Chương 17: Swaying Gladiolus — VI

"Say, Your Highness," Li Xinyuan continued, as gently as he could. "A man is not above pain, he is not above misery and certainly not above mourning. So why do you hold yourself to such strict standards?" He paused, glancing at him carefully. "Why not allow yourself the right to mourn, is Your Highness not a human?"

Liu Mingyun let out a quiet noise of protest. "... No…"

Li Xinyuan smiled faintly. "Then is Your Highness' identity as a Prince segregated from his being as human?"

Liu Mingyun blinked slowly, shaking his head. "... No."

Li Xinyuan shifted on the bed, slowly swinging his legs. "Then why allow your duty to overwhelm your existence as a human?"

Liu Mingyun blinked slowly, as though a realisation had dawned upon him. Turning away from the surgeon, the Crown Prince stared at his lap, contemplating.

"You are not wrong, Xinyuan," he breathed out, nodding slowly. "This Prince— no, I am not above my emotions, nor above my humanity—" his calloused hands clenched on his lap, a flickering flame of emotions burning in the tumultuous pool of his eyes. "—I am allowed to feel guilt. I'm, I'm allowed to…"

Li Xinyuan raised his eyebrows, waiting for him to finish his words. But when Liu Mingyun couldn't complete the sentence even after a while, the surgeon pursed his lips, feeling as though an invisible hand was squeezing his heart.

"... Your Highness is allowed to mourn, Your Highness is allowed to grieve," tentatively resting his hand on the Crown Prince's knee, Li Xinyuan completed the sentence for him, watching his reaction as he did so.

As they sat together, thighs touching and sharing the warmth of their flesh, Li Xinyuan couldn't help the suffocating pain swirling in his heart.

Never. Never had it occurred to him that perhaps, perhaps, the male lead was not just a man, a lofty man, with all the power in the world at his disposal. That Liu Mingyun was not just a two dimensional character, a simple, powerful love interest for the female lead.

That Liu Mingyun, this man — Li Xinyuan's golden eyes flickered to glance at the side of his handsome face — was more. More than what he had thought him to be. Prior to meeting him, prior to understanding him.

Now that Li Xinyuan had spent more than enough time around Liu Mingyun, he could confidently conclude that yes, the latter wasn't just a character. He was a human, as human as Li Xinyuan himself. As human as the surgeon had been.

Had Li Xinyuan been a different man, a different person, it might have taken him a long time, perhaps a few years, to come in terms with this fact.

But Li Xinyuan was… He was himself. He was quick to accept a lot of things, himself and the people around him. Still, it took him a long time to realise this. More than it took him to understand this fact.

He had been living in the world of this novel, his now reality, for years. Ever since he was a young boy, a toddler, really.

Now, looking back, the surgeon couldn't help but feel ashamed of himself. All these years, he had been living with his auntie, Hu Lijing and everyone else in the Divine Phoenix Hospital, subconsciously thinking of them as mere characters. As though their lives held less than his ever did.

Unwittingly, Li Xinyuan had become a doctor just to continue the work he loved and out of selfish desire to learn more about the medical practices of this world filled with fantastical elements.

All of it, everything he had been doing was out of selfish intent rather than the selflessness of his oath as a doctor.

He bowed his head, eyes heavy and hair hiding his features. How… How utterly shameful it was. Li Xinyuan clenched his fist on his lap, gritting his teeth as he tried to take a deep, calming breath, wanting to silence the negative thoughts that threatened to swallow him whole as they swarmed his mind.

He couldn't fall into the grasp of his inner demons, he couldn't let himself remember the pain he had buried all those years ago.

It was simply ridiculous to think about the past long gone and despise himself for it. It was stupid, it was idiotic.

But—

"—Xinyuan," Liu Mingyun's deep voice cut through the swamp of his spiralling thoughts, forcefully knocking him out of his musings, making Li Xinyuan jolt. "Xinyuan, are you with me?"

Li Xinyuan sat straight as he snapped his head to look at the Crown Prince, eyes slightly wide and a little confused, his heart hammering against his chest.

"Y-yes, Your Highness," he replied, voice cracking and thick, making him cringe internally. "My apologies."

