Chương 24: Chapter 22
I nervously tapped my pen repeatedly on the pages of my book, wondering when he'd leave. He was just standing beside me, and although he wasn't saying anything, his presence couldn't be ignored. And i didn't wanna have to be the first one to say anything, to initiate any conversation, but I had to tell him something. Maybe if he knew then he'd quit bothering me. Placing the pen down, I turned to him and thought of how to start. He was lost in his own thoughts, but after two or so seconds of me staring at him he turned towards me with his entire body and prolonged the visual inspection. I didn't find any better way to put the statement across so I just said it as it was.
" People are talking, "
He frowned, and I could see him as he tried to figure out what that meant.
" What?"
" At school.. people are starting to speculate. "
" About what?"
The smirk, the amusement he was trying to hide...the obvious truth in his eyes.
He knew.
" You're not bothered?" I asked, not bothering to expound because he was well aware of what I meant. He shrugged and tried to move closer but I blocked him off and shook my head. I wasn't going to be dealing with any more of that.
" Why would I be bothered?"
That shocked me. I couldn't believe that he'd be okay with people making up things behind his back. Especially when the subject was that sensitive. And I knew Austin had never been concerned about what others thought about him, but this time the context was different, it was definitely serious enough to naturally grab his attention.
" What do you mean why? Do you know what they're saying? "
I also didn't have the clear facts but I had my suspicions and I believed they were right. I didn't even know how I'd be able to walk those halls from next week without feeling as if everyone was staring at me weirdly. And I didn't want to ponder on that because each time I tried to think about it, it unlocked parts of my childhood I wanted to remain buried and hidden away. Austin shrugged but didn't say anything. Running a hand over his face and yawning afterwards. And when I observed him more closely, I noticed how tired he looked. It was like he never slept, which had me wondering what he did all night.
His phone rang and he took it out, I saw Mile's name on the caller id and I felt this awful feeling stab through me. I didn't like seeing that name there. He stood up straight and picked up the phone, then he kept quiet and listened to whatever Miles was telling him with a focused look on his impactful features.
" Now?" He asked with a frown, rubbing his forehead and sighing.
" How good's the deal?"
That got me even more curious, I wanted to know what they were talking about and why his entire demeanor had suddenly changed.
" Okay, I'll meet you there in half an hour...but then we'll have to hold off till Monday, I've got other shit to do, " he cut the call and tucked his phone into his jeans pockets. And when I expected him to leave right away, he rather turned around and leaned against the counter. His arms on the surface and a thoughtful look on his face. I was dying to ask him what that had all been about but he'd automatically realize how interested I was and that would only serve to boost his ego. So I rather maintained my silence as let him do as he wished.
" Why does it bother you?" he suddenly asked, facing me with an expectant look.
" Are you bothered about them talking or is it what they're talking about that has you all stressed. "
" I'm not stressed. "
He scoffed, then I watched as he slipped out the tip of his tongue before he slipped it back in. The familiar action took me back to the past.
" Clarify something for me, is it the implication of who you are or of who you're with that you don't like?"
That question was way too serious but he somehow managed to ask it in a way that didn't make my heart pound wickedly. I returned my focus to my books, using them as a distraction because his eyes were basically digging into me, awaiting my response.
" Both, " I admitted soon after. I felt him slowly nod, then he stood up straight and eyed the exit, clearly intending to leave. But before he did, he shifted to stand behind me and placed his hands on either side of me on the counter. Caging me in, restricting me from moving away. I felt his chest against my back and once again lost it. I felt like my face was on fire and it was a struggle to try and remain calm and collected.
" Still lying to yourself Stevens?"
What the hell was that supposed to mean? And how was he so calm? He chuckled, and from that proximity the sound was gravely and seductive. I felt his breath next to my ear and shuddered, there was no way for him not to notice the effect he had on me.
" Are we still on for tomorrow?"
" Not a chance. "
" Cool, I'll see you at twelve. "
I was searching for the most casual yet serious way to ask him to get off him. He had made me go through enough in the short time he had been in that store, I doubted I could handle more.
" Loosen up, and drop the act. "
I slowly, against my better judgement, turned to face him. He had been staring at me all along. And there was something protective about how his current position. How close he was and how heavily he exuded dominance. We were literally the same age but whenever I was with him I felt like he was older and more than capable of taking care of me. I would have asked him what act he was referring to but I knew I most likely would not be able to handle the response I got. So I also ignored that remark.
