Chương 33: Chapter 33 - He Cried For Me

I closed my eyes and felt my blood drain from my body. This was not a question I was expecting from Dean. Truthfully I wanted to take this to the grave and never speak of it.

But the quiet of the room and the warm comfort I felt from being wrapped up in Deans arms made me loose my better judgement. I wanted to allow myself to be vulnerable, as for whatever reason, I felt in my heart that no matter what I did, Dean would not judge me in a harsh way.

"Its complicated. I wish it was a simple reason but its an entanglement of many things. I don't even know where to begin."

He leaned his head forward and rested it in my shoulder. "I know it isn't easy but know I appreciate you taking the courage to tell me. Tell me what you feel comfortable to share."

The words began to tumble out and soon like an avalanche, could not be stopped. "I was always someone who wanted to be seen as cool and collected. Like nothing bothered me. But I began to feel insecure about our relationship my senior year of college."

"Felix was initially very kind and loving. But at some point he began to be distant and short with me. I thought it was because of our schedules so I was not hurt by it. I wanted to be the cool fiancé who was an adult."

"However, I happened to see him eating with people I did not know at a restaurant. I found out by the waiter it was a team dinner for the journalism club. I was shocked why a business major would join a journalism club. Felix hated the media."

"Even worse he was drinking and interacting heavily with Sol who at the time I knew nothing about. She was a freshman who was like the sun and everyone was basking in her glory."

"I texted him asking him where he was. He lied to me."

"I eventually confronted him about it but he apologized for lying and said he joined only because the professor in his communication class asked him to join. He never mentioned Sol to me."

"I had to keep my cool. It was my first 'real' relationship with a guy. I wanted to not rock the boat despite me having a storm in my heart. So I deluded myself to believe him."

"I noticed after that he was more distant. The few times we were together he would blow up at me for everything. Nothing I did was right and I was just being clingy and crazy. I am anxious by nature so those few months were hell on earth for me."

"I remember thinking why was I even putting up with it, but I could never find a real answer in myself. All I knew was that I could not bear it to leave him."

"I tried to chalk it up to his busy class schedule so when we graduated I prayed things would be different. Now that his distractions were gone. But it was futile. He never changed and did nothing to put effort in the relationship. To make matters worse I also received some news that was devastating to me."

At this point I turned around and buried my face in Deans chest. Breathing in his scent, I clutched his shirt in my fists. "I needed to talk with him, the news I got could affect our married life."

I closed my eyes as we reached the climax of the story. "His parents told me he was at the university meeting a professor. I saw him with Sol. I learned he had been seeing her the whole time. She wanted to end things because she would not be his legal wife. So he promised to end it with me."

"I doubt she knew who I was but she began asking about me. 'You can't leave her right? Is she not some super rich heiress? In what way do I compete with her?"

"He told her that she was better because I was not her. In his eyes I was a marble statue. Cold and fake despite how real I wanted to seem to others. She had everything I did not. He was only with me because he wanted to please his mother and 'prove a point'."

"It was like the fog I was trapped in cleared and I could see the sky again. I realized just how tired I was of feeling like I was at fault and I became... angry."

"I walked away. I wanted to end things with my dignity and a clear head. So I iced him out for weeks. During that time any merging contracts, documents, or stocks I had reserved for his family when we got married was dissolved and voided."

"However that time away gave him more time with Sol alone. Soon enough when I was armed with everything to fully be done with him I forced him to meet with me to end things."

"He beat me to the punch however and tried to end it first."

I clenched my teeth at that memory. His audacity was astounding. "He claimed to be in love with someone else. And he did not want to live a lie. I think to prevent me from wanting to stay with him he voiced out every insecurity I had. That I was not worth being with and my only value was my family name."

"Something in me snapped that day. I never use my families status as a weapon but he challenged me. 'Know your place Felix. If you want to end things out to not live a lie fine. Unless you want your loved ones to feel the full force my family has, keep my name out of your mouth and ensure anyone connected to you does the same."

"I am not a fighter nor do I want to take revenge. I wanted to be free of him and never fall into that type of relationship again. Thankfully everyone treated him as the fool he is."

"I was and still remain ashamed to tell my parents of what he said. I was weak, I let it get to that point and I do not want to admit that failure to them."

Dean pulled me tighter to his body as he ran his hands over my head repeatedly. His sniffed as his body shook. Though I could not see, I knew he cried for me.

He pulled my face away from his chest and I saw clearly his tears streaming down his face. He did not look at me in shame. Rather his tears were not of pity but he mourned the younger me. The one who had to hold onto those feelings and experience that in what was supposed to be the peak of my youth.

"Just know none of what he said is true. Your value is something even the blind could see. Do not feel ashamed for what happened, you are human. It is not a sin to love or want to feel loved. Despite that struggle you are here free from him. No matter how long it took or what you had to get through to be here you still accomplished it. Feel proud of the woman you became but don't beat yourself up for who you once were."

I felt cathartic. Like the tight knot in my chest was getting untangled and letting my breathe. I hugged him tighter, thankful because his eyes told me everything. He truly meant every word he said.