Chương 43: Chapter 43: Breakup…? Part 2
I really needed to do the right thing…
I loved Ema with all my heart and soul, but there was a very huge problem: the lack of sincerity.
I didn't want to breakup with her, that's for sure, but in that moment i started to think with my brain and not with my heart.
"Ema, you see, i saw that you're trying to improve your behavior… are you doing this for me?"
I asked with a normal tone of voice.
Ema nodded in agreement.
"Yes… to put it simply: i tried to control my jealous and obsessive side… but there's nothing I can do about it…" she said while covering her eyes with her hands.
"Ema… that's not the problem…" i said.
She looked at me, removing her hands from her eyes.
"W-What do you mean, Fumi? Maybe… y-you don't love me anymore?" She mumbled.
I shook my head.
"No, Ema. And it's not even a lack of trust." I said, while trying to reassure her.
"Then what?" She asked.
"The fact is… that i feel… controlled, manipulated. I feel like you don't want me to take decisions on my own." I said.
I felt like removing a big weight from my soul.
Ema's eyes widened.
"What…? Why do you think this?" She asked in disbelief.
"Because of many behaviors you had in the past period. Communication is most important thing in a couple." I said with a calm tone.
Ema remained silent.
Her silence was speaking for her as she lowered her gaze to the floor.
"For example, when Suzuki stayed for dinner, you couldn't control your jealousy, despite her being a big friend of you. I've never done anything like that to you, Ema. I need some answers." I said with a calm but direct tone.
Ema then looked at me.
Her body was slightly shaking, maybe from anger… I didn't know.
"We already talked about these things, Fumi… What kind of answers do you want from me?" She asked with an aggressive but sad tone.
"I want you to tell me why you're being so obsessed with me. Everything has been worse since we met Kazuha." I said.
Saying the name "Kazuha" actually made something snapping inside of Ema.
Her pupils became smaller.
"Ka…zu…ha…" she whispered.
"That disgusting whore…" she added.
I was shocked after hearing Ema talking like this.
It didn't seem like she was being herself.
"I get it… she told you to leave me, right? She told you that I'm a manipulator and that I'm a fucking liar, didn't she? HAHAHAHA" Ema then laughed maniacally.
"Don't tell me that you're gonna believe her words…" she then gave me a deadly look.
Her eyes were the one of a crazy psychopath person.
I made myself courage, not falling for her behavior.
The girl in front of me wasn't Ema, it was a monster.
"No, Ema. But your behaviour talked for you." I said while clenching my fists.
Ema stayed silent.
"I'm angry and confused, Ema. I'm angry because it seems like I'm dating a completely different girl. I'm confused because of all your lies you told to me."
I said with a direct tone.
"You know why… you know that I'm being threatened by Chiko… and still… you talk like this…" she said with a teary voice.
"You promised me… you promised to never leave me and help me… Kazuha did a good brainwash, didn't she?" She smiled sadly.
I sighed.
"No, Ema. Kazuha didn't do anything. Instead she helped us." I said.
"What…?" She asked.
"Chiko won't bother you or me ever again. You should've noticed that, didn't you?" I asked.
Ema's eyes widened. She didn't expect that.
"R-Really…?" That's the only thing she said.
"Yes, really. And all thanks to Kazuha." I replied.
"…" she didn't have any more word to say.
"Ema… I can't live my life like this. I don't want to be controlled. I want to be free and live with you forever." I said.
"…" Ema was still being silent, with tears forming in her eyes.
"Ema , I want you to stop controlling my life. If not, it will be over for us. Chiko's situation has been fixed. I'm telling you all these things because I love you." I said while getting close to her.
"D-Don't come near me… please." She said while looking away.
I stopped , confused.
"What?" I said.
"Fumihiro… i totally understand your point. I'm sorry for everything. But there's a huge problem." She said while looking around the room.
She was looking everywhere to avoid my eyes.
"What is it?" I asked.
I could feel my hands trembling from anxiety and my heartbeat getting faster.
"I can't stop being like this. I'm too scared of losing you. I want you only for myself and no one else." She said with a calm tone while forcing a smile.
But that wasn't what she wanted to say, that's for sure.
"You're lying again, Ema." I said. "You don't sound honest." I added with a direct tone of voice.
Ema's body started to shake slightly.
"…" she was still avoiding my eyes.
She wanted to tell me something really important but she couldn't.
"Ema, speak, please." I said.
Ema then looked me straight into my eyes.
"Things between us won't be the same ever again, Fumi. This is who i am now. A crazy jealous girl who wants her boyfriend all for herself." She said while sobbing.
I looked at her with a very decisive expression on my face.
I walked towards her and hugged her.
Her eyes widened.
I hugged her tight.
"I don't want to lose you, Ema. We'll go trough this together." I said while holding her.
After some seconds, i could feel the weak touch of her hands on my back.
She recognized her mistakes and she wanted to change.
