Chương 5: Hangover Pancakes
Saturday morning came and went. As the afternoon sun started to rise higher, Ted finally woke up, aching all over his body as he tried to sit up from the floor. Finally, Ted managed to stand up but before he could make his way to the couch, the door burst open.
"Good morning, well afternoon, sleepy head."
"Ugh, Barney? What are you-ow! Shhh."
Ted managed to sit on his couch until he felt a hand go under his arm and another hand gently rubbing his head. Looking up, slowly and carefully, he sees Barney looking back down at him with concern.
"Sit at the table, I'll make you some hangover pancakes, ok?"
Unwilling to decline, Ted followed Barney's lead as he was brought to the dining table. There, all Ted could do was hold his head and try to block out the noises coming from the kitchen. After what felt like forever, the smell of amazing pancakes began to fill the apartment.
"I didn't know you can make pancakes..."
"Oh, yeah Lily got mad I kept asking her to make them for me when I got a hangover so she taught me how. This is actually my first time making them for someone. Hope they come out good heh."
Barney's words made Ted's heart melt. He would be his first... Ted wasn't sure but he felt like he had a dumb goofy smile plastered on his face. Now he felt excited and happy, totally almost forgetting his headache.
"Alright, here you go. Careful it's still hot."
Barney placed the hot plate of hot cakes in front of Ted. Now that Ted got a better look, Barney had taken off his suit jacket, had placed his tie over his shoulder, and was wearing a pink frilly apron. Ted guessed Lily left it behind when she and Marshall moved out. He would have laughed before, totally ripped into Barney, and probably took a photo to show their friends. Now though, for some reason, Ted wanted no one to see Barney in such a cute outfit. Tearing his eyes away, Ted focused on eating only taking a few bites before exclaiming;
"Wow! Barney, this is really good! Better than Lily's, even."
"Wait, really? Lemme try."
Without missing a beat, Barney takes Ted's fork and eats the slice of pancake off it.
"Huh, you're not lying! I'm gonna make myself some now too!"
And with that, Barney escapes back into the kitchen, leaving Ted frozen still holding up the fork they had just shared. Ted slowly and calmly took the fork and approached it to his lips then eagerly placed it in his mouth. He imagined this was what Barney would taste like, sweet and sticky.
Ted stayed like that until Barney came back out with another plate for himself. Breaking Ted out of his daydreaming, they continued to eat in silence. It felt comfortable despite Ted's aching head, everything seemed perfect. And of course, Barney had to ruin it.
"Man, it was a good thing Robin called me to come over. She said you drank so much you passed out before you got to the door haha. Hey, you can do the cleaning right? I actually got a call to head into the office so I gotta run. I'll see you later, buddy."
Ted sat there while Barney made his way out his front door. Dumbfounded as to what just happened, Ted decided he needed more sleep. Taking their plates he slowly makes his way into his kitchen, where he sees Barney's mess.
Many half-empty bowls with pancake batter were cluttering the countertops, milk, flour, and eggs were left out and even more batter was spilled on the floors and around the stovetop. In the trash, there were many blackened pancakes, how Ted hadn't smelled them burning was a mystery he didn't feel like solving. Exhausted, Ted places their plates in the pile in his sink. As he was making his way out to go to his room, he slips on some batter. Ultimately, he decides the cool kitchen tiles make a nice bed as well and sleeps there.
***
"I just can't believe Robin would do that, you know?"
At the bar, Ted was working on his 4th beer. Sitting across from him was his best friend, Marshall. It was a rare moment when Lily and Robin weren't around, something about having a girl's night for once or something like that.
"I mean, you were drinking a lot yesterday. She was just worried about you, Ted. I'm worried about you, is everything ok?"
Ted didn't know how to answer. No, nothing was ok, everything seemed to not make any sense. At the same time, he couldn't bear to share his problems with Marshall, not when he's got his own stuff to worry about; what with finals coming up and needing to find a job to pay back his debts. Yeah, he could handle whatever he was going through by himself.
"Oh, looks like Barney's switching, he just put on his earring... Do you think I should get one too? Uh w-well I mean as a joke obviously heh..."
Upon hearing that Barney would be picking up guys, Ted felt a knot in his stomach again. His face felt hot and his hands clenched his beer hard! Suddenly he chugged down the rest of his bottle then reached for Barney's abandoned one and began to chug that as well.
"Y-yeah, you're probably right, it'd just look stupid heh..."
"Hey guys, whoa where's my beer? Well anyway, I'm gonna head home with that spicy Latino, here's like 200 or something. Night, gents"
With that, Barney threw down some couple of 100 dollars on the table and began walking out. As he got close to the door a tall muscular Latino hung his arm around Barney's shoulder and they walked out like that. All snuggled up and flirting together! Ted couldn't stand it, he finished Barney's drink and without realizing it, reached for Marshall's drink as well.
"Dude! Stop, you've already had like 5! Look, whatever's bothering you, drinking it away won't solve it!"
Ted just stared at him and then at the bills left on the table. It was far too much for the tab they had opened. With a grin, Ted grabs a 100 dollar bill and heads to the bar counter.
"No, Ted! I said it won't solve it! Damn it, Ted!"
By that point it was too late as by the time Marshall got up and ran over to Ted, Carl had just put the bill away and was getting out more bottles of beer. Needless to say, Ted got extremely drunk once again. And once again, he needed help getting back into his apartment. However the only difference this time was he wasn't alone. As the amount of beers Ted got was too much for himself, so Marshall had to help as a best friend should. After helping Ted onto the couch, Marshall takes out his phone and struggles to dial Lily's number, not realizing he has it as his first speed dial.
Ring, ring, ring-
"Marshall? It's like 1 am, Lily's been calling you all night. Where are you?"
"Robin? Hic! Oh, I misdialed hehe hic! Hey, come down here and talk to Ted. Hic! He's really down."
Robin, a little annoyed by the sudden awakening, sits up from her bed. She couldn't quite understand what her friend was asking of her so she decided to play this out.
"Why would I go over there?"
"Well, it's only fair since hic! You made Barney come over to help him last time, hic!"
"...I never told Barney to go help Ted…"
And suddenly, in a moment of soberness, everything started coming together. Every time Barney hooked up with a guy, Ted's face would go red, he'd tightly hold his beer bottles and he'd drink like crazy. It was so clear now and Marshall couldn't believe it.
"Oh my god… Ted's homophobic…hic!"
"...Marshall, I'm gonna call Lily and let her know you're with Ted. Spend the night there alright buddy. Have a good night."
Beeeppp-
As Marshall put down his phone, the drunkenness seemed to come back as he stumbled into Ted's room, taking the bed for himself. Both passed out for the night. Strangely enough, as both woke up around the same time the next morning, they were craving some hangover pancakes.
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