Chương 11: Chapter 11
[Madelyn]
I knock on the door but don't wait for him to answer. I open the door and embrace myself for whatever is going to happen. I take a step inside and find him sitting on the edge of the bed, his elbows propped up on his knees. His face is in his hands and he's shaking his leg up and down. The image makes me want to cry. He's hurt. He's so very hurt and I don't know what to do.
I close the door behind me and he makes no move to acknowledge me. I walk towards the bed and take a seat next to him. I'm looking out the big window, at the moon. The beautiful moon who's not able to shine without the sun. But still manages to look more powerful.
"It's not what it looks like." I begin and he scoffs. I ignore him and continue. "After we- had an argument I went out to buy some coffee. I accidentally spilled it all over me and Lucian saw me so he offered me some new clothes. To borrow. And I just forgot my clothes with him." I explain in one breath. I wait for a reaction but get none. "Nick...?" I whisper. He finally looks up at me. I gasp when he meets my eyes. He looks so very sad. It takes everything inside of me not to reach out my hands and cup his face.
He looks down at the big hoodie I'm wearing and nods towards it. "That's his?" He asks. But it sounds more like a statement. I gulp and nod. He nods too. "Take it off." He says casually and my lips part in shook.
"W-what?" I stutter and he stares deep into my eyes. I don't know why I'm suddenly so hot. Everything in the air shifts and my cheeks feel warm.
"You heard me." He says again and I gulp. "I don't want you to wear anything that belongs to him. I don't want you to have anything to do with him." He exhales. "Please." I'm shocked. I'm so shocked I don't move.
He gets up from the bed and walks closer to me. His hair is falling down his face when he stops in front of me, standing in between my legs. I inhale a deep breath and hold it. He's looking down at me as his hands meet my shoulders. He pushes me down to the bed gently and my back meets the soft bed. He is still standing by the bed watching me. My breathing is caught in my throat. He looks so beautiful right now. With the pretty moonlight behind him.
His hands move to the hem of my hoodie. He stares at my face and waits for me to tell him to stop but I don't say anything. So he continues. He pushes my hoodie up a little. My lower stomach is bare. He waits for me to say anything. But again, I am quiet. So he keeps going. Pushing the shirt all the way up this time, not pausing.
And it's only now that I realize I'm not wearing anything under. My eyes grow wide and my face heats up. I lift up my arms and he takes the hoodie off completely, throwing it on the floor somewhere. He just stares at me for a moment. My bare chest is heaving up and down. This is the fist time he's seen me like this. The very first time anyone has seen me like this. I watch as he eyes me up and down, his eyes filled with lust. I take a fistful of sheets to prevent myself from grabbing something to cover up.
I watch as his shirt joins mine on the floor. He climbs onto the bed and he's on top of me. He's staring at my exposed body and he's not even trying to cover it up. I look up at his face and he stares at me. I use my hands to grab his face and pull it towards my lips. I kiss him hard and he returns the favor. He props down on his elbows not wanting to break the kiss.
He moves his weight on one hand and uses his other to run it up my arm. I gasp and he pushes his tongue into my mouth. He tastes like watermelon and fudge. The weird taste-combination causes me to smile against his lips. He makes a sound at the back of his throat and I moan softly.
We need to talk, this is not why I'm here. We need to discuss what we were discussing before we got interrupted.
He breaks the kiss only to connect his lips to the skin of my neck. He leaves soft, wet kisses on my neck, moving down to the side of my body. I gasp when he moves his lips to the middle of my chest and places a wet kiss there causing me to shudder. He moves his head up to look at me as he leaves a kiss right on my left nipple. I moan and look as he holds my gaze. He continues nipping and kissing and I grab his chin to bring it up to my face. I give him a short kiss, breaking away when he tries to kiss me more. I look into his confused eyes.
"We need to talk about it." I whisper and he puts his forehead on my chest. I gulp and ignore the tingling feeling. "I want to know why you cheated..." I whisper again causing him to look up.
"Don't..." he begins shaking his head. "The truth will only hurt you more." My heart shatters into a million pieces as I gulp. What did he do...what is so awful that he can't tell me?
"I need to know." I tell him again and brush away a strand of hair from his face. Tears are starting to blurry my vision and I blink them away.
"I slept with her because..." I wince at the words. He slept with her? I thought they only kissed. He notices and gives me a sad look. "Because you never did enough." The shattered pieces of my heart break even more and now the parts are on fire. Someone has lit me up on fire because smoke is filling my brain and I can't think straight. I can't hear what he's saying. I only know that he's apologizing. He's kissing my lips with every apology and I nod. I nod several times before sitting up and pushing him away from me.
"Is it because I don't have sex with you?" My voice comes out as a weak whisper. My voice breaks and I swallow again. And again. He sits up too, behind me. He brings a strand of hair behind my ear but doesn't say anything.
"No...I just- I-I felt like you weren't trying-"
"Just because I wouldn't let you get me pregnant?" My voice is now harsher but still confused. I don't understand. But I do. Everything is making sense and nothing is making sense.
"I-you- Baby please-that's not what I meant." He trails of. He grabs my shoulder and spins me around to face him. I don't protest. I don't do anything when he grabs my face to study me. He presses his lips to mine. Apologizing more than he could with words. But I don't kiss him back. My mind is blank but still so full of thoughts. Everything is spinning.
He pulls me into his arms as he lays us both back down on the bed. With me on top. I still don't move. He kisses my cheek, my forehead, my lips, my nose, my eyes, my jawline, my temples. He is kissing me everywhere. Im not breathing. It's the first thing I realize. I'm not breathing.
I wonder if he can feel my pulse stopping when he kisses my neck. I wonder if he can feel my heart stopping when he kisses the skin above it. Can he?
Because I can. I can hear everything stopping.
He flips os over so that he's on top of me. I make no effort to move away. I can't. My limbs have gone numb. The only thing I can do is cry. Tears are falling from my eyes and he kisses those too- thinking they are from the 'pleasure' he's giving me.
I cry and I cry and I smile. I have gone crazy. I have lost my mind. I have lost it.
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