Chương 38: I Won’t Give Up, No

[KIYOMI]

"Okay. for the first question. How have you been these past two months?" Kiyomi asked, putting aside all the hurt she had felt in the months that Sakura Watanabe left her behind.

Kiyomi had been filled with rage and a wave of unexplainable anger in those months that sent her this close to Sakura was even baffling.

If Elif had been here with her, she could have been sure Kiyomi was bipolar or she had just mastered the art of losing her mind over everything Sakura Watanabe did.

"I…" Sakura began, as she bowed her head, something that got Kiyomi curious even more. The Lycan queen was never one to bow her head, because shame was never an attribute for the most unhinged Lycan to ever exist anyway.

"It… It hurts… A lot," Sakura admitted, her head still bowed like she was scared of what she would see in the good doctor's eyes.

She had never admitted her pain or anyone, ever, and right now she was feeling naked for some reason and she couldn't even fight it because, despite everything, Sakura felt safe, here with Kiyomi.

It was the kind of safety that she had never felt before, like she was not alone anymore and the world wasn't coming after her with all the possible rage.

"What hurt… you have to tell me so I'll know," Kiyomi said worriedly, the concern in her voice making Sakura lift her head to look at the good doctor. She had expected nothing of the sort, but the universe always had a card up its sleeve, yeah?

"Being away from you… It made me angry and it hurt a lot," Sakura admitted with a pout, staring into Kiyomi's black eyes as if there was hope and love in them for her. Even if there wasn't, Sakura didn't want to think of that right now.

Her realities were always going to be twisted and regardless of what she thought of the chaos, she knew she would have to live with the madness. She had lived with it for thousands of years so this was nothing to her, right?

If that was so, then why was she suddenly a scared little girl in front of Kiyomi instead of the crazy psycho queen she had always been before her? She was always confident, but with Kiyomi's eyes seeing beyond her eyes, how was she able to hide?

"Oh, my little rebel," Kiyomi sighed in realization. This was a lot of work for Sakura and Kiki could tell that it wouldn't be easy to get her to open up. On one hand, Kiyomi wanted to know why the fuck this psycho hadn't reached out to her after all that.

She wanted to know what the fuck had been stopping Sakura from coming to her aid, because she was sure Sakura could hear her for the endless times she had struggled to call out to her.

The woman had to have been listening, because otherwise there was no way that she could have shown up here right on time to save her from the Bogdan Lycans. Their relationship was complicated, it was heartbreaking.

Perhaps they could uncomplicate it?

"It's nothing," Sakura said harshly as if to cover up what she had just admitted to. She hated being weak and Kiyomi was making her into that. She felt safe and dependent on the doctor she had forced into marriage with her.

Sakura wasn't a saint and she knew it, perhaps that's why sew and was rid of any emotions, but how the fuck was she supposed to do that when Kiyomi got her feeling all sorts of things that didn't make sense to her now?

"I'm sorry," Kiyomi stated, making Sakura stare at her like she had lost her mind, which was not as unlikely as Sakura could have thought, she hadn't imagined a lot of things when she had come from home, but right now, she couldn't put it aside.

"Why are you apologizing?" Sakura asked in earnest confusion. She didn't understand what she was feeling and with Kiyomi apologizing, Sakura wasn't sure what the fuck she needed to do. This woman was testing her and she was too weak to fight her.

"For introducing you to emotions you didn't know how to process," Kiki admitted, as her thumb traced Sakura's lower lip. She could feel the sparks that had been there between them from the moment they had first touched their bodies or were hot for each other.

"I'm not a child, Kiyomi. I am a queen," Saki defended. She didn't want to be seen as someone who could depend on others ever. She was the Lycan queen. Her word was either the gospel or the decree that could cripple nations.

She was the reign of madness and she didn't give two shits about it, so Kiyomi trying to patronize her was something that she hadn't expected, which could explain why she didn't know how to react and decided to go nuclear. Poor thing.

"You don't have to be a queen with me, Saki. You can be free and do whatever you want and no one will know of it. Let me take care of you when you're with me, let me be your shield here," Kiyomi tried.

She was true to her words and she only wanted to bond with Sakir like normal people ever did with the others. She knew something had to have happened to Sakura for her to be that defensive and defiant, and Kiyomi was not in a hurry to force her to talk.

Deep down, she couldn't help the feeling that Saki was just a girl who wanted someone to love her like the others were love. That she was just a girl who had wishes but couldn't quite put them out there for fear of what people would think.

That was a possible horror that Sakura was enduring and it broke Kiyomi's heart. Then again, what was she to do now that her erasthai was getting distant with her even though she wanted to understand her?

"Yeah right, so you can betray me like everyone else did," Sakura mumbled before she pushed Kiyomi harshly to the side. Kiki didn't fight her this time, because she had heard what Sakura had said, and it broke her heart too.

Someone had managed to gain Saki's trust and fucked her up like that. It wasn't going to be an easy feat and as Kiyomi watched Sakura prepare to leave, she made a mental note to be the home the crazy psycho needed.

They could be each other's home, yeah?

"I won't give up on you, Saki," Kiki said as Sakura struggled with her shoes, which was sort of the final nail that Kiki needed to know that she had affected Sakura. The wild queen didn't have to put on the shoes again.

She could easily cast a spell and get herself new heels. Hell, she could simply snap her fingers and yet right now, she was fumbling with the most basic of things, as if she wanted to prove something to Kiyomi. But what was she to prove to the good doctor?

"I don't need to be fixed. I'm not a pet project, I am not broken. I don't need you to try and patch me up. I am me. I'm not your problem, so don't worry about me. I'll be out of your hair," Saki said.

She then picked up her heels, created a portal, and went through it, leaving Kiyomi with questions that she expected to find answers to. Perhaps there was a way for Kiki to get through to the mad queen, but would it be worth it?

With Saki gone, Kiyomi stood at the same point that Saki had left her as she tried to think of better ways to get Sakura to warm up to her, it was something that was not even possible for her and yet Kiyomi was a determined soul.

She wouldn't rest until she made sure that Sakura knew what it meant to love and be loved regardless of the hurdles she would face. She was daring, that much she had to agree to, so this was just another crazed mission, no?

Just then, there was a knock on the door. Kiki sniffed and didn't get any weird scents, in fact, it was human, so she didn't bother too much. However, when she opened the door, she was met with what she hadn't anticipated, at all.

Or maybe a part of her had always thought they would be here, just not this soon, yeah?

"If it isn't the Lycan queen's erasthai," one of the five Lycan men at her door said, before they created a portal and went through it, with a gagged Kiyomi.