Chương 270: The Fragility of Mortal Life
Time was a strange thing. Des knew that many things had happened over the years, but at the same time, he felt like the time was passing him by far too quickly. It felt almost incomprehensible to him that he had now been married to Flora for ten years, that he had been living in the village for 23 years, and that he was 35 years old.
It felt like it was only yesterday that he had opened his eyes in the forest, where he was rescued by the girl who would later on become his wife. And yet, now, he was 35 years old…and his uncle was on his deathbed.
"Des…you've grown up into a fine young man, I can rest easy now. I was always worried about leaving you alone, but now you have Flora, as well as all the others. Please continue to look after the hospital, Des, this place has done so much good for our village…all thanks to you…"
Des's hazy eyes became gentle as he listened to his uncle with a mixture of love and sadness. This man had looked after him for most of his life…even after Des moved out of their home and into a nearby place with Flora, his auntie and uncle continued to provide him with support. This was the support of a family.
It wasn't surprising that Doctor Leah had reached the end of his life. Leah and Cujie were old now, both were in their seventies. Leah's health had rapidly declined over the past few years, so Des was completely prepared for his death. It was sad, but this was life…and he was ready to say goodbye.
What he did not expect, was that his auntie, as she stood there beside him, looking down at her husband with a loving gaze whilst holding his hand…would suddenly collapse.
"Ugh…!" Cujie clutched her chest and started breathing heavily. Her eyes widened in shock and she stumbled and fell, but fortunately, Tiger was there to catch her.
Aside from Tiger and Des, Flora was also present. These were the people closest to Leah these days, he didn't want more than this to crowd around him in his final moments.
For now, everyone's attention was shifted to Cujie. Des felt his heartbeat accelerating wildly when he sharply turned towards Cujie and saw the aura of death sweeping through her…
She had been alive and well just moments ago, but now, she had fallen into a dark, far-away place. Des understood this 'aura of death', as he had come to call it, all too well. Whenever a person was going to die, and there was nothing anyone could do to save them, this darkness would cover their figure in Des's vision. He didn't know why he was able to see something like this, and he had only ever spoken about it with Flora…but he knew that it was inescapable.
"No!" Des cried out in alarm and unwillingness. He dropped to the floor, pulling Cujie from Tiger's arms, and began attempting to restart her heart. He thumped down on her chest time and time again, occasionally stopping to feed her tinctures to facilitate her recovery…but it was no use.
He pushed harder and harder, causing her ribs to crack, but he did not relent. Compared to some broken ribs, her life was more important.
After a few minutes passed by, Flora and Tiger exchanged a look. Tiger sighed, placing his hand on Des's shoulder.
"Des, she's already gone…I'm sorry…"
"No, I can still-!"
"Des…" Flora arrived by his other side. She crouched down beside him and wrapped her arms around his body. She looked at his expression, and for the second time in her life, she saw an expression of true unwillingness on his face.
This expression reminded her of when they first met, only now, he was showing this expression on behalf of someone else.
Flora's expression became gentle. She pulled Des in close, hugging him tightly. She pressed her face against his shoulder, providing him with some much needed warmth on this cold, harsh day.
"You know she's gone, Des." She whispered into his ear.
She knew that if everyone else could see it, Des certainly could…he just didn't want to accept it.
Des shivered, becoming tense for a moment, before his body suddenly lost all tension. He closed his eyes and took some time to reorganise his thoughts. After reopening his eyes and taking a final look at Cujie's corpse, Des sighed deeply and stood back up, turning back towards his uncle with reluctance. He hated that he needed to inform the old doctor of his wife's passing in his final moments. He really wasn't sure how he was going to say it…
But when Des looked back at his uncle, he froze, entering a daze for a long period of time.
His uncle…was already dead.
A single funeral was held for Leah and Cujie. Many people attended this funeral. Des estimated that around half the village had come, and the turnout would have been even higher if others were available.
It was only natural that so many people attended. The hospital had saved too many lives over the years. Even if some people had never needed their medical help personally, everyone at least knew somebody who had been saved by the kind-hearted doctor.
