Chương 1005: 19
018 - This is a horrible idea
Picture yourself in my position, if you would. You have dived head first into a battle royale between legendary figures for the right to use a defective wish-granting device you can do fun things with but don't really have a use for.
Your lover is a quirky and competent girl who also happens to be your little sister. Your other lover is a (yandere) witch of legend who can fly circles around any modern magus and is happy to kick her own morals to the curb at the slightest provocation. Your other other lover is a (yandere) traumatised girl of nigh-infinite power at her disposal who may or may not become an avatar of all the world's evil yet.
You are also trying to seduce a (kuudere sith lord) Saber-hunting Saber who only seems interested in sweets and cheap literature. Then there's your new adopted daughter who can be a cinnamon roll deserving all the headpats but is also a (yandere) vengeful spirit liable to eat your entrails through no fault of your own.
Your first lover wants to bed all your other lovers. Same with the second. The third is only interested in the first, but will probably come around in time. Your intended fourth doesn't want to be interested in anyone, but you and your first are tag-teaming her and her resistance is starting to flag.
And the girl you are not trying to bed loves your second lover like a mother and was openly hostile towards you until you patted her head and upended her understanding of the world. She's been hugging Medea's leg ever since, looking lost and eyeing you like the world's most fascinating puzzle, or a bomb about to explode.
Yeah, my relationship chart is kind of a mess right now. And that's without including (Tsundere-sensei) Rin-Sensei, Little Big (yandere) Sis and their own Servants. And their maids. And maybe their rivals. And whoever else I can find that's not already in a relationship or otherwise nailed to the ground.
My immediate worry at the time though, was the man-hating woman-slayer homicidal daughter that just walked into my life. The situation required some drastic measures if I wanted to sleep soundly at night, and thus I acted the only way I could.
I made cake. More than one, actually. Then we all ate it together in our new living room.
"Nii-san?"
My quirky sister calls out to me, eyes wandering through the homely scene developing around her. Everyone has a small plate with a portion of velvet cake on their hands and is eating it with various degrees of enthusiasm.
"Yes, Haku?"
Haku in particular has a death grip on her own plate, knuckles white as she turns around to look at me in the face. There's something lost in her eyes, as if she's trying to process events she can't quite come to terms with, but she still refuses to release her prize.
"What… what just happened?"
To her side, Ecchan gives up any pretense of subtlety and discards her plate to reach for an entire cake. Nobody bats an eyelash, too busy enjoying their own treats.
"I made cake."
"Not that! I mean, yeah, but..." She makes an anguished sound, trying to put her troubles into words. "Sakura-chan and I… the Kitchen… how?"
"Proper sentences, Haku." I chide gently, filling Jackie's plate with another serving. There's a wide, cake-smeared smile on her face as she receives the new portion. It disappears as soon as she realizes who she's smiling at, her form retreating back to her hiding place beside Medea's skirts. I can't help a fond smile at her antics. Progress is still progress. "You can't expect me to know what you mean otherwise."
"You know perfectly what I mean." She pouts, trying to cross her arms only to abort the action when she realizes it would force her to relinquish her plate.
"Maybe, but I still want you to spell it out properly." I answer with a taunting smile before turning to my other side. "Another slice, Princess?"
Always the epitome of dignified elegance when she's not busy squeeing over other girls' cuteness, Medea offers me her plate with a soft smile. I make a point to ignore the way her legs seem to be vibrating in place while I cut and serve her a new slice.
"What sort of sorcery did you use to kick us from the kitchen and claim it by yourself?"
"Sorcery?" I arch an eyebrow in amusement.
"Was it a curse? Some sort of geas? Mind control?"
"Now you are being melodramatic. I managed to get kitchen privileges yesterday too, didn't I?"
"Yesterday you cheated!"
"Well, you've been watching me the whole time today." I answer, maybe a tiny bit condescendingly. "Did I cheat at any point?"
"I don't know! That's what scares me!" She cries out, turning to her usual ally for support. "We would've never relinquished the kitchen willingly! Come on, Sakura-chan! Back me up on this!"
"So good…" Said ally is too busy taking small nibbles of her own cake, face flushed and small giggles escaping her lips from time to time. "So manly…"
"There's no magic involved, Haku." I retort cheerfully. "But sometimes a man has to do what a man has to do and all that shit."
Is it my fault they're so unused to me putting my foot down and actually going against their whims that they don't know how to react when I do? Yeah, one could say it is. But when the results are moments like this, who can blame me for it?
"And you had to bake cake?"
"Manly bake cake."
"I give up." She shakes her head with a sigh, extending her plate towards me. "Can I have another slice, please?"
"It's your fourth slice." I tease. "Are you trying to compete with Ecchan?"
"I'm a growing girl." She defends herself with a huff. "And it's been a while since I had Nii-san's cake."
"It has a way of making you feel like everything will be okay." Medea comments from her seat, where she's straining the limits of decorum to eat as fast as possible without actually giving up on propriety. "Doesn't it?"
"This is a horrible idea." I mutter defeatedly. "This is going to end up horribly and it'll be your fault."
I have something to do tonight, namely (stalk) keep an eye on the school, since today is the day Rin will supposedly cross paths with Lancer in there, and I have no reason to assume I have butterflied that encounter away just yet. Then again, I was expecting Little Big Sis to come give me her cryptic warning already and that was a no-show, so…
Anyway, Altera is not EMIYA, and I'm not sure how well she'll hold up to Lancer. I mean, she should manage way better, King of Combat and all that. But she doesn't have shounen protagonist superpowers and Cu Chulainn is kind of ridiculous on paper, no matter what the canon timeline makes you believe.
