Marvel : Grey Matter as Illegitimate son of Tony Stark

LV 5

SUBSCRIBE_MY_LIST

The concept is great. The Dialogue bad. The Formatting and Grammer worse. The MC is not likeable at all, he comes across as a manipulative, abusive, opportunistic rat who uses people. Somehow that works in him landing Susan Storm as a girlfriend... the author explains thisnas her being an INFJ of all MBTI typings, whilst the portrayal shown of her is extraverted, and she keeps seeking him out when she should be calling the cops on him. The MC is apparently indian and pretty much acts like all the bad things about india packaged into a behavioural package. By chapter 5, he has an emo outburst again, after a very short subpar action scene that I only realised after the fact happened. I liked the initial concept of the story but its like an indian wuxia story in all the worst ways. Still, it can be an enjoyable read for people who are into this sort of thing. I rated it by wn standards, not my own like or dislike for the story, as the MCs personality and behaviour would have pretty much made a score in the positive impossible otherwise. The mc makes me want to call a pest exterminator on him.

LV 15

Bryce_Bergeron

It is incredibly hard to read and understand neat concept needs alottttt of work tho keep it up practice makes perfect my friend :)

LV 14

HellOfTiamat

The premise and idea are good, but the grammar needs improvement. Consider using an AI to enhance readability.

LV 4

KnightInArmor

1) Use Grammarly or something to fix errors and space out the dialogues. 2) The "Romance" with Susan is just cringe and irritating, he basically harassed her and stole from her, and she is still friendly with him, if it was any woman in US be it fiction or not, they would have called 911 a long time ago, and on the second day of meeting him they are basically already in 'close friends' relationship and on the third day the become a couple. 3) The premise is amazing, but the bad qualities outweigh the good ones so until you fix those, I doubt I will be reading more than 3 chapters. If the story gets better, please someone comment here to let me know so that I can start reading this again. EDIT (I have read till chapter 6 since THE AUTHOR said I should write the review after reading more than 3 chapters) 4) The Timeline is just messed up Susan Storm is the same age as MC which is 15 or so, the Chitari Invasion happened in which MC's mother died and then we are in Spider-Man Homecoming like what happened in the middle? 5) the MC is now just acting like child he meets Tony and Peter on the roof during Spider-Man Homecoming where Tony is about to take back the red and blue spider suit, he goes there on the rooftop, rants about being his son, about how Tony was the one who tricked his mother into having an intercourse, and when Tony is ready to take him in, he says to leave him alone, like what? why would the MC even want to be acknowledged as Tony's son if he doesn't even want a father nor his money? This is just stupid, instead of that how about he makes his own anti Iron man gear and targets Tony, somehow Tony figures out that the MC is his son and apologizes to him and then he takes him in sort or like a villain-turned-hero. MC just wants to hurt Tony for what his mother had to go through then when he discovers that it was the ploy of Obadiah Stain he forgives Tony.

LV 14

DaoistojZfIq

honestly, author, you have a good idea, but this story is a mess. You should rewrite it using this one a rough draft with readers pointing out problems to fix on the rewrite version

LV 13

anime_otaku_6087

I really like the dialogue in this novel and I got hooked right from the start. I hope this novel continues like this.

LV 13

Shanksxx

interesting, I hope you continue to write a novel and keep the flow of one chapter a day, I wish you success and I will follow your journey as much as possible.

LV 5

behem0th

the premise of the story is interesting and so far the developments pretty good but for the grammar and spelling... I've read raws and mtls with better sentence structure

LV 4

Jploui93

I literally couldn't get pass half of ch 1, the grammar is horrendous and even worse than the Chinese novels I've tried reading. And I don't know why, but every time the Mc is Chinese or Indian they are some of the most hateful towards people of other races, and I'm getting that vibe from the comments I've been reading. Not just a no, but a hell no from me

LV 4

Guaca

I’m done with this the story was down right terrible the story is so bad it sometimes even feels so forced like how did the mc randomly end up at Susan’s apartment and in just 2 chapters they end up together with barely any loving moments together they end up together just cause the mc find her attractive that is it. And the mc is so dumb if I were in his situation and need money I would invest in companies who I know would succeed like you have the brain power of grey matter yet won’t use it to make money he could have gone to a junk yard and invent something that he could sell and make a shit ton of money and once I have enough money I would try and replicate tech form other fiction like comeon. Anyway if you want to read this go right ahead just know that this will kill off your brain cells like it has done to me.

LV 2

God_OfLeagends

It’s an interesting Idea but it is very confusing due to the gramma and punctuation errors. This is especially a problem if you use the audio function cause the sentences do not make any sense at all. As said I like the idea of the story and it doesn’t seem to bad for now but I hope the author will work on his gramma.

LV 1

MukomaTJ

Asked Gemini/Bard to edit an excerpt, then gave it a quick personal pass: A thousand angry ants swarmed through my skull, feasting on my sanity. My head pounded in protest. Slowly, ragged gasps replaced panicked breaths. As my body settled, a chilling question arose: where in the world was I? The rancid stench assaulted me first, a thick, pungent clue of my surroundings. The squelching, crackling, cold and uneven surface beneath me. And then there was the rustling and squeaking, a ticklish dance against my skin that confirmed my worst fears – unwelcome companions shared this… accommodation. Peeking through a cracked eyelid, I caught a sliver of night sky. A groan escaped my lips. “Am I, in a dumpster?” Get OUT! Every fibre of my being screamed for me to move! With a strength born of desperation, I clambered out, collapsing to the ground, my back propped against the cold, unforgiving metal box that was, no, would have been my coffin. I drew a ragged breath, cleaner air filling my bruised lungs, my eyes taking in the meagre light of a streetlamp struggling to pierce the darkness. I just sat there. The distant sounds of the city – voices, traffic, impatient honking – should have been a comfort, a sign of normalcy. Yet, they fell on deaf ears. Something was terribly wrong, alien. "What a night," I rasped, my voice sandpaper dry. The words tumbled out, fractured and painful. "Just… how...?" The question hung heavy in the air as a tidal wave of memories crashed down. A split second that stretched into an eternity, drowning me in a stranger's life. Staring down at my unfamiliar hands, at this battered shell that housed me, a horrifying truth dawned. These memories, this body, this city, this very existence… they weren't mine.

LV 1

Feyza_Ata

Will you continue writing?

LV 4

HarHarMahadev

If you ask me this is really good story. Keep it up.

LV 4

Big_jay1o

did not read I pass by and thought it said grey knight (from warhammer 40k) but it looks cools so 5 stars