Liu Mingyun gazed at him with a thoughtful look in his crimson eyes. With a shake of his head, he murmured. "Do not apologise, Xinyuan. Instead I should be thanking you for helping me resolve the turmoil in my heart."

Tentatively, he placed his larger, warmer, hand on Li Xinyuan's knee, giving it a light squeeze.

Li Xinyuan nodded at him, carefully gathering his thoughts as he felt a shiver crawl down his spine at the squeeze. The Crown Prince's hand, his touch, seemed to burn away his skin, making goosebumps rise all over his body.

For a split second, Li Xinyuan wondered why, but then decided to focus on a different thing.

Liu Mingyun had stopped calling himself 'This Prince' and was calling Li Xinyuan by his courtesy name. Perhaps it was because the surgeon had given him free therapy or perhaps he now felt comfortable around him.

Whichever it was, neither of them were a bad thing for Li Xinyuan who was destined to marry him. If they remained friends even throughout their arranged marriage, then perhaps Liu Mingyun would have less reason to — maybe — dislike him when the female lead came into the equation later.

At this thought, Li Xinyuan lowered his eyes, half-lidded gaze stared at Liu Mingyun's hand resting on his knees as he pursed his lips and nodded.

"Your Highness need not thank this one," Li Xinyuan sighed, swallowing silently. "This one has done what he should have."

Liu Mingyun looked at him, his gaze burning holes in the surgeon's beautiful face. "Xinyuan can speak comfortably with me," he murmured softly. "I think of us as friends, Specter of Blood Moon, I would be delighted if the sentiment is reciprocated."

[Current Points: 53]

Li Xinyuan's eye hidden behind an ebony fringe twitched at the floating panel. Withholding a sigh, the surgeon looked at Liu Mingyun's handsome face and smiled gently.

His eyes turned into crescent moons as he nodded, tentatively. "How can I refuse Your Highness?" He asked, not really meaning the question.

Liu Mingyun frowned at him, subconsciously his lips pulled down as he shook his head. "Xinyuan is allowed to refuse, of course."

Li Xinyuan stiffened. Oh no, please do not misunderstand!

"No!" He replied, instantly. "No, Your Highness. I have to intentions of refusing Your Highness' friendship. At a personal level, of course."

Liu Mingyun nodded, the slight crease on his forehead smoothing over as he looked at Li Xinyuan. "I would not expect any more from you, Xinyuan."

Li Xinyuan nodded, heaving a sigh of relief.

After a few minutes of sitting in silence, Liu Mingyun shifted on the bed and stood up with one last squeeze on Li Xinyuan's knee and a brief brush of their thighs.

"I should leave now," he commented idly, folding his hands on his back. "You should rest too, Xinyuan."

Li Xinyuan nodded, perfunctorily, knowing full well that he had to go back to treating the wounded soldiers very soon.

"You too, Your Highness."

Liu Mingyun stopped at the 'door' of his tent then turned his head to look at Li Xinyuan from over his shoulder.

"Ah, that reminds me, Xinyuan has not been having meals, has he?" Li Xinyuan froze.

How did Liu Mingyun find out?

"Uhm…"

Liu Mingyun raised an eyebrow at his vague response. "From your reaction, it seems This Prince isn't wrong. May I ask why Xinyuan has been starving himself when you too work yourself to the bone every single day?"

Li Xinyuan pressed his lips into a thin line as he looked down, not knowing what to say.

Silence filled the space left by the Crown Prince's question. With each passing second that left it unanswered, the silence thickened, stretching thin as Liu Mingyun stared at the silky tresses flowing down the surgeon's shoulder, elegant brows drawn together.

"... Xinyuan is not beholden to answer This Prince's question if he so desires." After a long time, Liu Mingyun spoke up.

Li Xinyuan snapped his head up, looking a little disconcerted as he bit his lower lip, the supple flesh catching between his teeth as he worried them on it.

"That's not…" He muttered.

Liu Mingyun's frown deepened as he tilted his body backwards to better listen to his low voice. "Then what is it, Xinyuan?" He inquired, carefully.