Chương 1291: 52
Convolution 5.6
What lay before us was a sphere of blue, brown, green and rolling white clouds, a pale glowing atmosphere, under the backdrop of a deep dark void with a million uncountable tiny lights.
A planet as seen from the observation deck of our moon base.
Since it was possible for me to reach the moon by portal, it only made sense to build moon bases. This near side base was put in a new humanless dimension and its existence erased from Offensive Bias' database after its construction so that it wouldn't be easily visible or found from the Earth M2 surface, if anybody seized control of M2's surface assets. Now it was run by a disconnected copy of Offensive Bias named 002-Enduring Witness who would stay in hibernation most of the time except to maintain supplies. It was a safe retreat and a good way to deal with very dangerous parahuman foes.
Enduring Witness's shard connection failed only on the dark side of the moon, but still worked on the visible side. It would also work as long as Enduring Witness could execute code somewhere in range, then transmit the output out of range. I also brought Cricket for further testing, and her powers stopped working past the Earth's atmosphere. Neither of them suffered any problems other than the powers failing. No comas or blue screen errors. After that, I tested Coil and Bakuda as well, and both of their powers failed past Earth's atmosphere, but Bakuda's bombs and most Tinkertech in general continued to work far past the edge of the moon's orbit.
As such, I deemed it safe and useful to bring Amelia here.
She stared at the planet below in wonder. "It looks beautiful."
"It does. I named it Earth-Refuge. Because this is a refuge away from everything, hidden and secret even from the rest of CRUCIBLE, including Offensive Bias. And here on the moon, your connection to your shard is very weak. When you're feeling overwhelmed, you can come here to center yourself."
"Thank you, Kaleidus. It really is nice to be…free," she said, still staring at the planet.
We stayed standing there, appreciating the view for a long moment. Thoughts of my reflection in Amelia's pupils turned up again, the image overlayed on the planet. There was a feeling I couldn't place, growing stronger by the second.
Here, away from everything, detached from worldly concerns, I found myself growing restless instead of at peace.
This was just a taste of what was to come. Soon, I would leave even this behind to a whole new plane.
I almost couldn't wait for the exciting adventures to come. And yet...wasn't I hesitating?
I'd been more or less ready for a while. There were only a few things left to do, which I'd been procrastinating. I could make up all sorts of reasons to stay, preparing myself for the journey. But really, none of them were that important, because I could just come back whenever I felt like it.
So why was I hesitating?
'That's loneliness you're feeling,' said Agate. 'You've been feeling alone for a very long time. Because there's no one else like you.'
'I'm not alone. I have you.'
'You feel alone. I can't make up for what you're missing. I'm just a Mystic Code. Even if I can think and feel, I don't have a soul. I don't truly have independent hopes and dreams like humans do, I'm just an echo of you and Master Zelretch. I am whatever you want me to be, but I can't be what you really need. I can only help you find it.'
'And what do I need? Don't tell me it's love or a human connection. I've tried that before. It didn't really work.'
'I don't know. I only know what you know. But there's a reason that Master Zelretch gave me to you, and it's not just because you happened to be there. There's a reason that Master Zelretch was drawn to that forest in the first place. He believed that he would meet someone there who would was better suited than him to wield me. Someone who couldn't get bored or go crazy experiencing the infinity beyond.'
'Why not himself?'
'He was already bored of living. The Second Magic is a curse worse than vampirism in his view. When you realize that the world is like a simulation being run by future versions of yourself, when there's an infinite number of copies of yourself and reality is just a choice made from culling world lines, what is the point of doing anything? It doesn't matter what one individual Master Zelretch wants. It only matters what the probability distribution is, aggregated from every Zelretch of past and future. How much of his choices since obtaining the Second Magic were his own? Was it even his own achievement to obtain the Second Magic, or just some other True Magician Zelretch who did it and decided that all other merely Magi Zelretchs should be culled? Maybe it never mattered at all. Maybe Alaya culled the world lines in just the right way to ensure that somebody—anybody—would obtain the Second Magic and be there to fight Crimson Moon and inherit the curse of vampirism so that there would always be more future Zelretchs to simulate worlds where humanity survives.'
'And I'm somehow better suited to dealing with this madness?'
'Not the Second Magic. Our ability to travel the planes is closely related to it, and we're kind of using hacks to do it, but it's really something else. It could be developed into its own True Magic, or even something greater.'
'Still, what made Zelretch think I'd be more suited to handle this power?'
'Kaleidus, did you forget? During Master Zelretch's battle against the Planeswalker, there were a bunch of tears into Kaleidoscape that leaked Primordial Chaos energy. Every living being for tens of kilometres around lost their minds or their brains just exploded. But you? A completely normal person without any magic gazed directly into the abyss beyond creation, screamed and stumbled around for a bit, then got back up like nothing happened. That was all Master Zelretch needed to know, to confirm that you were the right person to wield me. Master Zelretch himself had to deploy his Reality Marble as a Dead Apostle Ancestor, which he hates using, to resist the mental contamination.'
