Chương 18: Confessions

(IVANNA)

I swallow hard and rush down the stairs, fear giving me the speed. I don't think that Karlen will hurt me, not after saving me from the dungeon where his father threw me. Then again, what do I know? These men are strangers, and to make it worse, cold-blooded killers who would make me disappear and leave no trace behind.

When I get to the bottom of the stairs, a hand grabs me from behind. "Ivie, wait."

I turn and meet the utter devastation on Karlen's face, what appears to be shame or guilt. I hold up my hands. "It's none of my business. Seriously Karlen."

He glances around, worried that someone might overhear us. "Not here. Let's talk back at the castle. Let's go."

I'm convinced that there is no chance for me to plead my case, or ask what his intentions are with me as he tugs me along behind him. We find Maksim in the car, not so far from the entrance. Karlen holds the door for me as I slip into the smooth leather seat. Maksim is silent during the drive back to the castle, and so is Karlen. I clench my knees together, trying my best to not panic.

Then I think, he can't kill me without explaining this to his father.

But then again, Karlen could just make up some lie and invent a transgression that would necessitate getting rid of me. It's not like Sergio Sakharov likes me anyway.

Oh lord!

By the time we arrive at the castle, I'm in a full-on panic mode. As soon as the car stops, I tear out, ready to put enough safe distance between me and Karlen. Unfortunately, he comes around too quickly and grabs a hold of my hand before I can get away.

He is silent as we walk. We head straight into his bedroom and horrible thoughts are wiring in my brain in a loop. What the hell is he planning to do with me?

"Karlen," I begin but he swipes his free hand, cutting me off.

We end up in the bathroom. He drops my hand, shuts the door then flicks on the overhead fan. Makes me wonder, are we being listened to? Or is he doing this to cover my screams?

He must have noticed my uneasiness because he holds up his hands. "I'm not going to hurt you. The castle has so many eyes and ears, and I'd rather not be overheard."

Should I believe him? "This isn't necessary at all. You don't need to worry about me. I'd never tell."

He grimaces and drags his hand through his hair. "Ivie, if anyone ever found out, if my father found out, I'd be as good as dead. This is more than just a secret. It's my life we are talking about here."

"I know. Which is why I'll never breathe a word of this. No matter what. I owe you for saving me from that dungeon cell."

He stares at his toes. "But that hardly compares."

"Karlen, I understand. And I'm not judging you. Also, I like you. Genuinely. You've been my only ally in this entire nightmare. So please, this doesn't matter, okay? You like men, who cares?"

"Everybody does. Literally every person who I work and live with would care. The last gay member of the Dvina had his dick cut off and fed to him before they dumped him in the ocean, alive."

"Shit. I don't want that to happen to you."

"Enough to lie about it, Ivie? Enough to marry me? Knowing that I'll be sleeping with men behind your back? I know for a fact that you will eventually grow resentful and want to punish me for it."

"I won't." I promise. "But Karlen, I don't want any part of this. I don't want to marry you and get stuck living here as a mafia wife. I'll never stop looking for a way to escape."

"Including blackmailing me into helping you, I suppose."

My jaw falls open. I hadn't actually considered that. "You could just as easily kill me."

We stare at each other, trapped and wondering who will lash out first. Or maybe, if we can become allies in this whole nightmare.

He slips his hands into his pockets. "My father will be very angry if you leave. He will never stop hunting you down."

"Is that your way of telling me that you plan to kill me?"

"I'm not planning to kill you, Ivie." He laughs gruffly then rubs his eyes. "I probably should. God! I hate this. Yah know how many times I've prayed over this? To prefer women like the others?"

"So you aren't bi?"

"No. I'm a hundred percent gay."

"See, I like dick too. We have something in common."

That statement gets a small laugh out of him. "Strangely, it is a relief to tell somebody. Even if it is the woman that I'm going to marry."

We aren't going to marry, but I prefer to not make that clarity at the moment. "You have kept this secret for a long time."

"Yeah. Since I was ten. The hardest part of it has been lying to my father, knowing that all he cares about are the future generations of the Sakharovs to carry on the family legacy."

"He cares about you too." I say. "Otherwise, why would he come all the way to Krasnoyarsk to kidnap me?"

"Because you look like your mother. Because he thinks you and I will make beautiful Sakharov babies together."

I press a hand to my stomach, feeling the dinner that I just enjoyed an hour ago unsettle. "The man you were with, does he know who you are?"

Karlen nods. "He is a low-level foot soldier. We have been together for a year or so. I…" he clenches his jaw, eyes darting away. I sense that he has a need to confess something, though I have no idea what he wants to say.

"You can tell me, Karl."

"I love him." He finally blurts out. The lines on his face deepen and he looks ravaged by the guilt and the secrecy. "We talk about running off to America all the time, and leaving the Dvina Vory behind."

But then, he can't. He is a Sakharov heir. Sergio's only child. His father would never allow that.

I know that there are certainly no words that can make this any less painful, so I step forward and pull him into a hug.

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