In any case, I'd like to be around, just in case. Problem is…
"Come now, Master." Medea answers amusedly. "Don't you want to spend time with your daughter?"
"Yeah, Don't you want to play with us, Daddy?" Jackie's wide yellow eyes bore straight into my soul.
"Guh-! O-of course I want, Jackie!" I hurry to placate the girl who is possibly deciding the best place to stab me. "But this mission isn't exactly going to be a walk in the park."
Events have conspired to saddle me with Jackie for the night.
After the bonding session, her open hostility has turned into a sort of cautious optimism, where she has taken to keenly observing my actions, preferably from Medea's proximity, while making sure I know what she's doing. I'd call it passive-aggressive harassment, but I'd like to believe that I feel genuine puzzlement and curiosity coming from her.
So… more like a cat who just discovered something new, and doesn't know what to do with it beside stalking it like prey. Or at least that was her attitude until I announced my plans for the night and Medea volunteered her as my escort. Then she became almost eager.
Am I about to get shanked in a dark alley? The things I put up with for my girls.
"We are a Servant, Daddy!" She protests my words with a pout. "We can do difficult things!"
"Yes, but this doesn't exactly match with your specialty." I explain while inwardly resigning to lose this argument. Sometimes you just cannot win, and they do have a point. "We are trying to keep the girls safe and maybe assassinate the guy if we get the chance."
"... That's weird." Jackie's enthusiasm cools down a fair bit at my explanation, head tilting to the side as she tries to process the implications. "Daddy's weird."
"I'd really feel more confident about this if I could take Saber with me."
"I get you, Nii-san. And I would gladly approve, but…" Haku shrugs helplessly, waving towards the sofa in the corner with both hands. "You really should've thought about that before enabling her cake-induced coma."
A pained yet pleased groan comes from that location, reinforcing Haku's point.
"I… Can't really refute that." I grumble. To think I would be able to fill that black hole… sometimes my own talent scares me. "And Caster isn't exactly a front-line fighter."
"I might be able to manage, but it really isn't worth the risk." Medea comments, kneeling behind Jackie to hug her affectionately. "My dear Jackie has better odds than me anyway."
Jackie closes her eyes and lets herself sink into Medea's breasts. I'm kinda jealous of her right now. One wouldn't be able to tell they just met hours ago for the first tim– Did that little brat just smile smugly at me?
"Um, Senpai!" Before I can do something I would regret, Sakura calls my attention. She's visibly uncomfortable, hugging herself with an arm to rub her elbow as she stares at her own feet. "I might be able to help, if…"
Help? Sakura doesn't have her Servant with her, why would she…? Oh.
"Thank you for the offer, Sakura. You have no idea how much it means to me that you'd willingly offer." I put a hand on her shoulder, closing in to plant a soft peck on her cheek. "But playing around with the Black Shadow sounds like a really bad idea, so let's leave it as a last resource, hm?"
Sakura mumbles something I don't quite catch and hurries to step back with an explosive blush in her face, but also a shy smile on her lips.
"No fair!" Haku immediately protested. "Why's only Sakura-chan getting kisses?"
"Because she's being utterly adorable and I couldn't resist." I snap back unashamedly. "But I'll kiss you too if you want."
"Actually…" She makes a show of thinking things over before glomping on the still-blushing Sakura. "I think I'll kiss Sakura-chan too, sounds more fun."
"... Yeah." I shake my head in amusement as Sakura gets smothered in Haku's affection. Feeble protesting noises come from her lips as she gets even redder, no doubt swiftly approaching a brain meltdown. "Yeah, I can understand that."
"Is Daddy going to have sex with the onee-chans?"
We all… kind of freeze at Jackie's question. I mean, at an intellectual level, I know there's no way she's remained innocent on certain topics with her background, but it's still jarring to have it thrown in our faces like that. An uncomfortable suspicion forms in my mind as Haku's blush swiftly reaches Sakura's level.
"What do you know about sex, Jackie?"
"It's when the Daddies hurt Mommy." She answers without hesitation. Then stops for a moment tilting her head in confusion as if remembering something perplexing. "But sometimes Mommy likes it?"
Oh, dear…
The fact that the hurting part comes to her mind before even considering pleasure is rather telling. I could maybe believe that it was simply a matter of bad luck. That she spied on her mother at the wrong time and drew the wrong conclusions from what she saw. Maybe even drew the right ones, I doubt lowly prostitutes were treated with much respect after all.
But… well, sex is an intrinsecally pleasant thing. There are outliers, of course, and a regular Heroic Spirit could've very well lived the exception. Jackie being an instanced entity composed of countless wraiths, the chances of them all experiencing exceptional circumstances kind of plummets. And pain really shouldn't be the first thing that comes to mind when it comes to sex.
You know what relevant demographic rarely finds pleasure in sex, though? Children.
Should I have faith in humanity or suspect Jackie is projecting some repressed traumatic experiences?
… Yeah, I'm leaning towards repression too.
I need to think very carefully about how to deal with this. I wasn't planning on seducing Jackie. Still don't, but I can't simply shut her from what's going to be an important part of our family life, nor do I believe she'll appreciate the effort to shelter her. Once the omelet is done, it's way too late to put the egg back into the shell.
"Let's… let's just get going, Jackie." I said instead, after a long sigh of resignation. "We'll talk about that later."
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