Chương 66: A Moment of Respite (1)
Mina's POV
"It seems that Hange now shares the same thought."
While mulling over my next plan of action and munching over some food that Captain Hange had given me before leaving, I couldn't help but tilt my head upwards to look directly at the person who had suddenly spoken out loud. It even baffles me that he still hasn't left, even though Commander Erwin already did just a few minutes ago.
So, after chewing a few more seconds until all the food had been successfully swallowed, perceiving that the man beside me never moved an inch and simply watched me while doing so, I tried my best to reply as quickly as possible. "You mean about her hypothesis with regards to the Titans?"
"Mn," He hums as he pushes himself off the wall to sit on the chair Commander Erwin had just sat in. "The identity of the Titans, the identity of those bastards that I kill…"
I sighed, sharing his sentiment. "Yes."
Are humans.
And even though Captain Levi didn't finish his sentence, just by looking at his frown, anyone can understand the conflict he's currently battling from within. As long as they try to understand this cold yet kind man, anyone can do so.
Including my broken soul. "It's kill or be killed, Captain," I whisper, lowering my gaze to look at my bandaged arms. And to think that we were just talking about this matter a few weeks ago - in a form of theory, on his side. "If we think too much about it, or if we even have the time to reflect on our actions, it'll just eat us alive. Besides, Captain Hange said that we still don't have proof."
"Just hearing it coming from both of your weird ass mouths is enough, brat." He stoically said, not giving me time to ponder whether it was a compliment. "It's becoming too real. Just shows how shitty this world is."
Yes.
That's because it is.
And yet, before I could respond to that statement and even try to learn more about where he currently stands, it was there that I saw it. His frown, eyes downcast, and his hands gripping his arms. Hard to believe that even humanity's strongest soldier could be rattled, huh?
It's idiotic of me to think like so.
"Why was he smiling?"
"Huh?"
It was like someone turned his switch on as determination once again filled his gaze with the light in his eyes connecting with mine. It was evident in his current expression that he had cast aside his doubt, an attitude befitting of a true soldier. "Erwin. He was smiling after Hange left. Said that we've taken one more step towards the truth. Why?"
Why?
But the commander just said that we-
"..."
Oh.
I tried my best not to chuckle but immensely failed after noticing him giving me a stink eye. So, instead, I faked a cough and proceeded to give him an answer that should satisfy him. "You asked me that question because of what I said back then, right?"
Grumbling, he then closes his eyes. "So what if I did?"
"While some may get hurt because of the truth," I mumbled, knowing full well that the captain was listening even with his eyes closed. "Others may experience the opposite of it. I'm sure the commander was simply glad we're finally getting somewhere."
"Even with just one step?" Scoffing, Captain Levi opened his eyes, wearing a gaze filled with conflicting emotions. "I would have said that we'll eventually run out of people before we learn the truth, but…"
"But?"
Humming, he lifted his head again and spoke, "I heard of what happened during the mission. You prioritized killing off Titans instead of saving Eren."
"Ah…" Noticing how dry my lips had become, I was about to tell him my reasons but instantly held my tongue after hearing the continuation of his statement.
One that left me speechless.
"You also prioritized saving the other soldiers." Captain Levi says, the fire in his eyes evident even in his current state. "Moblit told me about your question before you departed from the wall. And if I were to connect both scenarios, it doesn't take a genius to realize that you did it for Eren's sake."
"Quite an overthinker, Mina. Not that I don't appreciate it, but… look at where it got you."
Tired
Wounded
Overworked to an extent.
But… "I don't mind," I whispered, not realizing what I had just said. By the time it did, Captain Levi was already glaring at my figure. "If it's for their sake, then I really don't mind, Captain."
"Who died and made you a martyr?"
"Well…"
I did.
I technically died two times already, to boot.
But it's not like I can tell him, can I? So, instead of trying to come up with a response, I simply lowered my gaze and continued to eat the remaining food, knowing full well that Captain Levi was still staring at me as if I were some specimen in Captain Hange's lab.
