Chương 104: Realization

Looking at the sleeping Louis, I knew I had messed up somewhere. This amazing woman felt heartbroken and sad because she didn't feel enough. 'I feel stupid now. Ever since having this second life, I did everything only for myself. And even though I got a lot, I wanted more, and when I tasted more, I became greedier.'

'My mind was just filled with sex all the time, and being the god of sex was just an excuse that I kept repeating in my head. I kept saying that sex would be enough, but deep down, I knew that it was not the case. And now the product of my delusion lay before me.'

'The woman who was with me all my life hurts herself the most when she felt she wasn't deserving of me. How ironic. I am pathetic, aren't I?'

Sitting by her bed, I realized I had been taking this path wrong. While yes, I was the god of sex ever, in my first life, I only had one wife, and that was Ela. I wanted to cry. This was the first time in my lifetime, other than when I was a baby, that I wanted to cry. But I knew that I didn't deserve that.

I created my own problems, so my attitude needs to change. I slapped both my cheeks with my hands to get me focused, and I looked one last time at Louise. I stood up and kissed her on the head. "I hope that you can find what you are looking for while I change to become a better man for you. But until that day, wait for me, okay?" I whispered to her before kissing her head again.

With that, I knew that I had to go and let her sleep. I was so caught up in my own emotions that I didn't even notice her movements.

...

"I hope you find what you are looking for while I change to become a better man. But until that day, wait for me, okay?"

'So this is what you are thinking, master?' I felt his warmth through his kisses, and his love for me was apparent, but I knew that this was needed. When Lilith wakes up, Tyche and I will guide her around the city and let her see her very own statue. Hopefully, when she sees the city, some memories will unlock, and her soul will heal faster.

After touring the city, Lilith and I will travel around the world because Tyche and Master want her to see the peaceful world she managed to create when she was alive. When Master proposed traveling this world, I knew I had to take it.

Master wouldn't stay on this planet long, so I knew I had time to gather and think about what I wanted to happen. And whatever decision I make, I know I will still love Master, but I want the relationship to change.

I don't know what has to change, but something has to change for me.

...

Waddling towards my bed, I knew I had some thinking.

[Did you finally realize something, master?] Gabriel said something for the first time in a while. She once said that she would observe me, but that was long ago, and she hasn't spoken since.

I plopped myself down and just laid there on the bed. "Yes, I have," I said with a heavy voice. I was not angry at her but more angry with myself.

[What is it that you found out?] Still, with that calm tone, she asked me that question.

"That I am a real piece of work. And that I am using my divinity in the wrong way." I admitted that much. I was dumb for believing everything would always be alright.

[Yes, you are right, master. The way you are using it now is ineffective. But before you loath yourself, why do you think you and Ela were such a strong couple?]

"I don't know. Wasn't it because we loved each other?"

[Exactly, you loved each other, but do you think a goddess of love would fall in love with anyone? No, she wouldn't. Because even if you have the best cock in the universe, the title of being a goddess of love is higher than you can imagine. And with how you are now, you only know a part of love, but that is only physical]

[Goddess Ela has been spoiling you a lot by not teaching or telling you off, but I won't let you anymore. You have been wasting and letting one of the most powerful divinities rot. It is my duty as your system to teach you how to develop your divinity and make it shine.]

"Thanks, Gabriel, for waking me up. Now, how should I develop my divinities and better myself?"

[Let's start by knowing why your divinity is so strong.]

[Firstly, you have a divinity that is closely related to that of one of the seven sins, Lust, and because of that, you can have control of lust if you are strong enough.

Second sex should be more than just pleasure, especially for the god of sex while you control lust. The lust that you must control the most is that of yourself.

And lastly, love. The reason that sex could be such a powerful divinity is because everyone does it. Most races in the universe have to do it for reproduction, so most do it out of love. You were famous when you were first a god because you made it possible to stop people who had sex because of hate.

You had the lives of countless races in your hands, and all you did was prevent people from hurting others. And because of the countless races love for you, the goddess of love also fell for you.

And because of the love energy in the universe, her divinity grew faster than she ever expected, thanks to you. When you first met each other, you were innocent. You only saw sex as reproduction and inferior to feelings like love. You never experienced sex or had any interest in it. Your only interest was to help all races in the universe reproduce and survive in difficult times.

But, of course, that changed when you became the husband of the goddess of love. You experienced love for the first time and even came in touch with lust. That was the beginning of your rise to power.

Lust was an energy that was abundant in the universe because everyone felt it. And when you came in contact with it, you became so powerful so fast that other gods saw you as a threat. So they eliminated you even though two of the most powerful goddesses in the universe were against it. The first one was your wife, Ela, who spent the time after your death searching for your soul.

The second goddess is even more special than Ela. The second had the title of guardian; she was your mother from your first life. The title guardian is sacred in the universe because they are the strongest, only weaker than the ruler of the universe.]

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