Chương 175: The Heart's Knot of Bai Zhanfeng
Bai Zhanfeng nodded, supported Old Master Bai, and left. Not long after, he returned with several large jars of wine, placing them directly on the table.
"Xuan Yue, since the day we met, we've never had the chance to properly drink together."
Xuan Yue looked at Bai Zhanfeng. Like the old man, he too must be burdened with countless worries. Perhaps getting drunk and airing them out would be a relief.
From the old master's words, it seemed that woman wasn't the most generous. Though Xuan Yue wasn't afraid of difficult women, things could get complicated if the woman was the wife of a friend. No matter what kind of woman she was, she was Bai Zhanfeng's wife—the one destined to accompany him for a lifetime. Xuan Yue sincerely hoped they could live harmoniously, even if deep affection between them seemed unlikely. At the very least, they could respect each other. She didn't want her presence to cause any rift between them, but she also knew it was already inevitable. Yet avoiding Bai Zhanfeng intentionally wasn't an option either. That would only make both of them uncomfortable.
Bai Zhanfeng had always been straightforward. Since the day they met, he was the only one who had never deceived or used her, often standing up for her. She genuinely saw him as a friend. But in such an era, true platonic friendships between men and women were rare, especially when Bai Zhanfeng had once boldly proclaimed to everyone that she was his woman.
She trusted Old Master Bai's judgment. The Chen family's granddaughter must be someone with a good sense of propriety. However, even the wisest people could lose their reason when it came to matters of the heart.
"Bai Zhanfeng, have I ever asked you if you're doing well?"
After downing a large jar of twenty-year-old rose extract, Xuan Yue felt a slight dizziness. She realized she hadn't asked. When Bai Zhanfeng had come to her that day, he had asked if she was doing well. But she knew he wasn't doing well either. In fact, neither of them was. Still, she didn't want him to lie with a cheerful "I'm fine" as she often did. She preferred the straightforwardness that Bai Zhanfeng usually displayed, so she congratulated him on his marriage to Chen Ruoxi, urging him to cherish this rare bond, even though she knew it wasn't his choice. She could only do that, hoping he would completely let go from his heart, which might lead him to greater happiness.
He might feel uncomfortable, even hurt by her words, but he couldn't deny the reality that Chen Ruoxi was already his wife, and like the old master, she too exerted pressure on him.
"Haven't I?" Xuan Yue pointed at Bai Zhanfeng and laughed.
"Honestly, when you asked me if I was doing well, I wanted to ask you the same. But I held back because you didn't seem well at all."
As she spoke, she kept drinking, the smooth wine sliding down her throat, leaving a faint bitterness behind that seemed to drown her heart. She didn't dare confide in her brother. Even if Lan Yixuan forgave her, she couldn't express the pain she was feeling, knowing he was in even more pain than she was. She wanted to vent to Bai Zhanfeng, to tell him she was doing worse than he could imagine, but she held back.
Bai Zhanfeng looked at Xuan Yue, knowing she was slightly drunk. He wasn't. He too wanted to drink until oblivion, but after that one mistake, he no longer dared to let himself get drunk, afraid he might make the same mistake again.
"Bai Zhanfeng, don't make yourself suffer like this. You should be grateful that, for now, we are friends, not enemies. I don't care what happened between you and the old master, but he is your grandfather. Maybe he isn't your only family in this world, but he is your closest and the one who cares about you the most. You may think he's been too harsh with me, but that's not my concern. To me, he's no different than a stranger. You might feel he sacrificed you for the sake of the Bai family, but that's your duty, just as it is his. He too carries burdens that he can't speak of. When he sees you in pain, it surely hurts him more than anyone else. That old man has sharp eyes and knows more than anyone. If he had sided with Xuan Yuan, the risk to the Bai family would have been much smaller. Everything he did was for your sake, whether you realize it or not. Bai Zhanfeng, the past grievances, the love and hate—let it all stay in the past. All we can cherish now is the present."
The more Xuan Yue spoke, the more her heart ached. Others could treasure the present, but what about her? She loathed her current situation the most, stuck in a place where there was no way forward, nor any path back. No matter what she did, it was all pain and suffering, never leading to the outcome she truly desired.
"When the tree wants to rest, the wind doesn't stop; when a child wants to honor their parents, they're no longer there. Bai Zhanfeng, Old Master Bai is getting on in years. If something truly happens to him one day, it will be too late for regrets."
She wasn't cursing Old Master Bai, just stating a fact that could happen in the future. Just like how she now felt an inexplicable regret whenever she thought of Lan Yixuan. Why hadn't she cherished the time when they first met? Why did they always clash and mock each other? Why did they separate after Yanjing?