"..."
"..."
But there's no fucking way anyone's going to let this pass, now, can they? It's too awkward!
"Uh…" Unable to endure it any longer, I was about to open my mouth and ask why he, of all people, stayed to look after some soldier but once more got beaten to it.
After all, just seeing his confused expression, one that portrays such a deep and mesmerizing aura, immediately halted my next actions, prompting me to listen to his next words, which may or may not have been his way of showing his vulnerability. I've never seen it, even in World Two, so how could I possibly decipher and understand such an expression?
"I don't understand."
Huh?
With a gaze that expresses my confusion, Captain Levi instantly saw through it and expounded more on what he had just said.
"I don't think I will ever understand your or Erwin's way of thinking." He casually says, as his tired yet determined gaze connected with mine, leaving me breathless at each passing second. "To throw yourselves deep in a hellhole just to attain your most wanted answers is both brave and foolish. For me, it's incomprehensible, something that I will never achieve in this lifetime. Which is why… I don't understand why you had to go to such lengths."
Producing a small yet noticeable smile, I tried to give him an answer that could somehow satisfy him. "Isn't it for the future of humankind?"
Scoffing, he then frowned. "Don't give me that shit. I know full well that you don't give a damn about such grandiosity."
Ouch.
Point taken.
Am I really that open about it?
So, instead of trying to rebut that statement and at least save myself some face, I could only chuckle as I finally took the last bite from my food. "Will you believe me if I say I don't understand it either?"
"No."
At this point, I was shaking so hard due to laughter, one that Captain Levi didn't appreciate. My amusement only intensified after seeing his scowl.
"Oi."
"Ahaha, I apologize, captain," I mumble, hiding the smile I've worn behind the back of my hand. And like how he partially showed his genuine trust in my words and actions, I, too, began to open up in a way that I haven't done for a long time. "It's just… human desire, I think."
Humming, he then leans forward and asks, "Desire?"
"Yes," I nodded, eyes reminiscing when I first met Ymir, my time of lowest, and the future I've seen for this world. "A desire to create a world where my treasured people can be at peace, where they can look into the horizon and see nothing but the beauty that this world can offer."
"Sounds idealistic."
Smiling ever so slowly, I just had to agree. "It is. In this cruel and sadistic world that continues to torture human beings, it's hard to come up with a plan to free ourselves from it."
Humming after hearing such a line, Captain Levi slowly stood, prompting me to follow where he was going and what he was about to do. To my surprise, however, he simply took the container from my hands, placed it on the bedside table, and sat at the empty place beside me. I couldn't help but raise my eyebrows, silently asking him from my gaze alone what his current agenda was.
Something that he immediately understood, as he slightly leaned towards me before whispering his next words.
"You're going to leave, aren't you?"
Now, that made me widen my eyes, wrinkling them a few moments later upon realizing what he meant. I'm sure that the commander had noticed my intent to leave earlier during the briefing, but I never would have thought to hear it first from this cold yet caring man. It's a contradictory statement, yes, but it's so… him. That's why, for an understandable reason, I truthfully replied. "I am."
"When?" He asks, making me shrug my shoulders.
"As soon as possible. After all, Annie and Ymir are waiting for me."
"I see." With his eyes downcast and contemplative, Captain Levi eventually connected his gaze again, allowing me to witness his unwavering eyes mixed with a little bit of distress - an emotion I never expected to see. "Where will you go?"
"Wall Sina."
"Will you take the titan shifters with you?"
While nodding my head, I swiftly replied. "I will."
"If I ask the reason why, will you tell me?"
After pondering his question for a few seconds, gaze never breaking from his, I smiled. "If it's an order."
"And if it isn't?"
"Then I might not."
Frowning, Captain Levi continued to interrogate me. "Why?"
Shrugging my shoulders, I didn't have to think deeply about the answer that I would give. "For your safety."
And yet, just when he was about to open his mouth and ask another question, Captain Levi simply stared, prompting me to tilt my head in confusion.
***
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