A few people gave speeches as Leah and Cujie were buried side by side in the Namuh Plains graveyard. Des kept hearing the same words, repeated in a different order…
People said that it was 'beautiful' how they had both died at the same time, entering the next life together…Des failed to see the 'beauty' that these people spoke of.
Death was painful, death was unwanted, death brought an end to everything that you knew and loved. No matter what you achieved and accumulated in life, it was all taken from you at the moment of your death…
When Des spoke to the crowd at this funeral, he didn't speak of beauty, but nor did he flaunt his bitterness. As such, he felt like his words were just as empty as the rest, but it was all he could do to get through this.
"Goodbye, auntie, uncle. You raised me from the beginning of my memories, and for that, I will be forever grateful. I will never forget the love and generosity you showed me. Goodbye…you will be missed…"
Des sighed as everyone left the funeral, returning to their ordinary lives. Death was only normal after all, you couldn't dwell on such things forever, or else you would miss out on life.
He knew that he was being pessimistic, but he couldn't help it. After the funeral came to an end and after everyone departed, only Des and Flora remained in this place. The two stood in silence beside the double grave for a long period of time. Before they knew it, the sky had turned dark and a chill now permeated the air. When Des noticed Flora shiver, he finally snapped out of his daze, wrapping an arm around her and pulling her in close.
"Flora…am I a terrible person…?"
Flora immediately shook her head.
"Definitely not. You are the most selfless and kind-hearted man I have ever met."
"Then why is it that I still can't cry? Did you know Flora, I don't think that I remember crying a single time in my life. Not even when I failed to save a patient, not even when those close to me died…I didn't even realise that I have never cried, until auntie and uncle died…"
Flora remained silent, but she wrapped her arms around Des and hugged him tightly.
Des sighed, patting Flora's soft head as he looked up at the night sky. When night came around, many stars appeared in the sky, whilst the full moon shone brightly, just like every other night.
"If I'm such a good person, why is it…that I have already moved on from the pain of their deaths…I feel the pain and the sadness, but…it's as if this pain is completely insignificant…"
Flora trembled slightly. She couldn't find the words, and in the end, all she could do was continue holding him as close as possible. She was afraid that if she let him go, even for a single moment, he would disappear from her life forever.
Time moved on, and gradually, people stopped grieving for the loss of the village doctor. Des took over his uncle's old position, whilst Flora started providing more help towards the hospital by picking out the best herbs for their medicines. They also moved into the home attached to the hospital, which was left behind for Des in Doctor Leah's will.
They didn't really need to work tirelessly. There were now other doctors and carers to share the burden of treating the village's growing population. Because of this, Des and Flora actually had quite a lot of free time, which they usually spent with just the two of them.
Des felt pained regarding his uncle and auntie's deaths, in the same way that he had felt pained after losing his arm.
He felt the pain…but it was too easy to endure it.
The reason that he felt so bitter following their deaths, was because he realised that he was able to move on too easily.
Following the death of a loved one, others would become distraught, grieving and crying for days, weeks, sometimes even months. Des knew that it would be normal to react like this, nobody would blame him even if he needed to take a few weeks to recover…but he didn't.
He felt the pain, but this amount of pain was too minute to influence him. Because of this, he felt bitter.
He had always believed that he was a good, kind-hearted person, but now, he wasn't so sure. Surely, a kind-hearted person would feel the most distressed whenever something sad occurred, such as the death of a loved one, right?
"That's not right, Des." Flora shook her head and smiled as she listened to her husband once again voice his strange thoughts. She didn't think that he was weird for speaking about things like this, after all, they had originally bonded over their shared interest in odd, philosophical conversations.
"You feel just as much pain as anyone else, the difference is that you're stronger than others, so you're able to persevere. The fact that you're still willing to help everyone despite this strength of yours…I think that's what makes you truly amazing."
Des laughed wryly.
"That sounds like a roundabout way of saying that I am indeed the sort of person to get over tragedies far too easily."
"Well, maybe, haha." Flora laughed when she saw his expression.
