Chương 12: Gwen's thoughts
Gwen was feeling complicated; after taking a bath, she threw herself on the bed and got lost in thought.
She couldn't believe that she just had sex, and it was someone who blackmailed her.
To be honest, she used to hate Chris so much.
In the past, they used to be friends and got along well; she even had a bit of a crush on him. He was kind, funny, gentle, and confident, making him attractive to many girls.
Although many girls liked and pursued him, he wouldn't pay that much attention to them and was just polite. She was the only girl he paid attention to at the time, making her feel special and valued.
However, her feelings were also complex. She experienced a mix of excitement and pressure, wondering why he's chosen to focus on her and what that means for their relationship at that time.
She woke up to reality after one night marking the end of their friendship, and she could vividly remember that time.
_________
FLASHBACK
After a study session, Chris led her to a quiet area of the house. He leaned in close, his intentions clear, suggesting they get more intimate. Gwen, feeling uneasy and wanting to take her time, firmly declined.
Chris's demeanor shifted instantly. Stepping back, with a smirk forming on his lips. "You know, I wasn't really interested in you as a person," he revealed, his tone dripping with disdain. "I just thought you'd be an easy catch."
The words hit her hard. Shock surged through her veins, followed by a crushing wave of humiliation. The flattery she had felt crumbled into dust, revealing the truth she had been unaware of. Chris' friendship had been nothing more than a ruse to satisfy his desires.
Gwen turned away, stunned, her cheeks burning with anger and betrayal. Tears streamed down her cheeks, and she felt more vulnerable than ever as she fled.
She hoped he would stop her and say it was a joke or apologize, but he did not bother.
FLASHBACK FINISH…
_________
As she remembered the incident, she felt embarrassed. She remembered Chris's smirk at her rejection and how his words cut deep.
At the time, she felt so small, reduced to nothing more than an object of desire in his eyes. But now, years later, he has returned to her life.
"Why did I let it affect me so much?" she thought, shaking her head slightly. It was easy to recognize now that his actions had nothing to do with her worth.
Back then, she had internalized his disdain, allowing it to destroy her confidence. But she had since grown, transforming that pain into empowerment.
But the experience caused her to be cautious of boys and whom she allowed into her life. She has dated a few guys, and none of her relationships have ever lasted because she preferred emotional intimacy over physical attraction.
As a result, the most she has ever done with a guy was hold hands and kiss.
She admits that if Chris had been a bit more patient and confirmed their relationship at that time, he would have succeeded in getting what he wanted, as she was already attracted to him back then.
When Chris blackmailed her and captured her nude pictures, she was angry and disgusted, but she had no choice.
She didn't know why she felt disappointed that their first interaction after so long was like that; maybe a part of her had expectations for him. But it looks like he hadn't changed at all.
It was a huge shock when he showed that he knew of her secret identity, even showing her clear, explicit evidence that pointed out her true identity. At that time, in addition to anger, fear, and shock, she had many questions in her mind.
She was thinking, 'Did he specifically pay attention to her identity as Gwen to end up finding out her secret identity?'
'Or did he specifically pay attention to Spiderwoman and find out she was Gwen?'
…
When he called her to his apartment last night, Gwen felt sick. Her mind screamed at her to leave, to get out before things went too far. But the power he held over her kept her rooted in place. Anger bubbled up inside her, mixing with an overwhelming sense of helplessness as Chris led her to his bedroom.
She wanted to refuse, to scream at him, and to tell him she wasn't his to use. But her fear held her back, and she hated herself for it.
Also, she had to admit that on top of being blackmailed, his actions indirectly protect her and her family, since if he didn't silently help cover up her tracks, hers and her family's lives could be ruined.
The act itself was gentle and passionate, which both disgusted and thrilled her. Gwen's body betrayed her; she despised Chris and everything he had done to undermine her, but a part of her could not deny the raw pleasure that seeped through her bones.
It was a guilty pleasure—shameful, twisted, and confusing. Her mind raced with conflicting emotions as she became engrossed in the moment, despite her heart screaming at her to stop.
After that, she walked home with a heavy heart, feeling like she lost a part of herself. She was not supposed to enjoy that.
She had more clarity after their activity and acknowledged that, at the end of the day, she owed him a lot for his help. After all, it cannot be an easy task to not only successfully investigate large international organizations on his own secretly but also protect her identity.
Gwen doesn't know why it had to be her that he chose. She speculated that he felt a sense of conquest sleeping with her to compensate for her refusal years ago.
"It is impossible for him to have fallen in love with me."
She said it bitterly, feeling cheap. The fact that she enjoyed that made her feel slutty. She still had so many unanswered questions, which she would have to wait for now as she was too embarrassed to face him.
Gwen fell asleep with so many conflicting thoughts going through her mind.
...
Elsewhere, Melina Vostokoff received a perplexing message on her encrypted communication line that she only uses to communicate with the red room.
She did not know that it was the beginning of a wild experience for her.
To be continued...
~~~~~~~~~
Re-read from chapter 11. I made a mistake...
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Lena_Mong
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