'Wait what?! What is this about brains exploding? You never told me about that! And what happened to the tears or the leaked energy?'
'Well, the Planeswalker forced that first tear near you close, but got exhausted and retreated. Master Zelretch didn't know what to do about the rest, and also retreated assuming that the whole plane would collapse, leaving me with you.'
'Why didn't you say anything sooner? That means my world might not exist anymore!'
'No, it's still there. My Waypoint is still active, so it must not be completely destroyed. There has to be a sufficiently large gravitational source to keep my Waypoints stable, remember?'
I mentally sent an endless chain of ellipses to her.
'…sorry? I didn't think it was important…or that you cared…'
'There are things on my world that could have been useful, like the Worm canon. And a certain very loyal, low maintenance, high utility party member.'
'You mean the one with max level skills in acting and intrigue? How do you even know she's loyal? Maybe she sent those assassins after you.'
'I doubt it. There's no motive. And she was in love with me.'
'Like she was with that guy you told her to seduce, who she had no problems killing—Oh.'
I sent Agate a few relevant memories of just how I knew that Angel was in love with me. It wasn't because she acted that way. No, she never showed anything of the sort, but my extensive secret surveillance showed that she had been hiding her feelings from me for fear that I would just use it to my advantage if I found out and didn't actually reciprocate her feelings, because she knew exactly what kind of person I was. She was right, of course, that was the whole reason I used her. That kind of irrational loyalty was hard to cultivate.
'We got Amelia pretty quick.'
'Amelia's loyalty isn't irrational right now. She simply doesn't have a full understanding of me yet. She might not be so loyal if she knew I'm just using her for my own ends.'
'And Angel would? But you just said she was afraid that you would just take advantage of her.'
'Exactly. She was afraid precisely because she knew that she would let herself be taken advantage of, even if I didn't love her. Knowing that it would make her miserable, she would still do it out of love. That's the irrational part.'
'Kinda like how Amelia kept healing people even though she hated it?'
'Yeah.'
'And that's why you're focusing so much on her. She has the potential to be like Angel.'
'You catch on pretty quick.'
'Or maybe you liked Angel more than you'd like to admit. And Amelia reminds you of her.'
'I don't love anyone. Except maybe myself.'
Agate sent me a dramatic gasp. 'Not even me?!'
'You're a part of me now. That doesn't count.'
'You've got it backwards. You're a part of me now.'
Suddenly Amelia stirred and whirled around to face me with wide eyes.
"Earlier, you said 'back then, I was trapped here with everyone else', as if you aren't trapped anymore!" She said accusingly.
"Yes, I did."
She clutched onto me with both hands. "Are you going to leave?"
"Yes, soo—"
"No, you can't!"
"I'm sorry. I can't stay. But it won't be forever. I'll come back from time to time."
"No! I need you! You said you would be there to guide me! What am I going to do when you're gone?"
"I'll teach you what you need to know, and you'll take over the leadership of CRUCIBLE with Taylor. You'll be fine."
"But why? Why do you have to go? Aren't there years before Scion attacks?"
I sighed. "I'm sorry, Amelia. I think the method I knew of for defeating Scion isn't going to work, because I brought that knowledge here, and now the shards' precog powers know about it. So Scion will know about it the next time he uses his own Path to Victory. I doomed the world with my arrival. That's why, if we're to have any chance of winning, I have to go and search for new powers and means in other planes while there's still time."
"Then take me with you! I can help!" She shouted.
"It's too dangerous. My way of traveling isn't meant for more than one soul. We could both die in transit. And you won't have access to your powers while in other planes. You won't be of any use," I said with a cold expression.
She flinched.
"We could find ourselves in apocalyptic nightmares, fighting against terrible monsters and evil gods. I won't have time to babysit you, especially with the way you are now, hesitating over every little thing and constantly feeling depressed."
"I—I—but—you promised…" Her knees lost strength and she collapsed towards me.
I brushed off her hands away from me and she fell down crying.
"Get a grip, Amelia! I promised you that I'd guide you and I did just that, showing you how to meditate and calm down. I promised that I would put you back together if you fell apart, and I did just that when you were saying you wanted to die ten minutes ago. I promised that I would bear the burden of your sins with you, and I will do that if it comes down to it. But I can't be there every waking moment for you."
She sobbed, kneeling on the ground, face looking down. "…I'm sorry…I'll learn…I'll get better…!" She crawled over and grabbed onto my leg. "Please, don't leave me…! I can't live without you!"
"Look at yourself. You aren't ready to go with me. If you're already like this at the merely thought of me going away for a bit, how much worse will it be after we leave? What if we get separated by outside interference, and you find yourself all alone in a new world powerless with no easy way to find me? And if I have to worry about you killing yourself before I can come find you…no. It's much better if you just stay right here. At least Taylor and everyone else is here."
"No…no…!" She shook her head.