There was no reason for breaking up with her.
"No… this… this is not right, Fumi…" she said while breaking the hug and taking a step away from me.
I was slightly confused about her action.
"Ema?" I said while tilting my head on the side.
"I don't deserve you, Fumi. You're too sweet." She said while wiping away her tears.
"What do you mean?" I asked in a confused tone.
"You're too sweet and kind… but… there's a problem…" she said while looking away.
"What is it?" I asked , while feeling a strange coldness in my body.
"I can't be myself with you anymore. I'm going to hurt you a lot, to the point where you won't have friends anymore. I don't know if I can change this part of me… since the events with Chiko i became unstable… I changed radically…" she said while looking me in the eyes.
Her voice was trembling.
I probably understood what she meant.
She said that she totally changed her character.
The "new" Ema wasn't a good match for me anymore.
She literally said that we were no longer compatible.
My eyes widened after i realized what she meant and a painful feeling was embracing my heart.
But still, i didn't want to lose her.
"Ema… I don't ca-" I tried to speak but she didn't let me talk.
"No… Fumihiro. You probably don't get what i'm saying… I'm gonna be honest with you now." She said, and then she took a deep breath before speaking again.
"You see… I became such a possessive beast. The slightest thought of you talking to someone else instead of me started to torture my soul… this thing began when i was getting annoyed by Chiko. Hiding things from you seemed like cheating… and the thought that you could do the same… was killing me." She said with a soft but painful voice.
I noticed that she was holding her right arm, with a tight grip around it.
She was squeezing it hard while speaking.
Ema realized that her character wasn't suited for me anymore.
She tried to change because she didn't want to end our relationship.
Like a good boyfriend, i had to help her.
If she couldn't change, the only thing i could do was actually embracing the new Ema or, at least , understand her.
"I have changed… and my obsession amplified in the same moment we met Kazuha…" after saying her name, I could feel a sense of anger and disgust in her words and the grip around her arm tightened.
"Kazuha? Why did she make you feel like this? She did nothing to you… she even helped us." I said.
"…Her brother bullied Kanna when we were little… and she always looked you from the distance, trying to steal you from me… having you with me is my revenge." Ema said, but this time she looked me directly into my eyes.
"Revenge? What do you mean?" I asked, confused.
"Nothing, Fumihiro. She's not a good person. That's all you have to know… and that's why I don't want you near to her… she probably wants to take you away from me…"
Ema then looked down on the floor.
"What…? Kazuha helped us and she even tried to be your friend…!" I tried to say.
I defended Kazuha.
She didn't seem like someone who could do evil things.
During my interactions with her, i felt that all her actions and words were genuine.
She truly didn't have bad intentions with me.
After my words, Ema looked at me and gave me a sharply and cold glare.
"Fumi…" he voice just cold as ice. "Why are you defending her? You don't even know her… how can you defend someone that you don't even know?" Her tone was sharp like a blade.
"I'm not defending her. I'm just spitting out facts. She told me that Chiko won't bother us ever again." I replied.
"…" Ema remained silent again.
"Her brother… is trash just like her." Ema whispered after some seconds of silence.
Ema knew that Chiko was her brother.
This thing gave me a big surprise.
"Ema?" I said in curiosity.
"What ?" She replied.
"How do you know that Kazuha and Chiko are brother and sister?" I asked.
At this moment, it felt like I touched a sore button.
Ema looked at me in panic, thinking about what she said.
"Ema?" I asked.
She kept staying silent.
Then, she spoke.
"I'm sorry… Me and Kazuha knew each other since children. I also know Chiko." She said, while shedding other tears.
I didn't know what else to think.
Another lie.
I had a mix of emotions inside my heart.
My eyes fell on the floor.
I heard Ema babbling other words but it was a noise.
I was closed into my thoughts for some seconds.
I felt so many things.
Ema lied to me again.
She knew Chiko. She knew who this guy was and she even knew Kazuha.
I had two choices.
To appreciate her sincerity and go on, or to not forgive her lies and breakup with her.
"We've been a couple since forever… I can't leave her like this…" I thought.
"She's gonna control your life and tell you lies everyday. You'll start doubting about everything." I thought on the other hand.
Too many things were racing in my mind and i was starting to panic.
In that exact moment, i remembered Kazuha's words about Ema and her behaviour.
Maybe she wasn't totally wrong…
Everything was going bad. So bad.
I was tired.
I could also use this chance to tame Ema and make her doing whatever i wanted… but that wouldn't have feel right.
She needed help.
But who was going to help me? I couldn't live my entire future like this.
"Fumihiro… the things between us won't work ever again… I won't change and…" she said.
I raised my head to look into her eyes.
"And what?" That's all I could say.
"I…" she couldn't speak.
It seemed like her words were stuck in her throat.
"Ema?" I said.
She then fell on her knees and started crying.
The strange thing was that my mother didn't even try to come to see us.