After a moment of silence, Des suddenly asked her something that had been on his mind recently.
"Flora, what do you think happens after we die? Is death the end, or is it the transition to a new beginning?"
Flora pondered this question for some time. Clearly, she was thinking carefully about her answer.
In this village, it was commonly said by the elderly that after death, people were born again in a different place. They never went into further details about this place, probably because they were clueless themselves.
"Maybe we live again in a world completely different to this one, a world with no pain or suffering, a world free from these human shackles…maybe we reincarnate and live again in this world, as a human, as an animal, or even a plant, continuing endlessly, or until something breaks the cycle…or maybe, we are just the temporary lives lived by gods, who have grown weary of their long lives and want to experience simple mortality…"
As Flora said her last idea, she looked at Des deeply, then smiled when she saw his baffled expression.
"Just what sort of idea is that last one, Flora? I think that's a bit absurd…"
"Haha, if you say so."
Des sighed and shook his head.
"I hope that last one isn't true. Wouldn't it be too depressing? To wake up and realise that your entire life was just lived due to some nonsensical whim? That would make this life far too empty."
Flora remained silent for a long while. When she finally spoke, her voice was as quite as a whisper.
"It's not empty."
Des paused. He looked at Flora for a while, who had taken hold of his hand and held onto him firmly. He could not see her expression, but he could feel the certainty in her tone. He felt confused, and many thoughts flashed through his head…but in the end, he did not respond.
A year after his uncle and auntie's passing, Des once again found himself in a complicated situation.
"You two, just when are you going to give me some grandchildren?!" Tiger, who was now an old man and retired from his life as a hunter, complained to Des and Flora once again. He brought this matter up every single time he met them, it was really quite tiresome.
Well, for a couple to not have children in this village really was a bit unusual. Typically, such a situation would only arise if they were physically incapable of producing a child, which did happen now and then, but was not the case for Flora and Des.
"Father, I've told you this many times – we have no intention of having children of our own." Flora was very firm on this point, as was Des.
Both of them agreed that they did not wish to have any children…Des did not know why Flora felt this way, but nor did he understand why he also felt so averse to having a child. He just had the feeling that doing this would be a bad idea, as if he would come to regret it later on…
Regardless of their reasoning, both Des and Flora were in agreement; they would not have children.
If only others could accept this…
"Hmph, do you think you're still young, Flora? You're 38! 38! If you don't hurry up, you won't be able to produce a child even if you want to!"
"Huh, but how do you know that it's not already too late?" Flora blinked her eyes and tilted her head, looking at her elderly father with a teasing smile.
"Argh! You damned girl, don't say things like that!"
Des chuckled and shook his head as he listened to their conversation. Tiger had clearly changed over the years, becoming less stern and more relaxed.
When Tiger saw that Flora really was able to find a stable and happy life with Des, he realised that perhaps, he didn't necessarily know better than his children…
But this matter was one that he could not leave alone! He wanted more grandchildren!
"Your younger brother and sister have already given me grandchildren, so you need to give me some too!"
Flora showed a speechless expression.
"Don't you already have enough? Are you saying that Lion, Panther and Shi are not enough for you?"
Tiger coughed and brushed off Flora's remark. He patted Shi's head as the young girl ran past him, then turned to watch Lion and Panther training outside in his gardens, as they did on most days. A content smile spread across Tiger's face as he watched the various generations of his family, and for a moment, he seemed to forget about Flora's matter.
Fauna, Flora's younger sister by two years, had married a hunter called Snake, a man her father highly approved of. She now had two children with this man, both boys, ages 15 and 12 respectively. As was customary for the boys born to hunters in Namuh Barracks, they were named after powerful beasts. It was believed that naming them like this would grant them strength, allowing them to grow up into capable hunters.
And indeed, both boys were very capable, but perhaps that was because they were supported in their training not only by Snake, but also by Tiger and Bear.
Bear was Flora's four years younger brother, and his wife Sunshine was even younger than him. As such, his single child, a girl whom everyone called Shi, was much younger than her cousins, at six years of age.
