Chương 3: Chapter 3: A chad contract
Naruto's jaw practically hit the floor. Sure, he'd seen some mind-blowing jutsu in his ninja career, but this? This was on a whole different level. Forget chakra and jutsu, this was a whole new energy system he couldn't even begin to understand.
And the dude summoning him, Gigachad? Well, Gigachad was something that defied human imagination. Naruto felt like a grain of rice in front of a freaking planet, except somehow he knew Gigachad was trillions of miles away and even bigger than his tiny mind could comprehend.
The most striking thing, though, was the sheer positivity radiating from this giant space-being. Naruto had seen enough cruelty in his own village to fill a stadium. Back when he was a little snot-nosed kid, he wouldn't have known good from bad, but now? Now he could tell the difference between sunshine and a grumpy cloud easier than stealing candy from a baby. And speaking of sunshine, even with all that destructive power hanging in the air, the music playing kept Naruto pumped instead of peeing his pants.
Gigachad: Welcome, Naruto… wait a minute. Why are your pants down and what on hell is that sticking out of your ass?
Gigachad boomed out the welcome, then promptly pointed at Naruto's exposed junk and toilet paper still clinging to his ass like a loyal (but slightly confused) flag.
Naruto: Ha ha! Well, you see, I was in middle of taking a dump when you called, so… believe it! Dattebayo!
Gigachad: ...
Internally, Gigachad couldn't help but facepalm (if a cosmic entity could even have such a human concept). Naruto's catchphrase did little to ease the overwhelming awkwardness.
Gigachad: Fine. Let's just… change locations.
With a snap of Gigachad's cosmic fingers, Naruto found himself in a completely different place in next moment.
Naruto's vision swam as he adjusted to the blinding lights. Gone was the cosmic void, replaced by a vast, echoing chamber. Cool, artificial light bathed the room, revealing smooth metallic giants lining the walls. Some resembled padded thrones with levers, while others sported rows of glistening metal weights, stacked like miniature skyscrapers. Scattered around the room were bizarre metal animals – some with two legs, some with four – their backs adorned with inviting cushions and handles.
A black, rectangular box perched overhead, pulsing with a soft, red glow that cast long shadows across the polished floor. Intriguing scents filled the air – a faint metallic tang intertwined with the distant whisper of cleaning products. Naruto, a fish hopelessly out of water, scratched his head in confusion. What were these bizarre contraptions? What purpose did these metal beasts serve? A thrill of excitement, laced with a hint of apprehension, bubbled in his gut. This place held secrets, secrets he was determined to unlock, secrets that could help him fight the negativity lurking within himself. Heck, he even sported a new orange sweatsuit – a far cry from his usual jumpsuit.
Just then, Gigachad lumbered towards him, his ever-present, bulging muscles making Naruto a tad nervous. But that nervousness was quickly eclipsed by excitement. Here he was, face-to-face with the embodiment of positivity and motivation!
Naruto: What is this? This is more than just a protein shake!
Gigachad: That... you don't need to know.
Gigachad whistled and rolled his eyes. Sometimes, the truth is a tough pill to swallow.
Gigachad: So Naruto Uzumaki, listen well and listen carefully to what I am about to explain. This is very crucial for eliminating the negative aspects and living your life with pride.
Naruto gulped a mouthful and nodded vigorously.
Gigachad: I am just a concept, not a real person. A representation of a world where genders are questioned, white women demand to speak with managers, and an entire generation has seemingly turned stupid. Sure, this is all negativity, but within it lies positivity, and I embody that concept.
Gigachad then snapped his fingers, and a video flickered to life on the television. Naruto's eyes widened as he saw individuals pushing their limits in a gym. One guy was doing pull-ups with chains wrapped around his body. Another woman was performing sit-ups upside down. Heck, there were even grandmas and grandpas pounding the pavement on treadmills.
The sheer determination radiating from these individuals sent shivers down Naruto's spine. Sure, he had seen people train in his village, but the aura these people exuded was on a whole other level.
Gigachad: However, evil has also infiltrated these seemingly positive places like gyms. People come to better themselves, but instead, get harassed or accused of things they didn't do.
The next video displayed the hypocrisy of influencer women who flaunted their ASSets online for millions to see, yet would accuse any guy who dared to glance their way of being a pervert. Such double standards! There were also genuine creeps who came to the gym and harassed women, and even... bois~.
Gigachad: And there are some evil souls who believe "Gigachad never judges." Of course, I judge people. I'm not about to enroll fuck bois into my army. A Gigachad who compromises on everything stands for nothing.
Naruto: Oh no...
Gigachad: And so, it's getting harder by the day to stay motivated and be your best against all these odds and negativity.
Gigachad then locked eyes with Naruto.
Gigachad: Naruto, even without the power of the Gigachad, you would still achieve great things, but...
Gigachad snapped his fingers again, and a scene from Boruto started playing on the TV.
Naruto was stunned as he witnessed the future of this world and the utter garbage that was "BORUTO." The sheer awfulness of it almost made him hurl, but thanks to Gigachad's positive energy, he managed to hold it in.
Naruto: Is this my future? And is THAT THING my kid?
Gigachad sighed deeply and nodded solemnly.
Gigachad: This is precisely why, Naruto. This is why you must become a Chad, a Gigachad yourself. You must lead the world into a brighter future, where negativity cowers at your feet.
Naruto: But wait, doesn't good always need evil to exist? Without evil, wouldn't challenges be nonexistent?
At that moment, a genuine smile stretched across Gigachad's face, his gleaming white teeth threatening to blind any nearby Karens.
Gigachad: Who decided that?
Naruto's eyes widened. Did he just say evil was necessary? Wasn't it cruel and hypocritical to allow evil to fester in the world?
Gigachad: This seems like some fabricated shit created by those who lack the balls to confront evil head-on and eradicate it once and for all.
Naruto's mind reeled. Were all these so-called heroes just making excuses? Did they actually prefer a constant enemy to maintain their spotlight, conveniently ignoring the harm inflicted by evil in the meantime?
Gigachad: As for seeking challenges, Naruto, your new ideology itself will present a formidable obstacle. Besides, building muscle is a challenge in itself, wouldn't you agree?
Naruto's eyes sparkled with excitement.
Whoa! That's actually pretty cool!
Gigachad's smile grew wider as he rose to his full height. He extended a hand towards Naruto, his grin radiating confidence.
Gigachad: Naruto Uzumaki, it's time to build muscle and embrace positivity. Reject negativity with every fiber of your being. Shake my hand, and let's forge a contract. I will be your guide, your motivator, propelling you to rise above anything this world throws your way.
Naruto stood and met Gigachad's handshake with a firm grip.
Naruto: Let's do this, my friend.
Gigachad boomed with laughter.
Gigachad: Now that's the spirit of a true Chad!
A blinding white light engulfed Naruto. When the light faded, he found himself back in the familiar confines of his bathroom. A strange sight awaited him: a translucent blue screen floating in mid-air.
[Gigachad: Naruto, I will keep you motivated and guide you on the path to true Gigachadness. Let's do this!]
Naruto: Yeah! Believe it!
And so, Naruto and Gigachad embarked on a shared journey, a journey to transform Naruto into a Gigachad and lead the world towards a brighter, more Chad-filled future.
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