" See you tomorrow, " he uttered, and when I thought he was done and would finally let it all go and leave, he leaned in and kissed my cheek once more. And he wasn't quick about it either, I froze, my eyes staring at the empty space ahead of me. For a kiss on the cheek it surely felt like more. And when he did draw back, I was conflicted to realize that I wasn't at all upset. I was something else entirely.
" Reply to my texts, " he said afterwards. And he meant it, I didn't get why it was so important to him for me to do that but it was obvious he wanted me to. And when he stepped away from me I felt desolate and lonely. Like someone had just snatched away something of mine that I was so fond. And that feeling only increased when he made his way to the exit and walked out without saying another word. Without even glancing back.
Why were my thoughts so conflicted?! I said I wanted one thing but then both my thoughts and actions suggested that I wanted another different thing completely.
I heard him as he rode off on his bike. I wouldn't be seeing him until the following day...was that supposed to make me happy or sad because at the moment I felt both of those things. And for the strangest reasons, I wasn't happy he was gone, I was happy that there would be a next time. He had already put me under his stupid spell again, he was like a fucking charmer and I was not immune to his skills, I was crawling right to him. And there was no way I could continue studying because my concentration had flown out the window and was now chasing after him.
And throughout that day I kept thinking about everything he had said, those little remarks, especially the one about me dropping my act. What was he trying to imply exactly?
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When I got home that evening it was to find my mom and Timmy seated in the living room with beer cans spread everywhere around them. My mood immediately changed, I wanted to walk right through that door and leave, but I was exhausted and I really needed to take a nap because otherwise I wouldn't have the strength to study that night. They were laughing about something and I was sure whatever it was wasn't even that funny.
" Oh, Kyle! " Timmy shouted as I passed by them, attempting to stand but falling back down immediately because he was too drunk to do so.
I ignored him because the more I stared at him the more I felt like punching him right in his face. He was one of those middle aged men with the buzz cut and very noticeable beer belly. And his character was the worst thing about him. I turned to my mom and was about to just walk on when I saw the little clear satchel she was holding in her hand, a white powder inside. I knew exactly what it was.
" Mom, " I found myself calling out to her. My eyes fixed on the drug that had been the cause of most of our fights in the past, I had thought she had quit using that. I wasn't even sure about what it was, maybe it was cocaine but it could just have easily been another drug. one she was not supposed to be consuming.
" Don't you have to work tonight?" I asked her, forcing myself to remain calm even though I was roaring with anger. Timmy had his head leaning against the couch and if my guess was correct then he was a few a minutes away from falling asleep.
" What's it to you?" She asked me and I frowned.
" What's that?" I gestured to the drug and she rolled her eyes, assuming a bored expression.
" It's none of your damn business! That's what it is. " she mumbled before she reached her hand into her shirt and hid the drug away somewhere in there. I was already done by then. Pushing all my angry thoughts aside, I began to walk away, but then Timmy lazily called out to me and I reluctantly turned to face him.
" When are you planning on going grocery shopping?" he asked with a straight face. The thoughts running through my mind at that time were nothing short of murderous. He and I had never gotten along. And he knew that I hated him because I never tried to hide it,the same way he never hid the fact that he didn't like me. We had engaged in various verbal arguments countless times before and I had always walked out because arguing with him was the same as arguing with a five year old child.
" Get a life, " I muttered just loud enough for him to hear, then I headed straight to my room, leaving him there as he shouted on and on about my lack of discipline. When I got to my room,I dropped the bag on my head and laid down next to it. My mind just felt tired and I didn't even know why. And for some reason, I only felt better when I thought about a certain someone. I decided to sleep for a couple of hours, hoping that when I woke up I'd feel refreshed. My phone buzzed and once again, the nervousness returned. I cautiously took it out, then I swallowed nervously as I switched it on and pulled down the notification bar.
Seeing his name made the tension increase, I had utterly no control over it.
" You're my peace Stevens "
That was not at all what I had been expecting to read. I read it three more times, thinking of all the possible reasons he could have sent me that. I could feel him through those words somehow. Then I recalled his insistence on me replying and I squeezed my eyes shut because I was actually gonna do it. I didn't even know why I was doing what he asked, but I couldn't just leave him on read again. I didn't think if a rellt but rather typed the first thing that came to mind because if I started debating over it I'd never send anything. I decided to worry about the consequences later and be truthful just that once.
" You're a lot of things to me, and some of those things still scare me "
I hit send and placed the phone on the bed, my eyes closed not long after.
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