I already saw this scene.
I tried to walk close to her but… she looked right into my eyes.
She started scratching her left arm where her wounds were, enough for some blood to come out.
My eyes widened in shock.
I had to help Ema, so I took one step closer to her to close the distance between us.
"Stop, Don't move." She said.
Her voice was almost a whisper.
"I… I cheated. Fumihiro. Chiko kissed me once." She said while looking away.
In that instant, the world completely frozen around me.
My pupils became small and my heart started to hurt a lot.
I felt someone squeezing it from the inside and this was giving me too much pain.
"Eh?" That's all i could whisper.
Didn't she say that Chiko never touched her ?
Why did she lie to me? Why was this girl lying to me?
Why did she do this to ME?
I thought i could be happy.
I thought that she was going to be my future wife.
Why? Why? Why?
Ema kept crying.
I wasn't thinking straight.
I was standing there, frozen and not knowing what to do.
I was dying inside.
My heart was beating like crazy.
I was almost on the verge of fainting again.
Ema didn't try to come closer to me.
She was just standing on the floor , wiping her tears.
I couldn't believe her words.
I was destroyed from the inside.
Kazuha was totally right.
The girl I loved lied to me until now.
But why did she wait all this time to tell me this bitter truth?
As soon as some lucidity returned into my mind, I looked at Ema right in the eyes.
"Ema… is this true?" I said with a desperate whisper.
She only nodded and looked away from me.
"Haha…" I let out a nervous laugh.
"Why?" I asked.
Ema remained silent, not knowing what to say.
"Ema, he forced you, right? He did that, right?" I said while getting close to her face and shaking her shoulders.
Ema pushed me away.
She shook her head.
"No… I… I… I liked it." She said while looking away.
I could feel that she was still lying, but i wasn't thinking 100% straight.
"Haha… Hahaha….! HAHAHA" I let out a very nervous and maniacal laugh.
"The girl i loved lied for all this time? I was a fool for treating her right for all my life by putting aside everything for her… I'm an asshole and an idiot… Ahahahaha….." I started talking with myself like a crazy guy.
My hands were on my head, covering my ears.
"Not possible… not possible… it's not possible…" I kept saying.
Ema was looking at me in an ashamed and scared way.
Then, I looked her directly into her eyes and said, with a very cold tone of voice:
"I think it's over now."
Words that meant more than 10000'words.
Ema looked down on the floor in shame and sadness.
Was it really over…?
~~~~~Ema's POV~~~~~
~Before going to Fumi's house~
Well…
There were lots of things to say to Fumihiro.
My jealousy reached unstable levels.
I needed the help of a psychiatrist .
~~~After going to Fumihiro's house~~~
As I stood there, i gently rang the doorbell.
I was expecting my beloved to open the door but he didn't.
His mother came instead.
I was slightly surprised about this.
I was greeted by his mother with a warm smile.
For some reasons , it seemed pretty forced.
"Oh! Ema-Chan!" She said.
I smiled back to her.
"Hello , mother!" I said while entering inside.
After some seconds of analyzing the house, I noticed that Fumihiro wasn't here.
I was about to write him a message but his mother stopped me.
"Ema-Chan, can you help me with dinner?" She gently asked.
I nodded at her but i started to feel nervous since I didn't see Fumihiro at home.
"Mother , where's Fumi?" I asked.
I saw her avoiding my eyes.
"He's… doing some shopping." She gently said.
I felt some lies but i pretended not to care and went directly into the kitchen.
My nervousness made me act like a crazy girl.
I was silently doing everything by myself, by cooking things I wanted , completely ignoring Fumihiro's mother.
I was behaving like this because i didn't want to think about Fumihiro's position.
Then, after a while, he returned.
I calmed down after he came but my instincts were telling me that he did something on my back and that the fact that he was out to buy groceries was a lie.
After that, i played the part of a crazy yandere girlfriend.
Fumihiro always liked these things….
~~~~After dinner, near the end of the discussion between them~~~~
I was feeling guilty for Fumihiro.
I didn't want him to suffer for me anymore, he would've never break up with me.
He loves me too much for doing something like this, but for some reason, i felt like all i was doing was hurting him.
I was suffering a lot by the fact that i couldn't control my own feelings.
I was scared to lose him.
Seeing him trying to help me warmed my heart but i couldn't bear to see his suffering eyes anymore.
So i decided to tell him a very risky lie to make him staying away from me for a while.
I want him to live his life.
In that moment, i decided to go see a therapist for my problems.
I told him that Chiko kissed me.
This has never happened but… i felt like he had to grow up.
My selfish heart had to stop.
I wanted to recover and be a better person for him.
If it's love and if it's destiny, we're going to be together again.
Until then, our only choice to be happy was to split our ways for a while.
The moment I told him my lie, i saw his heart breaking into a million pieces.
"Im a disgusting person" I thought while in tears.
….
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