"Amelia…it hurts to see you like this. Please, get a hold of yourself."
She continued to sob and hold on to me. "Y-you're all I have now! It's not fair! You—you can't just come in to my life, show me what it's like to be happy for once, and then j-just —!"
"You don't need me to be happy. You shouldn't need me to be happy. That isn't healthy. "
"I don't care if it's healthy or not!"
"And that worries me. That's why…I'm sorry that I have to do this. I wanted to show you this under more pleasant circumstances, it's necessary for you to do this now to overcome your issues. Enduring Witness, bring us to the float tanks. And make sure she can't hurt herself," I said with a regretful expression.
"Affirmative," the AI said over speaker. Some combat drones came over and removed her from my leg by force, restraining her.
"Kaleidus!" She screamed one last time before the drones gagged her to prevent her from biting her tongue.
"Mmmph!" She struggled with a scared expression, but even with her bionanite enhanced strength, she couldn't overcome the even stronger combined force of multiple brute-rated combat drones.
They brought her to a windowless room with two tanks inside. "Get her in the tank with foam," I ordered.
Then the drones deploy a modified containment foam that was softer and flexible—like extremely heavy and viscous liquid, pouring it over every inch of her body except the face. The foam would dissolve her clothes and tightly hold to her skin.
Finally, she was placed together with the containment foam into the tank that was filled with water and salts to provide buoyancy.
Her face floated on the surface of the water.
"Don't be afraid, Amelia. This is a float tank that will remove all sensory input. Even people who don't know how to meditate can get into deep trances here. Combined with the low-gravity environment, it's perfect for extremely deep meditation. After a while, the foam will dissolve so you can get the full experience. Think, reflect, and center yourself. I'm going to be in the tank beside you."
She continued to make muffled whimpers with wide eyes.
I took off my own clothes and the drones helped me into the other tank. Then the lid was shut, and there was nothing.
'For the record, you're wrong about Amelia reminding me of Angel,' I said to Agate. 'Angel wouldn't be afraid to take what she wants, and she's not so clingy. She could do things on her own even if I wasn't around.'
'You sound like you're comparing your new girlfriend to your ex,' Agate teased.
'Don't be ridiculous.'
'I wouldn't have said that if you didn't think it first!'
'And if I really thought that I would have given word to those thoughts as narration. Don't trick our readers.'
'What narration…you aren't telling a story.'
'I'm telling the epic story of my life so I can indulge in nostalgia as I review it in the future. You'd better be keeping faithful records of everything.'
Being the wonderful wand that she was, Agate promised to keep faithful records of everything while her fingers were crossed.
After that, Agate went silent as well to complete the sensory deprivation.
I soon lost all sense of position and time, and entered the deepest meditation I ever had.
For hours, I floated among a great swirl of infinite colours.
O O O
The next morning, Enduring Witness brought Amelia out of her tank first. After she got dressed, she waited for me on the observation deck, staring out at Earth-Refuge.
"How are you feeling now?" I asked, joining her on the deck.
"I can feel it again," she said, without looking at me.
The non-sequitur caught me off guard. "What?"
"It was always there. I thought it disappeared after you brought me here, but it wasn't gone, just muted," she said, bring her hand up to stare at her palm. "If I concentrate and reach for it, I can still use it."
She clenched her palm into a fist. "But it has no power over me now. My thoughts are my own. I am the one that's in control. I know who I am. I know what I want."
"And what do you want?" I asked, tensing. A Kaleidoscopic swirl appeared in my mind and shattered into a trillion mirrors. Prana surged through my body, Reinforcing it, starting from my feet. With only a single circuit, the process was excruciatingly slow without Agate's help, which required her to phase in and touch me.
She turned to face me with an expression of burning determination.
"To go with you, wherever that leads."
I frowned. My legs were only halfway Reinforced. "Amelia—"
"I wasn't finished. I know you think I'm not ready. But I'll prove that I am. I'll do whatever it takes, learn whatever I need. I'll lead CRUCIBLE when you're gone. Then when you come back next time, you'll see for yourself that I'm worth it."
"…Are you sure? What if I die before I can make it back? What if I get trapped again, and it takes many years before I can come back?"
"Then promise me that you won't. Promise me that you'll come back. No matter how long it takes, I'll wait for you! Both of us have the bionanite swarm already, we can't die of old age. So promise me, and I'll kill Scion and wait an eternity if I have to!"
I looked at her for a long time. In her eyes I saw my reflection again. It was smiling, with a twinkle of light in the corner of her pupils like a sun shining over it.
"I see. In that case…I promise I won't die. I promise that I will come back, no matter how long it takes or what stands in my way. And when I do, I hope it will be just as you say."
After a moment, tears formed around her eyes.
"Hey, what are you crying for now? I already promised, didn't I? What do more do you want?"
"I'm not crying!" The bionanites worked furiously to remove the tears and in a matter of seconds they were gone.
"You totally were."
"It's because I'm…happy!"
O O O
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