Chương 38: Acceptance [1]
"Stupid... stupid... stupid..." the only thing I was saying.
The battle with Gugalanna, while I helped, still caused a lot of damage and havoc to the city. There were plenty of casualties, and Siduri saying there would have been more if not for me didn't help knowing that, It was two days after the battle.
Gugalanna's corpse was gone. Just... gone. I was worried but then Gilgamesh told me that the goddess of the Underworld, Ereshkigal, just took Gugalanna's corpse to store it away since it was technically her job.
If it was any other god, I would have been worried. But, knowing how professional Ereshkigal is, I didn't really care.
My biggest surprise was that she managed to somehow just take something that large and make it vanish in one night, but I just dubbed that as age of gods bullshit and called it a day.
Gilgamesh was pissed the whole of yesterday. Enkidu, while injured, was said to will make a full recovery soon enough given enough time to rest.
The fact he lived through this was probably the only good thing in the last few days. The city was in some serious need of recovering.
Ishtar's reputation went downhill but there was still plenty of fanatic believers who still had faith in her for some reason.
That's religious nuts for you, I guess.
While the city was recovering, they were also preparing for a large funeral for all those that passed away. And me? Was I helping fixing the city or preparing for the funeral?
No, I was somewhere in the deepest parts of the castle, smacking my head on one of the walls over and over again while repeating the same word.
"Stupid... stupid... stupid...," pieces of wood would fall off every time my head connected to the stone wall, but they would just grow back.
I didn't care anymore. Baraka was dead, and it was my fault for not preparing better or being able to handle Gugalanna's damage better.
"Did you lose your ability to speak beyond that word?"
I looked at Gilgamesh as he spoke and saw him looking at me with what looked like a glare.
"I'm not in the mood," was my only response as I set my head on the wall again. "Just tell me when you're done insulting."
"That's it? One bad incident and you break?" Gilgamesh asked with a raised eyebrow.
"What do you want me to do!?" I asked him, spreading my hands. "People who counted on me died! I wasn't strong enough! I was—"
"Not strong enough? Is that your attempt at a jest?"
Gilgamesh asked me making me stop and look at him in confusion. "What was stopping you from simply ordering the all the falling stone to stop? For the fire to go out? Why didn't you simply order the thunder to stop falling?"
"I'm not a god, Gilgamesh! I don't"
"I have met many fools who greatly overestimate their power," he glared at me with his Crimson eyes. "You however, are the exact opposite. You are a fool bexause you UNDERESTIMATE yoir power .You don't need magical energy. You don't need to try. You WILL the elements to your command. I will ask again, why didn't you simply order those calamities to stop?"
"I don't...!? I..." I had nothing to say. He was right. My powers work with a mere thought. I never really had to try and it doesn't actually take effort for me to use them.
There was dozens of ways were I could have protected the people better, but I didn't because of one reason.
I used humanity concepts to view my powers.
I keep wondering if I can or can't do stuff when I should just do them without thinking. I was limiting myself with human views and always questioning my limits, when I obviously didn't have any.
I am not human. Nor am I a normal Elemental. I need to accept that.
"What was that thing you used on Gugalanna?" Gilgamesh suddenly asked, changing the subject.
"I told you, it was an accident," I shook my head, thinking back to what happened and trying to make sense of it. "Me and Enkidu were experimenting lately on how I can use plants to absorb magical energy. I thought I can do that to Gugalanna and weaken it a bit for you and Enkidu to take it down, It wasn't suppose to completely suck it dry of magical energy. And it sure as hell wasn't supposed to convert it into some magical bomb."
"So that explosion-"
"Was what used to be Gugalanna's magical energy," I nodded to him.
"Humph, accident or not, it is still a useful weapon. I suggest you attempt to replicate it," Gilgamesh said before turning around. "The funerals will start soon. I suggest you stop your pathetic self depression. It has not started and I'm already tired of seeing tears."
I just sighed and nodded, knowing that he was right. Even though I couldn't cry in my current form.
"This... Will definitely be a long week."
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