Chương 42: Chapter 42: A glimpse of her past, part 2
When she sad that she was about to talk to me about her past, I swallowed some saliva, ready to listen to everything that she was about to say.
The time around us seemed to freeze.
"Are you ready, Kai?" She said, with a low and cold whisper.
I nodded my head in silent.
A little sense of anxiety was filling my heart.
Hina's words lingered in the air, heavy with unspoken emotions.
I could sense there was a lot she wanted to share, and maybe now was the time.
She looked down at her hands, taking a deep breath before beginning.
"Kai, there's a lot you don't know about me. My past isn't something I'm proud of, but you deserve to know the truth."
I nodded, giving her my full attention.
Whatever she had to say, I was ready to hear it.
"When I was younger, I was involved with some very dangerous people. I didn't have a choice; it was either join them or face worse consequences. They trained me to be ruthless, to do things I never thought I was capable of." She paused, her voice trembling slightly. "I became someone I didn't recognize. Someone who could kill without hesitation."
My eyes widened a little.
This was a completely different thing from what I heard before.
I couldn't say to her the things I heard, so I kept listening in silence.
I reached out, taking her hand in mine. "Hina, you don't have to do this alone. I'm here for you."
She squeezed my hand, a small but grateful smile crossing her lips.
"Thank you, Kai. But there's more. The man I killed today... he was one of them. One of the people who turned me into what I was. I thought I had escaped that life, but it seems like it never truly leaves you... Every nightmare will follow you for the eternity." She said, while squeezing my hand even more.
"It's okay, Hina. You're not alone now." I said , reassuring her.
She turned her gaze towards me, looking with an intense look of sadness.
Then, her eyes filled with tears, and she quickly wiped them away.
"I didn't want you to see that side of me. I wanted to protect you from it. But today, I had no choice. the bad guys wanted to hurt you, and I had to act."
I could feel the weight of her words, the burden she had been carrying. "Hina, as i said, you're not alone anymore. We'll face this together."
She looked at me, a mixture of relief and fear in her eyes. "I was so afraid you'd hate me, that you'd see me as a monster."
Hina only wanted to live her life like a normal girl.
But still, I had to see why she compared herself to Maria-
I shook my head, pulling her into a hug. "You're not a monster, Hina. From what you're saying, I know that you've been through hell, and you did what you had to do to survive. But you're not that person anymore. You're with me now, and we'll figure this out together." I said, with a reassuring tone of voice.
She held onto me tightly, her body trembling as she let out a soft sob. "Thank you, Kai. You have no idea how much that means to me..."
We stayed like that for a while, holding each other as the weight of the day's events slowly lifted. It wasn't going to be easy, but at least we had each other.
Eventually, Hina pulled back, wiping her eyes and taking a deep breath. "There's one more thing I need to tell you."
I nodded, bracing myself for whatever was coming next.
"When I was with them, I did things... terrible things. But the worst part is, I enjoyed it. The power, the control, it was intoxicating. I thought I'd left that part of me behind, but today, when I killed him, I felt it again. That same rush. It scares me, Kai. What if I can't control it?" She said while leaving my hand and looking down on the floor.
A part of me was right.
Hina was enjoying in killing people and what she done to the body of the boss proved it.
But... it looked like she was a totally different person.
Her confession hit me hard. I could see the fear in her eyes, the fear of losing control, of becoming that person again.
"Hina, acknowledging it is the first step. You know it's there, and you can fight it. You're stronger than you think." I said, leaning close to her.
She nodded, a determined look in her eyes. "You're right. I won't let it control me. I have too much to lose now. I have you. But... it's too hard."
I smiled, feeling a surge of hope. "And I have you. We'll get through this, together."
Hina leaned in, pressing her lips against mine in a tender kiss.
It was a kiss filled with love, trust, and a promise of a better future but it had the salty flavour of pain and sadness.
When we finally pulled apart, she rested her head on my shoulder, her voice soft. "Thank you, Kai. For everything."
"No need to thank me, Hina." I said, gently patting her head.
"But there's another thing that you should know, Kai." She added, while taking some distance to me.
I tilted my head on the side.
"What is it?" I asked.
"You really are my first but... in my past there was someone else who was dear to me." She said while "playing" with her hair.
My eyes widened a little after hearing what she said.
"Who?" I asked.
"I had a boyfriend before you... a long time ago... but... the story is long and painful. Are you sure that you want to hear it?" Hina asked, while looking me in the eyes with a lovingly expression on her face.
I smiled at her, knowing that talking about her past might have been hard for her.
"It's okay, Hina. I won't judge you." I said, while reassuring her.
"T-Thank you..." Hina said with a surprised smile.
I stroked her hair, feeling a sense of peace wash over me. "No need to thank me, Hina. I need to know everything about you... Oh wait. I mean I Want to."
But in the moment Hina tried to speak, her pupils became small and she remained silent.
It looked like some kind of images were flashing into her mind and words were stuck into her throat, not wanting to come out.
Then, some little tears fell from her eyes, sign that this topic was way too much for her.
I immediately hugged her, to make her calm down.
It seemed like she was about another mental breakdown like last time.
"It's okay if you don't want to talk, Hina" I said, while making her head rest on my chest.
Hina's body then relaxed after hearing my words and she hugged me back.
"I'm s-sorry... I can't... right now... so many painful... memories." Hina said, while tightening her grip around me.
She kept holding into me with all the force she had, like she wanted to say "Don't go away from me, Don't leave me".
Then , after some moments , Hina released the grip around me , breaking the hug and lay down on the bed.
She only said "Come next to me." with an empty but soft voice.
I did what she said and followed her.
Hina only needed to rest.
We lay down on the bed, holding each other close.
Despite everything that had happened, there was a sense of calm, a feeling that we could face whatever came next as long as we were together.
As I drifted off to sleep, Hina's words echoed in my mind.
Her past was dark, but it didn't define her. She was strong, brave, and determined to overcome it. And I would be there with her every step of the way.
The night was still, the chaos of the day fading into a distant memory.
Tomorrow would've brung new challenges, but for now, we had each other.
And that was enough.
As we lay there, a thought crossed my mind about Hina's need for physical affection.
Her constant search for contact, her desire to be close to me—it was more than just love. I
t was her way of feeling human, of reassuring herself that she was still capable of being loved and accepted genuinely.
In a world where she had been taught to be a monster, she sought out the one thing that could ground her: human connection.
I understood now why her fear and jealousy were so intense.
In her past, she had been betrayed and lied to by someone very dear to her, stolen away by another girl. T
hat betrayal had left a deep scar, one that made it hard for her to trust and made her fiercely protective of the love she had now.
Hina's vulnerability in sharing her story made me realize just how much she needed to feel loved and secure.
She wasn't just fighting her dark past; she was also fighting the fear of losing what she had found in me.
And I was determined to show her that she didn't have to fight alone.
"I promise you, Hina," I whispered as we drifted off to sleep, "I'll always be here for you. We'll face everything together."
With those words, I felt her relax in my arms, her breathing steadying as she fell asleep.
And for the first time in a long while, I felt a sense of hope for our future. We had each other, and that was all we needed.
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