raging partner in check.
After a few seconds of careless deliberation, Nick shouted, "Yes, Ma'am! I- I would like a blowjob, please!"
Unsure how to respond, Hesta turned her face away with a blush. Maybe she would after her system was done giving him a makeover. After all, even if he was ugly now, she had never met someone so brave before. His unintentionally callous behavior erupted some part of her nether regions, causing her to squirm.
Serse laughed at Nick's idiocy and Hesta's uncomfortableness before saying, "Idiot, she meant do you need to take a shit!"
Nick stood there for a second, wondering how best to respond. Inside, he was extremely nervous.
'This beautiful goddess probably thinks I'm a pervert!'
(He is.)
Falling to his knees, he begged for her forgiveness–"Oh, goddess! Please excuse me, I don't know why I said that! Please don't hit me!"
"Hit you?" Hesta asked, confused.
"Yes, it is what you're supposed to do with horny bastards like him." Serse droned, sitting on a chair he had summoned.
"Oh."
Then, huffing her chest in preparation, she raised her hand. Blasting her hand through the air with the force of a bajillion planets, she slapped Nick so hard that his entire body exploded.
Staring at the empty space that had just been occupied by Nick, Hesta whispered, "Hey, uh. You ok?"
Laughing, Serse conjured an apple out of thin air. As he munched on the apple, he said, "Well, this hero is going to die pretty fast. I don't even think he'll survive the first quest. Heck, you didn't even get a chance to tell him about the Wife Gacha system you made."
Hesta's eyes widened as she realized her mistake. "Shoot, I did kill him!"
(Even in this situation, the pure, innocent goddess of love refuses to swear.)
...
[Ding! Wife Gacha activated!]
[Summoning system unlocked.]
[Loading...]
[Performing tutorial pull now.]
[Loading...]
[Congratulations! Pulled SSS-Rank wife: Juliana! Chance to pull SSS: .0000000001%]
[Ding! Ability: Sex Sells activated!]
[Loading...]
[Sex Sells: The more aroused you are, the more your stats grow.]
[Quest received!]
[Quest: Save Juliana from the goblin nest.]
[Reward: 1,000,000 gold coins.]
[Punishment: DEATH!!!]
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