Shi's full name was actually 'Shiver'. When she was born, she had worried everyone to death, because she had shivered for three days and three nights. As was customary in the village, she was named after her ailment, as it was believed that naming new-borns after their difficulties would help them to persevere. After she stopped shivering, everyone felt relieved, and from then on, they shortened her name to Shi. This shortening of her name was supposed to symbolise that she had overcome her struggle.
Des was popular with everyone due to his renowned abilities as the village's most capable doctor, but Lion and Panther felt more admiration towards hunters, and also spent more time around hunters due to their strict training. As such, even though Des knew the two boys, he couldn't say that he was very close to them. However, Shi was another matter…for whatever reason, this girl was oddly attached to him, almost as much as she was to her own father!
Perhaps this was because Bear was often away on hunting missions or training the younger generation of hunters. He worked hard and provided well for his family, but because of his responsibilities, he didn't have much time for his daughter.
The young girl ran past Tiger whilst giggling, then suddenly jumped up onto Des's lap. Fortunately, Des was accustomed to her doing this by now, so he was able to catch her without injuring himself or dropping her by mistake.
The young girl turned around and sat in his lap contentedly whilst Des patted her head with an amused smile.
"Shi, I told you to stop doing that! Uncle Des can't see well, you're making things difficult for him, understand?" Sunshine reprimanded her child with a stern expression. Shi blinked her innocent eyes, then looked up at Des doubtfully.
"Is that right, uncle?"
"It's dangerous, Shi." Des explained patiently. "My eyesight isn't good, if you jump on me like that, I might drop you on the floor, you could hurt yourself."
Over the years, his eyesight had not improved, but gradually became worse and worse. Fortunately, Des was able to adapt to his poor vision, so it didn't cause him many problems.
"I won't get hurt uncle, I'm really strong!" Shi exclaimed with a proud grin. Hearing this, Sunshine rolled her eyes.
"You might not get hurt you little trouble-maker, but what about everything around you? You're constantly breaking things! You need to be more aware of your surroundings, Shi." Sunshine continued to lecture her. Shi pouted and became silent, causing Des to laugh.
"She's only six, Sunshine. Isn't it fine to let her be a kid for a while?" Des smiled as he continued to pat the young girl's head.
"Even if she is a child, she needs to learn! It's because you're so lenient with her that she continues to mess around and jump on you! Hah…" Fauna joined the conversation and sighed exasperatedly, showing concern for Des's safety.
In the end though, they stopped bothering the young girl. Even though Shi really was a destructive little minx, she was only six years old. The adults found it difficult to be harsh on such a young and ignorant child, especially when she was so adorable.
Des could not see this girl, but he could imagine her appearance. He had been told that she had long, straight, light brown hair. She had brown eyes, and pale skin, but not as pale as his own. She often wore beast furs, but she adorned them with various plants, from flowers, to leaves and vines, making her look a bit unusual, even though it was somehow fitting. It was obvious that her dress sense had been influenced by certain family members, namely her cousins, Lion and Panther, and her aunt, Flora.
Perhaps it was strange that Des was able to picture her when he heard others describe her appearance, even though he had no memory of ever seeing anything other than various shades of grey. Anyway, he had always been able to do this, so he didn't think much of it these days.
The extended family continued to chat and laugh as they enjoyed the spring breeze on this warm day. Even though it was spring, there hadn't been any rain for some time now. This weather was very enjoyable, resulting in everyone spending time together at Tiger's manor multiple times every week.
Life was good, really good! Spending time like this with his friends and family gave Des a deep feeling of satisfaction. He couldn't quite explain it, but he felt like he had finally achieved something important, something that he had always wanted, yet had never managed to obtain until now.
Life was good…but good times did not last forever. When Des looked back on these calm days later on, he would realise that these were probably the happiest days of his life…unfortunately, this also meant that his happiest days had already gone by.
On this day, the good days turned to the bad. It all started when a group of hunters solemnly entered Tiger's manor. When everyone saw their gloomy expressions, they could already tell that they brought bad news.
And indeed, the news they brought was almost too much to accept. Tiger's only son, Bear…had died.
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