Chương 30: Chapter - 30 : Reflections of Change part - 2
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"What happened?" Sirius asked. At Harry's questioning look he elaborated. "You said she died… what happened to Remus?"
"He died, too," Harry said quietly. "They were both killed in the battle at Hogwarts, two and a bit years before I ended up here. Dolohov got Remus, while Tonks was killed by Bellatrix - her own bloody aunt."
"Merlin, that's…" Sirius sighed and ran a hand over his face. "I don't really know how I feel about that. In Azkaban I was in a cell near Bella, so I've heard enough of her insane and murderous ramblings to have a good idea of what she's capable of… but I never thought she'd kill family."
"Yeah, but Tonks was just a filthy half-blood, not worthy of being considered a Black," Harry said bitterly.
Sirius shook his head in denial. "Blacks don't kill other Blacks," he said stubbornly. "Not even… I mean, Andromeda was blasted off the family tree, but she's still… still one of us."
"Maybe this world's Bellatrix follows the accepted etiquette of not murdering family members, but the Bellatrix I know didn't," Harry said sharply. "She killed you, Sirius."
"What? No… She wouldn't… not even for her precious master…"
"Well she did!" Harry felt anger well up inside him as he thought back to that terrible night in the Department of Mysteries. "I was there!"
"I have to believe the Bellatrix I know isn't like that," Sirius said at last. "Things must be different here in my world."
Sirius was certainly different in this world, Harry realised, looking at the man before him. It wasn't just a question of gaining his freedom several years early or having had the help of Mind Healers in Saint Mungo's. Sirius wasn't the same man as Harry had known; he must have lived through things his counterpart never had, or had reacted differently to the same experiences. The Sirius who had fallen through the Veil of Death had been angry and bitter, openly scornful of his family and everything connected to them. He certainly wouldn't have willingly returned to his childhood home or ever considered defending his Death Eater relatives.
"When it comes to this world, you know more than I do," Harry said quietly. He wasn't prepared to say anything even remotely positive about Bellatrix Lestrange, but neither did he want to argue with Sirius.
"Right." Sirius gave him an awkward smile. "So, what do you think? Should we try to play matchmaker for old Moony and my ickle cousin?"
Harry smiled back, eager to encourage the change in subject. "Nah, let's see if they work it out on their own first. Though maybe we could introduce them to each other at some point… by the way, has Remus contacted you at all yet?"
"I got a letter from him three days ago," Sirius replied, his shoulders tensing up.
"Right, and?"
"And I haven't answered it yet. I don't know what to say to him. He apologised for thinking I was guilty, but how can I say 'that's all right, I forgive you for leaving me to rot in Azkaban for nine years without a trial,' and mean it?"
"I don't know, Sirius," Harry said uncertainly. "Didn't you think he was the traitor at one point?"
"Yes I did and I heartily regret it," Sirius said. "It was stupid of me and I feel terrible that I lost faith in a friend. Given my own mistake I suppose I should forgive Remus for thinking I was the traitor, and honestly I think I have."
"You have?" Harry was rather confused as to where Sirius was going with all this.
"Yes, I forgive him for thinking I could've betrayed Lily and James," Sirius confirmed, before his expression hardened. "What I can't forgive is how he acted after I was thrown in Azkaban. In his letter he wrote that he left all wizarding society and spent the last decade living with his fellow werewolves. He said it was too difficult for him to carry on surrounded by the memories of James and all the rest of us. Difficult!"
"Well, that's sort of understandable, isn't it?"
Sirius scowled. "Really, you think so? You don't think he was being a coward, running away from the problems he didn't want to face? Because I do."
"Aren't you being a bit hard on him?"
"He abandoned us!" Sirius snapped, his hands clenched into fists at his side. "He left me to rot without even trying to visit me or push for a trial! He left Harry to be brought up by the bloody Dursleys! He should've taken Harry in himself, made sure he was safe, but no! He ran away and Harry died!"
Harry was left speechless, with Sirius' harsh breathing the only sound in the tense silence.
"Harry died," Sirius said again, as if imploring him to understand. "In a stupid, pointless muggle accident. If Remus had just… had just…"
"Even if Remus had tried to take your Harry in, he wouldn't have been allowed," Harry said gently. "No one would have let the Boy-Who-Lived be brought up by a werewolf - Dumbledore least of all. He wanted Harry at the Dursleys, where the blood wards would protect him against any magical attacks. No matter what Remus had done I don't think he would've been able to change Dumbledore's mind. And who knows? Without that blood protection your Harry might have died much sooner, murdered by Voldemort's supporters."
"I… I know what you're saying makes sense, but… I can't…" Sirius shook his head helplessly. "I just can't forgive him."
Harry didn't give up. "If things went the same way as in my world, then it was Dumbledore who dumped the other Harry on the Dursley's doorstep. Blame my counterpart's death on him. Or don't blame anyone at all. Just accept that it was an accident that no one except a Seer could've predicted."
"I – I suppose…"
"Look," Harry said bluntly. "I know this isn't really my business. I've never even met this world's Remus. It's your choice whether or not to forgive him. I just think being friends with Remus will help make you happy, and I want you to be. Happy, I mean."
"I'll think about it," Sirius said finally. "I'm not going to cut him out of my life completely. I'm just not sure we'll be able to return to the close friendship we once had. I need to be able to trust him, and I don't think I can right now."
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