Bai Zhanfeng's feelings for the old master were no less than his feelings for her. Otherwise, at the entrance to Death Valley, no matter how hard Old Master Bai tried to stop him, nothing could have held him back. A man like Bai Zhanfeng couldn't be bound by responsibilities or missions. Otherwise, after leaving Autumn Manor, he wouldn't have challenged the top martial artists in search of defeat. What he truly cared about was the old master. His inheritance of the Bai family and his acceptance of all the responsibilities were not because he loved the Bai family so deeply, but because he didn't want to see Old Master Bai's decades of hard work go to waste.
"I know."
Bai Zhanfeng looked at Xuan Yue, her eyes slightly hazy with intoxication, clear and bright yet filled with a sadness he couldn't comprehend. It was said that emotions only spiraled out of control after drinking, but now, though he was sober, he had the sudden urge to cry.
They say men don't cry easily, but at this moment, he felt on the verge of tears. He saw in her eyes the sadness, the inner struggle, and the pain. She wasn't as happy as she appeared to be.
In regard to the old master, he indeed harbored a sense of resentment, not merely stemming from the incident at the entrance of the Valley of Death; that event was merely a spark igniting deeper frustrations. Having grown up in the manor, he possessed the unrestrained spirit characteristic of martial artists, yet he found the political machinations—full of deceit and intrigue—utterly distasteful. Despite this, the old master relentlessly pressured him to accept realities he was unwilling to face, even compelling him to alter his nature to conform. He preferred the camaraderie of soldiers, those iron-willed men with hearts full of fervor; they were straightforward and genuine, providing him a sense of ease. In contrast, the sycophantic smiles of the guests who visited his home were irksome, which explained why Bai Chu had yet to establish a court; he simply had no desire to engage with them, and often, the old master found himself powerless to effect change.
Xuan Yue smiled and nodded, "He has already provided you an opportunity to retreat. I never realized that the usually formidable old master could display such vulnerability."
With a playful blink, Xuan Yue laughed, teasingly referring to the old master's earlier display of emotion. Bai Zhanfeng chuckled in response, equally surprised; he had never witnessed the old master in such a state. He understood the sorrow, pain, and struggle behind that façade, as he too shared a similar plight, hardly faring any better.
"Also, make it a point to visit him more often. The old man's heart is quite lonely, and he most desires the company of you younger ones. Your occasional visits would surely bring him joy, don't you think?"
Xuan Yue gave Bai Zhanfeng's shoulder a reassuring pat. "Bai Zhanfeng, I can't help but feel our roles have reversed. You've become reticent while I've taken on the role of a nagging matron. Oh, by the way, I think there's something I needed your help with. What was it?"
As Xuan Yue stood, her fingers absentmindedly twirled in the air, her mind slightly hazy, leaving her unable to recall the task at hand.
"Xuan Yue, you're drunk. I've already instructed the servants to prepare a room for you. Allow me to assist you to your rest," Bai Zhanfeng said, stepping closer and wrapping an arm around her shoulder. Xuan Yue had indeed indulged a bit too much at lunch, rendering her dizzy, as if the world were spinning.
"No need for your assistance, Bai Zhanfeng! I'm telling you, I'm not drunk," she protested.
"Madam, please walk slowly," came the admonition.
Chen Ruoxi hurried along, her pace quickened since the moment she learned of Xuan Yue's army arriving in Ye City the previous afternoon. She felt restless, longing to fly to the camp, yet she restrained herself. Early that morning, under the pretense of delivering clothes, she visited the military encampment, only to be told that her husband had already left for the Bai residence in the city. Frantically, she returned, only to stumble upon a scene that left her astounded. There was her husband, supporting a drunken woman, his normally stern visage softened with an unprecedented gentleness, his eyes chillingly cold yet tender.
For a fleeting moment, she felt disoriented, regaining her composure only to direct her gaze at the woman cradled in his arms. Clad in a flowing white garment with a mesmerizing red mark between her brows, she bore no resemblance to the enchanting beauty Chen Ruoxi had envisioned. Instead, she appeared utterly intoxicated, her demeanor akin to that of an uncultured tavern wench. Yet her husband showed no signs of irritation, patiently soothing her. As he passed by Chen Ruoxi, he offered her a fleeting glance, devoid of emotion, simply stating, "You're back," before pursuing Xuan Yue.
Chen Ruoxi turned, perplexed. What was it about this brash, married woman that captivated him so?
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