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4.24
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I got as far as I could before it just couldn't hold me. it's ok but it seems like cannon but with si nev added. nothing really seems different
The good? Nothing really. It's just okay. The Grammer itself is the best aspect. The bad. Horrible conversations that are stagnant and lifeless. The MC himself doesn't act his supposed age at all either. The writing for other characters isn't fitting either. There is no real emotion, it all fells fake. It's hard to explain, but reading the lines for the characters, reminds me of really bad actors unable to play a part well. I'm not much of a fan for pov shift stories, however sometimes they are needed to inform readers of what's going on. This can be remedied through use of third person omniscient pov, or a small pov swap to show readers the information they need. It's not being done here at all,giving the readers no real idea of what the characters are thinking, which only makes the conversations worse. And finally, everything feels plot armory. The conversations, story, everything that happens is for the plot and nothing else. The characters are there just because they have to be, not for any other reason. Like his grandmother finding out her grandson has complete amnesia, and not pulling him out of school, or having him come home each night, no she lets her grandson who doesn't remember his family, traditions, or even what his family home looks like, go right back to classes, after buying him a new wand, because of course it broke and he gets a special wand through 0 effort of his own. Tldr: the author messed up by giving the character undeserved candy in the form of the wand, completely killed the original grandmother, and made everyone kinda stupid in the service of plot. It's just painful to read, and it's even worse because it's close to being good, so close, yet so far.
Pretty good, i like the pairing and the way the author made it begin. I hope it is continued and finished.
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I don't know if I ever read a Neville Longbottom SI Fanfic before this might be my first one. Author your story has very great potential 💯and I want to read more. ..... ..... ..... ..... .....
Love this can't wait for more....................................................................................................................
The story itself is written well and has a steady flow with any of the nonsensical plots a lot of HP fics have. However, despite the MC saying he’s going to go against Dumbledore, he only tried once in 31 chapters then gives up. He just decides not to challenge him “for now” despite the fact he never even tries to challenge him before then and instead goes along with Dumbledores plans. MC is literally from one of the most noble wizard families and doesn’t even bother trying to use his family influence aside from telling his Gran about the troll after Halloween. Also, even after knowing Dumbledore used memory charms on everyone so they didn’t remember he had an unforgivable curse cast on him, he doesn’t even bother sending a letter to his Gran.
I got as far as I could before it just couldn't hold me. it's ok but it seems like cannon but with si nev added. nothing really seems different
The good? Nothing really. It's just okay. The Grammer itself is the best aspect. The bad. Horrible conversations that are stagnant and lifeless. The MC himself doesn't act his supposed age at all either. The writing for other characters isn't fitting either. There is no real emotion, it all fells fake. It's hard to explain, but reading the lines for the characters, reminds me of really bad actors unable to play a part well. I'm not much of a fan for pov shift stories, however sometimes they are needed to inform readers of what's going on. This can be remedied through use of third person omniscient pov, or a small pov swap to show readers the information they need. It's not being done here at all,giving the readers no real idea of what the characters are thinking, which only makes the conversations worse. And finally, everything feels plot armory. The conversations, story, everything that happens is for the plot and nothing else. The characters are there just because they have to be, not for any other reason. Like his grandmother finding out her grandson has complete amnesia, and not pulling him out of school, or having him come home each night, no she lets her grandson who doesn't remember his family, traditions, or even what his family home looks like, go right back to classes, after buying him a new wand, because of course it broke and he gets a special wand through 0 effort of his own. Tldr: the author messed up by giving the character undeserved candy in the form of the wand, completely killed the original grandmother, and made everyone kinda stupid in the service of plot. It's just painful to read, and it's even worse because it's close to being good, so close, yet so far.
Pretty good, i like the pairing and the way the author made it begin. I hope it is continued and finished.
[img=recommend][img=recommend][img=recommend][img=recommend][img=recommend][img=recommend][img=recommend][img=recommend][img=exp][img=recommend][img=update][img=update][img=update][img=update][img=update][img=update][img=update][img=update][img=update][img=update][img=update][img=update][img=update][img=update]
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[img=Shocked][img=recommend][img=recommend][img=recommend][img=recommend][img=recommend][img=recommend][img=recommend][img=recommend][img=recommend][img=recommend][img=update][img=update][img=update][img=update][img=update][img=update][img=update][img=update][img=update][img=update][img=update]
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I don't know if I ever read a Neville Longbottom SI Fanfic before this might be my first one. Author your story has very great potential 💯and I want to read more. ..... ..... ..... ..... .....
Love this can't wait for more....................................................................................................................
The story itself is written well and has a steady flow with any of the nonsensical plots a lot of HP fics have. However, despite the MC saying he’s going to go against Dumbledore, he only tried once in 31 chapters then gives up. He just decides not to challenge him “for now” despite the fact he never even tries to challenge him before then and instead goes along with Dumbledores plans. MC is literally from one of the most noble wizard families and doesn’t even bother trying to use his family influence aside from telling his Gran about the troll after Halloween. Also, even after knowing Dumbledore used memory charms on everyone so they didn’t remember he had an unforgivable curse cast on him, he doesn’t even bother sending a letter to his Gran.